Babes, Bombs, and Blockbusters Movie News Report 03.25.08

Posted by Mike Gorman on 03.25.2008

This week you’ll find the cure for your Spring fever in this week’s jam packed 3B’s News Report. The WWE Divas are featured as Wrestlemania approaches and industry news tops this week’s look at Hollywood. Toss in a countdown of the best celebrity sex tapes of all time and you will need Mike’s recommended brew to cool yourself off!



Spring has sprung and things are heating up in the 3B's News Report. Past and present WWE Divas grace this week's column in honor of Sunday's Wrestlemania. Check out the G Spot for the latest concerns about another Hollywood strike, the Trunk counts down the best in celebrity sex tapes, and you're treated to the return of Beerwatch.




The G Spot

Avoiding the ghost of the Writer's Strike!
The memberships of the Screen Actors Guild (SAG) and the American Federation of Television and Radio Artists (AFTRA) are hard at work already on their bargaining proposal as memories of the recent Writer's Strike have many people worried. Their contract ends on June 30th and celebs such as George Clooney are encouraging the Unions to get to the tables early and get the deals worked out quick. Studios are scrambling to get their feature films completed in case we do find ourselves in the midst of a summer strike. Here's hoping that all sides can settle the details promptly and amicably so that reality television does not attempt to make the leap to the big screen as it has dominated our TV sets this winter! Sources say that SAG will not be willing to settle for the same terms the writers and directors have in their recent negotiations. Cross your fingers and save up some DVDs you want to see but haven't watched yet, you might need them come late summer/early fall!

Please no rubber nipples!

Here's our first peak at one of the characters from the upcoming G.I. Joe film. It was released in this past Friday's edition of the USA Today. It is definitely Snake Eyes and really brings me back to my old school G.I. Joe action figures. He is definitely not an easy character to reproduce realistically and I think Paramount has done a great job with this one. It has the feel of the original cartoon and I hope that this will be a reflection of what else we will see in the months to come.

Presidential Candidate heads back to Hollywood!
Former Presidential candidate Fred Thompson is making his way back home to Hollywood. After a failed bid for the Republican nomination Thompson has announced that he will resume his acting career. Maybe now he will finally get that leading man role that has long eluded him! At the very least I am hoping that he will make a return trip to Law & Order so that Sam Waterson's character can get back into the courtroom where he belongs!

Save your money, more IMAX theaters on the way
Regal Cinemas has announced that they are planning to add 30 new IMAX theaters across the country. This will almost double the number of IMAX's under Regal and raise the global number to 300. This expansion will increase the number of studio films that will be released in IMAX's 2D and 3D formats. I think this will be a great plus for movie fans everywhere. Have you seen the first 9min of the Dark Knight in IMAX? Talk about breath taking!

How do you follow up "curing" AIDS and sacrificing Britney Spears?
Some SPOILERS For The New Season Of South Park Below…
Honestly I don't know the answer myself but Matt Stone and Trey Parker sure as heck do as they continue unroll this shocking and hilarious season of South Park. If you have not yet heard new episodes have been airing for the past two weeks. The season premiere centered around Cartman contracting HIV after a blood transfusion and his subsequent infection of Kyle. The two boys eventually find the "cure" for HIV at Magic Johnson's home, massive amounts of cash. Shocked? Amused? Well whatever you're feeling the episode actually contained a strong satirical message about our society and its "disease of the week" mentality. A similar message was contained in the next episode when the true reason the paparazzi hound Britney was revealed. While some might say that South Park has lost its spark I definitely think it has it back this season especially when you toss in the brilliant Imaginationland trilogy.

Two sex tapes debunked? Boring!


In the past two weeks we have heard that Sex & The City's Kristin Davis and all around good gal Lindsey Lohan have both popped up in lewd sex tapes. Hold off on your Google search for a minute though! Both women deny it is them in the videos. Most viewers have exonerated Lohan but there are lingering doubts about Davis. The pic above is a still from the alleged video, what do you think?



The Trunk

All the talk this week about fake sex tapes makes one nostalgic for all the real ones out there. This week I decided to sit down with a friend who considers himself a sex tape expert and see which ones are the cream of the crop, excuse the pun. Sadly for every tape worth seeing there is a Dustin Diamond waiting in the wings. Below we have our top five tapes. Some you may have seen and others you might want to track down yourself.

(5) Mickie James
Yes, this is an oft debated tape in that some think it is not her. We think it is damn close and give her some extra points for the cheerleading outfit she dons but quickly removes. This WWE Diva shows she can handle a lot of action.

(4) Tonya Harding
This tape is often referred to as "the wedding night tape" but it was soon discovered that while it does feature Harding and her then partner Jeff Gilooly the wedding dress is just a sex game prop. We give these two love birds props for their exquisite props and Harding's gold medal performance.

(3) Kim Kardashian and Ray J
In this tape Kardashian shows that she is just as eager to take direction from Ray J as she is from her mother in her career. Aside from a banging video, Kardashian is notable for turning this sex tape into a relatively lucrative career including her family show on E!

(2) Colin Farrell and Nicole Narain
This tape almost clinched the number one spot just for how badass Farrell is during his romp with Narain. Nicole herself released this video against Colin's wishes. That man should be proud of his work! If you do try to track this one beware of all the copycat vids out there with Colin-Look a likes.

(1) Pam and Tommy
You know the tape and you know what Tommy is now known for because of it. This is the one that really got things started and deserves its number one position for all the positions it offers.

Have another favorite celeb tape of your own? Disagree with our ranking? Let me know! I am sure my friend would love to respond!



Beerwatch
Yes indeed Beerwatch is back! I know you lushes missed it so settle in and pop open a can. This week I've got a seasonal suggestion and a neat beer gadget for your perusal.

(1) Canoflauge!
Need to hide your choice of brew or what you're drinking at an annoying family gathering? Check out these reusable can wraps that are definitely realistic enough to fool your friends. The producers have even received a cease and desist letter from the soda companies alluded to in the product.

Now I am not trying to encourage your drinking habit with these but they do look like they could liven up a party! You can check them out at Prankplace.com

(2) White Beers!
These slightly sweet and bitter Belgian style beers are all the rage at the moment. They take their name from the cloudy wheat particles suspend in the tasty brew. If you are looking for an authentic White Beer (or sometimes called Wheat Beer) you should check out "Hoegarden."

You could also check out Sam Adams's Spring Brew or good old Blue Moon. For a nice kick ask for an orange slice to float in your pint!




Come Again?: Your Joke Source!
Lighten up and laugh for goodness sake!

(1) A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the can. He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, "I spat in this beer, do not drink!". After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, "So did I!"

(2) Two drunks had just gotten thrown out of the bar and are walking down the street when they come across this dog, sitting on the curb, licking his balls. They stand there watching and after a while one of them says, " I sure wish I could do that!"

The other one looks at him and says, "Well, I think I'd pet him first".

(3) A mother found her son scooping ice cream in the kitchen and was mad.

Mom : "Dinner is going to be ready in an hour, put that ice cream away and go play."

Son : "But mom, there's no one to play with."

Mom : "I'll play with you, what do you wanna play?"

Son : "Lets play mommy and daddy, you go upstairs and lay down on the bed."

The mom said ok and went upstairs. The son put on his dad's fishing hat and lit up one of his dad's cigarettes. He went upstairs and opened the door.

Mom : "Now what do I do?"

Son : "Get your ass out of bed, you whore, and fix that kid some fucking ice cream."




Tuesday Hot Shot
They have amazing bodies and toss them around a ring for us week after week, what more could you ask for? Well I can what your answer is to that one and if you ever get the chance tape it so it can make the countdown!





(All information and gossip gathered from Aintitcoolnews.com, Hollywoodreporter.com, Hollywood.com, Reuters.com, Dirtyjokesinc.com, Variety.com, TMZ.com)