The October Zombie-Thon! - Day 8: Corpses
Posted by Trevor Snyder on 10.08.2007
Jeff Fahey AND Tiffany Shepis? Together in one movie? How could this go wrong? Well...
CORPSES (2004)
Written & Directed by: Rolfe Kanefsky
Country: USA
The first thing you might think upon picking up the box for today's movie is "Corpses? Wow, they're not even trying to think up clever names for these things anymore." The second thing you might think is "oh, hey, this one has Jeff Fahey and Tiffany Shepis in it. It might actually be fun."
Well, don't feel bad – at least you were right about the first thought. And really, coming hot off the heels of yesterday's splendidly bizarre title Hot Wax Zombies on Wheels, how could anything as simple as Corpses really hope to grab your attention. Then again, Hot Wax Zombies completely failed to live up to the awesomeness its name promised. So perhaps you might expect Corpses to out-do its own boring name and bring the goods. Yeah, that would have been nice.
Yet another tired, second-rate "zom-com," Corpses tells the tale of a villainous Herbert West-wannabe mortician named Fred. In the annals of great horror characters with chilling, memorable names, "Fred the Mortician" doesn't really stack up. But then, any chance of Fred being too compelling of a character was probably washed away as soon as the part went to Robert Donovan, who is best known for late-night Skinemax soft-core films (you might remember him as "that older guy" in every boobie-movie you've ever watched on late-night cable), and has the acting skills to prove it.
But I digress. Fred has created a serum which brings the dead back to life, but only for short spans of time. During their re-animated periods, Fred sends these subservient zombies out on the town to do his dirty work. You might not expect a small-town mortician to actually have that much dirty work to be done, but Fred, you see, is upset over town plans to buy out and get rid of his funeral home.
Even worse, these plans are being pushed forward by his bitchy ex-wife, who is aided by the fact that she has recently shacked up with the town's well-meaning, but apparently weak-willed chief of police (Jeff Fahey). Meanwhile, this new relationship of the chief's sits none-too-well with his teenage daughter (Tiffany Shepis), who can't stand the possibility of Fred's ex-wife as a future step-mom, and so plans to run away with her sweet-natured boyfriend, who just happens to also be Fred's young assistant back at the funeral home. Wow, amazing how it all comes together, isn't it?
Unfortunately, that's about the only amazing thing about Corpses - unless you count its remarkable ability to completely waste its resources. What do I mean? Well, here's the problem with the film (not that there's only one, mind you, but let's boil it down): it does have two big things going for it – Fahey and Shepis – and it somehow manages to squander both of them. Normally, the prospect of these two together in one movie would be great news for dedicated B-movie fans, but in this case it just ends up being a disappointing example of "what could have been."
Because believe me, I would love to see these two in a truly funny zombie movie, but this ain't that movie and, judging by their performances, the stars seem to know it. Then again, their roles don't really do them any favors, either. Playing the overly stoic, and somewhat pussy-whipped town police chief doesn't allow Fahey to bring any of his usual creepy menace and humor to the role, and as a result you can't help but feel like he's bored throughout much of the film (to be fair, Fahey, and the movie, does finally cut loose and have a little fun in the final act, when he dons a long leather jacket and suddenly becomes a badass zombie-hunter – but by that point the movie is pretty much a lost cause).
As for Shepis, she is completely wasted here. True, the movie's lameness doesn't completely overshadow her natural charisma – the girl is always fun to watch, and wouldn't have become the B-movie world's reigning scream queen otherwise. Still, Corpses can't quite seem to figure out how to capitalize on what Shepis brings to the table. Not only does it never ask her to disrobe (for shame!!), but she spends way too much of the movie stuck in whiney "I hate my step-mom and my dad doesn't listen to me" mode. I got news for you, I didn't watch Corpses for a dose of domestic drama, I watched it to see Shepis kick living-dead ass. By the time something interesting actually does happen to her character, the movie is literally over. Writer/director Rolfe Kanefsky really should have known better (and, to be fair, Kanefsky put her to much better use in his far-superior The Hazing, which saw Shepis fighting ancient evil in a skin-tight silver body-suit).
Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not insinuating that the movie's misappropriation of Shepis and Fahey's talent is its only flaw – far from it. There's a whole host of problems here; from the overly cartoony score (which I guess was the only way they could think to get across that it's a comedy, since the jokes sure as hell don't do it), to scenes that are just plain incompetent (here's a tip for Mr. Kanefsky – if you can't think of a better way to pull off the effect of a zombie's arm being missing than just having the actor clearly hide his arm under his shirt, maybe you should re-think the movie's need to have an armless zombie). Most of the movie's problems can probably be blamed on the film's budget – which is odd. Kanefsky's The Hazing, which is actually quite the fun haunted house movie, actually looked pretty damn good and had very effective special effects. So why then does Corpses, which was released the same year, look like it was made with a budget of, oh, let's be nice and say $2000?
I wish I was able to recommend this one, I really do. I like the talent involved, and know they can all do better – even Robert Donovan (laugh all you want, but who can forget his immortal turn as "Don the Marine" in Sex Files: Alien Erotica II). It's just too bad they all had to come together for such a misfire here. Luckily, Kanefsky and Shepis bounced back with the well-reviewed Nightmare Man, and Fahey, after an enjoyable role in Grindhouse, might soon enjoy a full-fledged comeback as a new character on Lost. So, then, I guess the nicest thing I can say about Corpses is that it wasn't quite the career killer it could have been. Oh, no, wait – there's also a topless zombie hooker. I guess that counts for something.
