Ask 411 Movies for 12.24.07: If We Make it Through December
Posted by Leonard Hayhurst on 12.24.2007
Holiday in handcuffs, Santa Claus Conquers the Martians, Santa fights Satan, Santa goes postal, Santa throws down with evil oil companies and other yuletide joy
We will rap up our look at bad made for television Christmas movie promos from YouTube with a new one from this current season, Holiday in Handcuffs from ABC Family. Melissa Joan Hart kidnaps Mario Lopez and takes him home to her parents Timothy Bottoms and Markie Post, along with grandma June Lockhart. That casting list is just throwing a bunch of washed up TV stars' names in a hat and picking at random. I've always dug Hart though and she does look good here.
Q: I remember that in between the 2nd and 3rd Matrix sequels, there was a videogame called "Enter The Matrix" that came out, and had elements and plot points that, while not integral to the main stories in the movies, still were alluded to. Same thing with "24:The Game", although in television. The game explains what happened to Max from season 2, and how Chase Edmunds and Chloe O'Brien came to CTU Los Angeles.
-Cory
A: This is in response to a question last week about video games that happened in between sequels that affected the film series. Thanks for the additions. I'm not a big fan of "24" or The Matrix trilogy. I'm also not a huge gamer, outside of ColecoVision. In the comments section, Thrasher added that the Matrix game was more for backstory than connecting the film parts.
For column filler and so I can get drunk with those I love, well kind of like, ok not really we'll utilize a reprint from last year as we look at merry horror related Christmas films.
Tales from the Crypt (1972): The original film based on the EC Comics has a segment dealing with Joanne (Joan Collins) killing her husband on Christmas Eve. Before she can dispose of the body she sees a serial killer on the loose outside her house, but she can't call the cops for help or they will discover her crime.
Black Christmas (1974): A sorority house is plagued by disturbing phone calls right before Christmas break. Even after Clare (Lynn Griffin) disappears the police (led by John Saxon) are little concerned. They only get interested when a little girl is found dead in a park near the sorority house. Somehow connected is the story of Jess (Olivia Hussey) and her boyfriend Peter (Keir Dullea) who are contemplating an abortion. Other sorority sisters are played by Margot Kidder and Andrea Martin. Martin's role originally went to Gilda Radner, but she landed "Saturday Night Live" shortly before filming. Saxon's part was intended for screen veteran Edmund O'Brien, but his health bottomed out. Bette Davis was set to play housemother Mrs. Mac at one point and Malcolm McDowell refused the role of Peter. Dullea wound up filming the part in a week's time and is edited into scenes with Saxon and Kidder that he never played with them.
You Better Watch Out, aka Christmas Evil (1980): A young boy is traumatized when he finds out that Santa Claus is not real. He eventually grows up (Brandon Maggert) to be obsessed with the Christmas season and toy making. To that end he works at a local toy factory. Hypocrisy, cynicism and a lack of the Christmas spirit makes him snap and he goes on a killing spree feeling that he is the only one who can truly judge who is naughty and who is nice.
Don't Open ‘til Christmas (1984): A psychopath is killing men in Santa suits in jolly old England. Inspector Harris (Edmund Purdom) is put on his trail even though he'd rather not have the case. His only real leads come from reporter Giles (Alan Lake). Purdom started out as director, but quit after producers tied his hands. Derek Ford took over for just two days until Ray Selfe came in and did some rewrites with Al McGoohan. The movie finally got released after two years of work.
Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984): Billy sees his parents murdered by a thief dressed like Santa Claus and is sent to an orphanage where a strict mother superior (Lilyan Chauvin) further traumatizes him. As an adult (Robert Brian Wilson) he gets a job in a department store. Everything goes well until he has to dress like Santa, which causes him to snap and go on a killing spree. Parents groups upon initial release heavily protested the film. It was pulled from theaters soon after release, but found a cult following on video.
Silent Night, Deadly Night 2 (1987): Director Harry Lee was charged with re-cutting the original film with a couple new scenes to make it look like a new movie. Only about half the movie are parts of the original with the new bits done in 10 days. None of the cast or crew was ever paid. Ricky (Eric Freeman) is the brother of the original killer. He is released from the orphanage and seeks revenge for his brother on those who wronged him, including the Mother Superior (Jean Miller).
Silent Night, Deadly Night 3-Better Watch Out (1989): Ricky (Bill Moseley) is brought out of a coma by a deranged scientist (Richard Beymer). Somehow his experiments with ESP have psychically linked Ricky with a young blind woman (Samantha Scully) going to see her grandmother (Elizabeth Hoffman) with her brother Chris (Eric DaRe) and his girlfriend (Laura Harring). They are helped by a grizzled cop (Robert Culp).
Silent Night, Deadly Night 4-Initition (1990): This film has little to do with the other movies. Clint Howard plays a character named Ricky, but he doesn't seem to be the same character from the other films. A woman is thrown off of a building near Christmas time. A young reporter named Kim (Neith Hunter) investigates and is led by a bookstore owner (Maud Adams) into a cult that worships the Egyptian god Isis.
Silent Night, Deadly Night 5-The Toy Maker (1992): Again this isn't connected much to the first few films although Kim and Ricky from the last movie pop up. Derrick (William Thorne) sees his father killed by a strange looking toy delivered to their house near Christmas. There is an odd toy maker named Joe Petto (Mickey Rooney) that lives and works nearby. Could the toy have come from him, or possibly the shadowy figure stalking Joe and Derrick? Do you really care? Probably not. Interestingly Rooney wrote a letter of protest concerning the first film to support the picketing parents groups.
And now some films revolving around the jolly fat man. No, not John Goodman, it's Santa Claus.
Miracle on 34th Street (1947): Doris Walker (Maureen O'Hara) works for Macy's in New York and is in charge of putting together their Thanksgiving Day parade. When her Santa is unavailable for the parade she finds a new man (Edmund Gwenn) who takes his place. The thing is this guy is the real Santa Claus or at least thinks he is. He becomes a sensation at the store and even helps to teach Doris' very grown up little girl Susan (Natalie Wood) about Christmas. Santa fails a mental exam and is put away. It's up to lawyer Fred (John Payne) who was romancing Doris to prove that Kris Kringle is who he says he is and get him out of the asylum. It's been remade several times, most recently in 1994 with Richard Attenborough, Mara Wilson, Elizabeth Perkins and Dylan McDermott.
Santa Claus (1959): In this Mexican film Santa Clause teams up with Merlin the Magician to defeat the devil and his minion Pitch. I think I got stoned, built a time machine, wrote this movie, returned to the present and forgot about it.
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964): Martians realize their children are unhappy because they watch earth TV and see Santa Claus (John Call) giving out presents. So they kidnap Santa and two earth children (Victor Stiles and Donna Conforti). Santa helps the Martians get their own toy factory and Christmas holiday underway. A particularly surly Martian named Voldar (Vincent Beck) attempts to undermine Santa and his work. Pia Zadora of many future bad films makes her debut here as a Martian child.
The Night They Saved Christmas (1984): An oil company is exploring oil drilling and blasting in the arctic. Their work threatens the home of Santa Claus (Art Carney). He seeks out Claudia Baldwin (Jaclyn Smith) whose husband (Paul Le Mat) works for the drilling company and her two children for help. June Lockhart plays Mrs. Claus with Paul Williams as Ed the elf.
Santa Claus-The Movie (1985): This film set out to be the definitive movie of the Santa Clause mythos and was hyped as a major blockbuster, but flopped big time. The first half of the film introduces Santa Claus (David Huddelston) and his wife (Judy Cornwell) as a kind elderly couple who makes toys for local children. They are caught in a snowstorm and find themselves at the North Pole in a workshop ran by elves. Burgess Meredith as an old elf fills the couple in on their new mission in life. The second half of the film concerns elf Patch (Dudley Moore) going out in the real world and being manipulated by an evil toy magnate (John Lithgow chewing scenery with abandon) to use elf magic and toy making no-how for profit. This causes Santa to doubt his place in the modern world until he meets a special boy (Christian Fitzpatrick) and girl (Carrie Kei Heim) who need his help.
Ernest Saves Christmas (1988): Santa Claus (Douglas Seale) travels to Florida to find his successor in a children's show host named Joe Carruthers (Oliver Clark). However, Joe has recently lost his job and starts to question his devotion to children and belief in the magic of Christmas. Santa is helped on his mission by bumbling cab driver Ernest (Jim Varney) and a runaway teen in need of a family (Noelle Parker). One of the most popular and profitable films of the Ernest series.
The Santa Clause (1994): Scott Calvin (Tim Allen) is a toy executive who accidentally kills Santa Claus on Christmas Eve. He and his son Charlie (Eric Lloyd) take over to deliver all the presents. However, by putting on the red coat of Santa, Calvin is the new Santa Claus and is briefed of his duties by Bernard the head elf (David Krumholtz). Calvin doesn't want the job, but he has no choice as he gets fat, grows a beard he can't shave and smells like cookies. Hell, that's me now. He eventually accepts the role, but Charlie's mom (Wendy Crewson) and step dad (Judge Reinhold) think Scott is cracking up and is making Charlie crazy too.
The Santa Clause 2 (2002): Scott Calvin is firmly entrenched as Santa Claus. However, some odd things start happening and Bernard reveals the Mrs. Clause that Santa must have a wife by the coming Christmas. Additionally his son Charlie has wound up on the naughty list as he's having a hard time coping with his dad never there by being Santa as he is now a teen. Scott returns to the real world to help Charlie and find a wife, which he does in Charlie's principal Carol (Elizabeth Mitchell). While away elf Curtis (Spencer Breslin) has created a robot Santa who eventually flips out and threatens Christmas.
The Polar Express (2004): This film is based on the classic children's book. Live actors and sets were shot and then digitally stripped out and animated over in cgi using the new digital capturing technology Imagemotion. This was the first film released in I-Max and regular theaters at the same time. It under performed expectation even though it grossed over $170 million dollars and critical reviews were not as good as hoped. Rotten Tomatoes has it listed as 56% rotten. Tom Hanks plays multiple roles including Santa Claus and the conductor of a magical train that whisks a young boy who is unsure if he believes in Santa and others to the North Pole for a magical night.
The Santa Clause 3: The Escape Clause (2006): Mrs. Claus is pregnant and Santa brings her parents (Alan Arkin and Ann-Margaret) to the North Pole while trying to cover up everything and make them think he's a toy maker in Canada. Also along are Santa's ex-wife, her new husband and their daughter Lucy (Liliana Mumy). Meanwhile, Jack Frost (Martin Short) learns about the escape clause from Curtis and tricks Scott Calvin into giving up being Santa by going back in time to the night he put on the magic red coat. Frost becomes Santa and Calvin reverts to his old self, but he fights back to reclaim the mantle and eventually confesses all to his in-laws while Lucy's warm hug melts the frozen heart of Jack Frost.
