The October Zombie-Thon! - Day 14: Oasis of the Zombies
Posted by Trevor Snyder on 10.14.2007
Did I find anything enjoyable in this film? No...but I found myself.
OASIS OF THE ZOMBIES (1981)
Written & Directed by: Jess Franco
Country: France
Oh, crap…they're back.
As readers of last year's Zombie-Thon may well remember, there's one particular kind of undead ghoul that I believe are even more despicable than the rest: those damn Nazi zombies. I mean, it's one thing to be a flesh-eating monster, but at least with most zombies you can assume that maybe they were halfway decent people in life. Not so with these mo-fo's, who were already freakin' Nazis before biting the bullet and returning from the grave. That's like some sort of double whammy on the evil scale.
But don't take my word for how horrible these guys can be…just check out the unbelievable atrocity that is Oasis of the Zombies, a film apparently designed with the sole purpose of killing its audience through sheer, mind-numbing boredom.
Actually, to be fair to the Nazi zombies (and there's a phrase I never thought I'd type), I suppose the blame for this can't really rest entirely on their shoulders. No, the real perpetrator is infamous writer/director Jess Franco. Given that we're almost halfway into the second year of the Zombie-Thon, it's somewhat surprising that we haven't touched on good ole Jess, yet. But, having exhausted Jean Rollin's entire zombie output last year, it was only a matter of time before I was forced to turn to Europe's other prolific exploitation merchant.
And when I say prolific, I mean it. Since starting his career in the late ‘50s, Franco has helmed over 180 films. Unfortunately, while he has been responsible for a couple very cool, well-done flicks (She Killed In Ecstasy being a career highlight), the majority of his work is a bit more…questionable. This is no surprise. It's simple math, really – when you're cranking out up to 10 films a year, you've gotta expect some corners will be cut and some shortcuts will be taken (or, in the case of Franco's work, a lot of shortcuts).
Plus, in all honesty, it's not like Franco is necessarily trying to make bonafide classics, anyway. With movie titles like Vampyros Lesbos and The Erotic Rites of Frankenstein, it shouldn't be hard to figure out where Franco's true interests lay. But there's the problem with a film like Oasis of the Zombies. Franco really has no place directing a real horror movie, and I suspect he knows it. When taken out of his typical, sexually-charged element, Franco seems almost bored, and just doesn't invest the same amount of nifty camerawork (the man is the undisputed master of the sudden zoom shot) and creative energy as he might elsewhere. An exploitation fan like myself wants Jess Franco directing a flick like A Virgin Among the Living Dead. But a straight horror like Oasis of the Zombies? No thanks.
But, silly me, I went ahead and watched it anyway, so I guess I might as well tell you about it – if only to share my pain with others. Now, let me just get this out right off the bat. I'm about to tell you the basic plot of Oasis of the Zombies, and I do not want you FOR A SECOND to have any thoughts of exciting desert battles between treasure-hunting adventurers and blood-thirsty Nazi zombies. I know that's what it sounds like is going on here, and if you're not careful you could be fooled into thinking this is some sort of Indiana Jones meets Night of the Living Dead. NO. If I, for even a moment, make this thing ever sound remotely interesting, then I have failed you, and I apologize.
The story concerns an African desert oasis (natch), where a fierce WWII battle between the Nazis and the Allied forces took place. By "fierce," I mean that a bunch of guys in costumes unconvincingly shook guns at one another while gunfire was dubbed over – but, yeah, I'm pretty sure "fierce" is what Franco was going for. Anyway, it turns out the Nazis in question were transporting a large sum of gold before being ambushed, and after their defeat the treasure was left to collect sand in the oasis – really more a cluster of some ratty looking trees than an "oasis," but who I am to argue with the film's title. Now, if you're thinking, "hey, that sounds like a good place to go looking for some lost Nazi gold," then I suggest you have not paid enough attention to said movie title.
And yet, that's exactly what every character in the film decides to do, including one of the Allied survivors of the original battle. Years later, he proposes an alliance with one of the old Nazis who also escaped that fateful day, suggesting they return to the site and find the gold together. The Nazi agrees…and then proceeds to kill his new "partner." Well, that's what you get for trying to trust a Nazi, really.
Anyhow, the now-dead-man's son receives news of his father's demise, and returns to their African home with a few of his college buddies – and what an appropriate time for a friendly excursion. "Your dad's dead? ROAD TRIP!!" Once home, the young man finds his father's diary, and thus we are treated to an extremely protracted flashback scene involving the battle and its aftermath. At this point, we already know pretty much everything we need to about what happened out there, but that doesn't stop Franco from giving us the looong look back at what happened with the father after the battle. You see, it turns out he was rescued from wandering in the desert by a local sheik, and as a thank you he hooked up with the sheik's daughter and got her pregnant. Is any of this really relevant to the overall picture? Nah. Does it give Franco a chance to film the sheik's daughter naked? What do you think?
Back to present day, our young hero decides to go looking for the gold that got his father killed, and his friends eagerly agree. They soon meet up with a professor and a beautiful student of his, and for the life of me I can't really figure out why these characters are necessary – other than it provides Franco an opportunity to film the lovely young lass skinny-dipping. Meanwhile, the evil Nazi that killed our hero's father has arrived at the oasis with some cohorts, but before they can get down to some real gold searching, they are attacked by those damn Nazi zombies, who don't even give their old fellow soldier a "what's up" before trying to chow down on him.
Eventually, the group of "good guys and girls" arrives at the oasis as well (not before a brief visit with the sheik, who confirms that his daughter was in fact our hero's mother), and they too must confront the evil ghouls. This thrilling final battle between good and evil is notable for a couple reasons. First, the moment when one of the students yells, "let's get some bottles to make Molotov cocktails…like in school!" What the hell class was that? Secondly, it's somewhat impressive that Franco manages to make a 10-minute climax feel like seven hours, thanks to the fact that it pretty much just consists of the students creating a "wall" of fire (OK, the flames only go about 6-inches high, but we get the idea), which the zombies are inexplicably unable to cross. This leads to an extended sequence of humans and zombies alike just sort of wandering around in a cloud of smoke so thick it effectively obscures pretty much everything onscreen (granted, there probably isn't anything worth seeing, but still…).
For a final insult, just when you think things couldn't get much worse, the attacking zombies simply vanish come morning (and yes, I mean literally vanish). Uncle Sheik returns to the site and consoles our young hero over the loss of his friends, asking him if he at least found what he was looking for.
"I found myself," our hero replies.
HUH?!?
I can't express enough how utterly pointless it would be to waste your time with this crap. I know Franco has a very devoted cult following – hell, on some days I'd even go as far as considering myself part of it. But we can all admit the guy has had his off days, and Oasis of the Zombies was clearly made on one of them. I guess if you like lingering shots of random objects ("hey, look, there's a hubcap…let's film it for 10 seconds!"), or a story that moves along so slow it makes Jean Rollin's languid pacing look absolutely cheetah-like, then this might be the movie for you. But, if that's the case, you're certainly not the type of person I want to know and associate with – and may God have mercy on your soul.
