The Doctor in the Hallway News Report 08.22.07
Posted by Ben Moser on 08.22.2007
Michael Bay won't take Two, but Penelope Cruz will take Nine, leaving Jessica Biel with Zero clothes. Read all about that and more in The Doctor in the Hallway News Report or I'll rat on you to Virginia prosecutors.
Good day to you all, and welcome back to The Doctor in the Hallway News Report. I recently found the Boomerang network way up the dial beyond where my channel flipping normally reaches. Because of this, I've been enjoying nightly rebroadcasts of Justice League Unlimited. It's good times, and I recommend it highly. DVR it and watch it at your leisure for best results. It really is the best thing that ever happened to the superhero cartoon.
But you probably don't care about my preferences for animated superheroics from people in colorful tights, you do care about the news.
Their Format War, Our World
Transformers director Michael Bay says he won't make Transformers 2 because of Paramount's recent decision to exclusively support the HD-DVD format. Bay posted the following on his message board.
"I want people to see my movies in the best formats possible. For them to deny people who have Blu-ray sucks! They were progressive by having two formats. No Transformers 2 for me!"
I never thought I'd see the day when Michael Bay makes something that could even remotely be considered an artistic stand. People can be surprising. The real trick here is knowing that eventually, one of these formats is going to win. The other one is going to go down in history as being Beta Max. In the tradition of Beta Max, it'll probably be whichever one is better. I have no idea which that actually is, because I'm poor.
Dressed to the Nines
The Weinstein Co. is in talks with Penelope Cruz, Marion Cotillard and Javier Bardem to star in the musical Nine.
Bardem just got the offer to play director Guido Contini, who experiences a creative and personal crisis as he tries to balance all the women in his life. Cruz is in talks to play Carla, Contini's mistress, while Cotillard is to play his wife, Louisa.
I don't know if any of these people can sing. I don't know if Nine is a musical that needs a big screen adaptation. What do I know? I know Michael Vick's jail time will have absolutely no impact on this movie. And that's something. And now a picture of Penelope Cruz to distract from that abomination of a commentary…
Ben, you're giving me a headache…
Logan is a Go-gan
Logan's Run is back up and running at Warner Bros. Pictures. Commercial director Joseph Kosinski will make his directorial debut on the sci-fi thriller.
While details of the new take are being kept mum, it is known that it will be low-tech science fiction in a futuristic setting and hew closer to the book than the 1976 movie. The new film will tackle idea of the "greater good" and people devoting themselves to an ideology blindly, while keeping the novel's concepts of runners, Sanctuary and gangs outside the system.
I am always curious when commercial directors move to features. I start looking for product placement all over the place. Especially in a sci-fi movie like this that doesn't exactly lend itself to rampant product placement. I know that one doesn't necessarily lead to the other, and that there's nothing to be done about product placement in films. I just notice it more when "commercial directors" make the leap.
Now as for people following a blind ideology for the "greater good," I'm expecting another ham-fisted analogy for our country's ridiculous "war on terror" and the heinous actions that an inept administration has taken under that banner. You know it's bad when I agree with the point of view and I still don't want it being the force behind my movies. I'd rather the force behind my movies be entertainment. Or at least a new thing to be preachy about. Like the dangers of joining academic fraternities that still have keggers.
Please drop something heavy on my head
Music mogul Simon Cowell is bringing TV show American Idol to the big screen, promising the upcoming movie will be "very, very realistic" like 1976 Oscar winner Rocky. Like American Idol itself, Cowell plans to cast the lead roles in the film - called Star Struck - through open auditions across the U.S. He tells American news show Extra, "We're writing the script as we talk. It is about 10 contestants who enter a gigantic singing contest. It's like Rocky. It's about good versus evil, and it will be very, very realistic. I'm going to cast the lead parts through an open audition process across America. So if you get through the auditions, and you get a part in this movie, it's a huge, huge deal."
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
This is terrible. There is nothing good about this. A Soul Plane sequel is a better idea than Simon Cowell putting together a reality show talent search to cast his ultimate good vs. ultimate evil in a reality show based on his reality show. See how many times "reality show" was in that rundown? Casting a romantic comedy with Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez is a better idea than this.
Rejoice all ye nations
US Weekly reports that Jessica Biel will play a stripper in the drama Powder Blue.
Although Biel has previously said that film nudity is not something she would feel comfortable with, the Powder Blue role calls for more revealing scenes.
A source says Biel "signed a contract that explicitly details the bare minimum fans will see - including shots of her breasts and butt," a source told the magazine.
However, Biel will have a final say on the extent of her bare flesh. It's also all in a good cause, her character is trying to earn money to raise her terminally ill son.
If she wants to get naked on camera, I'm sure there are folks out there who will welcome it just as much as I just unwelcomed Cowell's movie idea. I'm not saying anything else, because none of you are still reading.
Maybe this won't be the most-used shot of me on the internet soon…
A Barbarella by any other name…
Rose McGowan is being used for FX test footage of the Barbarella remake.
Whether that means she'll play the famous intergalactic heroine is unsure. At last report, Kate Beckinsale was the front runner to take on the role made famous by Jane Fonda in the 60's psychedlic film adaptation.
Rose McGowan. Wow. Jawbreaker, Grindhouse, and now this…she's gunning to be the cult film star of her generation, and I support the hell out of it. She's got the talent and the look to, and she just can't help but pick the projects, it seems. This is, of course, assuming she actually is in the role rather than Kate Beckinsale. Because if she's not, she's going to need to keep looking for that last piece of her cult goddess puzzle. I do have a low budget film I've been dying to make…
What? What'd I say?
That'll do it for this week…
Ugly Betty is out on DVD, and Heroes is out on Tuesday. If you think there's one of these you won't like, you're wrong. Heroes is more for people who don't know much about superhero stories than it is for the nerd set(although, as a member of the nerd set, I love it). Ugly Betty, well, Ugly Betty is for people who love ridiculous over-the-top television. I'm kind of embarrassed by how much I ended up enjoying that show. So grab one of those shows and go nuts. Also? Don't do anything I wouldn't do…
(This week's sources: 411mania(seriously), Variety, Hollywood Reporter, Dark Horizons)
