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 411mania » Movies » Columns

I'm Not Gonna Lie 05.11.08
Posted by Nick Wallander on 05.11.2008

"The Dark Knight" is going to own you!

This week brought us movie geeks a couple treats in regards to the most anticipated movie of the summer, "The Dark Knight". We all got a new trailer to download as well as a really gruesome picture that supposedly depicted Aaron Eckhart as Two-Face. Did you catch them. Sure you did. If you didn't you wouldn't be on this web page.

I am going to flat out say that I got a little more psyched for this than I ever expected to be. Not since the original "Spider-man" have I been excited for a comic book movie. There seems to be an epic feeling surrounding "The Dark Knight"when you view the trailer. It would appear that the movie builds to a main event showdown between Batman and the Joker. Add to that the small bits we get to see of Heath Ledger's performance and you can see where that epic feeling evolves from.

Right now, the only summer movie that is going to compete with "The Dark Knight" in terms of box office success is "Iron Man" (or maybe the new "Indiana Jones). Brace for the impact of this one, folks, because its going to be something special. If it wasn't, I would not have wasted the last few paragraphs on it. Now, excuse me while I clean myself off from excitement.

There's always money in the banana stand!

In an interview earlier this week with RADAR magazine, actress Alia Shawkat revealed some details about the potential "Arrested Development" movie. Yeah, I am with you on this one. I didn't know who the hell Alia Shawkat was until I looked up that she was the girl who played Maeby on the aforementioned television series. Regardless of the girl's fame, the interview revealed some exciting information. Of note in the interview was the fact that "Arrested Development" creator Mitchell Hurwitz has been making phone calls indicating there is some weight behind this potential project and that Ron Howard may direct the film.

Ron Howard? Really? Sure, the man was heavily involved in the television show, but "Arrested Development" would be an entirely different tone of a film compared to others he has directed. However, if it indeed plays out that Howard will direct, that can mean nothing but good things for an "Arrested Development" movie. It will pad the movie with recognizable names other than the now famous Michael Cera, which can only lead to more people being introduced to the zany Bluth family. That also means that DVD sales will probably increase and FOX will see how great the canceled series really was. Perhaps, when it is all said and done, we will get an entire series of "Arrested Development" films and thus many wrongs will have been righted (except for "Firefly" being canceled).

I'm not gonna lie, folks. The entire possibility of an "Arrested Development" movie makes me nothing more than moist. Pure and utter moistness beyond levels I cannot describe to you. Ever since I first picked up the series on DVD I have been in love with how brilliantly intelligent and hilariously inappropriate the show managed to be. It deserved the Emmy it won, but did not get the chance it should have to win a few more. You probably should pick up the DVDs if you ever get the chance. They will be money well spent and you will not regret it. If you do not find "Arrested Development" to be one of the funniest shows ever, it is obviously your fault.

This is a project I will be keeping an eye on.

Words from the mouth of Dwight K Schrute

(Oscar, Pam, and Michael are getting set to attend a high school job fair when Darrell from the warehouse walks in dressed for success, tie and all)

Darrell: Hey, we doing this thing?

Michael: Yeah.

Kelly: Oh my god, Darrell! You look like Barrack Obama. Everybody, I'm dating Barrack Obama!

Michael: Why are you dressed like that?

Darrell: Like what?

Michael: Like you're applying for a loan.

Dwight: Maybe he's going to church.....or court.

This week's LOST logic....

Did any of you ever get into one of those amusement park rides where they strap you in a seat and then it spins you in every direction imaginable? Well, I haven't either, but I would imagine that it would be very similar to watching last night's episode of "Lost". By the end of the thing, I sure as hell did not know which end was up. In fact, I am still not sure the room has stopped spinning after one of the most confusing episodes of the season.

Don't get me wrong, folks. I am in no way, shape, or form complaining about this week's episode, "Cabin Fever". It was definitely a big piece of the "Lost" puzzle. Unfortunately, we have no idea where the piece fits, nor what the hell it even is. Actually, it is kind of like more pieces were tossed onto the table and there is no box to look at. And by golly we got a shit ton of pieces this week.

The most logic bending part of the episode and this season has been the time bending properties surrounding the island. Tonight we saw a glimpse of the freighter where the ship's doctor was alive and well, despite the fact that he was found dead on the island a day or so earlier. That would mean that the island was AHEAD of the freighter that time. Earlier this season we saw that it was 31 minutes behind when Faraday called foe the payload. Yeah, it doesn't seem to have one strict rule. The best I can make of it is that going in and out of the field surrounding the island can take you to different points in time depending on where you cross it. That explains why it is so damn important to stick to those bearings.

Other time confusion surrounds the mysterious Richard Alpert, who appeared to have been visiting a very newborn John Locke back in what seemed to be the late 1950s and subsequently in Locke's toddler days and his high school times as well. Does the man not age? Or can he travel his way through time? That would explain why he had Locke's knife. Regardless of Richard's abilities, it would appear that the man has an agenda. He may very well have been trying to mold Locke's destiny. In fact, it is quite possible that this is a trend with my of the survivors of 815. It might seem like they were all brought there my influential forces.

Its just a little thought for you all to think about.


Some bitch is accusing my Lindsay Lohan of stealing a wardrobe of clothing from her house during some party last year. I think this woman should quit her damn crying. You have to be pretty stupid to let someone leave your party with armfuls of clothing from your closet.

"Zombie Strippers" is available on PPV if you are interested. Yeah, I didn't think you would be, but at least we got a chuckle from the idea of it.

Many women I know keep telling me I should rent "27 Dresses". I told them that I would save more time if I just walked to the bathroom and flushed my money down the toilet.

I saw one of the coolest and funniest news show interviews the other night. It involved Stephen Colbert and an astronaut. The cool part was that the astronaut was in space at the time and appeared via satellite. The funny part was Stephen Colbert.

There is talk of a sequel to the film "Donnie Darko". I liked the first movie, but it made little to no fucking sense, even with the special edition. Perhaps it isn't a good idea to make a second movie that nobody will understand.

- "Talk Sex", an advice show on the Oxygen network is going to be ending its run soon. Show host, 77 year old Sue Johanson, is ready to call it quits. That's a shame because I always appreciated that show calming my libido between "Girls Gone Wild" infomercials while channel surfing at 1 a.m.


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