The 411 TV News Wrap 08.14.07
Posted by Ben Piper on 08.14.2007
Merv Griffin passes, HBO wants vampires, Cedric the Entertainer comes to ABC, and Criminal Minds finds its new star. Plus, a rant about marketing surveys.
Hello everyone. I am, of course, your temporary host of the 411 TV news Wrap, Ben Piper. I hope that the last seven days has treated you all well, and I hope that you have all been suddenly quickened by the fact that there is real life genuine NFL football upon the airwaves yet again, as I have. Sure, it's merely preseason. But as a lifelong Raiders fan, this is pretty much the only time that I can state that we look "pretty good". Once the regular season rolls around, who knows? Yeah, they'll still most likely suck, but at least Aaron Brooks is no longer on the roster. Before I get the obligatory "your team blows" emails from the rest of the non-Raider nation, please allow me to preface all that with "I already get that".
Before we get to the news bites right and proper, I'd like to (waste time and pad the word count of the column) share a personal experience that I had this past Friday night. My good friend Wyatt received two pairs of tickets to a "television preview" in which two unaired pilots would be screened and afterwards the gathered audience would be polled upon the merits of said programs. Knowing that I'm a TV guy, an internet columnist, and basically an all around elitist geek, my good bud Wyatt called me up and invited me to attend with him. I said sure, what the hell. It's not like I had really anything else to do (kinda sad, but true) and besides, I could write about it for my 411 column, which of course, is what I'm doing right now.
It was a complete and utter waste of three good hours of my life, which I could have better spent doing ANYTHING else, and I also feel like a small section of my soul has been sucked out of my essence as a result.
Freakin' marketing firms. They lure you in with grand promises of "prizes" and that notion that YOU can determine what can be seen in the future on TV.
I'm usually a bright guy, pretty quick on the upswing. But when I was told that the prize packages we could win would be based on our personal preferences, which we could pick and choose in the handy dandy booklet in the nice black leather folder that was handed us as we entered the room, I said, hey sure. If there's a fifty dollar gift card from Best Buy in there, I'm in. And there was. But they also wanted us to choose our favorite brand of pickle. I don't like pickles, so I chose the big-ass Vlasic jar. Female hair coloring? I chose the chick I thought was the hottest of the bunch that adorned the box. Erectile Dysfunction product? Um, yeah. Not really in need if that, but I'll go with the name brand that everyone knows. Preferred Golf club? Dog food? PC? Tissue? Shampoo? Conditioner? Shampoo and conditioner combined?
I think you know where I'm going with this by now.
I should have known then, but at that point, I hadn't seen the unaired pilots that I was promised that I could give my input upon. And dear God, I really wish I had just cut my losses right then and there and got my sorry ass the hell out of Dodge.
The first show was called Past Lives starring Kim Raver of Third Watch and 24 fame. Well, at least it was when it was first introduced, as once it was aired? It was now called Soul Mates by the MC after the lights came back up.
What a convoluted and complete piece of crap! A hypnotherapist meets a new patient and feels she knows him from somewhere. They fall in love all too quickly and awkwardly. But wait. There's the espionage angle because he works for a top secret software company who is in the business of writing viruses. And then there's the whole backstory of their past lives together during the forties.
People are pointing at Britney as a trainwreck? They should count themselves lucky that they didn't witness this piece of shit. Listen, I don't pretend to be some great writer who has the future at his feet. But I could rip off various story elements from various shows (as this pilot did) and I'm pretty sure that I could do better. It was that bad. This wasn't cheesy bad. This wasn't guilty pleasure bad. This was just plain horrible.
Next up was Dads, a sitcom starring some dude I never heard of that was once on Melrose Place, as well as Ross' ex-wife from Friends as well as C. Thomas Howell. (C. Thomas Howell? As far I as knew he hasn't had a viable career since the original Hitcher movie…) Three friends whom are all divorced fathers, yadda yadda yadda, and Rue McClanahan is the kindergarten teacher.
Didn't suck as much as the previous program, but still not all that great in it's own right. At this point, I've been suckered. That point is driven home once we get another "prize survey" to fill out. Instead of pickles, we get taco seasonings. Instead of Golf Clubs, we're asked lawn mowers.
What's worse is that I sat there for an additional hour while I was asked to take an additional survey that asked me what I feel my disposable paper towels should provide. As well as my "personal tissue". Am I worried about erectile disfunction? Hair loss? What pet products do I purchase? Do I feel that there's too much sex and violence on TV? Should tobacco products be outright banned in the US?
I feel so used.
If there is any victory to be taken from this personal encounter it's the fact that in the comment's section at the back of the questionnaire I was given I wrote a hearty two-word vulgarity that I won't go as far to repeat here.
I actually hope that I receive an invitation from these people again to participate in the future. Doubt I will, seeing as I blunty stated what I thought of the whole thing, but it's still a fun notion to hang my hat upon. I'd love to be the anarchist, just once. Can't think of a better forum to be loudly thrown out of.
And now that I've wasted a good amount of both your and my time, onto the news…
Merv Griffin: 1925- 2007
TV icon and business impresario Merv Griffin passed away at Cedars Sinai Medical Center in LA on Sunday. The cause of death was ruled to be complications from prostate cancer.
He began his career as a $100 a week San Francisco radio singer before being discovered and moving into bit parts in movies and eventually hosting TV game shows and talk shows. His "Merv Griffin show" stayed on the air for over 20 years in the 60s and 70s, and perhaps is best remembered nowadays for a Seinfeld episode where Kramer bought the set of the show and turned his apartment into a soundstage.
Of course, the fact that he created and produced Jeopardy starting in the 60s and Wheel of Fortune in the 70's is nothing to sneeze at either. Both shows still air in first run syndication to this day and I doubt anything will change on that front.
After Griffin decided to retire from his talk show in the early 80s, he decided to pursue business interests that "kept him from getting bored" as he once stated. This led him into a private feud with none other than the Donald over the majority ownership of Resorts International, which owns and operates hotels from Atlantic City to the Caribbean. While Trump at one point owned eighty percent ownership, Griffin was eventually able to buy him out for $240 million. Wow. That's some serious coin.
Again, I'm going to date myself a bit here, in that I do remember watching the Merv Griffin Show on a daily basis during my early childhood. And I remember truly liking and enjoying it. Then again, I was just a pup in the purest sense at that point in time. Maybe it sucked, but then again, maybe it didn't. I don't have significant enough recall to be able to pronounce a personal judgement either way.But seeing that it was ongoing for a two decade time period? It probably was really good for what was on the airwaves at that point in time. When the show went off the air I found my little pre-pubescent mind thinking why? What could possibly replace it? Well, the answer to that question came in the form of a new syndicated program called Entertainment Tonight. While it was groundbreaking for what it was back in 1981, it still has nothing on Merv. To think at that young age that I felt sorry for him, and that his show had been taken away from him. Little did I know...
And I've already mentioned Jeopardy and Fortune... But he also gave us Dance Fever with Denny Terio... Wait, disco era. Perhaps not the best thing to bring up right now, considering the lawsuits that followed.
Merv Griffin was 82.
Criminal finds its lead Mind
After star Mandy Patinkin left CBS' hit show Criminal Minds unexpectedly right before the third season was to begin filming, the producers of the show have been scrambling to find a suitable replacement even as work on the series has continued. A lot of big names were considered and a few were even offered the role before contract negotiations broke down. Among those who were considered at one point in time or another were Bob Hoskins, Geena Davis, Michael Keaton, Doris Roberts(?), and most notably, the man who apparently was the closest to landing the gig, Harvey Keitel.
Ultimately, CBS was finally able to come to terms with character actor Joe Mantegna to take over the lead. It is highly unlikely that he would begin appearing on the series until November sweeps at the latest, for at the time of this writing at least four episodes have already been completed.
While Mantegna is a fine actor in his own right, man, Harvey Keitel? How would that not be awesome?! The only thing that I can figure is that Mr. Keitel wanted far more greenbacks than CBS was willing to pay out, seeing as the show would be a dead on match for a man of his skills and intensity. Although it's too early to tell, for Mantegna could arrive and fit right in to the show's dynamic and not skip a beat, I think CBS could have very easily screwed the pooch on this one.
Cedric the Entertainer comes to ABC
Stand up comedian Cedric the Entertainer has agreed to star in a new sitcom for the alphabet network. The plot of which finds him playing the proud breadwinner for his family that finds difficulty adjusting when his wife's hobby unexpectedly turns into a multimillion dollar enterprise.
I've always felt that Cedric < Bernie Mac. I won't go into the many details of why I feel that way, let's just leave it at the fact that I do. However, this is his chance to prove me wrong. Bernie had his own funny and successful show and this premise sounds somewhat similar, yet different. I'm interested in seeing how Cedric approaches the material and if he can really sell it like Bernie did. I'm actually optimistic about this one, but I've been wrong before.
Amsterdam bumped by Bones
FOX has made a change to its previously released fall line up. It's bumping rookie series New Amsterdam, about an immortal private investigator to a later date, most likely the winter of 2008 instead of its planned upon fall timeslot of Tuesdays at 8. In it's place they will air Bones, which will be entering into its third season.
The reasoning behind this switch is twofold. FOX is weary of unveiling one of its newer shows against higher profile programs on other networks, which has been a recipe for disaster for FOX in recent years. By moving Bones to the Tuesday timeslot, they now have a potent one two punch on that night with the aforementioned forensic show that stars David Boreanaz and Emily Deschanel preceding a series that truly broke out as a major ratings hit last year, House.
FOX plans to air New Amsterdam as a lead in for American Idol once the ratings juggernaut returns with the hopes that it will benefit the newer show.
Obviously I can't speak for the quality of New Amsterdam as I have yet to see it, but one has to wonder if this show might have something to it if FOX execs are this eager to not only protect it but couple it with Idol in the winter of next year. As far as Bones, It's a show that I watch and enjoy, and I get the feeling that while it's been on the air for a couple of years now, it's a bit under appreciated so I welcome the move to Tuesday. With it as the lead in to House I no longer have to wonder how I'm going to spend my Tuesday evenings.
HBO wants Blood
Alan Ball, who created the critically acclaimed Six Feet Under for the cable net, has been given a green light for his next TV go ‘round. He will executive produce and act as showrunner for True Blood, a vampire series based upon Charlaine Harris' "Southern Vampire" series of novels.
Ball has already written several episodes and is inked to direct the premiere. The series will be set in Louisiana and will follow the world of vampires who are able to co-exist with humans by drinking a Japanese manufactured synthetic blood. Obviously with vampires in the mix, it's going to have a horror slant, but a dose of humor as well to help the medicine go down.
Lined up to star is Oscar winner Anna Paquin, who will play a small town waitress who falls in love with a bloodsucking citizen of the undead. .
While I'd lift my nose at this proposition if we were talking about anybody else, it's Alan Ball and HBO!! And they want to do a freakin' vampire series?!? Oh, HELL yes, I am so there!
News and Notes
Bummed that The Sopranos is no more? Want to own a piece of the show's history? The landowner who had leased the land that Satriale's Pork Store sat upon in New Jersey is selling off individual bricks of said building to the public for $25-$50 a pop… Movie Director Barry Sonnenfeld and writer Luke Reiter are developing a new series for NBC about a law firm that handles civil cases whose lawyers "take no prisoners and do whatever it takes to win". Wow, how many times have we seen that premise before? …The BBC has found the next major villain for its long running sci-fi fan fave series Dr. Who. And it's Ghandi! Or more accurately, Oscar winner Sir Ben Kingsly, whom is reportedly very close to agreeing to a deal that will find him playing Davros, the creator/leader of the half human half machine Daleks…. For fans of the Highlander TV series, there is something to look forward to. Adrian Paul is returning to his role as Duncan MacLeod for a TV movie that is to air on the Sci-Fi Channel in the near future, Highlander: The Source... And despite circulating rumors that Veronica Mars star Kristen Bell would be joining the cast of Lost as a series regular, the talented young actress has turned down the opportunity, citing that she doesn't wish to relocate to Hawaii. This bums me out on so many levels. Bell definately has the "it" factor going for her so her potential involvement on Lost would be a win/win/win scenario for all those involved. The show would benefit from her presence and charisma, she would benefit greatly from being featured prominantly on a high-profile show, and the fans of both Mars and Lost would likely expire from the impending geekasm that would surely result. Ah well. If anything, that'll teach that pesky Norton to not scoop me out of half of the stuff I wish to write about in any given week report unfounded rumors, no matter how much you want them to come true.
That's about it for this seven day cycle. There is no ending TV annoyance, because if you read the rant at the top of the column, you'd understand how that qualifies. But I will leave you with this. I love the Hanes underwear commercial with the female professional dancers hypnotically doing their thing in nothing but their skivvies. I watch that and I feel all warm and tingly. That's one commercial I could never get tired of. Always manages to bring a smile to my face. Admit it, you know the commercial of which I speak, and you're now humming the melody of the music. "Look who we've got our Hanes on now".
