Ghost Hunters Recap Episode 4.9: Haunted Asylum

Posted by Ron Martin on 05.01.2008

On the spring finale of Ghost Hunters, the team investigates a huge asylum in West Virginia! One location; seven ghost hunters; one upset tummy and a zombie. Just another week on the Scifi network.

In honor of the Ghost Hunters Spring finale, I sit here with a Coke Zero (the veritable ghost of Coca-Cola and shirtless. If anyone see that, they could become a ghost.



DELETED SCENES FROM LAST WEEK…


#1 – They drive through Virginia City and get an eerie feeling which Grant says they have to ignore even though that seems to be all the evidence they turn up these days. I bet only John Madden knows the roads of America better than Steve.

#2 – Kris and Britt get weird reflections off the slick floor at the Goldfield Hotel. Why are they letting Kris touch the thermal camera?

#3 – There was a whole subplot eliminated from the show about a piano that plays itself. In less than a minute thirty, Grant debunks it by finding that screws were falling off inside the piano and probably hitting the strings causing the piano to make noise. If we had only eliminated Steve's stupid explanation of what the cameras are pointing at, maybe we could have seen this.

#4 – The gang arrives at the Goldfield….and nothing happens.

Nothing.

TONIGHT ON GHOST HUNTERS…

They say TAPS is going to be the first to investigate this insane asylum in West Virginia. This thing is bigger than the Stanley, but I bet they bring only five instead of eight and a wrestler. Will the team keep it together? Is Steve now afraid of air wearing that mask? Was that Krysten I heard? Was that the entirety of the internet throwing their computers in disgust at the sight of Krysten on their TVs? Somebody cries. Somebody gets knocked down if the disembodied voice is to be believed! Hey, he's lied to us before.

The Day Job
Jason and Grant continue on their quest to be the cleanest plumbers ever to have worked. They get all of three seconds in before Kris calls. Now we know why Kris didn't make it in the acting field.

Headquarters
UNIDENTIFIED ASIAN MAN! UNIDENTIFIED ASIAN MAN! Oh wait, that's Joe Chin. He has now been identified. He will join Kris as an Investigator-in-Training. They're taking a couple extras (Joe and Krysten) because the place is so big. So I guess I was wrong.

Case #1: Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum, Weston, West Virginia

Grant tells us that the ghost hunters have to let the ghosts mess with their heads a little bit in an asylum like this. That's actually a solid piece of ghost hunting. I'm glad that they mentioned it, but it makes me sad that we're in Season 4 of the show and I have to be surprised when they mention an advanced ghost hunting technique.

Joe Chin immediately carves a place in my heart when he gets a crazy wild-eyed look on his face upon seeing the immensity of the asylum. Grant literally looks like he is about to cry when he sees how big it is. I mean, the dude has tears welling up in his eyes.

The Investigation
Rebecca (who looks just like Kathleen Turner [who was uncredited as the voice of Jessica Rabbit]) is the guide. I'd hit it. She's heard hundreds of ghost stories. The place was established in 1858. The place tried to separate the mentally messed up from the deviants. There were a lot of lobotomies. A lot.

Rebecca is happy to tell us that the Forensics Unit housed the most dangerous lunatics, including none other than our buddy Charlie Manson. Insane women kept complaining of seeing a man in the building – though that was impossible! A section of the building was around during the civil war. There's a room she wants the guys to look at – maybe because there is blood all over the wall? Tour guides get tossed around in there a lot. One of the tour guides saw an extra gawker during a tour on the third level. They are running through these haunted places fast. Lots of eyewitnesses. By the way, this would have been a great place for the Halloween episode. I just saw Joe Chin setting a camera on top of a stretcher with a wall of blood behind him. I am a happy man.

Joe Chin says "What the freak?" That's why he's in training. When he can figure out "What the frick?" then TAPS job is done. Uhm, there was this really weird shot of Tango being a zombie. Is Tango a zombie? I refuse to recap what the cameras are watching. Instead I will just tell you there are more cameras than usual. Because of asbestos, the crew has to wear facemasks. Steve ain't afraid of no asbestos!

LIGHTS OUT!

Jason and Grant get the opening shots on the second floor. They immediately get a reflection of Jay's bald head. This is not an orb!

Krysten is stuck with the two trainees on the fourth floor. Kris asserts her superiority over Joe Chin by talking. A lot. They start seeing things right off. Of course, they're trainees. Trainees always see stuff! They're doing EVP work and hear lots of weird noises. I'm amazed that we've been watching for over ten minutes now and Krysten hasn't sat down yet. They're chasing ghost noises.

Speaking of ghost noises, we get the over-produced voiceover of Grant wanting to do EVP work in the civil war area. Grant tries reverse psychology by telling the ghosts they are really scared of them while Jason roleplays as Dr. Frankenstein. Grant sees a ball of light that is not Jay's bald head. They go to investigate but see nothing. I bet they blame it on car headlights. You think Grant asks to be smacked, slapped and pulled on when living people are around? He sure wants dead people to do it quite a bit. There was just some crazy noise that sounded like a metallic voice coming from somewhere in the building. It happens again and is important enough for us to go to split screen. Grant now wants to be driven crazy by the ghosts. These voices are actually being caught by the Pilgrim Films cameras for once.

Steve and Tango are in the Forensics Building hoping not to smell poo air again this week. They try to put their masks on, but Steve has some issues and gets flipped in the face by the mask. Apparently, he is too scared of rubber bands to put the mask on like a grownup. He has officially taken over the role of goof from Brian. Tango laughs, but is giddy because he smells blood. And he's a zombie. Steve hears moaning, but I think it's Zombie Tango. Zombies only know how to moan. Steve hears a female laughing and points out it was the female ward. Somehow, I think that this isn't the first time that Steve has heard a female laughing at him. They do a speriment where Tango goes to another building to laugh to see if it could be a female investigator's laugh carrying over. He can't, but it could be because of the fact that Tango is doing the gayest laugh known to man. In the absence of the zombie, Steve is hearing lots of footsteps. Dude – I just go it. It's a zombie laugh!

Back to Jason and Grant chasing the disembodied voice that is not the announcer. Jason sees shadows darting around in the kitchen. They go into there to investigate, but I think he just wants a sandwich. The ghost wants him to have no sandwich and bangs it's disapproval loudly.

Kris and Krysten were sent to the Civil War section where all the action is going on. Kris puts a camera on the ground so that it can get a good shot of her butt as she walks away. At least she knows her strengths. She proceeds to sit because they haven't done that in a long time. Oddly enough it isn't Kris who has the stomach issues this week, but Krysten. She grabs her stomach and sends Kris away. How rude of Pilgrim Films to put Krysten's gas on national TV. They make a big deal out of it and go to….

COMMERCIALS.

Kris gets her first up close shot in front of the TAPS logo. Congratulations, Kris! Krysten claims to have seen something move in the room. I think she needs to find a bathroom. She then proceeds to show off how much of a New England accent she has. Kris is pissed because she can't see or hear anything. So she stands and pouts with her arms folded in the corner. Ghosts don't make passes at girls who wear glasses.

The masked zombie brothers are still in the women's dorm when they start hearing things. Steve takes his mask off to hear better. Then he cusses. Me like it when they cuss! They discovered a series of tunnels and decide to investigate it because Steve isn't scared of no tunnels! They discover that nothing could have come through the tunnels. Steve states that that means there could be something paranormal in the building. You think? Isn't that what you're here for?

Back to Jason and Grant who according to Jason are being hunting. Grant's answer to that?

WHAT THE FRICK?!!!

Learn Joe Chin. Learn. Hey, what happened to Joe Chin?

Jason does not feel comfortable in this part of the building so we get…

WHAT THE FRIG?!!

Nice.

Grant is about to cry again. This time because he saw a guy crouch down in a medical robe and his hands over his head before disappearing. Jason saw it to. I sincerely hope they got this on camera. This show has very much a live Halloween feel to it.

Joe Chin!!! He's with Krysten on the third floor. He wants to be talked to. Krysten feels for the ghosts so she doesn't want to provoke it. Joe Chin asks for a sound and a sound Joe Chin receives. Krysten gets whispering in her ear and a numb head for her troubles. Jason and Grant pop out of nowhere and Krysten's stomach no longer hurts because all this shit is in her pants now.

The Analysis
Man! They're making Joe Chin do analysis! Kris never has to do analysis. I guess you have to be pretty to get out of listening to hours upon hours of digital audio. Tango discovers some stuff on the thermal and shows Steve, but when Joe Chin tries to look Steve pulls away. What is this? Hazing? It's just people. Live people.

Now Tango hears the laughing on the tape that we heard.

The Findings
They better have found more than that. I see Kris can show up for the Findings, can't she?

Steve shows them the sounds he and Tango heard in the woman's ward. They got the woman laughing. Kind of. They also have the voices that Jason and Grant heard on tape but they make no effort to try and figure out what is being said. The little girl laughing came out pretty good. The ghost Jason and Grant didn't make it on video.

Joe Chin found some stuff in the bloody wall room. They hear banging in an empty room. On another mike that as set down and left alone all night there is a very distinct breath. Kind of chilling.

The Reveal
Grant gives all the credit to his theory of letting them mess with their head. They show the noises from the Forensics building with Steve and Tango. They talk about personal experiences (which they are on record in previous seasons saying that they don't matter if you don't have the evidence to back it up). Rebecca is way over reacting to everything. Rebecca figures out on her own that the ghostly voice that Jason and Grant heard says "Go Home!" See, she figured it out. They play the rest of the EVPs.

Grant gives Rebecca a lecture on intelligent hauntings and how it will interact with them, but tells her not to keep calling on it or that they will just piss it off.

Status: Haunted.

Rebecca immediately declared she will not listen to Grant but will roam the halls trying to find the ghost.

Cartalk. Once again, my DVR cuts off, but I'm assuming a season ending fistbump.

Overall: This was a good episode. I wish they were investigating here instead of the Stanley again for their Halloween special. There was very little of pandering to new viewers which helps. The show has its viewers. They don't need to be reminded of what an EVP is every episode. New episodes start up again on May 28th and Brian was in the previews! Don't get too excited though, I think all the clips were from old episodes. Speaking of the Ghost Hunters International team is over in Europe getting evidence as we speak. Robb D. has told me they have gotten some great stuff. He wouldn't lie to me! If he did, I would kick him in the shins and give him a wedgie.

For now? I'm going to Disneyworld!