The October Zombie-Thon! - Day 30: Flight of the Living Dead
Posted by Trevor Snyder on 10.30.2007
Zombies on a plane...wonder what they're trying to cash in on?
FLIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD: OUTBREAK ON A PLANE (2007)
Directed by: Scott Thomas
Written by: Sidney Iwanter, Mark Onspaugh, & Scott Thomas
Country: USA
When I first heard talk about this then-in-the-works film a year or so ago, the rumored title was, of course, Zombies on a Plane (hmmm, wonder what bandwagon they were jumping on). Once the powers-that-be at New Line realized that was a little too obvious of a rip-off (or, more likely, when Snakes on a Plane bombed), they went in a different direction. I had heard both Plane Dead and Dead Air bandied about as possible titles – both of which are pretty decent titles, if you ask me.
Which makes their final choice, Flight of the Living Dead, all the more depressingly boring – unless you're George Romero, can we call a permanent moratorium on "…of the (Living) Dead" titles, please? And don't get me started on the film's sub-title, Outbreak on a Plane, which conjures up images of Dustin Hoffman chasing a little monkey down the aisles of a plane more than it does flesh-eating undead.
Why am I spending so much time discussing the title, rather than the movie itself? Well, quite frankly, now that you know the title, there isn't a whole lot else I need to say. With just the information I've given you (the title) you can pretty much picture the entire movie in your head. Go ahead; just take a moment to imagine the movie, scene by scene. Trust me; you'll likely be 80-90% accurate.
But, if I must give a synopsis, and I guess I must, here you go: Our movie takes place, not surprisingly, on a late-night flight passing through a heavy storm-system – isn't that always the way? Name a plane-movie cliché, and we've got it covered here: the aging crew member on their "final" flight before retirement (in this case, the pilot); the horny youngsters who just can't resist trips to the bathroom to join the mile-high club; and, naturally, the cop handcuffed to a convict for a prison transfer.
Unfortunately for them, and the other stock-characters onboard, this particular flight also has a nasty surprise in the cargo-hold. It turns out some insidious doctors on the run from the CIA are transporting a sealed coffin with one of their colleagues inside. Oh, she's not dead or anything – just infected with a brand-new virus they have created. That doesn't last long, though, as some bumpy turbulence sends the coffin spilling open, and the trigger-happy guard assigned to protect it freaks out and shoots the woman inside. Smooth move, dude! Of course the virus re-animates here, and before you can say "I've had it with these motherf**ing zombies on this motherf**ing plane," the flight is awash with bloodthirsty ghouls.
And…yeeeaahhh….that's about it. I'd love to tell you that Flight of the Living Dead delivers some amazing twists and turns, or at least makes an effort to surprise its audience every now and then. But…nope. The reason Snakes on a Plane was such great fun was that it purposely went above and beyond the expectations of the bad-movie lovers, and decided to be as overly outrageous as possible. It would have been nice if Flight of the Living Dead had that same admirable desire to be the mother of all B-movies – this is the kind of movie that's just begging to go over-the-top and maybe poke a little fun at itself.
Instead, the film seems a little too satisfied to just get by on its concept alone. "Hey, we've got zombies running around on a plane…I guess we're all set." I'm sorry, but if you're gonna take up 90 minutes of my time with that kind of story, you better have something better in mind than just endless scenes of zombies grabbing and biting characters, and characters walking down the aisle shooting the ghouls that leap out at them.
Don't get me wrong – it's definitely trying to please the horror fans. It's certainly gory enough, with a lot of good, gory kills (although on a couple occasions the CGI blood-splatter is particularly fakey). And the look of the zombies, as obviously 28 Days Later-influenced as it is, is pretty cool, especially one very cool make-up job involving a lipless undead fiend with a resulting eternal grin. Good stuff.
If only that was enough. Sure, I appreciate the senseless violence as much as the next guy, but I can only watch a zombie pull a screaming passenger through a hole in the floor so many times before I want something else…anything else!
Maybe if the film had a leading man as ultra-cool as Samuel L. Jackson. The closest Flight manages is Richard Tyson, as the heroic, if slightly wacky, air marshall. To be fair, I do like Richard Tyson (he's Buddy Revell, for Pete's sake!), and I was pretty excited to see his name in the credits. But it's not like even he can help matters any when the writers haven't bothered to give him any memorable dialogue or character traits (and no, the fact that he wears a funny hat doesn't count).
For the record, there is another main hero – the aforementioned prisoner-transferring cop, played by David Chisum – but he's so bland he's barely worth mentioning. Then again, he does create the film's single best/stupidest moment. So, you're stuck in a life-or-death situation fighting zombies, miles up in the air, in a plane. What do you do? Why, drop a bomb down into the cargo hold, of course! Because it's always a good idea to set off a bomb in a plane.
Don't worry, though, the movie's too dumb to even bother having the bomb cause any real damage, and in the process add some extra tension to the film. Can't have that!
In all honesty, Flight of the Living Dead doesn't really deserve this harsh of a review from me. It's well-made, looks great, and is never unwatchable. In fact, it's quite a bit more entertaining than numerous other direct-to-video horror flicks dumped onto video store shelves month after month – sure, it might be the same stuff happening over and over, but at least stuff is happening. That's more than I can say for some zombie movies. Plus, I suppose it's as good as a movie about zombies loose on a plane was going to be.
It's just that, silly me, I kinda felt like it could have been better. I don't like to place unrealistic expectations on any movie, but I don't think it was unreasonable to expect a movie at least half as proudly stupid as Snakes on a Plane. This story ain't Shakespeare or anything, people…let's lighten up and have some fun. If you're looking for nothing more than 90 minutes of mindless, bloody zombie mayhem, then admittedly you could do far worse than Flight of the Living Dead. Just make sure your expectations are sufficiently low going in – anyone expecting a movie as wild and crazy as a film like this should be will almost certainly be flying blind.
HA!
(Sorry, it's been a long month.)
FINAL SCORE: 2 out of 4 Bubs (Worth a Casual Look)
