Deleted Scenes 11.01.07: If I Could Be Serious for a Moment...Superbad Posted by Robert Sullivan on 11.01.2007
Yep. That column. Oh, it's worth the wait - punch, pie, and all the hallelujahs of the legioned angels for eternity contained inside!
Hello again my friends, I'm Rob and this is Deleted Scenes. Since my hiring here at 411Mania, I'd like to think all of you have gotten to know – learned, natch – a fair bit about me. Not everything, of course, but my likes (The Cusack, Russell Crowe, Irish musicals that make my heart tingle) and dislikes (actors that can be defined as McConaugheys, Oscar Vehicles That Weren't, and again, the all-encompassing awfulness that is Josh Hartnett) on a certain variety of topics.
What have I learned about all of you?
Mainly, I've learned that there's a shitload of Naomi Watts fans out there. Good Lord, you guys…
…Which reminds me of a funny story about, while I worked at "The Onion," both the number and the virulence of responses received concerning an article they did about Ashley Olsen [or Mary-Kate, whatever] was being a total drag on Mary-Kate/Ashley's career…and how many of those E-Mails came from Canada, for some reason, but I digress. Anyway. Getting to this week's topic.
A recent argument on a certain website famed for its picture of a large-testicled squirrel concerning the 2000 drama Unbreakable and its incredibly illogical ending made your friendly columnist start thinking, readers. Perhaps it's a common trait about those who wildly discuss, argue, and write about movies – I don't know – but often in my life, I'm accused of "taking movies too seriously." Some movies you just have to "turn your brain off, just go with the flow, let it happen," etc.
I've never really been able to do that. Thus, this latest in a growing line of ongoing series – If I Could Be Serious for a Moment*. In it, various movies will be discussed, and examined with an eye towards reality. No, this doesn't mean I'm going to be writing about whether lightsabers can really exist, but you'll get the idea as we go along. If it took me out of the narrative flow and ground my gears in general, here it shall be discussed in stunning Technicolor.
First up…Superbad.
Yes, this is THAT column.
Certainly no one is claiming recent megahit Superbad is a paragon of hard-hitting material true to contemporary American teenage life. If you want that, go watch "Friday Night Lights" before NBC cancels it with all the glee evident in putting a critical favorite in a Friday-at-10 timeslot. Seriously, go do so. I'm begging you.
No, I'm not going to mention the Landry Kills Someone storyline, thank you very much for asking…
And before you think I'm going to be complaining about the portrayal of Superbad's incredibly immature police officers, not at all. In fact, according to my actual cop father, that was actually one of the more realistic portrayals of cops he's ever seen in a movie (minus the constant Star Wars references, of course).
The thing with which to take issue is something claimed by some reviewers that Superbad is an accurate representation of the American high school. While this is more or less accurate in terms of portraying the incredibly codependent relationship of the lead duo, it is clearly untrue when it comes time for the movie's ending. Perhaps (hopefully) the result of test screenings gone awry, the film ends with – SPOILER ALERT! – everyone getting laid (or at least the promise of getting laid in the future), from fat jerk Seth to nebbish Evan to dorky Fogell. OK, McLovin, whatever.
What's sad about this is just how real the film actually was, in terms of dialogue and setting, and the hint that Superbad maybe wasn't supposed conclude with The Super Happy Ending. To me, this is best shown during the scene in which Seth rushes up to Evan while the latter is in gym class, Seth eager to tell Evan about being invited to a hot girl's party that night –
Seth – "Dude! That [being paired together out of necessity by a Home Economics teacher incredibly frustrated by Seth's openness about how much he hates Home Economics] means that by some fate we were paired together and she thought of me. Thought of me enough to want me to be responsible for the entire funness of her party! She wants to fuck me! She wants my dick in or around her mouth!"
Evan – "Are you sure she's not just using you to buy beer?"
[Seth quickly shoots that down/ignores it and continues talking.]
Watching Superbad with friends on opening weekend, I became very excited hearing Evan's line. Acknowledgment in a teen movie that hot girls don't suddenly invite fat kids and nerds to a party without a motive!…a signal that perhaps this one would be different from the rest, that this was "Freaks and Geeks" with the ability to freely curse!…
…Which quickly went nowhere, as it turns out Really Hot Girl somehow does have a fetish for obese loudmouths. Hurray!
Kinda Cute Girl that Evan hooks up with? Sure, I bought that. She wasn't very hot and he was an OK guy. I would've preferred if both had ended up alone and wiser for the experience, but I can live with that.
McLovin getting cockblocked by the two officers while having sex (or just having "put it in") with a hot redhead? Not so much. Not so much at all, gentle readers.
Bringing this up after the film was met with the usual "just enjoy it, what're you looking for that in a teen sex comedy anyway?" resistance. Is being disappointed by a movie true to the codependency in male high school friendships and just how vulgar males are without women present selling out in its final 20 minutes really that terrible? That's your call.
As for me, I'll laugh at Superbad, sure, and even rate it in my Top 10 (So Far). However, if you want to see a teen movie that doesn't lose its nerve at the end, check out The Last American Virgin**. Considering how remake-crazy Hollywood is these days, how The Last American Virgin (itself a remake) has missed the cut is beyond me. Probably the ending and the low grosses, but. Still, far beyond. Trust me.
Until next time.
*yes, completely pilfered from Lance Storm
**we're talking about endings, people, I know Horny Older Woman wasn't exactly keeping to strict realism either
