I'm Not Gonna Lie 02.23.08

Posted by Nick Wallander on 02.23.2008

What? Positive comments about Lindsay Lohan? Plus: Molly Ringwald, Lost Logic, and 3 reasons to watch the Oscars!

Hello, 411 readers. I hope you enjoyed the week leading up to the biggest day in Hollywood. Of course I am referring to the Academy Awards which will be airing on ABC Sunday night. You've seen the columns devoted to the Oscars this week, so I am going to take it light on the subject. There isn't much left to be covered anyways, so I am going to just give you a take on three big reasons to watch.

1. Jon Stewart- Two years ago Stewart hosted the Oscars and got a some positive buzz for doing so. His writing staff infused some political humor in the best picture video packages which may have been the highlight of the night. However, everyone will immortally remember when Stewart made note that the Three Six Mafia had one Oscar win more than Martin Scorsese. Expect to see plenty more of this quick witted improvisation since Stewart has proven that he can think on his feet. The past couple months of The Daily Show with no writers may have been some of the best work Stewart has done. Also, the man's entire writing staff was shipped out to help him this week. They have been storing ideas for weeks now and this is their chance to unleash. Watch out!

2. The Best Actress race- This is the one category that could go in two dramatically different directions. On one hand you have veteran wisdom of Julie Christie for "Away From Her" and on the other hand you have the youthful exuberance of Ellen Page for "Juno". Many of the experts seem to agree that one of these two women will take that gold statue home with them. If I were to pick one of them I would go with Page because she seemed quite real in the role. Should Page pull off the win, it will be a pretty big deal and I am curious to see the acceptance speech of someone so damn young.

3. The performance of "Falling Slowly" (Once) for Best Music Written for Motion Pictures- If you haven't seen "Once" yet, you are probably missing out on the most underrated movie of 2007. The story is good, but the music is what makes it a masterpiece. The songs in this film are the kind that can send a chill down your spine and make you remember how powerful music can be. Glen Hansard and Margeta Irglova, who wrote and performed the song, are sure to bring down the roof of the Kodak Theatre. DVR the show just so that you can catch this performance.

The funny thing about this year's Academy Awards is that the consensus of people I have spoken with haven't even seen any of this year's BEST PICTURE nominees. If people have seen one, it is usually "Juno", which arguably had the best commercial success of the bunch. It is rather odd that the Best Picture winner may be a movie that most Americans haven't even seen. That gets me wondering as to just what makes a film best picture. Is it the collaboration of work from writers, actors, directors, editors, and so on? Or is it merely that a film has to tug some emotional strings of the voters? If it were me voting, I would have to make it a collaboration of factors. For starters the film would have to be original and something that immediately catches my attention. Secondly, the cast has to be in sync with no weak links and their performance has to convince me that whatever is on screen is real. Thirdly, the film needs to appeal to a large audience. So often the films considered the best are ones which are often self absorbed movies that require too much thought by the audience. Now I am not saying the movies should be dumbed down, but I am saying that the movie should be such a masterpiece that anyone can walk away from it getting the message at hand.

I'll admit it. The only best picture nominee that I saw was "Juno". Oddly enough it fits the qualifications that I would have for a best picture. I'd vote for it if I were on the committee, however I might need to see the other films first. So yeah, I want "Juno " to win best picture, but I am totally fine with "No Country for Old Men" winning because the Coens deserve a win at some point.

With all that Oscar buzz out of the way, let's jump right into my favorite entertainment stories from this past week.

Wait? These weren't pulled from Hustler?"

Early last week New York Magazine released a photo shoot to commemorate a famous shoot involving Marilyn Monroe that happened 46 years ago. This famous shoot was done at the Hotel Bel-Air while Monroe was supposedly drunk (which makes this new shoot all the more ironic). These photos became some of the most iconic images associated with the blonde bombshell. Six weeks after the shoot, now known as "The Last Sitting", Monroe was found dead of what many call an overdose. Now, half a century later, the same photographer, Bert Stern, found a new subject to emulate his original masterpiece. Her name is Lindsay Lohan.

See the photos here.

Reading about this shoot has to bring most people to the foregone thought that Lindsay Lohan is an eerily appropriate choice to do the aforementioned photo shoot. It wouldn't be all that shocking to see Lohan someday succumb to the same fate Marilyn did all those years ago. Hell, I'd go as far to say that people straight up expect an early demise for Lohan. The girl lives a questionable social life all the while over shadowing her professional accomplishments, very much like Monroe.

The strange thing is, despite the similarities, most people are going to say that Monroe was leaps and bounds classier than Lohan. They'd probably go as far as to defend the original tabloid queen's questionable actions. Lindsay is not going to get that luxury because her exploits are far more publicized, which is a big difference for celebrities of this era. Celebrities have been up to some of the shame shenanigans today that they were doing years ago, but back then they didn't have the internet to spread the gossip. That is exactly why this new shoot, also titled "The Final Sitting", is probably not going to get looked upon highly by the public at large. Lindsay isn't seen as the epitome of class, so wait for the criticism from the naysayers.

Let me be one of the first to say that these photos are nothing to be scoffed at.

I'm not gonna lie, folks. Lindsay Lohan's first nude photographs are legitimately classy and quite beautiful. Yeah, it is an added bonus that you get to see her morsels for the first time, but that shouldn't detract from the artistic value of these photos. Lindsay looks damn good in them. Hell, she even looks kind of healthy. The pictures are shot quite well and the effects are just plain coot at time. However, the uncanny thing about these photos is just how similar they are to the originals. Lindsay legitimately could pass as Marilyn in a couple of them. She comes off as classy and sensuous in ways you would not expect from the troubled Hollywood starlet. Sure I have done my share of mocking Lohan, but this might be one of the few things she has done right in a long while. Should she avoid jinxing herself, she just might be able to use those to get her career back on track.

"Happy Birthday – oh damn! You are 40?"

Earlier this week 80s teen star Molly Ringwald turned 40 years old. That is astounding considering it seems like just yesterday that she was part of the brat pack with films like "The Breakfast Club", "Sixteen Candles," and "Pretty in Pink". Now take a step back. Those movies were 20 freaking years ago. To me, that blows my mind because, at age 26, I can recall being a kid, hearing about and watching those movies for the first time. It seemed like just yesterday.

I am not entirely sure why the entertainment media is reporting Ringwald's birthday as some sort of news. There really was no point to it unless they want me to feel a little more aged than normal. Molly was probably even wondering why anybody cared since she hasn't done any legitimate work in years. That is quite unfortunate too because she never was bad at what she did. Sure, she was type cast as the awkward teenage girl that went unnoticed by the boys, but that shouldn't have deterred her from finding something else to do with her career. Anthony Michael Hall managed to dig himself out of his 80s obscurity, as did Jon Cryer and Patrick Dempsey. It would seem that all a star needs to do is try a little (I'm looking at you Corey Haim). Molly, baby, you need to latch on to a television show that can get you back on your feet.

If this doesn't make me feel old, the Olson twins turning 30 surely will because I remember watching those two boney bitches when they were just toddlers on "Full House". Trust me, folks, you don't know how old you are becoming until you can relate your age to what movies are currently running a regular rotation on American Movie Classics and what shows are being introduced to Nick at Nite. Turn AMC on right now and I bet you will see "The Breakfast Club". Now think about a time you can remember when the movie was fairly new. Now take into consideration that all the stars are basically in their early forties now. Sucks, doesn't it? Good. I didn't want to be the only one feeling like osteoporosis is creeping up on him.

I've heard of method acting, but this is a little different…

Remember a couple weeks back when I contemplated what the Hollywood writers did to avoid going homeless during the strike? Okay, so I didn't think you remembered that, but you can definitely humor me by acting like you recalled every damn second of it. Honestly, it was a damn good question. It sure as fuck isn't cheap to live out in Southern California, so one would imagine they would need to find something to bring in the dough. Well, as it so happens, at least one writer out there took on a side job at a fast foot restaurant.

Greg Garcia, creator/producer/writer, spent the month of January working at an undisclosed fast food restaurant. You might recognize Garcia's name as he created the NBC comedy "My Name is Earl". Many of you may recall that the main character, Earl, actually spent some time working at a local fast food establishment last season. This is not a coincidence, folks. Garcia took his fast food job as a way of doing research for his future writing and as a way to get in touch with the regular people who watch his show.

Well, that sure as hell is an interesting tactic. Maybe he didn't need the money so much as he wanted the blue collar experience as creative fuel. One has to wonder if there was any more of this kind of thing going on with the writers while they weren't picketing. I'm not just referring to writers taking minimum wage jobs, but more about the fact that writers had time to get out there and just observe the world for what it is. The ultimate optimist might say that a writer's renaissance is upon us because the writers may have a better understanding of their bulk audience.

Regardless of what Garcia's motives are, the man deserves credit. I spent some time after college working at an undisclosed, but popular, taco place and can say that it is no easy task. Fast food can be some real bitch work that doesn't get the credit it deserves. Those jobs are not ones that you take unless there is a legitimate need for doing so. I don't know about you guys, but I am curious to see how this experience could affect the direction of "My Name is Earl".

How many of you have worked a shitty ass fast food job? There are probably some great stories out there about those experiences. Feel free to share those stories in the comments below or shoot me an email. Perhaps your story will get a mention in next week's column.

Don't tell anyone, but this week I watched…

….."The Simple Life: Goes to Camp". Yeah, you read that correctly. I got through most of the episodes of that particular two sided DVD. I want to go into detail about it, but you are going to have to wait for the review to go up in the next few days.

However, I can share for you one immediate thought. How in the hell is Nicole Richie going to raise a child when she doesn't seem to be responsible for her own behavior. Don't get me wrong folks, I still have an irrational crush on Ms. Skelator, but I can't help but think she is going to have future run-ins with Child Services. Those of you who have ever seen "The Simple Life" know exactly what I am referring to. It would appear that no matter what responsibility you give those girls, they manage to find the worst possible way to fuck it all up. Something tells me that we are eventually going to hear stories about a baby's head rolling down the highway.

This week's LOST logic

Beware of spoilers, kids…

John Locke is a fucking idiot. He has Ben locked up in the basement and Miles cooped up in the basement, but has no idea what in the hell to do with either of them. Rather than force answers out of the shifty Ben, he makes the son of a bitch some breakfast. Locke seems to want to save his group from the freighter folk, but he is doing so without knowing what the threat is. Instead he is standing around with his thumb up his ass and killing chickens rather than getting some god damned answers. Is that annoying the hell out of some of you? Perhaps Jack was no better, but at least he managed to get some people off the island in that helicopter.

The worst thing about Locke is that he gets upset at Kate for accomplishing more than he was able to do in the several days he has had Ben and Miles. Kate was able to eavesdrop in on the conversation between Ben and Miles, which was an interesting conversation. Locke did realize Kate accomplished something, but then got all authoritarian when he got what he needed from her. Why not keep Ben and Miles in the same damn room while listening in on their conversation? It worked for the Others when they had Kate and Sawyer caged up.

The dumbest thing Locke did was shove a grenade in Miles' mouth to keep him from talking. Sure, that might be great to keep the guy from screaming, but anybody who finds him can simply grab the grenade and chuck it into the water. It was kind of a moot point, Locke. Quit being an ego tripping jackass and think with your head. I would think that you'd want Miles to do some talking because he clearly has some insight on Ben that could be useful. But hey, it might just be better to get upset because you are a shitty leader that nobody wants to talk to.

QUICK HITS

- NBC plans to go to a non-traditional year long schedule of programming. Gee, what took the networks so long to figure out that people do watch television year round? I am all for this idea because that means less reality television in the summer months. Cable networks have been working with this kind of schedule for years now, so this should be good for us since the networks have the money to put out higher quality programming.

- Dog the Bounty Hunter is set to return soon to A&E. Apparently the network is willing to forgive the man for being a racist since he brought in more ratings than the other stuff they were showing. One has to wonder if Dog's traitorous son is still going to be on the show chasing the bad guys with him.



- Many of my geeky friends seem to be excited that Ryan Reynolds is joining the cast of the "Wolverine" movie as the character Deadpool. Am I supposed to know who the fuck Deadpool is? It sounds like the name of some hard rock band that wants to slit their wrists.


- Before I leave you all, I want you to see this creative little trailer for "Be Kind: Rewind". Watch the original trailer if you haven't, so that you can enjoy the cleverness of this one: