I’m Not Gonna Lie: 01.27.08: Why So Serious?

Posted by Nick Wallander on 01.27.2008

Unecessary Heath Ledger commentary continues…. and some other stuff about Toy-Story 3, Lost, Norbit, and The Gauntlet III.




So, Heath Ledger died last week. That sucks. It really freaking sucks. It is absolutely tragic actually. Perhaps to proportions that no two bit opinion columnist like me can convey via simple words. Like Brad Renfro last week, Ledger went out too early and too young. There is no knowing what the guy could have been capable of. If his current resume of work was any indication, we lost one of the more promising stars in Hollywood. Come Memorial Day we will get to see what will ultimately be Ledger's last hurrah; a performance that insiders are saying is simply brilliant. Some speculate that the guy will get to go out with a bang. Only time will tell on that one.

Honestly though, can any of us be entirely shocked and surprised that this could happen? Sure, we don't know the exact cause of death, but in the end it will most likely be related to past or present drug use that put some strain on Ledger's body. A lot of readers out there probably are all thinking that Ledger didn't seem like the kind of guy who would get himself into that kind of trouble. That might be a valid thought, but we should consider that very few people thought a guy like Owen Wilson would try to kill himself. The point is that no matter how much these Hollywood types are in the limelight, you still don't really know them any more than the Wal-Mart deli attendants know about you. They are performers and need to keep up a public façade, thus they are always acting.

The funny thing is that the underbelly of Hollywood stars really isn't a secret. They party hard and live life dangerously with sex, drugs, and god knows what else. Hell, I can tell you first hand that many insurance companies won't even provide individual medical plans to actors because of this. Just the same with rock-stars, athletes, and construction workers. The likelihood of bodily harm is just too high to risk. This isn't all based on speculation like some of you are all thinking. Insurance companies have all kinds of underwriting and actuary people who do the math and they have found a significant danger rate for actors. So, despite how nice of a guy we thought he was, even Heath Ledger was statistically likely to live a little dangerously like the stats dictate.

Inevitably, we the public like to ignore these obvious human flaws in our Hollywood heroes. We'd like to think that they are all as virtuous and righteous as the characters they play. Time and time again we will get reminded that these people are human just like us and are just as likely to be as messed up as some of us. In the end this whole social phenomena is simple. We all just want a hero.

In lighter news this week….

You've got a friend in 3-D….

Last week, Pixar creative chief John Lasseter made reference to the plans for the third installment of the "Toy Story" series. He said that the new movie is being created with state of the art 3-D technology that will make the film an entirely new and unique experience when it hits theaters in 2010. He also said that the people at Pixar are doing a 3-D tune-up to the first two "Toy Story" movies. This should mean big business for the people at Disney and Pixar since the first two films netted about $500 million in the US alone.

I'm not gonna lie, I loved the first two "Toy Story" movies. They were the epitome of what an animated movie should be. They were clean enough to show the kids, but not too silly to earn disdain from the adult crowd. Hell, both movies have their fair share of jokes that only adults are going to get. This is what separates these two movies from all other "children's" movies that Disney or any other company has produced. The "Toy Story" movies were taken very seriously by those involved and the end result was true art. It is a shame neither was nominated for Best Picture at the Oscars, even if they would have taken losses to "Braveheart" and "American Beauty".

Seriously though, this is fucking amazing news. The whole idea of 3-D movies is something that gets my man-jollies going. Add to that the fact that a lovable movie series is getting produced in that manner, and you've got me reeled in on the first night. Hook, line, and sinker.

Is that pathetic?

Hold on….. That movie seriously can't be nominated!!!!!!

The Academy Awards announced their nominees this past Tuesday. As many of you know, I listed some of my potential snubs last week. As it would appear, it looks like I was pretty much correct in what I picked. I could go on and on about these snubs, but that would be a waste of our time. The truth is that the nominees are a good bunch this year and it is hard to fit so many people into such small categories. However, that isn't going to stop me from a few comments.

First of all, KUDOS for the nominations surrounding the movie "Juno". It is the equivalent of this year's "Little Miss Sunshine", but with more mainstream attention. Little Ellen Page has come a long way from her Kitty Pryde days and is going to have her hands full with the Best Actress nominees. I don't see her knocking off heavyweights like Cate Blanchett and Laura Linney. It would be cool though.

I have two main gripes about the nominations. Yeah, I know you don't care, but you already started reading, so hang in there. I think you might agree. The first gripe is that the movie "Enchanted" had three frakkin' nominations for best song. How the hell is that possible? Was the movie's soundtrack that damn good? I just looked these songs up and listened to them. Not very impressed. I understand when a music-centric movie like "Dreamgirls" gets several best song nominations because the music IS the movie. However in the case of some silly Disney musical, I scratch my head. There is nothing brilliant or compelling about these songs. Songs about household chores are for first grade choir concerts, not the Oscars.

In the end it shouldn't matter because there is no way that the song "Falling Slowly" from the indie darling "Once" is going to lose. It was one of several songs (that should have been nominated) from the movie that made chills run down my spine. Anybody who saw the movie or has performed musically will know what I am talking about.

My second and main gripe is in regards to an Oscar travesty. As we all know, the Oscars bring together the pinnacle of filmmaking. These are films that generally stand the test of time as epic and culturally significant. Well, that usually is the case, but this year there may have been a slight anomaly.

Take a look at this small list of nominated films (all categories) and tell me what does not fit in:

"Atonement"
"Juno"
"Michael Clayton"
"American Gangster"
"Gone Baby Gone"
"Ratatouille"
"Norbit"
"3:10 to Yuma"
"The Kite Runner"
"Once"
"Sweeney Todd the Demon Barber of Fleet Street"
"The Bourne Ultimatum"

Alright now. Did you catch it? Can you pick out the black sheep. Duh! How could you miss it. Of course I am referring to "Norbit" which was nominated for Best Make-Up. Now I completely understand that these individual categories judge specific work isolated from the rest of the film, regardless of how good or bad that movie may be. That is a good thing and more often than not these nominations give people credit where it is due. However, with this particular nomination all I can say is "COME ON!".

Have you people seen that movie? Not only was it one of the worst movies I have ever seen, but it just straight up looked ridiculous. Eddie Murphy is marginally funny at best these days and when he plays multiple characters, he becomes even less funny, especially since it is obvious that he is, in fact, playing several people. "Norbit" was no exception to this trend for Eddie Murphy movies. Every character he plays looks like Eddie Murphy putting on some weak ass facial prosthetics. It doesn't even look realistic and looks more cartoonish that anything. Even fantasy characters like Davy Jones ("Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End") look real comparde to any of the bogus work done in "Norbit".

Many movies like to tout their Oscar nominations on DVD boxes and such and I can't help but want to puke in my mouth at the sheer thought of seeing a "Nominated for an Academy Award" sticker on the packaging of "Norbit". The only thing worse will be when "American Gladiators" gets a nomination for best editing.

Don't tell anyone, but this week I watched…

… "Real World/Road Rules Challenge: The Gauntlet III" on MTV.

I give you all full permission to judge me for this, however let me state my case for watching this show. I know it is another shameless reality competition that the networks throw on primetime because of cheap production costs, but it is such a show that doesn't hide what it is. "The Gauntlet III" knows that it is shameless television and that is what it excels at. It isn't falsely trying to be a legitimate athletic competition like some shows on NBC are doing. There is no secret that this show is a bunch of competitions set up to create controversy amongst a group of spoiled has-been reality stars of MTV's past. They know that these people are vindictive, shallow, petty, and emotionally unstable. This show does everything in its power to exploit that with all its glory.

Yes it has been done over and over again with all the different "Real World/Road Rules Challenge" incarnations that MTV spits out like chewing tobacco. However, that doesn't stop these people from finding new lows to entertain and shock the viewers. I am sucked into this trap like many Americans are, even though I know better. I shouldn't expect to see insightful television when you throw together a bunch of people who make their living by appearing at various bars across the county (Seriously, they get paid to do that. My guess is that very few of these people have legitimate jobs and get by making appearances for college students).

Getting my explanation out of the way, I should spill the beans about what I look forward to with this show. First of all, Brooke from "The Real World: Denver" is back and she is, as one other contestant on the show noted, bat shit crazy. This southern belle isn't built for physical competition, nor does she have the mental stability for the long haul. If that wasn't enough for her to intrigue me, we learn in the first episode that she has decided to give up on men. Yep, you heard me. Sexy Brooke thinks she might be a lesbian. I laughed it off thinking that she was just trying to get attention, when halfway through the premiere she is making out with some girl named Evelyn.



Hmmm. I still think Brooke is faking this as a publicity stunt. Perhaps I should stop putting thought into this show all together. Before I do that, I should bring our attention to the sweethearts of the "Gauntlet III", CT and Diem. Now these two have been an exclusive item for over a year now since they were part of the last big challenge show. Back then we found loose cannon CT honing in on Diem who was hairlessly recovering from cancer and lacking any semblance of self esteem (or taste in men). The girl was basically ready to spread her legs for the first guy who gave her just a lick of affection. However, it would appear that the gentler Diem would bring out the softer side of CT. That is of course until this season.

It took less that 40 minutes into this season and we had CT shitfaced and confrontational, just what MTV ordered. Basically, CT takes no time at all making enemies and an ass of himself. Because of this, his better half decides that she wants to calm him down. She tries to do so and is met with more hostility from CT than anyone else has seen at this point. He tells her off and she runs away. Then Diem gets all pouty and claims he isn't like this at home. She defends him and basically justifies his actions which is just what a woman in an abusive relationship would do. Do any of you familiar with this show think that CT slaps his girl around a lot? I do. There are definite anger problems here and they don't just stem from drinking. CT has been booted from previous shows for hitting people, so I can only imagine we'll see him smacking Diem on camera before season's end. I'd imagine it would go something like this:



Diem: CT, baby, you should settle down and come to bed.
CT: Leave me alone bitch.
*SMACK*
Diem: I'm so sorry, sweetie. It was all my fault and I should no better than to question you since you are so deeply sensitive.
CT: Fuck you, get me some more Tequilla.
Diem: I love you, CT.

Diem walks away and is stopped by Brooke

Brooke: You know what, ya'll. You shouldn't let him hit you like that, honey.
Diem: I know, but it's okay because he loves.
Brooke: Hmm. Yeah. You are probably right.
Diem: I know… So, do you want to take turns wearing all my cute wigs while making out in the hot tub?
Brooke: Oh, sugar. I thought you'd never ask!

Holy shit, there is no reason I should have ever written that much about an MTV show. I would apologize if it weren't such a scandalous guilty pleasure.

QUICK HITS

- If you walked into a room and found someone dead, I don't care who the hell it is, but you definitely could call a million other people before you should be calling an Olson twin.

- This Thursday marks the highly anticipated return of "Lost" which kicks off the first of eight episodes that were completed before the strike starts. The only men more excited about this than me are Ben Piper and Stephen King, who just might be the two biggest fans out there. All rumors and stories surrounding this upcoming season indicate that we pick up right where we left off and keep going at the same intensity that we were at by the end of season three. If that didn't excite me enough the way it is, I then stumbled upon these:



Yeah, I couldn't keep my pants on either.

- Fox's "The Moment of Truth" was seen by 23.2 million people who all happened to be interested in seeing stupid people's lives ruined. I didn't watch it, but the previews suggest that these people all told the producers way too much information when they were in the casting process. Did I miss anything good?

- Damn you Green Bay Packers! Damn you to hell!!

Watch sometime in the next two days for my DVD review of the spoof comedy "The Comebacks"

Until next week, leave your thoughts, feelings, comments, ideas, concerns, and hate mail in the comment box below or send me an email!