What?!! This Column!?? 05.19.08: Issue #109

Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz on 05.19.2008

Why I Love "Night of the Creeps"



Last year, acclaimed director Fred Dekker's cult classic 1980's horror comedy "The Monster Squad" finally made its way to DVD, bringing much joy and happiness to the flick's many legions of fans. And while I haven't watched the 2-disc special edition DVD from the fine folks at Lionsgate just yet (I just bought it a few days ago, and who knows when the heck I'll get a chance to watch it. I mean, I just finally unwrapped the "Robocop" 20th Anniversary Edition 2-disc special edition I bought last summer. I haven't watched it yet, I just unwrapped it), for the most part, the fans loved the DVD and can't wait to see Dekker's other 1980's horror comedy cult classic, "Night of the Creeps," hit DVD.

I know I can't wait for it. The question is, will we ever get a DVD of the 1986 gory homage to the pulpy horror flicks that Dekker apparently grew up on? As far as I know there is no immediate DVD release on the horizon (there's nothing on amazon that I'm aware of) and, really, if there was, I'm sure the internets would be on fire with all kinds of news, special feature speculation, and fond memories of first time viewings of the Tom Atkins starrer. The first time I remember seeing it was on a Friday night in maybe 1988 or 1989, on HBO. I thought I happened upon "National Lampoon's European Vacation," but some other kind of weird version of the Chevy Chase comedy. There was Rusty (Jason Lively), perhaps having another dream on the airplane, but why the heck was he wearing a tuxedo? Who was that girl he was with? Why did he have a flamethrower? And why the heck was Michael Hunsaker (Atkins) there? After a few minutes, I realized that I wasn't watching an alternate version of "European Vacation." I was watching some else entirely.
And what I saw was, in a word, awesome.

It was just awesome.

I had to wait, though, until the flick was on again until I saw the whole flick (all 85 minutes worth). Over the years, I watched it again and agaon on various premium cable movie channels, basic cable channels, various superstations (it was great on WPIX during their October nightly scary movie schedule), and on regular TV whenever it appeared. The flick sort of disappeared for a few years, then came back with a vengeance on Showtime and Cinemax, appearing sometimes several times a day.

So, why exactly do I love "Night of the Creeps"?

- Tom freaking Atkins. Atkins is one of the best character actors of the last thirty years. He's appeared in dang near everything. Big budget movies, low budget movies, action flicks, comedies, horror flicks, and he's appeared on a bunch of TV shows. He's probably best known for Hunsaker in "Lethal Weapon," his work with John Carpenter in "Escape from New York" and "The Fog," his starring role in "Halloween III: Season of the Witch," and, to a lesser extent, his role as scumbum cop Detective Ray Cameron. He's mean, surly, constantly annoyed by the higher ups and anyone else who gets in his way. The man has absolutely no patience for stupdity or bullshit (hence his constant use of the phrase "Thrill me"). But there's a good reason for his nasty disposition. He's haunted by a strange, awful occurence from his youth in 1959, when he saw his girlfriend murdered by an axe wielding escaped mental patient and how he years later killed that mental patient and buried him under his mother's house. And when the alien slugs that are the "Creeps" of the title show up and infect that dead body, bringing it "back to life" to wreak further havoc, Cameron becomes even more surly and pissed off (I probably have some of that a tad wrong, but it's essentially correct. The opening of the flick is somewhat complicated). Cameron then decides to make it his life's work to hunt down the rest of the slugs and, well, kill them all. Atkins is just such a bad ass here, and you can tell that he's having a ball. He's got his shotgun, his cigarettes, and his trenchcoat, and he's out to kick some butt. And watch him when he gets in that sorority house at the end. Serious zombie monster slug worm ass kicking time. Atkins is obviously much older now and he doesn't get these kinds of roles anymore, but I'd love to see him do another movie like this, playing a smiliar character (not exactly a scumbum cop, but more along the lines of a character he can really get into). Atkins needs to "Thrill me" everyone again. I know he can do it.



- A cool monster. Now, I'm not talking about the axe wielding zombie skeleton that appears (although that is pretty dang cool), I'm talking about the green work slug things that infiltrate a human and turn him or her into a pseudo zombie. The worm slug thing is just disgusting to look at (reminds me of an oversized leech), and the idea of having one of those things slither up your nose or into your mouth or ear and take over your brain, that's just awful. And the whole pseudo zombie shooting green work slug things at people thing is... I'm getting creeped out just thinking about it.

- Jason Lively's nerdy Chris Romero character. As we all saw in "European Vacation," Lively sure can be an annoying, wimpy little punk. You end up liking him, though, when you realize just how much the people around him can't stand him. I mean, Romero's only friend in the flick is a guy in a wheelchair (more on that guy later), and that guy is just as annoying as Romero. But for whatever reason you, the audience, kind of like him, and when the hooha hits the fan and the worm slug monsters start wiping people out and it looks like Romero is next, you want to see him get out of it alive. And when he becomes the new beau of Jill Whitlow's Cindy Cronenberg, you definitely want to see him score. And, yeah, Romero sure can wield a flamethrower.

- Great use of the names of famous horror directors. James Cameron, David Cronenberg, George A. Romero, John Carpenter, Sam Raimi, and John Landis are all given props here, which is always cool (and considering that Carpenter honored both Cronenberg and Romero in "Escape from New York," it's just all the more cool. It's like everyone is doing it, even the John Carpenter). Although it makes you wonder why Wes Craven isn't represented. Did Craven owe Dekker money or something back in 1986?

- The presence of both Allan J. Kayser and Dick Miller. I can't remember who Kayser played, but the mere idea of seeing freaking Bubba from "Mama's Family" in a horror movie is just brilliance on an unbelievable level. And it's always dang cool to see Dick Miller show up for any reason. You usually see him in a Joe Dante movie, but perhaps that's Dekker's way of doing a Dante homage 9or, more likely, Dekker was a fan of Miller's work with Roger Corman and that's why he's here. I always had the sneaking suspicion years ago that Atkins' Cameron actually shot and wounded Miller's police armorer. I really don't know why I thought that, I just did. Perhaps that's the angle Dekker or someone else could use for a sequel. Miller is wounded, gets out of the hospital, pissed off about what happened, and decides to give Cameron some payback. But then he finds out about the whole alien slug worm thing and decides to "finish the job." I know I'd pay to see that movie.

- Killing a cripple. "Night of the Creeps" certainly isn't the first horror movie that kills a character in a wheelchair (I know that the original "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" had Leatherface doing in a cripple, and one of the "Friday the 13th"'s has Jason whacking a handicapable person), but seeing it, even to this day, is still kind of shocking. Handicapped people, in a movie, are often immediately more vulnerable than everyone else, so to see them in a harrowing situation is just seemingly more awful than seeing someone else in a precarious situation. So when Romero's best buddy J.C. (as played by Steve Marshall) gets attacked on the bathroom floor by that one scurrying worm slug it's just incredibly disturbing. Why kill the cripple, man?

Because it shows your movie's got balls. Because it shows that anyone, absolutely anyone, could die at any moment, even the crippled guy, so no one is safe. That's the mark of a horror movie that's willing to pull no punches. That's always welcome.

- Using a flamethrower to kill monsters. For whatever reason you just don't see people in movies using flamethrowers (you see it a lot in those cheesy 1980's low budget Italian action movies, but they don't count here). I don't really understand why. It's both a great, spectacular weapon to use on someone, and it's a horrendous way to die (think about it, would you want to be set on fire?). So when both Cameron and Romero (and Cronenberg) start using that flamethrower on the pseudo zombies and slug worms, it's a breath of fresh movie mayhem air. And it still is, twenty two years later, simply because we still don't see much flamethrower use. Maybe we should all start up a petition, tell Joel Silver that he should make an action movie about guys that use flamethrowers.

- The bus crash. This, of course, is the big bus crash that helps set up the big butt pseudo zombie massacre in the sorrority house at the end. Big bus crashes are always fun in horror movies because you know they're going to be absolutely horrible. No one is going to come out of it unharmed. And how about the bus driver freaking out right before the crash? Remember that look on the guy's face? That used to be the scene that HBO used to advertise "Tonight on HBO." Find the flick and watch it and you'll see what I mean.

- The 360 spinning room killing pseudo zombies scene. This, of course, is the big scene in the sorrority house where Cameron has to fight off a young female pseudo zombie, grab his revolver from the floor, and start shooting at the gaggle of pseudo zombies entering the room. It's both one of the cheesiest and one of the most intense scenes you're likely to see in any horror movie, past or present. Atkins screaming his head off, blasting everything in sight. That'd make a great animated avatar, wouldn't it? Of course it would.

Here. Check it out:



- Lawnmower to the face. I can't find this scene on youtube (it's probably in one of those big chunks of the movie that seem to be listed there but I'm not going to look for it), but if you've seen the movie you know what I'm talking about. And if you haven't seen the movie, you should seek it out immediately simply for this scene. It's not "Dead Alive" gory, but it is pretty intense. And pretty dang simple to boot. It's Romero cranking up a push lawnmower, turning it up so the whirling blade is exposed, and running it into the face of a pseudo zombie. Pretty dang freaking cool.

- The whole 1980's thing. There's not much else to say about that. It was made in the 1980's, and so it has that 1980's vibe to it. The weird hair, the weird sunglasses, the weird fashions, and I believe someone says "boss" at one point. You don't get much more 1980's than that. And, there's nothing wrong with being weird. I love the 1980's.

- And, finally, the whole two different endings thing. "Night of the Creeps" has two very different endings. The one that appears in the theatrical release is a jump scare scene featruing an infected dog opening its mouth and (we don't see this part) shooting one of the slug worms into the face of Cronenberg. The other one, which is much more elaborate, features a burned up, zombified Atkins, a cemetary, and an alien space ship. I first saw this ending on a basic cable showing of the flick. I don't know if I necessarily like the alternate ending better than the regular ending, but it sure is fun to see. The fact that the flick has two endings is one of the big reasons why this flick needs to have a special edition DVD with all kinds of special features. The whole world needs to see both endings presented in the best possible way just so we can all say we saw them and they're preserved for posterity.

Really, I just want to have both endings on a DVD.

Here's the alternate ending via youtube:



So, let's all hope that we get the "good" news about a "Night of the Creeps" special edition DVD very soon. We all want to be thrilled, man.



***



(You can see part of that bus crash here in the trailer. So just ignore part of the paragraph above that deals with it).

***

So, CBS gave James "Jimmy" Woods his walking papers by cancelling his kick butt lawyer show "Shark" after only two seasons. That sure does suck. "Shark" was one of the better new lawyer shows of recent memory ("Canterbury's Law" was another one, and Fox gave that show the boot, too). I loved seeing Woods chew the scenery every week. And seeing Kevin Pollak every so often as the new Los Angeles District Attorney was fun, too. I'm sure that the writers strike didn't help the show, but I think the biggest thing that hurt the show was moving it from Thursdays to Sundays at 10pm. Sundays at 10pm isn't exactly the scheduling black hole that Tuesdays at 10pm is, but with football in the fall running over and pushing the night's scheduled shows up an hour or two is just death for the show on at 10pm. "Shark" was on several times at 11pm, which is probably too late for some, and if you don't plan ahead via DVR or VCR, recording for several hours at a time many people probably missed it. I hope that Woods gets a new show, maybe something on cable (he'd be great on "Rescue Me") or a renewed movie career, because he's just too good an actor to be on the outside looking in.

And it looks like "Back to You," "October Road," and a bunch of other shows aren't coming back, either (like "New Amsterdam"). That just sucks. I was hoping that at least "Back to You" would come back for a second season. At least "The Unit" got renewed for a fourth season, but then again it's being moved to Sundays at 10pm. As I said up above about "Shark," "The Unit" is probably going to get lost at that time and end up on the chopping block at the end of the season.

It'll be interesting to see how well "Without a Trace" does on its new night, Tuesdays at 10pm. As I also said above, that's the black hole on the CBS schedule. Nothing seems to work there since "Judging Amy" got the boot. It's either CBS's attempt to "fix" that perception and make that timeslot work, or the network wants to get rid of the show and moving it to Tuesdays is the best way to do it without getting Jerry Bruckheimer all that upset.

Nah, CBS wouldn't do that, would they?

***

I think I've asked this before, but I'll ask it again: why is it okay for country music singers to sing about getting drunk, sex, hot ass women dancing, hot women's asses, and being "vulgar," but it's the end of the world when rappers do it?

***

This week, the "What?!! This Column!?? Douchebag of the Week" goes to New York Daily News op ed columnist Michael Goodwin, for his ongoing slamming of Democratic Senator and Presidential hopeful Barrack Hussein Obama for essentially acting too much like a Democrat. Goodwin is one of those "sensible Democrats" that appear on the news chats shows every now and then to act as an alleged balance against the ultra right wing scumbags that are always on (put on any news chat show and you'll see them) but then spend most of their time slamming the Democrats for being "too" liberal or not "living in the real world" when it comes to national security and American social issues like guns and Jesus. For the last two weeks Goodwin has gone all Charles Krathammer on Obama and his "lack of national security gravitas" and his "willingness" to negotitate with terrorists (he never said he'd do that, but whatever). I don't know why Goodwin keeps up the "sensible Democrat" charade, he should just cut the crap and announce that he's voting for Republican John McCain, that he's a Republican, and he'll do and say whatever it takes to make you believe that Obama is a wimpy Michael Dukakis like left wing homosexual that is going to allow the Islamofascists to take over the US. At least Vice President Joe Lieberman, another "sensible Democrat," doesn't beat around the bush (ha!) with his allegiances.

***

Well, next weekend is a big racing weekend, with the Nationwide series running at Charlotte (I refuse to call it Loews) on Saturday, Formula One running at Monaco (at least I believe they are), Sprint Cup running the Coca-Cola 600 on Sunday night, and, of course, the biggest race in the world, the Indy 500 on Sunday afternoon. My thoughts on the 500 will be appearing in the Jim Carson's weekly Green Flag column that appears in 411's Sports section, usually mid week. Just go to the top of this page, click on the "Sports" tab, scroll down to the "Other" section, and Jim's column will appear somewhere in there. I'm sure it'll be a great read, as Jim's column is always a bunch of fun to read.

And for those of you in the Upstate New York region who are fans of the Oswego Speedway and the supermodified division, let's all hope that the track has more than twelve freaking cars for the Jim Shampine Memorial. It's an absolute disgrace that the division has come to this. I don't know if running with wings every week is going to change all that much, but something has to be done before the division just dies.

No one wants to see that happen.



Please don't die on us.

***

June 17th is getting closer and closer, and that means we'll be able to pick up the second season of "Jericho" on DVD. If we make that DVD a mega success, and keep buying the first season, and keep watching the reruns that may still be on the Sci Fi Channel (I haven't seen the show on the cable channel in a good long while so I don't know if they're done with it), "Jericho" can come back in some form (another season, TV movies, direct-to-DVD movies). I know we all want to see that happen, right?

Exactly.

Go check out the following links for the show, and don't forget to check out the Jericho Rangers 4 the Troops website, which is a great campaign to send DVD's of the second season of the show to troops overseas. It seems like a great program.

http://www.jerichoseries.com

http://www.jerichooncbs.tumblr.com/

http://www.jerichorallypoint.com

http://www.radiofreejericho.com

http://www.jericholives.com

http://www.jerichowiki.cbs.com/

http://www.jerichonet2.com/

http://www.jerichorangers4ourtroops.com/

Long live "Jericho"!

***

Well, I think that'll be about it for this week. Don't forget to check out the 411mania.com's movie zone podcast, which can be heard here. It's always a good listen. And please check out my other column here at the site, The Gratuitous B-Movie Column. It's about B-movies. And, once again, don't forget to check out Jim Carson's Green Flag column this week, where I'll be sharing my Indy 500 thoughts with Jim.

"Lois: Chris, we know what you did.

Chris: You mean that I lied about my age to get into an Indian casino?

Lois: No.

Chris: You mean about the time I had hard gas and pooed myself?

Peter: Close, but no.

Stewie: How is that close?"

That's from "Family Guy," but I'm pretty sure you already knew that.

***
Cancer sucks.

***












Oh, because you know you love Dokken.