The October Zombie-Thon! - Day 17: Corpses Are Forever
Posted by Trevor Snyder on 10.17.2007
...and so are crappy movies starring Brinke Stevens
CORPSES ARE FOREVER (2003)
Written & Directed by: Jose Prendes
Country: USA
Confusing, irredeemable trash, or just a foolish, self-indulgent bore? Hmmm…
As you can see, I'm of two opinions regarding today's movie; neither of them good. This is only appropriate, I suppose, given that Corpses Are Forever is essentially two separate movies; neither of them good.
First off, we have writer-director Jose Prendes starring in the black-and-white tale of Quint Barrow, a man haunted by an apparent psychic connection with a local serial killer. He doesn't know how their link occurred, he only knows that whenever the killer strikes, his eyes show him the madman's POV as if it were his own. Unfortunately for Quint, the killer also seems to be aware of their connection, and kidnaps Quint's son, in response.
I know, that actually sounds halfway interesting (if a little zombie-less), right? Well, don't get too involved, because just when that story starts picking up, we suddenly shift to color, with an amnesic Prendes waking up in a zombie-filled warehouse, where he is suddenly forced to fight off the horde of the living dead with his amazing "I'm gonna kick at you, obviously miss by a mile, but you're still gonna fall down because I'm the director and I have to look a bad-ass" fighting skills.
So, what the hell is going on here? Well, it turns out that Prendes is actually Malcolm Grant (a Jurassic Park reference?), a sort of low-rent, James Bond-type CIA operative. Seems the world has been plunged into an undead nightmare, and somehow the U.S. government has traced the beginnings of the zombie outbreak back to Quint Barrow. In order to find out what happened, Grant is being periodically injected with a special serum designed from Barrow's DNA, which causes Grant to blackout and experience Barrow's old memories, while also unfortunately erasing his own memory.
Got all that? Good.
Now forget it. Because, really, you're no more likely to end up following this nonsense if you pay close attention than you are if you watch it with your eyes closed and your fingers in your ears. Believe me, I kept waiting for the big "AHA" moment where the two stories would finally merge together, and we would get a clear idea of just what it all means – but that scene just....never…seems…to come. Sure, the film eventually offers an explanation for everything (kinda), but it's all a bunch of bewildering hoo-ha involving the devil (who I guess is also Barrow/Grant's father) and ancient prophecies, which feels even more out of place; as if they suddenly decided to add a third damn movie into the mix.
I imagine just about everyone watching this flick will have pretty much the same thought: what the heck was Jose Prendes thinking? And no, I'm not talking about his egotistical decision to cast himself as both Quint and Malcolm – even though that is one of the many elements that sinks the film. With his small stature and goofy accent, Prendes is far-from-convincing as the cocky, ultra-suave Grant, but it's his turn as Barrow that is simply laughable. With his fedora and over-sized trench coat, Prendes looks like a little kid playing P.I. – probably not the feeling he was going for.
Still, casting yourself in roles you're not suited for is typical, low-budget director bullshit. It's not special. No, my real problem with Prendes is just how unnecessarily out-of-control he allows the whole thing to get. Didn't he, at any point, step back and realize that this jumbled mass of disjointed scenes and ideas barely adds up to a cohesive whole? For that matter, why did he feel the need to mix them all together in the first place? Wasn't he confident enough in the "psychic connection with a killer" storyline – the film's only intriguing element – to allow it to exist on its own, without the incongruous zombie plot tacked on top?
Or did Prendes simply think we would be so entertained to see scream queens like Brinke Stevens, Felissa Rose, Linnea Quigley and Debbie Rochon together in one movie, that we would forgive the film for its more glaring flaw. No way, Jose (I can't believe I get to legitimately say that in a review) – that would require actually giving the women something interesting to do. As is, only Rochon, as Grant's scheming wife, has any memorable moments, and that's more due to her natural charisma than it is to anything Prendes wrote for her.
Here's another quick tip, Mr. Prendes. If you want to sell the idea of an earth devastated by zombie plague, maybe you shouldn't film so many scenes in front of busy streets (nice to know the apocalypse hasn't affected traffic too much). While we're on the subject, you might also want to have your characters act like being surrounded by zombies is, you know, a bad thing. Instead, we get multiple scenes of characters sitting and talking in a parked convertible, with the undead simply shambling by around them. I don't see what the government is so concerned about – this might be the least inconvenient zombie invasion ever.
Corpses Are Forever is a real shame. It's got at least one genuinely intriguing idea, but it's bogged down by a writer/director who doesn't know how to make the most of it, so instead he simply keeps piling up random shit, hoping something will stick. I never thought I'd say this about a movie, but this thing really could have used fewer zombies. Maybe even…gasp…none at all. In the hands of a competent filmmaker, the unresolved "psychic link to a killer" storyline could have been expanded on, and possibly ended up as a halfway decent little flick. Unfortunately, we ended up with this – a film so lame that by the time the final promises "Malcolm Grant will return in The Corpse Who Loved Me," it sounds more like a threat than anything to get excited about.
