Alternate Takes 04.26.08: Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay
Posted by Shawn Lealos on 04.26.2008
While everyone is out watching the recent adventures of the mega-hot stoner duo, you can check out some of the movies that led the way ...
Welcome to week one of my new column, Alternate Takes. My name is Shawn Lealos and every week I will be your guide as we take a look at new films hitting your local multiplex and let you know what you should expect to see. However, as I am sure you've noticed, nothing is that original anymore and there are always better movies out there if you just know where to look. That's where Alternate Takes comes into the picture. Sure, everyone knows that The Magnificent Seven was a remake of the Akira Kurosawa masterpiece The Seven Samurai but how many of you know that the primary influence of Star Wars was another Kurosawa gem called The Hidden Fortress? Of course, not all my Alternate Takes will travel back that far in cinema history, as Week One of Alternate Takes will look at …
Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay
Written and Directed by Jon Hurwitz and Hayden Schlossberg
Cast: Kal Penn, John Cho, Rob Corddry, Neil Patrick Harris
Drug loving friends, Harold and Kumar, are back for another big adventure in the sequel to their very funny 2004 film Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle. The first movie tracked their adventures trying to get the White Castle burgers because of their case of the munchies. The sequel appears to continue with the theme of racism found in the original adding to that the fears caused by the Patriot Act. While boarding a flight to Amsterdam, they are caught with a bong, arrested, accused of being terrorists and sent to Guantanamo Bay. They escape and spend the movie on the run as fugitives from Homeland Security.
5 ALTERNATE TAKES
5. ZOOLANDER (2001)
Much of the humor in the first movie, as well as the image on the best poster I have seen for Guantanamo Bay involves the appearance of Neil Patrick Harris. He returns in this sequel playing the satirical version of himself once again. If you are in the mood for a Neil Patrick Harris cameo, you can always check out his role as an intern, hired due to affirmative action in Undercover Brother. However, if you want to see an actually decent movie with someone playing a cameo of himself, you need look no further than ZOOLANDER, where Billy Zane plays Billy Zane, friend of Derek Zoolander. As Hansel (Owen Wilson) and Derek (Ben Stiller) are preparing for their walk-off, Hansel has one of the best lines in the movie when he states …
"Listen to your friend Billy Zane, he's a cool dude!"
4. VAN WILDER (2002)
Are you a fan of Kal Penn? Who isn't? From his recent role on TV's House M.D. to his memorable cameo on the television show Angel, Penn continues to prove he has the chops to be a solid comedic sensation. If you want to see him at the height of his comedic talents, you need to grab the Ryan Reynolds flick VAN WILDER. It's pretty hard to match Reynolds in just about any film he has starred in, but Penn gave it the old college try as Taj Mahal Badalandabad. He was still miles better than the talent vacuum that is Tara Reid. If you are not interested in seeing Penn play a role where he has to prove that he is not a foreign terrorist, here you have an opportunity to see him in a role where he is a foreign exchange student. He spends the entire movie as Van's personal assistant, with the hope that he would one day be able to have sex with an American girl. Hijinks ensue, including setting himself on fire and sliding across an oiled up water bed at a speed that sends him flying out the dorm window. Just don't look for anything concerning the Rise of Taj.
"I hear ‘milk,' I think giant jugs. You see, I cannot go home a virgin. I came here to study the great American art of muff diving. To smack clam, munch rug, dine at just one American pink taco stand! You know, I wanted to, how is it, park the porpoise. You know? I want to take it through the car wash, baby. And get it waxed. I want to wax it. Wax it! You know, and air dry. Air dry that shit, yeah!"
3. AMERICAN PIE (1999)
Forget everything he did in Harold and Kumar, John Cho is responsible for one of the most famous things in recent comedy (as well as drive-by porn) history. "The MILF." Yep, that was Harold who had the minor (yet important) role in AMERICAN PIE as MILF GUY #2. Plus, Finch is better than Rosenberg, and that makes American Pie two-for-two. John was actually given the unique name "John" in the sequels that followed, but remained the MILF guy throughout. Thanks to John Cho, we have more MILF jokes then we ever really wanted (please stop) as well as the wonderful group of men who are now known as MILF Hunters. His next role will be as Sulu in the J.J. Abrams Star Trek re-boot, but he will always be known to me as the MILF GUY.
"M-I-L-F Mom I'd Like to F*ck!"
2. HAROLD AND KUMAR GO TO WHITE CASTLE (2004)
Considering the laws of diminishing returns, the new HAROLD AND KUMAR movie should be lighter on actual original humor, and will probably sell itself short by repeating jokes you have seen before. The return of Neil Patrick Harris looks to be just that – the return of an old joke. The jokes in White Castle were fresh, funny and (sort of) original (see number one below). With just the right mix of racial humor, drug humor as well as random off the wall humor, it was better than I think anyone ever expected. Without director Danny Leiner, I don't expect this to reach the level of humor that the first one achieved, but I would assume it will break the monetary bar set by the original which only earned $18 million. The best thing the new movie could possibly do is turn more people onto the highly creative original.
"Yeah, I've been craving burgers, too. Furburgers. Come on, dudes, let's pick up some trim at a strip club. The Doogie line always works on strippers."
1. CHEECH AND CHONG STILL SMOKIN' (1982) and BORN IN EAST L.A. (1987)
The kings of stoner comedy were – and still are – Cheech Marin and Tommy Chong. Harold and Kumar are funny, but they are still imitations of the originals. For two films to see in place of Guantanamo Bay, I point you to the original stoners' adventures as they actually made it to Amsterdam in Still Smokin' as well Cheech's solo effort Born in East L.A, which has a very similar theme to this new movie. In Still Smokin', the boys find themselves in a strange land, with only their love for drugs for familiarity. Born in East L.A. has Cheech deported after an immigration raid, despite being born and raised in Los Angeles. I would assume this new Harold and Kumar film owes a lot to these two movies as it appears to take plot devices from each of them as it creates its own story. If you watch the new movie, make sure you take the time to watch the originals as well.
"We should have a dope-a-thon. You know try to raise money for like all the people that lost their crops."
There are many stoners in movies that you can catch in honor of the release of Harold and Kumar's recent journey. Whether it is Jeff Spicoli (Fast Times at Ridgemont High), Jay and Silent Bob (Clerks), or Floyd (True Romance) there are a ton of great movies to choose from. However, for my money Cheech and Chong are still the masters of stoner comedy and I can't recommend their movies enough.
"Hey! Get some beer and some cleaning products!"
Well, that's my Alternate Takes for this weekend. Feel free to drop me a line if you have any ideas for your own Alternate Takes or ideas for some future releases. And remember the old adage: Don't do drugs because if you do drugs you'll go to prison, and drugs are really expensive in prison.
