411 Fact or Fiction Movies 03.07.08: Week 116

Posted by Ben Piper on 03.07.2008

Is a Family Guy spin-off a bad idea? Will The Bank Job be Jason Statham's best movie yet? Is James Spader overrated? 411's Scotty Flamingo and Ron Martin debate these and other topics in week 116 of Fact or Fiction: Moves!



Hello once again, my friends. Yes, it's that time of the week, time for some Fact or Fiction! This go ‘round we've got Ron Martin and Scotty Flamingo. Let's get to it, shall we?

1. While it will undoubtedly prove to be a visual feast, you do not think that 10,000 B.C. will be any good beyond that, based on the fact that it's directed by Roland Emmerich.

Scotty Flamingo: Fact. Emmerich is one of the worst directors in Hollywood. He makes Michael Bay look restrained. His films are everything wrong with Hollywood today. 10,000 B.C. looks ridiculous with its supermodel cavemen/women and cartoony looking CG'd mammoths and saber toothed tigers.

Ron Martin: Fiction. I'm going to give you an example as to why, but first I need all the people who have ever dreamt of or actually looked up elf porn to leave the room. Here's why 10,000 BC will end up being fine. The topic is as such that he can't screw it up. You need an example (last chance elf lovers)? Peter Jackson. The man who brought us Meet the Feebles was given an entire continent, a beloved series of books and a few hundred million dollars. Not even he could screw it up. Not even I could have screwed that up. Emmerich can't screw this up. With that being said, the movie won't be as good as it should be. He'll take a what should be a great classic film and turn it into an okay film. But he won't screw it up. It's impossible. Then again, that's what we thought about the second Star Wars trilogy, wasn't it?

Score: 0 for 1

2. The idea of doing a Family Guy spin-off based around the Cleveland character is a bad one.

Scotty Flamingo: Fact. First of all, I haven't been able to fully enjoy Family Guy since South Park crucified it. Add to that that Cleveland is probably the least funny character on the show. I'm not a huge fan of Quagmire, but at least he has his fans.

Ron Martin: Fact. I think that the American public still enjoys Family Guy, but I don't think that is enjoys it as much as it used to. As mentioned above, South Park really sort of exposed Family Guy for being an unconnected series of forgotten pop culture references and that's pretty much it. None of the characters have any depth and the jokes are more "What can we remember from the eighties that no one else can?" than anything else. The newest season has been pretty weak relying a lot on shock value (bestiality innuendos, Lois dying) than actual jokes. That's a pretty big sign that the writers are out of ideas (see Hunger Force, Aqua Teen). On top of that Cleveland is the last guy I'd want to watch a show about. His whole character is based on being the straight guy for Peter and Quagmire. I'd rather see anyone else spun off from Herbert the pedophile to Adam West to the gay guy that's always the instructor/counselor down at the rec center.

Score: 1 for 2

3. The Bank Job will be Jason Statham's best movie to date.

Scotty Flamingo: Fact. Only because of the "blind squirrel is bound to find a nut" rule.

Ron Martin: Fiction. Kind of. It all depends on what you mean by "best movie". Best movie he's been in or best movie he has carried? He's been in movies that have been better, I guarantee that. Now, the critics will probably try to spin this as a breakthrough performance or anything. However, most critics are in just cogs in the wheel of Hollywood trying to make the most money, so they're telling you what's best for their career as opposed to if a movie is good or not. The movie will be adequate at best and available for you to watch for $5 in about a week and a half. You know where I need Jason Statham? Anywhere but in my wallet taking ten dollars away from me. Twenty if I take the woman. Damn you, Statham!

Score: 1 for 3

Switch!!!

4. You'll be checking out Juliana Marguiles' new legal drama Cantebury's Law.

Ron Martin: Fiction. You know why I don't care about yet another courtroom drama? I'm not 50. You know who likes courtroom and crime dramas? My mom -- because she's 50. Is there some sort of law that requires networks to pick up a dozen new courtroom dramas a year? How may cases have we not yet seen? If I want a courtroom drama, I'll watch Night Court. I don't need to be reminded every week about how unjust the system is. You know what's unjust? Me having to waste one of my Fact or Fiction questions on Canterbury's Law!

Scotty Flamingo: Fiction. What he said. I automatically pass on Cop, Doctor, Lawyer dramas and it has suited me well. The only way I care is if there is some sort of twist to the formula like you see with The Shield (dirty cops) or Dexter (psycho cop). Unfortunately, the Law genre is bad about coming up with a fresh twist.

Score: 2 for 4

5. College Road Trip will out and out suck.

Ron Martin: Fiction. Originally, I wanted to say FACT on this one, but I think the phrase "out and out suck" is a little too harsh. It will suck -- oh yes, it will be terrible. However, with Martin Lawrence, Raven Simone and Donny Osmond in the mix, you have too much screen experience for there not to be at least a half dozen chuckle moments. Especially with Osmond embracing his inner white boy and willing to poke at it. I can't rightfully call a movie that would make me chuckle that much, a movie that would "out and out suck." Don't get me wrong, I won't go see it in the theaters. I won't rent it at the video store. Or from one of those $1 movie boxes. If it's on the free movie channel three years down the road and I am home sick nursing pneumonia with nothing else to do, I might flip it on. I said might!

Scotty Flamingo: Fact. I can't see myself getting any laughs out of this movie. I can watch a poorly structured comedy for the laughs. I just watched Semi Pro last weekend. But I don't see anything here to catch my interest.

Score: 2 for 5

6. James Spader is overrated.

Ron Martin: Fiction. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, baby. Or the eye of the beholder's baby or something like that. It all depends on how you like your Spader. He does a fine enough job as the lead on a popular TV show. Did he deserve two Emmys in a row? Probably not, but who cares? I prefer my James Spader as the cocky prep in Pretty in Pink. It's all I have, don't take that away from me. Spader is fine because no one else is stepping up to take his place.

Scotty Flamingo: Fiction. Mainly because I don't think he's really rated at all. How many gossip columns do you read about James Spader? How many people say how bad they hate James Spader? He's just there.

Final Score: 3 for 6

You know, there are just some weeks in doing this job that makes me shake my head in wonder. Only because of the "blind squirrel is bound to find a nut" rule. What the heck does that supposed to mean? And don't even get me started on freakin' James Spader…

Anyways, thanks to Scotty and Ron.

Useless Trivia Question of the Week
Last week I recited some theme song lyrics and asked you, the teeming masses to name the show and it's two top stars. Dave from Haughton, LA was the first to successfully do so and so we won last week's contest. For the five people that didn't write in, the answer was The Greatest American Hero which starred William Katt and Robert Culp. I also would have accepted Connie Selleca rather than Culp.

Rules: First person that answers correctly in email form while also supplying their home address within the continental US shall receive a hand-written letter from me. Previous winners are ineligible.

Question: While Michael J. Fox was always the producer's first choice to play Marty McFly in Back to the Future, he was not initially cast in the role due to scheduling conflicts. Name the actor that spent several weeks filming the movie before he was eventually fired and replaced by Fox.

Have a good weekend!
-BP