Misunderstood Masterpieces 6.03.08: Mom and Dad Save the World

Posted by Will Helm on 06.03.2008

…or, Last Week’s Devil Gets His Due.

Last week, hard working character actor Jeffery Jones portrayed a devil or demon or some sort of undefined evil spirit. Interestingly, it wasn't always like this for the very busy Mr. Jones. In fact, only a few weeks before the release of Stay Tuned, Jeffery Jones was a good man, an honest man, a leading man. Interestingly enough, this turn occurred in another kids' action movie, this time with a science-fiction flair, rather than a metaphysical theme. This film, also from 1992, is Mom and Dad Save the World . . . and I guess it's pretty obvious who the titular "Dad" is.

Of course, a leading role for one of the Hollywood's busiest character actors doesn't always translate into box-office success. Though Stay Tuned grossed a modest $10 million at theaters, Mom and Dad Save the World took in only $2 million or so. Stay Tuned, as established last week, wasn't that bad, so does that mean that Mom and Dad Save the World is only 20% as good as Stay Tuned? Surely this can't be the fault of Jeffery Jones, hard working character actor. There must be something more . . . something no one has realized. Perhaps Mom and Dad Save the World isn't a box-failure, but a Misunderstood Masterpiece. Let's find out!

Just to annoy me, the opening isn't promising as the credits feature the same Day-Glo color scheme as Stay Tuned, just with a slightly more heroic font. Luckily, there's a horde of good actors to round out the cast here . . . and Kathy Ireland. Ah, Kathy Ireland; who could ever forget – or, more appropriately, who wouldn't want to forget – her amazing star turn in Alien from L.A.? Hopefully she's not the reason for Mom and Dad Save the World's monetary failure either. The reason may very well be the stereotypical expository monologue, which follows the Day-Glo credits and explains that on the planet Spengo, a planet filled with idiots, a king was deposed and, in his place, evil emperor Todd Spengo took the throne.

Emperor Todd (Jon Lovitz), as a stereotypical evil emperor and as per his particular idiom, has a death ray and a pointless hatred of Earth, much like many other evil emperors around the universe. Perhaps it's all a metaphor for Islamist hatred of the West. Or not. Emperor Todd's first plan of action to flex his imperial muscle is to blow up a suburb of Los Angeles – and, with it, the rest of Earth. His plan is foiled, however, when he spies a matronly woman named Marge Nelson (Teri Garr) working out by her pool. Ooh . . . it's totally like King David and Bathsheba, except not. Emperor Todd, smitten with the ill-fitting-sweatsuit-clad housewife, decides to spare Earth in exchange for Marge's love.

Back on Earth, perky Marge and her henpecked husband Dick (Jones) show off vacation slides to their nubile teenage daughter (Suzanne Ventulett) and her sure-to-be-nailing-her-soon boyfriend (Blossom's Michael Stoyanov). Apparently, and probably much to the boyfriend's joy (and his libido's), Marge and Dick are going on vacation again to celebrate their impending anniversary. Unfortunately, while Dick was a spry man in his earlier years, now all he does is complain, much to Marge's chagrin and embarrassment. Even her matronly sex life goes unfulfilled as Dick has no appetite for getting it on anymore. What he does have an appetite for is a fridge filled with product placement, as he snacks on some grapes – probably provided by the California Grape Council -- the next morning. The grapes, but not the product placement, are needed, as Dick must suffer through loading about a billion suitcases into his Family Truckster and the random harassment of Danny Cooksey. Damn you, Danny Cooksey! Damn you!

Once done with the packing, Marge and Dick head out to their vacation destination of Santa Barbara. Just because she thinks it's romantic – and probably to annoy Dick, Marge tells her husband to turn off of the main highway and take a more scenic route. The alternate route becomes even more of a detour than Dick intended as this is just the moment when Emperor Todd elects to use his utterly preposterous magnet beam to suck Dick, Marge, and the Family Truckster into space! Somehow, on the way though the solar system, Marge and Dick find time to argue, rather than freeze to death or explosively decompress. While Marge takes pictures of Saturn, Emperor Todd takes over the radio and provides a little helpful exposition, followed by some smooth jazz.

Am I the only person who thinks that "smooth jazz" is the farthest music from actual jazz on the planet? Seriously, the term is just politically correct for "easy listening."

Over on Spengo, Emperor Todd composes ballads for Marge and then he gloats over a statue that looks nothing like him. I wonder if a different actor was originally intended to play Emperor Todd . . . hmm. Perhaps to vent his frustration over the empire's lack of a decent sculptor, Emperor Todd sends Marge and Dick's Family Truckster on an impromptu thrill ride over the planet's surface before landing them safely within the castle. Once inside the castle, Dick tries to make nice with the guards, but he blanches at the discovery that Dick and Marge aren't just abductees . . . they're also wedding guests. I guess Dick is ticked that he didn't bring a suit on vacation with him. At least Marge has a nice dress packed away in one of her billion bags, but she's too busy taking pictures of canine janitors to care.

Sometime later, at Emperor Todd's behest, fish chicks lead Marge away to her quarters, while the canines lead Dick away as a prisoner. Dum-dum-DUM! While Marge gossips with the fish chicks in her quarters – and learns that one of the fish chicks is married to one of the canine things . . . and yet their children are either fish chick or canine, not a mixture of both, Dick is thrown into the castle's dungeon, where he meets some freaky creature and, later, Eric Idle chained to a wall. While Emperor Todd incongruously puts on a corset and puffy pants upstairs, Eric Idle provides more exposition for Dick; apparently, he used to be king, but now he's just a guy chained to a wall who has something important in his pants, which he entreats Dick to retrieve. OK then. Maybe he's in the dungeon because Chris Hansen stopped by the castle with a Dateline crew one day. After Dick reaches into Eric Idle's pants, Eric Idle gives Dick a quest and then he passes out. I guess the thrill of being fondled by a character actor was just a little too much for Eric Idle.

That evening, Marge visits Emperor Todd's throne room, where Emperor Todd shows off all his empire, though he reveals that he's insecure about the size of his . . . planet. Maybe he needs some Planetary ExtenZe; then Eastern European models will flock to his side to pretend to be his girlfriend. Marge, not happy with the size of Emperor Todd's planet, distracts him with camera flashes, which disorients Emperor Todd to the point where he proposes to Marge. I guess she's trading up from Dick now. Or not, as Marge refuses when Emperor Todd reveals that he's going to destroy Earth and, due to Marge's recalcitrance, torture Dick. While Marge is saddened by the news, she does find the time to bond with her canine guard in her chambers.

Meanwhile, in the dungeon, Emperor Todd exacts his REVENGE on Dick by having Wallace Shawn probe Dick's . . . mind. Well, they may be aliens, but they're not perverts. Even though the former king likes having people grab things in his pants. Emperor Todd, being an idiot, doesn't understand any of Dick's thoughts and worries about Marge's safety or the condition of his back, but he does comprehend that Dick wants to pummel him to a pulp. Perhaps for that reason, Emperor Todd sentences Dick to death and, confident that Wallace Shawn can carry out his order, he leaves the dungeon, probably to go hit on Marge some more.

Unsurprisingly, Wallace Shawn can't bring himself to carry out Emperor Todd's order and inject Dick with antifreeze as he's too distraught over a love affair gone wrong. Seriously. In order to make up for his past faults, Wallace Shawn releases Dick and then gives the former captive a disguise: the uniform off his back. OK . . . between Eric Idle getting goosed and Wallace Shawn stripping, maybe this is a planet of perverts after all. Dick, clad in Wallace Shawn's ill-fitting garb, tries to escape, but the plan doesn't work out too well, which forces Dick to take to the sewers. Once there, Dick is accosted by a cute mushroom thing, which hides a freaky, carnivorous secret as it tries to eat Dick.

Back in the castle, Marge, who somehow escaped from her quarters, runs around and, somehow, meets up with Emperor Todd. She tries to pummel him, but he dodges her attacks until she knees him in the jimmy. Well, I guess his planet isn't THAT small, then. Before Marge can inflict any more groin injuries, Dick shows up out of nowhere to interrupt the proceedings. Strangely, while Dick looks on, Marge takes this time to hit on Emperor Todd; maybe she's just trying to make Dick jealous or something. It's enough to make Dick fly out a window, which he does . . . with a little help from Emperor Todd. Somehow, a remarkably alive Dick ends up in a hangar bay, where he takes a page from a young Anakin "Yipee" Skywalker and steals a starfighter. After Dick faces some hilarious misadventures with the controls, Emperor Todd calmly blows up the starfighter, putting an end to Dick once and for all. And then he dances.

Later, while a bald Emperor Todd looks in the mirror and tells himself to exercise – and farts, too, a still remarkably alive Dick is revealed to be still remarkably alive, just stranded in a desert somewhere. Before Dick has a chance to get his bearings, however, he's captured by some hawk-people, who he wins over with something in his pants. He blames the whole scenario on Eric Idle, but I'm sure Chris Hansen wouldn't tolerate those excuses. Luckily for Dick, the hawk-people do, as they turn out to be a rebel force led by Eric Idle's children: some guy (Dwier Brown) and HOT CHICK (Ireland). After some guy and HOT CHICK provide some much needed exposition, Dick proposes an alliance and then he tries to rally the troops. Unfortunately, the troops nearly rally a bit prematurely. I suppose Dick was a little to big of an influence on them. No pun intended.

Back at the castle, Emperor Todd blows up Earth. Oh well; I guess the title should've been Mom and Dad Don't Save the World then. Or not, as the Earth in question turns out to be a miniature practice version. Emperor Todd, perhaps still insecure about planet size, yells about the exercise, just because he can. Over in the desert, some guy shows off to Dick and then, to welcome him to the tribe, they feed him some of a psycho mushroom, which is a great delicacy to them. Unsurprisingly, one taste of the psycho mushroom causes a bizarre dance number to break out . . . perhaps only in Dick's head. Either way, he is apparently having a good time for the first time in a few years. Maybe the presence of a nubile HOT CHICK doesn't hurt, either.

At the castle, Emperor Todd prepares for his impending nuptials by forcing his personal guards to commit suicide for giving him bad fashion advice. No, really. Meanwhile, Marge begrudgingly gets ready for her wedding, until Emperor Todd's loyal chancellor (Thalmus Rasulala) interrupts with a proposal of his own: treason! To that end, the not-so-loyal chancellor gives Marge some fake love serum, but Emperor Todd learns of his ulterior motives and sentences the chancellor to death! Marge, meanwhile, takes the fake love serum and goes along with the chancellor's ruse, in order to keep the spirit of treason alive. Patrick Henry would be proud.

Emperor Todd, aware of the rebel's plans to attack the castle and win back the planet by force, sends troops into the desert to thwart the revolution. Once at the rebel camp, however, the troops themselves are thwarted by a craftily placed grenade and their own stupidity. Meanwhile, the rebels make their way to the castle while hiding out inside a Trojan Todd. At the castle, Marge goes to her second wedding, where escapees from a municipal production of The Wizard of Oz line the aisles. While Emperor Todd lobbies the minister for a quick wedding – the standard for evil despots throughout cinema, the Trojan Todd arrives on the scene to interrupt the ceremony. Emperor Todd, impressed that someone would be kind enough to give him a wedding gift of this magnitude, leaves Marge's side to take a look, but he's disappointed when he discovers that the Trojan Todd looks nothing like him. Well, none of the other statues look like him either, so I can't imagine why he's so upset.

Of course, Emperor Todd, being an idiot, has his remaining troops bring the Trojan Todd inside, where Dick pops out of the head to face down Emperor Todd and rescue Marge! In addition, the rebels raid the wedding and, in the scrum, Wallace Shawn unbelievably reunites with his long-lost love, the HOT CHICK! How . . . sweet? Emperor Todd, meanwhile, retreats from the melee to the room containing his death ray with Marge as his captive. Dick, in a moment of genius, takes to the outside of the castle to ambush Emperor Todd by climbing into the death-ray room. Once there, Dick and Emperor Todd end up having a goofy sword fight; I guess 1992 was a good year from Jeffery Jones films featuring swordplay. Somehow, through a convoluted series of events, Dick loses his sword, but Marge ends up with is and uses it to cut through her bindings. Emperor Todd, much to his chagrin, finds that the combined forces of Dick and Marge are too much for him, as they combine to drop him down a garbage chute, where he's attacked by the psycho mushrooms. No word on whether or not any bizarre dancing followed.

In the aftermath of the anticlimactic battle, Eric Idle is reinstated as the King of Spengo and he thanks Dick and Marge for their help before sending them on their way. Marge responds by apologizing to the fish chicks for making tuna casserole. OK . . . sure. Eric Idle finally shoots Dick and Marge through space and back to Earth, where they end up back on the road to Santa Barbara. Eventually, they return home, still clad in their Spengo finery; maybe they'll just tell the kids they were at a fantasy resort. The kids, unsurprisingly, freak out at their parents' arrival; maybe they were afraid that a leather-clad Rosie O'Donnell was with them. And, of course, the vacation slides featuring planets, fish chicks, and canine guards don't help the situation either. Finally, at the end of the day, Dick and a significantly hotter Marge drink on the roof and, presumably, get it on. That's taking the term "happy ending" a little too figuratively . . . or the script was finished after a visit to an Asian massage parlor.

For the most part, Mom and Dad Save the World is just like last week's film: innocuous. I do have to admit, however, that this is one situation where the tradition of having kids' movies clock in under ninety minutes hurts the film in question. Mom and Dad Save the World could stand to be just a little longer, if only to add a little more action. The film does take a little too long to get where it needs to be; therefore, once it reaches that point, Mom and Dad Save the World is forced to rush to a conclusion, making it seem just a little too casual for its own good. It's happened in many other films before, and a good portion of those have been Misunderstood Masterpieces.

Join me next week when we take this thing into 3-D! See you then!