Ghost Hunters International Recap Episode 1.05: Fortress of Fear

Posted by Ron Martin on 02.07.2008

This week Team Europe hits Transylvania or Romania for those more modern. There's a little tension in the air as Barry keeps talking about people in different languages to their face. Also I work in Wham, Bam, Thank You M'am many times. Oh, and there's a baby.

If somehow you've managed to stumble onto the site drunk as all hell and could only manage to click on this link, this is the episode recap for …



If you're not drunk then have a drink and get back to me. Not only will it make your sense of humor a little more bearable, but it may just offer you the opportunity to understand my nonsensical ranting.

Deleted Scenes from Last Week

There was actually some good stuff deleted last week. For one, Robb decided he didn't like the fact they were going to investigate "Screaming Woods." Instead, he would rather investigate "Cute, Cuddly Puppies" woods. Shannon would still be scared.

Secondly and most importantly is the tour for Screaming Woods. There are tales of young ladies getting lost for months at a time in the woods. Since Brian and Barry actually did get lost…why wouldn't they use this footage? They could make us think they were lost forever. They could even have played the spooky music.

As always, you can see deleted scenes each week from the Scifi website

Ghostly Gossip

It appears that Ghost Hunters International has been picked up for six more episodes. This really isn't a surprise as the show has consistently been one of, if not the highest ranked show on Sci-fi every week it has been on. If Sci-fi uses the Ghost Hunters methodology, it will take about two years to fill out a whole season of GHI. Maybe they'll get some merchandise to wear for every investigation like the mandatory TAPS gear for GH. I know they have the hoodies and shirts that say GHI, but now that they are more than an experiment, Sci-fi needs to come up with a logo or something.

My second piece of info involves Shannon once again this week. Each week I find something to contradict what I said about her last week. Apparently, she has been a ghost hunter for several years in Massachusetts prior to the show. She worked mainly with New England Paranormal, which I have heard good things about. She got on the show by simply filling out a questionnaire on myspace. Are you kidding me? All expense paid trip around Europe for that? Damn, I need to pay more attention. She also worked with TAPS before appearing on the episode where Grant got scratched on the back. Hmmm…I remember the episode vaguely. I'll have to research that further.

Deep and detailed research has led me to these new descriptions of each cast member:

Robb Demarest – looks like a psychopath maniac whos (their spelling, not mine) about to hack up his teammates at any second

Barry Fitzgerald – feels every single "spirit" they encounter has the power to disembowel them and shows this by hightailing it from every dark room

Brian Harnois – He's Brian. What else can you say?

These descriptions of the cast members came directly from the Wikipedia GHI page so they must be relevant. I know this because Wikipedia took down the 411mania.com entry deeming it and those who contributed to it as "irrelevant." So these descriptions must be true because they only let relevant people add things to the pages.

Come to think of it, I haven't seen any of the other members of GHI since the show wrapped up filming. Uhm…Robb, just remember if you hack me up, there will be no one to tell future generations of your brave explorations.


TONIGHT ON GHOST HUNTERS INTERNATIONAL…

The GHI team goes to Transylvania so that Barry can practice his Transylvanian accent. Snow! Will the team make a Snow Dracula as Brian screws around by lowering himself into a hole? We'll find out!

The show is Andyless. His wife is in labor and only Robb was privy to this information. I wonder if they have to bunk like they investigate. Robb and Andy in a room and then halfway through the night, they switch up and it's Robb and Brian in the room. Andy is bummed because he can't investigate because well, come on…would you rather look at a wrinkled baby throwing up all over itself or go looking for Dracula? I'll bet you five bucks this episode ends with a picture or video of Andy's new baby.

Barry spills the beans that Dracula was a real person. I immediately wonder why he isn't a historian on all those Discovery Channel/History Channel Dracula shows.

Case #1: Citadel Rasnov, Romania

The Investigation
Brian gets all 1997 by using the phrase "coolio" and I don't mean the rapper that was popular, ironically enough, around 1997. There's a huge RASNOV sign on a hill much in the same style as our HOLLYWOOD sign. Can we say "photo opportunity?"



Told ya.

The fortress is so well defended that not even the GHI vans can penetrate its awesome defenses. The snowstorm might have something to do with it. So what do you do? Robb makes them carry the equipment up the hill through the snow into the fortress. I'm betting there was some curse words uttered that we're not hearing. The castle does look really cool in the snow.

The son of Dracula himself greets the team as they hit the fortress. His name is appropriately Chip. He congratulates the team on getting up the hill as if it were their first challenge. Thanks for the help, Chip buddy. Robb makes the observation that there have been reports of paranormal activity there. It would have made my week if Chip had said "Sorry Robb, but your paranormal activity is in another castle."

Chip doesn't believe in ghosts, but thought to call Sci-fi to book GHI anyways. A ghost of a monk prays in front of a huge crucifix. Hmm…the team is in snow, yet you can't see their breath. Is this really on a soundstage in Hollywood? There's a well that was dug by prisoners who were promised freedom if they found water. When they found water…they were killed. What else did they expect? Robb asks if they can go down into the well, to which Brian immediately volunteers with hoodie up. As the conversation between Brian and Robb switches to the wide camera, seemingly without pause, Brian's hoodie is down. Damn editors. Brian gets the quote of the night.

"Naw, ain't nuttin'!"

Robb pops in with our paranormal hint of the week. Animals are more sensitive to paranormal activity than humans. Robb is excited because they have a full range of things to explore from shadows to apparitions to scaredy-dogs.

LIGHTS OUT!

With Andy out, Robb needs both Barry and Brian to come with him to the front gate before the snow covers it completely. Reality is no one wants to be paired up with either of the girls. Brian says he doesn't blame anyone for seeing shadowy figures. Ironic, considering he sees shadows every three seconds.

What does EMF stand for Robb? Please, let me know. Oh, that's what it means.

Barry is talking in tongues again. He says it's German, but it could be anything. We dumb Americans have no idea.

Donna and Shannon are investigating the crucifix. Shannon has to sit. The batteries in Donna's camera drain which prompt Robb to pop up and tell us about the draining battery theory.

The guys go to the museum to hunt shadows. Something tells me Brian will find one. Barry immediately proves me wrong by being the first to see a shadow. He's out to get me. Barry does EVP in some language that's not English. Or Irish. Without Andy, Robb takes over the debunking duties by seeing a window that would reflect light off of various objects in the room causing people to see shadows. Barry says this would be especially prominent when cars are passing by. How many cars are going to pass by when you couldn't even get your truck up the hill? Just throwing that out there.

The girls try to coax a dog into the museum since he hates going in there (hence Robb's hint earlier in the show). They can't get the dog into the museum using baby talk. I bet he'd go in there for a milkbone. Maybe Barry needs to speak German for it to understand what the hell is going on.

Now is the moment of truth. Brian is repelling down the well as Robb says "better you than me, buddy." There are bones at the bottom of the well, presumably of the prisoners. Brian tries some EVP work at the bottom of the well. He feels a breeze way down there, but it's Brian so take it for what it's worth.

Now the girls are investigating the museum's shadows. Donna throws Shannon under the bus by criticizing her basic questions that every ghost hunter asks. Donna thwarts this standard by asking the ghost if it crochets or knits. That's not a joke, folks – that's what she asked. Shannon is pissed because the ghost won't do anything. When did she get all those gravitas? Mysterious bump cues up

DRAMATIC CUT TO:
Commercials. Why did Sci-fi buy the rights to Chuck? What it sci-fi or horror about that?

They replay several things from before the break because heaven forbid they use the valuable time for new footage. Shannon made the noise and Donna takes her to task for it. Donna says Shannon needs to learn from those around her and respect the cases more. Donna, do you know she got one the show by filling out a questionnaire on myspace? Just wondering. Shannon gets all Rambo-like by saying "I gots no time for this crap, let's move on." This is very different from the way Shannon has been portrayed in the previous episodes. Donna confronts Shannon basically telling her that she is screwing up Donna's ghost hunting and Donna no likey. Random dudes walk in through the frame without explanation. I wonder if these are the terrible editors.

Shannon fights back by actually saying she is the "Wham, Bam, Thank You M'am, Give me some evidence" type of ghost hunter. Damnit, how come I never meet girls who will admit that? Robb senses that the girls are not getting along so good, so he switches the teams up. I wonder if it was the yelling or the steam coming out of Shannon's ears that tipped him off.

Barry got the short straw and gets Shannon. Barry says he doesn't know what to expect. He says he means in the citadel, but I know he means from Shannon. She wants to use a flashlight, but Barry puts that idea down. He makes her sit in the church while he talks in tongues again. Secretly, he is preaching at her but she's American so she doesn't understand. He gives her a flashlight, but tells her not to use it unless absolutely necessary. Vegas has 3 minutes as the over/under on when the flashlight comes on. The old Shannon makes a comeback by looking as if she just dropped a load in her jumper, especially when Barry starts talking about Lucifer and leaves the room. Just as Barry leaves the room, there's a growl that he hears. He's looking through the cracks in a wooden door into a locked room. Suddenly, he just falls back as if something took a swipe at him, yells "Go!" and starts crawling up the stairs. So of courts we …

CUT TO:
Commercials. Promo spot for the movie "Bone Eater." I am so watching this! Wait, it's not a porno? Nevermind.

Barry is always so demonic. Barry says he saw two legs walk past the crack in the door. Shannon is all militant. I think she wants to kick somebody's ass. I think I have an idea.

Robb decides to go back to check out what Barry saw. He uses a camera. Donna actually admits she gets scared easily but when something attacks one of her fellow investigators, she gets protective and pissed. Unless it's Shannon. It can eat Shannon for all she cares. Donna proves she's pissed by calling the ghost disgusting and unnatural. Oddly enough, she didn't ask if it crochets.

Barry declares this situation as "something paranormal." Robb backs up what Donna says by being protective of Barry. Just send Shanbo to wham, bam, thank you m'am! The trio tries to find a way to break into the tower from the outside. Uhm….it's a fortress. Something tells me you're not going to get in. I notice Shannon is not with the team at this point. Robb backs up what I say by declaring the fortress impenetrable. They say there is no obvious way into the room. I guess asking Chip for the keys to the lock is out of the question?

Robb is very proud of his team. Brian did not hesitate to go into the well. Donna wasted no time in protecting Barry. Barry went back into the chapel to face his fear. Shannon….wait, he doesn't mention Shannon.

Back at the Hotel…or, O'tel for our international readers
Robb sits Shannon down to ask her about what happened back at the fortress. She says Donna is messing up her investigation because Donna is not all wham, bam, thank you m'am! She doesn't want to have to worry about what question she is going to ask next. Robb says she didn't walk in off the street…but, didn't she? Myspace, compadres…myspace. They had their talk, but it will be interesting to see if she is paired with Donna again.

The Analysis
Mucho shots of people listening and looking. Barry finds something speaking in another language to him when he was asking questions in German. Brian debunks Barry by declaring it to be him speaking. The language? 1997.

Barry finds something with the three guys in the museum. Brian hears it as well. We get commercials because we suck.

Ghost Hunters SNEEK PEEK!
A house. A Jason. A loud ringing pitch. A moving outside. A Grant. A flashlight. A whisper. Notice in all these "sneak peaks" there have been no signs of Tango, Steve or Kris. Jason still has the goatee, so he is obviously still evil.

The Findings
There are great personal experiences, but I'm guessing just the one piece of evidence. I bet Brian is upset that Barry didn't yell "Dude, run!" when he took off.

They're EVP come after Barry speaks a sentence in German, Romanian and English. I think Barry is a robot sent here to destroy all humanity. There are noises after the sentence that are pretty indiscernible. Barry says it's Romanian for "Excuse me, say that again." What a polite ghost.

Another EVP? Okay. This one is taken in the chapel when Donna asks "Who are you?" Barry says it's Romanian for "Be new." He says the ghost thought Donna was asking "How are you?" instead of "who are you?" Stupid ghost. There's no other evidence. Not even Brian saw a shadow.

Robb says that Brian has another surprise for everyone. I pause it before seeing the surprise to gloat. I know this has to be Andy's baby. Yep! You guys all owe me five bucks. It's a girl!

The Reveal
Donna steps in as co-leader with Andy floating in diapers. Donna tells Chip about personal experiences, though they have no physical evidence. They play the EVP from the museum. Chip understands what the ghost is saying. He backs up what Barry said it means. They tell of Barry's personal experience and Donna's EVP. He backs up what Barry says on that one as well proving that Barry is a robot or the smartest man alive.
Donna's research tells Chip that the story behind the well was completely false. Chip says he doesn't think this place haunted. Robb disagrees.

Status: An incredible amount of paranormal activity.

But seriously, does the ghost crochet or what?

Barry is sporting the Unabomber look again which makes me a little worried. Robb explains that there was paranormal activity but maybe not enough to consider it haunted. Hmmm….how much do you need?

Overall: I think this episode is hurt by the fact that this is one of the weakest cases evidence wise, though it didn't lack for excitement. As much as I hate to say it, the fireworks between Donna and Shannon is something the show needed. We need to get to know these guys better, not just that they all like to ghost hunt. Now we know of Donna's interest in crochet and Shannon's ability to wham, bam, thank you m'am at will. Barry is the human C3-PO. I tend to take Donna's approach to ghost hunting a little better, but I'm biased because both she and I got interested in ghost hunting in Salem, Mass. Andy leaves for one week and all hell breaks loose. Who knew?

Next week, Barry speaks Gaelic and Elvin.