Planet Fun News 4.24.08: Cruise Control
Posted by Matt Richissin on 04.24.2008
Rob Schneider Isn't A Stapler, American Teen Trailer, Believe it or not: A New Universal Soldier might be in the works, Seth Macfarlane is doing work what movie?, and a hilarious video from David Brent.
Hello, and welcome to the second edition of the Planet Fun News. And in dedication to all you 411mania/wrestling readers out there, this week you can call me Matt Rod. Just a slight change from last week, I'll be dropping 'the verdict' from the story, thought process, verdict, fun factor P Fun format because I thought it was a bit repetitive. Let's kick it to the news:
THE STORY: ROB SCHNEIDER IS A STAPLER
Well, that's not entirely true. OK, it's not true at all. But Rob Schneider has signed on to do a new indie movie entitled "Wild Cherry." Here's the summary, as listed on Variety:
"Schneider will play the father of a high school senior who's decided to lose her virginity to her boyfriend, the football's team kicker.
But when she finds out the boyfriend's only interested in her for the sake of the team's "bang book," she and her best friends plan their revenge inspired by the Greek play "Lysistrata."
Directed by Dana Lustig, the movie will also star Ryan Merriman and Kristin Cavallarri of Laguna Beach fame (and also the "it girl" I've always wished actually made it to the B List, and the top of my favorite MTV girls* if only because she seems like the type of girl that if I fed her enough Burnett's Cherry Vodka I might have a chance. Ya know, provided Nick Lachey wasn't hanging around). Shooting for the film starts on May 7th in Winnipeg.
THE THOUGHT PROCESS:
Call me crazy, but I think this movie has a chance of being good. I know nothing about it's director and writer, but the plot seems mildly intriguing. And from a directorial stand point, the script seems like it could let the director have a lot of liberties, either turning the movie into an all out ridiculous black comedy, or a realistic look into high school similar to Mean Girls. And as seen in her run on Laguna Beach (ya, I watched it, back off) Kristin Cavalarri could be perfect in the role of "the bitch/slut."
Of course the downside is glaringly obvious, Rob Schneider. It's pretty hard to overlook the man's resume, particularly as of late. And it's that very resume that would have me nervous if I was directing; because in my opinion the only direction I think this movie could take that would make it utterly horrific is if it became a movie involving wacky, Hot Chick kind of antics.
FUN FACTOR: 5
The jury (judge, as well as the execution) is going to stay out on this; I think even best case scenario it ends up being like a B-Rate version of Mean Girls but much, much darker. I'd like to think that Rob Schneider knows that he can't continue his career, provided he doesn't want to just appear in Adam Sandler movies doing the same joke over and over, by doing movies similar to The Animal and The Hot Chick so he takes on this indie flick for a much needed change of pace. And I don't think it'd be all that hard for him to be that conventional run down Kevin Pollock in She's All That type of dad. I'd feel infinitely better if it was not Schneider in it though, someone along the lines of Will Arnett, and even he is in danger of typecasting himself (even if his appearance in Human Giant was incredibly hilarious). I'd say, wait til its at Blockbuster and roll the dice on it.
Sundance Film Festivals darling American Teen is a documentary which follows the lives of 5 Indiana High School Seniors (a jock, a geek, a rebel, a princess and a heart throb.) Sound familiar? Maybe this movie poster will hint you in...
Apparently the movie isn't actually similar to Breakfast Club, but director Nanette Burstein admits that she was very inspired by the John Hughes classic. Here's an interview she had with the Hollywood Reporter:
"Breakfast Clubis one of the few teen fiction films that actually address all those teen storylines: popular girls ruling the school, the Romeo and Juliet love-story, the nerdy kid looking for acceptance....I didn't consciously think about that when I was shooting the movie but afterwards, I realized the similarities."
Either way, it's brilliant marketing that could turn this movie into the surprise of the summer. The movie has been slated for a July 25th release and has been picked up by Paramount Vintage who made this kickass trailer
THE THOUGHT PROCESS:
This trailer really, really intrigues me. I've always thought that there should be a movie that realistically looks into the pressures of being a high school senior. And I think that a documentary, that will cover really, really different types of teen (and I'm sure intertwine them) . And I'm hoping that basing it out of a place like Indiana will help realistically exaggerate these "types" of people.
Of course, the downside lies in every downside of a documentary. It is COMPLETELY dependent on the characters involved and the events that transpire in the year. And just because it has a pretty sweet premise doesn't guarantee it a success, much like the 2001 documentary Let's Go Tigers! which follows around a team of football players in an ultra-competitive football town, which I thought was a total snooze. Or even a documentary on my senior year, which revolved around me watching a lot City Guys episodes and eating a lot of pizza rolls
FUN FACTOR: 9
With the exception of Seth Rogen's Pineapple Express, and with all due respect to Made of Honor I think American Teen might be the summer movie I'm looking forward to the most. Between the early reviews and this trailer, I just don't think there's any way this movie could not be a near perfect blend of real life drama and comedy. I mean, look how artsy that chick up top looks. Give her a scrunchy and call it a day; WHAT A NERD!
THE STORY: JEAN CLAUDE VAN DAMME AND DOLPH LUNDREN MIGHT BE MAKING ANOTHERUNIVERSAL SOLDIER MOVIE
KAPOW! Yes, 411mania/movie reader, there is a Santa Clause. It appears that Christmas might come early for the roughly -4 people who have been knocking down the doors demanding another Universal Soldier movie CLICK! CLICK! BOOM! Let's kick it to the guys at Cinema Blend to hit us with the story:
One of our most reliable sources tell us that Sony is in the process of developing some new DTV sequels, and one of those sequels will be Universal Soldier 3. Of course there's already been something called Universal Soldier III. In 1998 a bunch of spare parts starred in a made for TV movie called Universal Soldier III: Unfinished Business. So they'll come up with something else to call it, probably a title without a number in it.
The exciting thing here is that it's not just another direct to DVD sequel with a bunch of replacement parts. Jean-Claude Van Damme, who starred in the original Universal Soldier, is in talks to topline this new one. Right now they're developing it as a DTV project, but if they get him and if some of Van Damme's other upcoming projects like Full Love do well, there's a chance it could end up becoming a theatrical release.
THE THOUGHT PROCESS:
I really can't even guess how many nights I've stayed up wondering when we'd get another Universal Soldier movie. I know, I know, we've gotten a few direct to DVD releases of Universal Soldier but it just don't feel the same without the awesome presence of JCVD. And I don't think it's such a coincidence that this is coming on the heels of casting updates for the new Street Fighter movie. In my opinion, Van Damme has made his statement which could lead to the most meaningless box office battle ever. PLUS, I'm wondering, provided his appearance in Half Past Dead 2 hasn't shot him to the set of the next Daniel Day Lewis flick, Bill Goldberg might be available. AND factor in it's the THIRD version of a movie I hated, by law, isn't Brett Ratner obligated to do this movie?
FUN FACTOR: 1.5
Part of me wants to say that I'd have a good time seeing this movie if I had enough Admiral Nelson's rum in me beforehand, but the rest of me thinks I'd rather see Made of Honor.
PLANET FUN QUICK STORY OF THE WEEK:
Seth Macfarlane (creator of Family Guy as well as voice of Peter, Brian, Stewie and a ton of other characters) will be voicing Johann Kraus in the sequel to Hellboy.Here's a link
My quick thought: There was .02 percent chance that I'd watch the second Hellboy now out of general interest, I'll probably watch it when it inevitably comes on FX.
PLANET FUN YOUTUBE VIDEO OF THE WEEK:
So nearly all week I was assuming that the video I'd be inserting into this week's column would be this hilarious 1995 training video that the guys at Southpark did for Universal which guest stars Michael J. Fox, Sly Stallone, Angela Lansbury, James Cameron, Demi Moore and a slew of other celebrities. And it is, completely hilarious.
(as Stephen A. Smith would say) HOWEVA, just today the Southpark film completely reminded me of another, funnier, training video that Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant did for Microsoft. Here's part 1 of the film (all of which features Gervais reviving his DAVID BRENT character from the UK"s Office) Which is an absolute MUST WATCH.
God, I can't wait for his movie to come out.....
AND THAT'S THE BOTTOM LINE, CUZ JOHN MCCAIN SAID SO
