The 411 Top 5 04.25.08: Week 110

Posted by Trevor Snyder on 04.25.2008

The Top 5 Coolest Movie Robots

Beep-boop-beep.

Let's face it – people love robots. Whether they're tiny and cute, or big and menacing, folks just can't get enough of those heartless tin-cans (well, OK, they can have electronic hearts, but that's a semantics argument we don't need to get into right now).

But don't take my word for it. Just check out this week's Top 5, which garnered more responses than any Top 5 in months. I guess even we here at 411 are not immune to their robotic charms. And thus, we present:

THE TOP 5 COOLEST MOVIE ROBOTS



Trevor Snyder

5. R2D2 (Kenny Baker) in Star Wars (1977)

Well, c'mon, what kid (or full-grown man, for that matter) doesn't want his own R2D2? The constant companionship of a dog, but you don't have to worry about ever putting it to sleep? Not to mention that if you ever get yourself in trouble, R2 probably knows abut 100 different ways to save your ass. But what really makes him cool in my book, and what always fascinated me the most when I was a kid, is the fact that everyone seems perfectly capable of understanding his random beeps and bleeps. I suppose it must just come from spending enough time around droids. I don't know…I'll let you know once I have my own.

4. Bishop (Lance Henriksen) in Aliens (1986)

For those of you who think the Terminator franchise was the first to take the evil robot from the first film and turn him good for the second, think again (James Cameron…he loves his themes). Aliens actually forged that path, although they also went the extra mile and made the now good android a brand new model. If you were thinking of creating an altruistic, decent android, I would submit that Lance Henriksen would not be the most obvious choice to model it off of. And yet Lance was the perfect choice to bring Bishop to life (so to speak), as he brought the right amount of heart and charm to the role. When Bishop is torn in half near the end of the film, you actually feel bad for him, and that's saying something considering that, at the end of the day, he's just a bucket of bolts.

3. Maria (Brigitte Helm) in Metropolis (1927)

I'm not sure if Maria was cinema's first ever robot, but I'm positive she was the first to become iconic. Today, I think more people are aware of her just because of how cool she looks than because of the film itself (which is a shame, since Metropolis is a great movie that should be watched and studied by anyone interested in film), and what's really amazing is how well the design and performance of the costume hold up, even today. What else makes her cool, you ask? Well, she starts off as a sort of exotic dancer, and goes on to lead a full-scale revolution of the working class. Not a bad career arc, if you ask me.

2. Roy Batty (Rutger Hauer) in Blade Runner (1982)

If you asked me who I'd rather have coming after me – an unstoppable robotic killing machine, or Rutger Hauer – I'd really have to stop and think about it for a moment. Now you go and combine the two? Holy crap…it doesn't get much creepier than that. And yet, as scary and intense as Hauer is in the role – and oh, he is - he also imbues the character with a level of sadness and, dare I say it…soul. His death scene is one of the most memorable in movie history, and is so well done that, by the end of the film, you're wondering if he was truly the villain of the piece after all.

1. T-800 (Arnold Schwarzenegger) in Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991)

Arnold's evil T-800 from the first Terminator film was already one of the coolest, most iconic baddies in cinema history when James Cameron decided to take a risk and bring the character (or, at least, a different version of him) back as the hero of the second film. And yet, thanks to Arnold's performance, it paid off, big time. I guess that's why Arnold is considered the greatest actor of his generation. All right, maybe not…but there's no denying that he brought a certain level of bad-ass-ness to the role that will probably never be duplicated (even Arnold himself couldn't repeat it in the third film…even though that movie was a lot better than it had any right to be). One thing is for sure – a killer robot with no emotions and clunky line delivery sure seems to be the role Schwarzenegger was born to play.



Jeremy Thomas

HONORABLE MENTIONS

The Fembots in Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997), Johnny 5 (Tim Blaney) in Short Circuit (1986), Sonny (Alan Tudyk) in I, Robot (2004), T-1000 (Robert Patrick) in Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991), and Data (Brent Spiner) in Star Trek: First Contact (1996)

THE TOP 5

5. Megatron (Hugo Weaving) in Transformers

I was very close to including Weaving on this list twice, but ultimately didn't, as his Agent Smith from The Matrix is actually a computer program and not a robot. All good, though, as he has more then enough awesomeness as Megatron. I mean, what can you say about a bad guy who was so dangerous, so fear-inducing, that he spends half the film in a deep freeze and still looms over the entire movie. Megatron is nothing less then a sadistic, tyrannical monster, and his ability to force the other Decepticons, all of whom hate each other, to work together is a testament to his strength. When he finally does appear, he lays waste to Los Angeles, tears Jazz in two with little more then a thought, and has an epic battle with his nemesis. Megatron earned his place into this Top 5 by the blood of his opponents and the strength of his conviction, and that is very cool.

4. Bishop (Lance Hendrikson) in Aliens (1986)

One of the original android roles, and certainly one of the highest-profile ones. Bishop, the android on board the Sulaco for its ill-fated rescue mission, presented a more multi-faceted character then typical robots and androids of that time. Bishop was a more sympathetic character, contrasted against Ian Holm's psychotic Ash from the original. A lot could be said about this character, but this is the easiest way to put it...when he climbs into the service pipe to make the dangerous trip down to the transmitter, you feel worried for the character's fate. Considering that most robot characters to that point were used for heartless enemies or comic relief (excepting my #1 choice), that's quite a statement as to how damn cool Bishop was.

3. Starscream (Charlie Adler) in Transformers (2007)

Everyone else can love Optimus Prime, Megatron, or even Bumblebee...if you asked me who the greatest Transformer ever was, though, the answer is quite clearly Starscream. It's damn near impossible not to love the treacherous jet. You know he's never quite going to succeed in overthrowing his commander, but there's just something about the character that makes you want to believe. And of all the Autobots and Decepticons who made their way into the live-action movie, none of them were portrayed as accurately as Starscream. As voiced by Charlie Adler, they got every bit of him right in the limited screen time he had. When the fighting begins, he's the smartest fighter among the Decepticons...actually masquerading as one of the human's fighter jets as he should, transforming to blow one away, and quickly changing back. And at the end, when he's the lone Decepticon to do the smart thing and run to fight another day...it's hard not to cheer for him. Cheering for the bad guy...that's cool.

2. T-800 (Arnold Schwarzenegger) in The Terminator movies

How can one not love the Terminator? I mean, sure, he lost some steam in Rise of the Machines, but the T-800 as shown in the original movie redefined the idea of the relentless, unstoppable force that would kill at any cost, as it mowed down half of Los Angeles just to get to Sarah Connor. The scene where he just goes down the list of Sarah Connors in the phone book and kills them all was chilling in that capacity. And while he lost his edge becoming the good guy in T-2, he was still a bad-ass. There's little doubt that when people think of "bad-ass robot," the first thing that comes to the vast majority of people's minds is Ah-nuld. And for good reason.

1. Roy Batty (Rutger Hauer) in Blade Runner (1982)

Without a doubt, the coolest robot/android ever in cinema, in a truly classic, visionary movie. No less then Phillip K. Dick himself considered Hauer's portrayal of Roy as "the perfect Batty." Violent yet thoughtful, cold and flawless, Roy is in many ways the soul of the movie. Hollywood will be hard-pressed to find a robotic role that will ever equal the depth that was achieved with Roy, and thus he may well fall under the infamous category of "often-imitated, never-equaled."



Shawn S. Leolos

HONORABLE MENTION

Bishop in Aliens (1986) – Lance Henriksen had the unenviable task of replacing the bad guy robot Ash from the first Alien movie and did a smash up job. No longer able to harm a human, the new robot of the Alien franchise proved to be an invaluable aid. Despite his superior strength and incredible hand-eye coordination, he was programmed to be helpful, acting as a medic and assisting in other life-supporting activities. He would make appearances in Aliens and Alien 3. Henriksen would also appear as a man named Bishop in Alien vs. Predator, although that was really just a cheap homage. His death scene in Alien 3, where he asked to be turned off because he was no longer top-of-the-line was brilliant and a great send off for this "artificial person."

THE TOP 5

5. Robbie the Robot in Forbidden Planet (1956)

Robbie the Robot has the honor of not only being the star attraction of Forbidden Planet, but going on to appear in such television shows as The Thin Man, Lost in Space, The Twilight Zone, The Addams Family, The Love Boat, Columbo and Mork and Mindy. He was maybe the hippest, coolest robot of his time. He is also the robot with the most iconic movie poster, as he stands, posing, holding a woman in his arms. Cool? Hell yeah.

4. Kay-Em 14 in Jason X (2001)

Yeah, the movie was cheese, but it was enjoyable cheese. And there is no scene that made me sit up and cheer more at the time than when the Kay-Em 14 robot went one-on-one with Jason Voorhees. When she just kicked the crap out of him, it was one of the coolest things I can remember seeing in a long freaking time. Then when Uber-Jason came back and started to cut the Kay-Em 14 down to size, it was still pretty cool because she was not going down without a fight. It was what Jason vs. Freddy could have been, a knock-down, drag out, brutal fight. Kay-Em 14 delivered one of the best battles anyone has put up against Jason and for that she deserves her spot here.

3. T-1000 in Terminator 2: Judgment Day (1991) and T-800 in Terminator (1984)

I was wondering which Terminator to stick here. The T-800 was pretty damn cool in the first flick, with the scene where he invades the biker bar right up there with the coolest robot attacks of all time. However, the cooler T-model was the T-1000. The ability to leap up and morph into the helicopter is still one of the coolest effects I have seen in a movie. He is just so bad ass that he deserves a spot here. However, since he loses in the end to the inferior T-800, they get to share the spot. For my money, the T-1000 is still the cooler of the two androids. He's sleek and mean and just plain awesome.

2. Roy Batty in Blade Runner (1982)

I don't know if Roy Batty would consider himself cool, but he was the best thing in a great movie. Out of all the replicants, he was the greatest, with superhuman strength and a genius level IQ, and when he dies, he does it when he is ready ("time … to die"). He has seen everything, things mere humans could only dream of. He is truly "more human than human" and in his final confrontation with Rick Deckard, proves to also be the better "man." The depth and intelligence that went into creating this character is what has helped Blade Runner remain a movie that sits atop the Science Fiction scrap heap, and Batty is the robot that all others wish they could be.

1. R2D2 and C3PO in Star Wars (1977)

When you think of cool, you probably don't think of these two guys. You would be wrong. The odd couple of the Star Wars world were added to supply comedy relief. C3PO was that slapstick comedy star, whose pratfalls and incessant whining made him an iconic figure. His little buddy, although only expressive in beeps and whistles, proved to be a more sympathetic figure. When he was blasted while riding on the back of Luke's X-Wing Fighter, who didn't feel pity and fear for the little robot. When Luke needed help, he knew there was one place to go, and that was to R2D2, always there to make sure his master made it back alive. The two may seem like minor characters, but they were always the center of attention and always there to lend a helping hand. It was R2D2 that was the catalyst that led Obi-Wan to teach Luke The Force. It was C3PO who made the trek in to help save Han Solo from Jabba the Hut. These two guys were the beings we were presented with to follow from the beginning of The New Hope through the conclusion of Return of the Jedi. Geek love? Yeah. But they are still pretty damn cool.



Owain J. Brimfield

HONORABLE MENTIONS

IG-88 in The Empire Strikes Back - despite only appearing in one brief scene, the bounty hunter leaves an indelible impression thanks to his wonderful steampunk design. Plus, robot bounty hunters are automatically awesome.

Robbie (Marvin Miller) in Forbidden Planet - simply iconic, and incontestably redolent of old-school sci-fi.

Johnny Five (Tim Blaney) in Short Circuit - if you're an eighties child, Number Five was probably one of your childhood heroes, and as he was one of mine he just makes an honorable mention ahead of MAX from The Black Hole.

THE TOP 5

5. T-1000 (Robert Patrick) in Terminator 2: Judgment Day

If there's a more overtly malevolent robot in cinema history, I haven't seen it. Rob Patrick's depiction of the liquid-metal cyborg is remains infamous to this day, the character simply oozing malicious intent, just stopping below out-and-out evil. Of course, it helped that the T-1000 was one of the star attractions of one of the 20th century's biggest sci-fi movies, but even if you removed him from the Terminator universe he'd still stand up as an ice-cool movie baddie. If there's one scene that sums up the T-1000's insouciant coolness, it's the complete indifference with which he impersonates John Connor's foster mother on the phone, while still in the process of slaughtering her husband.

4. Marvin the Paranoid Android (Alan Rickman) in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Even taking into consideration that the movie Marvin is a pale imitation of the comic creation in Doug Adams' original writings, and that the character's design wasn't exactly what fans of the original TV serial had anticipated, Marvin's perceptual hangdog expression and consistently dour outlook on life make him the comic highlight of the movie. If philosophical nihilism is one to score cool points - and it undoubtedly is, given the vast number of coffee shops these days filled with pseudo-intellectuals dropping Nietzsche's name like it was going out of fashion - then Marvin is undoubtedly high up on the coolness ladder. And, wouldn't you know it, he still ends up saving the day (albeit unintentionally).

3. Unicron (Orson Welles) in Transformers: The Movie

Essentially the Transformers equivalent of Galactus, Unicron is a planet-sized robot intent on destroying the entire universe, which is pretty damn cool in itself. However, throw in that glorious scene where he's happy to talk smack to Megatron (already himself one of the nastiest baddies in the Transformers universe) and you get a shload of extra bonus points:

Megatron: I have already crushed Optimus Prime with my bare hands.

Unicron: You exaggerate!

Megatron: The point is, he's dead.

Unicron: No - the point is, you're a fool.

My friends and I were quoting that particular bit of repartée for weeks. Unicron is virtually unstoppable, and if you think even that isn't good enough, turns out he's already destroyed the universe once before just so he could have a bit of peace and quiet! Glorious.

2. Roy Batty (Rutger Hauer) in Blade Runner

""I've seen things you people wouldn't believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain. Time … to die."

The finest death scene in cinema history provides sufficient cool points to bump Roy up to number two, but outstripping him by a country mile...:

1. T-800 (Arnold Schwarzenegger) in the Terminator movies

Beyond legendary. Ahnuld dominates some aspects of popular culture, pretty much embodying an entire style of movies and the Terminator is undoubtedly his greatest hit. Despite the endlessly quotable one-liners, kick-ass action scenes, suave dress sense, iconic screen presence and the immensely stylish exo-skeleton, for me the coolest thing about the T-800 is that across the space of two films, the character went from being one of the most memorable screen villains of all time to one of the most memorable screen heroes of all time. It doesn't get much cooler than that, my friends.



Matt Richissin

I want my opinion known, and known well. There is no room for robots at the Planet Fun. And I don't understand why scientists keep insisting on building them for military purposes, the track record is atrocious. Build a robot for good, and they will become evil and a direct threat to the very people they were built to protect.

There are however, a few good robots. And here is my list:

5. Andrew Martin (Robin Williams) in Bicentennial Man (1999)

I rented this movie under the impression that it would be about WWF Superstar Test's conquest to make it to the top. It was not. I fell asleep two minutes into the movie and dreampt up that movie about the WWF's Test, and it was bad to the ass.

4. Gold Robot (Unknown) in Robot in the Family

At a young age, this Joe Pantoliano film taught me two things: morale in family, and how to perpetuate Jewish stereotypes. For those who are unfamiliar with the movie, here's a summary off Amazon:

A story of a man with a dream, Jack, who builds Golddigger, a loveable and benevolent robot. Jack and his creation fight the evil Eli, a crooked antique dealer with a scheme so big, the world would never forget it. With an all-star cast including Jonathan Rhys-Davis, how could one go wrong? Watch for inspiring performances by Dr. Playhand, the little girl with the broken toy, the unlucky policeman, and especially, Jack's brother Isaac. This film will entertain you while getting to the core of your emotions and expanding your view of the world.

3. Iron Giant(Vin Diesel) in The Iron Giant (1999)

True, I've never seen the The Iron Giant nor do I intend to. However, any movie that could help elevate America's sweetheart; Vin Diesel to the top is OK with me.

2. Omega Jackson (Michael Jackson) in Moonwalker (1988)

As mentioned before, I sincerely look down the creation of robots. However, there's one thing I look down at more; futuristic drug dealers pushing their materials on America's unwilling youth. And for that, I can accept Michael Jackson's decision to turn into a 3,000 foot chrome robot when Joe Pesci was going to inject little Katie with an unhealthy amount of heroine.

1. Shep Ramsey (Hulk Hogan) in Suburban Commando (1991)

What I liked about Shep was his human elements. Sure he benefited greatly from the use of robotics (he certainly wouldn't have been able to take down Hutch and Knuckles without them), but at the end of the day what mattered was his human heart. And it was that very heart, that was showed in Hogan's Oscar Moment known as: I don't like Goodbyes.



Bryan Kristopowitz

HONORABLE MENTIONS

- Johnny Five (or Johnny 5)- voiced by Tim Blaney in Short Circuit(1986)/Short Circuit 2 (1988): Johnny Five, or as Ben Jahvari (Fisher Stevens) would say, "Number Johnny Five," is a former military robot created by Steve Guttenberg's Newton Crosby and Jahvari (yeah, I know, Ben's last name is different in the first movie, but I prefer Jahvari in part 2 to whatever the heck it was in the first one) that went haywire after a lightning strike and suddenly gained "consciousness." Instead of being a weapon of mass destruction, it became a kind, gentle, mischievous, yet naive robotic citizen (the first U.S robotic citizen). I've always been more of a fan of the second flick's Johnny Five, mostly because the robot actually has to carry the movie. And it does. It's too bad we didn't get a third Number Johnny Five movie. It would have been a blast for sure.

- T-1000 (Robert Patrick) in Terminator 2: Judgement Day (1991): One of the best killer robots in movie history. Patrick, much like Ahnold, hasn't been able to live the role down. It's been seventeen years since Patrick was all liquid metal and transforming his appendages into "sharp metal objects" and "stabbing weapons." Cool, sleek, a total predator. Great stuff.

- Robert Golem (Richard Young) in Assassin (1986): I reviewed this flick a few weeks ago in my incredibly popular The Gratuitous B-Movie Column. Golem is a robotic assassin created for espionage and assassination, but goes haywire and starts gathering intelligence on government officials and spies and starts killing them one by one. It's up to Robert Conrad and Karen Austin to stop him. Or it. Whatever. Young is just so good in this role, embodying both a sort of James Bond type lady killer and a just plain killer. I know when I first heard about the flick and saw it, I wasn't expecting a robot like Golem.

THE TOP 5

5. Mr. Bryles, Ms. Connors, and Mr. Hardin (Patrick Kilpatrick, Pam Grier, and John P. Ryan) in Class of 1999 (1990)

It's the post apocalyptic future (well, it's either that or the country is in an extreme economic depression. I can't remember. Things are bad, though), and the high schools are overrun by violent gangs. What are the principals and the teachers to do? That's where Bryles, Connors, and Hardin come in. See, they're a trio of military warrior robots brought in (under cover, of course) to get control of the students and, when they decide to turn on their human handlers (Stacey Keach is one of them), Bryles, Connors, and Hardin start kicking butt and taking names. Bryles is a gym teacher, I don't remember what Hardin taught (health, maybe?), and Hardin is a history teacher (?). Hardin enjoys spanking people in the middle of class. Hilarious stuff. I wish Mark L. Lester still made movies like this.

4. ED 209 (Phil Tippett) in Robocop (1987)

The first time we see ED 209 (Enforcement Droid series 209), he's malfunctioning at a board meeting and blowing away a junior executive douchebag and causing OCP's top executive, the Old Man, to have a hairy. The Old Man isn't freaking out because he just saw one of his young go getters get chunked into a thousand bloody pieces, he's freaking out because this "temporary setback" is going to cause Omni Consumer Products to delay construction of Delta City and cost the company "$50 million in interest payments alone." But Dick Jones, the number two at OCP, doesn't really care. Because he knows that he's got a "guaranteed military sale with ED 209. Renovation program. Spare parts for twenty-five years." And, as he says, "Who cares if it worked or not?" That's what ED 209 really is, and why he's so freaking great. He's a big, butt kicking, unmanageable corporate boondoggle that's both violently impressive and totally useless (the damn thing can't even walk down freaking stairs for the love of Christ!). When was the last time you saw one of those in a movie?

3. J269 (Olivier Gruner) in Automatic (1994)

The J series robot was created by Robgen Industries founder Goddard Marx to benefit mankind, to help and protect people and, well, just do good. But, as Marx finds out when J269 accidentally kills a Robgen Industries executive after witnessing said executive raping a female employee, perhaps Marx made the J series robots "too good," because J269 refuses to follow Marx's order to leave the dead executive and the girl in the building alone. J269 has to follow the rules. And he's there to protect the helpless, which is one of its main objectives. That's why j269 is such a great robot. It's just too good.

2. T-800 (Ahnold Schwarzenegger) in The Terminator (1984)

The best, killer slasher robot in movie history. While I like Ahnold's performance as the "good" Terminator in the sequel, his turn as the killer villain is still the best performance of the character and the idea of the Terminator. As Kyle Reese says, "it doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear, and it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are dead." When you see Ahnold walking towards the camera, brandishing a machine gun and an Italian automatic shotgun, for the love of God what the heck else are you going to do except crap your pants and die?

1. R2D2 (Kenny Baker) in Star Wars (various years)

The little goofy trashcan robot with wheels and a domed swivel head that's best buddies with a wimpy gold humanoid protocol droid, the little guy that "speaks" in beeps and other electronic sounds and that, apparently in the prequels, can fly when he has to. How cool is that? I know lots of people are going to say that R2 isn't interesting unless he's paired up with C3P0, but I disagree. R2 is just as interesting alone, just as funny and goofy. I mean, yeah, he has a great relationship with C3P0, but R2 could survive without goldenrod. Goldenrod couldn't survive without him. And, even if you're not a Star Wars fan, you likely know who or what R2D2 is. You just can't beat that kind of notoriety.

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