I'm Not Gonna Lie: 12.23.07: HO HO..Oh No!
Posted by Nick Wallander on 12.23.2007
There’s been a whole lot of naughty going down this week including a DUI, a penis, and a pregnancy. Luckily to balance it out, 411’s Nick Wallander also gives his honest take on this year’s best in movies and television.
I'm not gonna lie…
Let's start with the good stuff…
With the holidays approaching, the obvious question would be: Did an angel appear to Jamie Lynn Spears to tell her that she would be bearing a child? Personally I am a little shocked that a father has been named already. I was hoping for weeks of suspense and guessing over this. Hell, it would be real fun right now if Spears made it into a whole Immaculate Conception thing. That would probably blow Britney's mind because she'd wonder what her sister was doing spending a night with Franco Harris.
Wow, what a story, eh? Who would have thought that the Spears' family Christmas could get any more dysfunctional and messed up? One would love to be a fly on the wall as they sit around the card table in the trailer on Christmas morning. I can't imagine that Brit will be happy that little sister is taking all of her thunder...which is real sad because Britney honestly appears to be upset that the media is a little less interested in her personal demise right now. We all should be ready for some sort of eruption from Britney in the coming weeks because that nut job really wants her throne back.
Now the thing about Jamie Lynn Spears is that it really isn't that big of a deal. Sure it is kind of messed up that a sixteen year girl got herself knocked up, but it is nothing that hasn't happened before. Teenage girls get preggered up all the time. Shit happens. Girls deal with it. Sometimes it involves a prom night dumpster drop, but other times it makes a kid or two grow up. Who knows what this could entail for Jamie Lynn.
But seriously, folks, I hope this whole story goes away soon. Nobody should care. It isn't our business. If the girl wasn't a television star nobody would even look twice at her as she walked around bearing child. Hell, the only reason anybody remembers more than 24 hours after the story broke is because of who the girl's big sister is. We should thank the mother of the year, Britney, for making this a national news headline. Now the world is locked in with intrigue to see if little train wreck follows in big sister's foot steps. We are a sick society when you think about it. We're all waiting for Jamie Lynn to fuck it all up and out do her sister. Personally, I hope the girl does well with this all. It is similar to the world being skeptical of K-fed getting the kids. He doesn't seem like the good father type, but he isn't the one driving his kids around in his lap.
Just saying….
I was going to rant on about the missing "statch" charges for this Casey Aldridge character, but he nailed a famous girl, so everything will be alright for him.
What is all the talk about this penis?
Try to tell me that you didn't laugh. Viral marketing over the internet can be a good thing so long as it is legitimately entertaining. Hmmm.. I wonder when that was filmed. Was it all improv or did somebody have to write it? If I recall correctly, nobody is supposed to be writing anything right now. Oh well, it is what it is. I shouldn't complain.
Speaking of "Walk Hard", there was a lot of scuttlebutt on the net this week about a scene in the movie that depicts an orgy. According to TMZ.com, the orgy scene was one of controversy during screenings of the movie. Rumor has it that people left the screenings in utter disgust because they had to see…a penis. *Gasp!* Not a penis! Oh my god, it isn't like one out of every two people in the world has one or anything! Is it?
The reaction to the scene in question was not ignored as it was cut down to show a little less penis than initially. According to writer/producer Judd Apatow, ""We went with different angles to make sure there weren't too much testicles being shown... America fears the penis and that's something I'm going to help them get over."
That is an interesting little idea there, Mr. Apatow. Does America have a little fear of the penis? Really there shouldn't be a sense of shock should one appear on the screen. It is human anatomy, something natural. Big deal. It is interesting that a movie can depict the most gruesome of murder or crime and nobody has much of a reaction. However, if a penis makes a short appearance there is immediate outrage. A penis isn't that disturbing is it? Add to that the fact that general America doesn't get in a hissy over some topless shots or a steamy realistic sex scene, but Kevin Bacon's junk in "Wild Things" gets people to raise their eye brows.
It is a penis folks. It isn't going to cause world hunger, unemployment, or blow up a bus. There are bigger problems in the world than a penis….even if it is a gratuitously random shot.
Girl Meets Jail Cell.
First and foremost, a shout out goes to Sam on the comment board for inspiring this headline. Have you heard the story about Danielle Fishel? Oh wait, you probably don't know her by her real name. You might remember her as Topanga on the ABC show "Boy Meets World". Now it rings a bell.
Fishel was arrested on Thursday morning at about 5 am by a Los Angeles County officer. There is no word yet if she caused any problems or shouted out anti-Semitic slurs. It is also believed that she didn't use the words "sugar tits" either – mainly because most people would refer to her chest that way. Not much more is known at this time.
Who would have thought? The Jamie Lynn Spears thing wasn't any bit surprising in comparison to this. I had never read anything previously about any of Fishel's drinking habits. Did any of you see this one coming? I never would have expected someone who starred in the "National Lampoon: Dorm Daze" movies to find herself in such a legal quandary.
Okay, so maybe I am being sarcastic here. Once again, drunk driving isn't all that out of the ordinary. This shouldn't come as a shock since it seems as if one in five celebrities ends up with a DUI at some point or another. What is real surprising is that this even made the news. Fishel isn't exactly a real celebrity anymore. Name the last movie she was in (besides "Dorm Daze")? Hell, I don't even think most people know her real name. In fact I tested that theory by asking a friend, "Did you hear Danielle Fishel got arrested for drunken driving?"
To which my friend responded, "Who is that? Someone you went to college with?" When I explained it was Topanga, then everything made more sense to her. Regardless of what happens to Fishel from this point on, it still isn't as interesting as Jodi Sweetin's secret meth habit. What? You don't know who Jodi Sweetin is?
She played Stephanie on "Full House"
I'm not gonna lie, this is what I liked in 2007
The year is almost over, so that means I should look back and reflect on the best things to come out of the television and movie theaters. Honestly, this was not an easy task. It wasn't the best year for us as viewers. With stuff like "Norbit" and "Rush Hour 3", it was hard to find myself thinking positive about the year as a whole. None the less, I do have a few things I would like to deem, the BEST OF 2007.
Let me explain myself for some of these picks. "Knocked Up" was one of the few comedies with some real content to it and it was sharply written. "Zodiac" had several brilliant performances and was as suspenseful as they come. I was intrigued from the onset of that movie. Arguably one of my top three of the year was "Once" which boasted an amazing soundtrack as well as one hell of a story. To put it bluntly, it tugged on the heart a little bit. It isn't often I feel for characters in a movie. "Waitress" was perhaps the most intelligent of the comedies this year with some great dialogue. Rounding out my list was "The Mist". My biggest compliment for that movie is that it really captured some of the darkest corners of the human condition. Kudos to Frank Darabont for having a great streak with Steven King's stories.
THE BEST IN TELEVISION
"Lost"
"Pushing Daisies"
"House"
"Prison Break"
"The Office"
"Psych"
"My Name is Earl"
First and foremost, I anticipate getting some flack for putting "Psych" on this list. Television is riddled with procedural crime dramas and it was refreshing to get another comedy in that variety. The mysteries aren't too complex, so you can try to figure it out before the characters do. "My Name is Earl" continued to keep itself fresh by reinventing its story telling techniques every few weeks. "Prison Break" had a strong finish to its sophomore season and then started of its third with a reckless abandon. Those of you who watch that show know that the scene where Lincoln opens that box changed everything. "Pushing Daisies" emerged out of nowhere to be a critical and ratings darling on Wednesday nights. The offbeat storytelling and fairytale feel makes it the most unique show on television. It also helps that it mixes drama and humor at a synergistic level. Ultimately I think 2007's best television moment came back in May when "Lost" aired its season finale called "Through the Looking Glass". I don't want to spoil anything, but I will say that this episode was a game changer. Hell, I will go as far to say that it was one of the best episodes of television ever. If you haven't seen "Lost", well then you need to catch up on DVD so that finale can blow your mind.
2007's BEST PERFORMANCES
Robert Downey Jr, "Zodiac"
Ben Affleck directing "Gone Baby Gone"
Keri Russell in "Waitress"
Michael Cera in "Superbad"
Josh Holloway in "Lost"
Kristin Chenoweth in "Pushing Daisies"
Matthew Fox in "Lost"
Chandra Wilson in "Grey's Anatomy"
There isn't much I can say for this list of people because their work should speak for itself. Downey Jr. should get some nomination come Oscar time for his supporting role as a real life alcohol swilling news reporter on the tail of a serial killer. Affleck resurrected his career by taking up the director's chair. Michael Cera made himself more than just George Michael from "Arrested Development". On the television end of things there were the regular brilliant performances, but only a few stood out. If you were to go back and watch the "Lost" episode entitled "The Brig" you will see an emotional performance by Josh Holloway as his character Sawyer confronts a demon from his past. His lost co-star Matthew Fox channeled in a brilliant performance in the season finale, but didn't earn his spot until the closing minutes.
So that was my quick and honest summary of my feelings about 2007's best in movies and television. I am certain that this is going to create a few comments below. That's awesome and I invite you to chime in below with your thoughts and feelings. I can't promise that I'll agree with you, but a good argument is always worth my time.
Let's close this thing out…
Before I sign off I would like to wish each and every one of you a Happy Holiday season. Whether it be Christmas, Hanukah, Kwanzaa, or anything else I am forgetting, I do hope you make the best of it. Eat some fattening treats for me, okay? Most importantly I wish you all safe travel wherever you may be going. I'll see you all back here next year with my New Year resolutions.
