I'm Not Gonna Lie:02.17.08

Posted by Nick Wallander on 02.17.2008

It was a kind of boring week, but that won't stop us from some old fashioned mockery

Did you catch it? Yeah, you know what I am talking about. There was a brand spanking new trailer that hit the web on Valentine's day. Indiana Jones is set to embark on an all new adventure come May 22. What can I really say about that? It has been way too long since that fedora and whip has graced a movie screen. As soon as I heard John William's iconic "Raider's March" I was immediately drawn in by nostalgia. I don't care what anyone says about this film in advance because there is not a thing in the world stopping me from being there on opening night.

However, despite how amazingly awesome that trailer was, the big news of the week was all the buzz surrounding the end of the writers' strike. It doesn't need to be stated how great it is that the writers will be back to work. Each and every one of you reading this are feeling a sense of relief because, like me, you appreciate a good story attached to your movies and television. Hell, I appreciate the people who write the shows that I watch every week. They continuously find ways to make me laugh and blow my mind. And yes, they deserved everything that they asked for. To put it bluntly, the world of entertainment would be jack shit without them. Brad Pitt and George Clooney aren't entertaining us by making shit up on the spot. LOST doesn't just magically come up with all those plot twists (even if it might seem like that). Basically, movies/television without writers is like having a punch of art supplies with no painter. All the tools are there, but somebody needs to come up with what they're going to show us.

And what is the absolute best thing to come from the strike ending? Well, now there is one less reason for people to watch "American Gladiators".

What did I dig up this week?


At least she knows a little bit about biology….

A little web site called Music Juice recently dished out some good dirt about America's favorite little sister, Jamie Lynn Spears. Now, I can't say that their story was full of ground breaking journalism, but it was amusing none the less. The best part about this story was that Jamie Lynn's friends from Kentwood, Louisiana took no time at all to spout off the good about their "celebrity" buddy.

So, what was the dirt? Well, it wasn't much that one could consider surprising since she is Britney's little sister. However, it is enough for us to justify why we think she is pathetic. There were three of these juicy bits of gossip:

1. Casey Aldridge was not the first person Jamie Lynn had sex with. There were supposedly at least two more…and he wasn‘t the last. No shit. She is a Spears after all.

2. Jamie Lynn drinks to get wrecked. Once again, she is a Spears, right? But, damn! This girl really does want to emulate big sister Then again, this is something that isn't out of the realm of normalcy in this country. Like so many other things that I have commented on, this is something that people do all the time, but isn't a shocking story until some two bit celebrity gets their name in the paper.

3. Days before announcing her pregnancy, Jamie Lynn tried to get sex from a boy at a party. Her sales pitch? "It's cool, I'm pregnant. I can't get pregnant again!" Chances are that someone fell for that line if she was with a bunch of teenagers. There are very few teenage boys that aren't horny to some extent. I can't help but feel a little sorry for that baby. He or she is going to lose an eye before it even leaves the womb. There is no word yet if has been secretly married and divorced yet.


At least she didn't say the J word….

Okay, so this isn't news anymore to anyone who reads anything on the internet. But, for the sake of drama, let me chime in like the conservative people who reacted without putting the story into context:

"OH MY GOSH! Jane Fonda said CUNT on the Today Show. Someone should do something about this indecent act right away! Let's send this sinner to Guantanamo!"

Alright, now all of us who are rationale and educated can take some time to stand back and assess what really happened this past Thursday when Jane Fonda made that appearance. If you watch all the video that has been posted infinitely on the internet, you can see that they were discussing the very popular feminist stage play known as the Vagina Monologues. This is not just a raunchy little play, but rather a critically acclaimed cultural examination of what it is like to be a woman. It is blunt, honest, and explicit as hell. Honestly, if you ever get the chance, you should see it. You might learn a little something and/or find a newfound perspective on women (regardless of your sex).

Jane Fonda was asked about her involvement with a production of the play and she answered honestly about her role. She appeared in an act called "Cunt". Yep, she did say it. It was not derogatory nor was it malicious. It was a matter of fact statement about a cultural portion of performing arts, not the lewd act that some people want to make it seem. There are worse things out there for someone to hear, but that probably won't stop the FCC from sticking their nose in this.

What are your thoughts on the C-bomb that rocked America?

This week's LOST logic…

SPOILERS!!

Remember when dumb Carl let evil snake Ben get a hold of his gun? That was kind of stupid of him, wasn't it? It was especially the case since minutes early found Sawyer exclaim that Ben could not be trusted and that he probably has already planned his next move. Hell, Sawyer even warned Carl personally, but that didn't seem to get through. Still, I would think that Ben's treachery could have been avoided all together had they done a decent job restraining the man's hands or even keeping a close watch on him. This man is supposed to be the least trusted man on the island and for some reason Locke has his group being all careless about him. It drives me crazy!

Also, why didn't Desmond catch the ominous glance between Daniel and Frank when he mentioned Penny? Yeah, I know we are the third party viewers who see everything the characters don't, but for Christ's sake, they were right in front of Desmond. You people on that island need to stop settling for half-answers, non-answers, and blatant lies. Everyone seems to shrug their shoulders and move on with their day. With everything that has gone on, you'd think they would be sick of secrets, lies, and surprises. But damn I am a hypocrite because I thrive off of the drama that is created by these situations. How logical is that?

Don‘t tell anyone, but this week I watched…

…"Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins". Yeah, I know this doesn't seem like the kind of movie that a corn-fed white boy from Wisconsin would watch. Meh. Since when have I stuck to the norm? I had an itch to see "Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins" as soon as I saw the trailer for the first time. What sold me were the bits of the trailer with Mo'Nique screaming at various people for god knows what. I have a soft spot for that woman because she is straight up hilarious when she goes off on a rant. That alone was going to be worth the price of admission.

The rest of the movie wasn't so bad either. Actually, it was quite a good movie with a healthy dose of heart to it. On paper it looked like just another formulaic comedy with stereotypical racial jokes thrown around like candy at a parade. Nuh uh! Not this movie. It was very refreshing to see a movie about a minority group that didn't need to resort to these cliché stereotypes. This movie was about people being people, not caricatures of culture.

You'll plan on buying the DVD when you hear Mo'Nique talk about her "treats". She is honestly one of the funniest people in entertainment. Martin Lawrence was also quite funny as well and even manages to contain himself from becoming too animated for his own good. The other great comedic performance came from Mike Epps, who managed to remind me that we all have some kind of crazy relative in our family.

I'm not gonna lie, folks, this movie may surprise you.


QUICK HITS

- I re-watched a couple episodes of "House" on DVR this week and came to a foregone conclusion: Gregory House is by far my favorite character on television right now. That is quite a feat since he was in contention with the infamous Ben Linus of "Lost", murderous T-Bag of "Prison Break", and Dwight Schrute of "The Office". I might even go as far to say that House is one of the greatest characters ever on television. Each week the character manages to surprise me with a new way to cross the line while being brilliant, sarcastic, and subtlety endearing all at the same time. By all accounts, House would be a man you would absolutely hate if he were a real person. However, when you don't have to deal with the man personally, you can't help but be amused by him.

- Earlier this week I was at work when I received an email with a one of those brain teasers that was intended to get you to think out of the box. It was an easy one to say the least. Moments later though, it got me and one of my coworkers thinking about great movie riddles, mainly those from "Die Hard with a Vengeance". There is one specific one in the movie that had us spending considerable time trying to remember the answer. In the movie, John McClane and his pal Zeus have two water cooler bottles. One is a 5 gallon size, while the other holds three gallons. They have to somehow use the two bottles to come up with exactly 4 gallons of water or a bomb will go off. It is a simple little trick to get exactly four gallons. Do you remember how to do it?


- The CW cancelled the show "Girlfriends" this week. Apparently this show had been on for the better part of a decade. Longevity on that network is apparently not rewarded since they also cancelled WWE Smackdown last week as well. But damn, I had no idea "Girlfriends" had been on television for that long. It kind of reminds me of "JAG" which was on forever and I never bothered to watch it.

- Toshiba is dropping the entire HD DVD format. Looks like the whole format is about to become the BETAMAX of the new millennium. That is fine and dandy for Blu-Ray, but I won't care either way until those movies are under $20 on new release. I should probably own a hi-definition DVD player before I buy either format anyways.

- If you ever want to feel better about your shitty little life, I suggest that you watch an interesting little reality show on A&E called "Intervention". It is a weekly documentary series that follows around various people who are embroiled in some sort of addictive behavior. Fictional stories do no justice compared to how these people really behave. The lengths people will go through just to get a fix ill astound you. Your problems will look as normal as can be when you see a woman addicted to pain killers stumble around her house, fall down, and then exclaim "uh oh". I suppose you have to see it to appreciate it.

- The Knight Rider movie premieres on Monday night. All my interest in this project died when I learned that Will Arnett was no longer the new voice of KITT. Val Kilmer just doesn't do it for me. How about you?

- The Oscars are awarded next Sunday, but I am not feeling all that compelled, especially since the only best picture nominee I have seen is "Juno". The best part of that awards show will most likely be Jon Stewart's monologue.