The Big Screen Bulletin 06.16.08: The Temperatures are Just as Sizzling as the News

Posted by Chad Webb on 06.16.2008

A nightmare with "The Onion Movie", the box office results, the SAG negotiations update, Jenna Jameson's new role, "Captain America" casting news, new DVD releases, new quickees, new trailer ratings, and much more!

Straight to Video Nightmares

The Onion Movie

Starring: Len Cariou, Steven Seagal, Larissa Laskin, Abigail Mavity, and Daniel Dae Kim
Directed By: James Kleiner
Written By: Todd Hanson and Robert D. Siegel
Release Date: June 3, 2008
Running Time: 80 minutes
Unrated







I have always been a fan of sketch comedy in movies, yet I have never been an avid watcher of Saturday Night Live or Mad TV. Go figure. Nevertheless, The Onion Movie trailer has been circulating through various DVDs for a few months now. I saw it one day and immediately wanted to see it. It reminded me of Kentucky Fried Movie and Amazon Women on the Moon, its unofficial sequel. If you saw either of those and found yourself laughing, The Onion Movie will surely hit the spot. It is a hilarious blend of satirical, spoof, and slapstick comedy segments.

The plot is fairly basic, and it is near impossible to give away spoilers, though even if I did, they wouldn't make sense to you unless you watched the first half of the film. The bits are shown via a news program with veteran anchor Norm Archer (Len Cariou) reading off the hot stories. At the same time, the enormous conglomerate Global Tetrahedon has taken over "The Onion" due to a merger, and is compromising the integrity of the station with pointless advertisements. Other reporters deliver news updates as well. They are Kip Kendall (Scott Klace) and Dana Dobbs (Larissa Laskin).

Many critics make the complaint that these films are disjointed and juvenile. Well, that's kind of the point isn't it? Some of the skits are hit or miss, and in that way one will judge on their own how good or bad the overall package is. It would be foolish to expect equal reactions of all the sketches. The substantial segments consist of a handful of characters. One is Melissa Cherry (Sarah McElligott), a young female pop singer that has obvious similarities to Britney Spears. Her song lyrics are hysterical, as are the movements and expressions in her music videos. Another is the blockbuster action film Cockpuncher starring Steven Seagal, who unloads one-liners like "You don't have the balls." Another follows aspiring disabled athletes who flourish despite extreme bad luck.

Not all the scenes work. An overly long skit spoofs a Dungeons & Dragons type board game where one irritating kid always ruins the excitement for others. He is surprised when his request to live in that world is answered. One of the worst and most crude involved Alzheimer's patients. That is just not funny. Luckily it was followed quickly by singer Michael Bolton who represents the "What About the Children Foundation." This explores how one kid in a village is sponsored and the others are not.

Unlike most modern parody flicks that are churned out on a conveyor belt daily, The Onion Movie knows when to quit. They also understand a thing or two about subtlety, intelligence, and timing. Date Movie, Meet the Spartans, Superhero Movie, and so on attempt to tie the humor together with a paper thin cohesive storyline, and it usually ends up as a jumbled disaster. The jokes are also overused, overdone, and overacted. Thankfully, The Onion Movie supplies the acerbic joke, and then moves on.

I could go on and on about juicy moments here, but the best part is discovering your own favorites. This movie was completed in 2003, and was then shelved after poor test screenings. So those wondering why Rodney Dangerfield is seen in a cameo, that is the answer. Director James Kleiner, along with screenwriters Todd Hanson and Robert D. Siegel have made a genuinely amusing film from a newspaper, and that should be commended. Some segments last seconds, while others go on for many minutes. Regardless, this should have something for everyone from the politically incorrect, to celebrity bashing, racial stereotypes, and much more!

This may very well be the best Direct-to-DVD release of 2008, though as I write that, the next Futurama movie is on the horizon.

Final Rating = 8.5/10.0

The News Bulletin

A Mighty Hulk, But Not Quite Incredible
The weekend box office once again wowed as Marvel Studios and Universal's "The Incredible Hulk" made up for past mistakes in grossing an estimated $54.5 million domestically and M. Night Shyamalan's R-rated "The Happening" outperformed expectations in grossing an estimated $30.5 million for 20th Century Fox. Overseas, "Happening" narrowly beat "Hulk" in grossing an estimated $32.1 million from 5,714 runs. "Hulk," playing in far fewer locations, grossed $31 million from 3,165. Domestically, "Hulk" won the weekend as it debuted in 3,505 runs. It nabbed the second-best gross ever for Father's Day weekend after last year's "Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer" ($58 million) and is another victory for Marvel, home studio of "Iron Man."

"Happening," bowing in 2,986, also made the record books. The horror-thriller, playing in 2,984 runs, is the second-best June opening for an R-rated film after raunchy laffer "Knocked Up," which opened last year to $30.7 million. Not many R-rated films debut in June, considering its prime season for all-audience summer films. Still, "Happening" lost the No. 2 spot to DreamWorks Animation/Paramount holdover "Kung Fu Panda," which declined a slim 43% in its second sesh to an estimated $34.3 million from 4,136 runs for a cume of $118 million. Placing No. 4 for the weekend was Sony's Adam Sandler laffer "You Don't Mess with the Zohan," which declined 57% to an estimated $16.4 million from 3,466 theaters for a cume of $68.8 million in the pic's first 10 days. Paramount's "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" came in No. 5 for the frame, showing one of the best holds of the weekend. "Crystal Skull" declined just 41% to $13.7 million from 3,804 runs for a cume of $275.3 million.

This is an average opening for Hulk I'd say. We really can't say anything until future week totals are in. As for next week, Hulk has smooth sailing in the comic/action genre. Two comedies are released, so that can't hurt its chances. The Happening is a disappointment. More and more moviegoers are becoming skeptical of Shyamalan, so they simply avoid his efforts. I have yet to see this, but will tonight. I still have faith that he can bounce back. Kung Fu Panda falls to #2, which means that the Panda is a big moneymaker for Dreamworks. Iron Man is approximately 3 million away from cracking the $300 mill mark, while Indy 4 has $25 mill to go. Prince Caspian is almost off the top 10, and that is not a good sign for the franchise. Everything else is a holdover, and I seriously can't believe Zohan is not dropping faster. Next week is difficult, but my pick is The Love Guru because Myers hardly ever comes up second. However, look for Get Smart to be tough competition.






Negotiations Ongoing as the Deadline Inches Closer
A day after the majors blasted the Screen Actors Guild for stalling at negotiations, SAG hasn't backed off any of its key stances. The announcement Friday SAG's negotiating committee underlines the growing concerns that SAG and the Alliance of Motion Picture & Television Producers will reach a deal soon -- and probably not before the June 30 expiration of the feature-primetime contract. SAG issued the statement with negotiations concluding for the 30th day with talks set to resume Monday.

SAG said its feature-TV negotiating committee had unanimously endorsed its commitment to eight priorities -- gains in middle-class actor compensation, pension and health contributions from employers, DVD residuals, protection from product integration abuse, preservation of force majeure protections, new-media clip consent and new-media jurisdiction and residuals. None of the issues are a surprise. SAG's leaders have described those areas as crucial over the past week as part of SAG's campaign to persuade its 44,000 members who also belong to AFTRA to vote down AFTRA's ratification of its primetime deal.

"We are united and committed to working together in achieving the best possible contract for the benefit of all actors," the SAG committee said. "We pledge to stand together, united, not allowing ourselves to be distracted from our crucial and singular mission by anyone. No matter what the distraction or from where it may come, this committee will continue to stand firm to achieve the best contract possible. We are standing up for you and ask you to stand strong with us."

The "unity statement" was issued a day after SAG leaders from New York and the regional branches blasted the Hollywood leaders for the anti-AFTRA campaign. The AMPTP had no response to the new statement. However, AFTRA kept up the battle with SAG on Friday, issuing an extensive announcement defending its new deal and blasting SAG on half a dozen points. For example, AFTRA contended that SAG's criticism over AFTRA giving up significant jurisdiction in New Media is bogus.

"Under the existing AFTRA and SAG contracts, it's completely up to the producer to decide whether or not a New Media program will be a union show," it said. "Under the new AFTRA agreement, all derivative productions and all original productions over certain budget thresholds ($15,000/minute or $300,000/program or $500,000/series, whichever is lowest) must be union shows. Moreover, original productions with budgets below the threshold fall under union jurisdiction any time there is a 'covered performer' employed in the production."

AFTRA also blistered SAG for still insisting on a gain in DVDs when no other union's been able to do so. "In their negotiations earlier this year with both the WGA and the DGA, the studios made it clear that the proposal to increase DVD compensation rates was a non-starter," AFTRA said. "Against this backdrop, AFTRA felt it made sense to focus its energies on issues where progress could be made." The AMPTP had issued its blast on Thursday after guild president Alan Rosenberg asserted that he was skeptical that SAG would reach an agreement before June 30. SAG fired back by asserting that it is "possible" to make a deal by June 30 -- but only if the AMPTP will relent on its positions with SAG insisting the guild's made all the concessions so far.

Hollywood remains uncertain whether SAG will strike, which would require backing in authorization vote by 75% of members voting. Rosenberg's said recently that no decision's been made on seeking a strike authorization from the guild's 120,000 members. The AMPTP accused SAG of being selfish for not considering how its go-slow approach has affected the biz.

"Any effort by SAG to drag out these negotiations past June 30 would be a disservice to the people in this industry whose livelihoods are being put on hold," the AMPTP said. "SAG's inability to close this deal has already put the industry into another de facto strike, limiting the greenlighting of features and disrupting pilot production.

We are midway through June at this point, and this debacle is getting ugly. I don't have to say that another strike in Hollywood would be crippling to the industry. It does feel like the negotiations are being needlessly drug along at a slow pace. I haven't a clue where the blame for that lands, but one would think that after the WGA strike, other organizations would be chomping at the bit to stay at work. I must admit, I have not been reading every piece of news on this pending strike, but I do not have the same feelings with the SAG as I did with the WGA. Almost everyone was supporting the writers. I have not gotten that same vibe for this situation, mainly because of the paychecks the actors already pull down. Maybe I'm wrong, but for this predicament, I won't take a side. I am against both sides equally. They need to get their shit together and end this.






Universal Takes Classes in Dragonology
Universal has picked up the film rights to the children's book series "Dragonology" says The Hollywood Reporter. Dugald A. Steer's books are based on the premise that dragons actually exist as revealed by the Victorian dragonologist Ernest Drake, and thus should be studied and respected like any rare species. Leonard Hartman will adapt the first novel in fantasy adventure series. The story revolves around a group of dragonologists who go on a globetrotting quest to keep a corrupt man from taking control of the world's dragons and using them to wipe out humanity.

Dragons are in approximately every new fantasy film made, so this new series of books join the fray way too late. Again, I have not read the book, and they might be terrific reads, but the fans know as well as I do, that this will translate as a sloppy and hackneyed CGI experience on the big screen. I am still crossing my fingers that it will not end up like that, but the vast majority are disappointments. I will say that the dragonologist aspect sounds inventive, but keeping the villain from taking over the planet sounds dull. "Been There, Done That" as Dr. Dre once said. It all depends on who the director is I suppose. Stay tuned.






Jenna Jameson Gives Men Some Pointers
More cast members have been added to the upcoming indie romantic comedy "How to Make Love to a Woman", which stars porn actress Jenna Jameson in a supporting role. Josh Meyers, Ian Somerhalder and Krysten Ritter have joined the film -- that's according to The Hollywood Reporter. Meyers is a Mad TV alum who had a run on "That '70s Show." Lost viewers will know Somerhalder as Boone. And Ritter starred in "What Happens in Vegas" and "27 Dresses" -- she may also be recognizable to "Veronica Mars" fans as Gia Goodman. THR adds that Eugene Byrd ("8 Mile"), and Lindsay Richards will also star in the flick which will also feature cameos from members of the rock bands Yellowcard, the Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, and Hellogoodbye. The movie, directed by music video helmer Scott Culver from a script by Dennis Kao, stars Meyers as a music executive who has no clue how to pleasure his girl (Ritter). So, he seeks advice from his rock n' roll buddies as well as porn star Jenna Jameson. But he's gotta work fast as his girlfriend's handsome childhood friend is back on the scene.

Now the title jumps out as humorous with loads of potential, but then you read the premise, and your heart sinks. Learning how to properly pleasure a girl with the aid of Jenna Jameson is a plot that could go in so many hysterical directions, but of course the "handsome childhood friend" enters the picture, so you know it will come down to the hero proving himself and winning back the girl at the last second. On top of this, you have a music video veteran crossing over to films. I wish Mr. Culver all the best, but this normally spells doom for viewers. The David Finchers of the world are rare. The young cast could be a good or bad thing, but with Jenna Jameson involved, at least the guys will have some eye candy right?






Who Will Wear the Red, White, and Blue?
Marvel Studios is reportedly considering two A-list stars to play the title role in "The First Avenger: Captain America", which is slated for release May 6, 2011. According to Latino Review, Marvel wants either Leonardo DiCaprio or Brad Pitt to play Steve Rogers, a.k.a. Captain America. The site stresses, though, that neither actor has been approached yet. They are simply on the studio's shortlist right now. Latino Review adds that Marvel is also mulling Pitt to play Thor. DiCaprio, 33, is busy with a slew of other projects in the works (namely "Atari" and "Fleming") so perhaps he'll be too busy to don the red, white and blue for Marvel. The 44 year-old Pitt, like fellow rumored contender Matthew McConaughey, may be too long in the tooth now to play young recruit-turned-super soldier Steve Rogers.

What makes me laugh out loud about early rumors such as these is that the biggest stars are always the first names mentioned, and then reality sets in, and it is hardly ever that same person or anyone remotely close to his/her status. DiCaprio and Pitt are both very busy individuals at the moment, so count them out. Oh, and I could add they both would appear dorky in the costume. McConaughey, as we all know, is the worst case scenario. I understand that all the latest comic book adaptations can apparently do no wrong in the eyes of fans, but Captain America has yet to be anything but cheesy in any existing translation. The 1991 film, which I bought on a bootleg DVD, is beyond repulsive. That is not the only one. Previous outings should convince studios to avoid this character. Like the Fantastic Four for instance. The comic might be great, but that does mean live-action cinema will be the same, hence we have two films that are lousy.

The 20 Second Sermon

All the logo artwork for the upcoming Marvel film adaptations is online here. It's nothing surprising, but the Thor logo looks cool. Many are wondering what Paul Thomas Anderson will tackle now that There Will Be Blood is done. One site speculates that it will be Power Play, about a gambling entrepreneur (Jack Nicholson) from a Native American casino who takes on Vegas. Ahhh, internet gossip. No one knows what PTA will do next except PTA...period. James McAvoy has denied reports that he is playing Bilbo Baggins in The Hobbit. Don't fret, Shia LaBeouf did the same thing prior to Indiana Jones 4. Word is that a Watchmen teaser is attached to The Dark Knight. That should be awesome. I bought and listened to the Weezer album, or The Red Album. Before long the band will have explored all the colors of the rainbow for covers. I have all the material the group has released so far, and this is another solid set of tracks. They are one of my favorite bands. Although, something could be said about the mustache phase for Rivers Cuomo.

What's Coming to DVD….Buy or Avoid?

DVD Headline of the Week



The Sword in the Stone (45th Anniversary Special Edition) - The new extras on this DVD are nothing to go nuts about, but it is just wonderful that this movie is back in stores again. It is not one of the greatest of the Disney classics, but it is highly enjoyable to this day. Buyable

Fool's Gold - Here is another contender for top 10 worst of the year. I am sick and tired of Matthew McConaughey reminding us of his nice physique, and Kate Hudson is just the definition of annoying these days. This film was horrible with a capital H. Forgettable

Popeye the Sailor: 1928-1940, Vol. 2 - Another set of Popeye shorts should please any buyer. Personally, I just don't have the moolah to keep buying these volumes, but I would like to get one at some point.

Be Kind Rewind - I was going to see this on so many occasions, but one event after another came up to prevent me from actually watching it. I will have to settle for DVD.

The Nude Bomb - This is the original Get Smart movie. I really need to watch this and a few episodes to prepare for the new release. It never hurts to brush up.

Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins - At one time, Martin Lawrence was funny, but now he completes projects simply for a quick paycheck. They get worse and worse, and this comedy was comprised of nothing but bad slapstick and cheap laughs. At nearly 2 hours, this was excruciating. Trashable

Under the Same Moon - This foreign picture caught my attention when the trailer mentioned Cinema Paradiso. That could have been smart or deceptive. I have not seen this yet, but it looks promising.

Classe Tous Risques - Criterion Collection - A new release for Criterion, this one from 1960. It is a character study of a career criminal. Certainly worth a look.

The Jungle Book 2 (Special Edition) - This is being re-released from 2003. This is basically a replica of the original classic. Not really worth thinking about.

Caramel - Another foreign film release from early 2008 that I wanted to see, but never did. It takes place in Beirut, and focuses on a beauty salon.

My Mom's New Boyfriend - A straight to video for Antonio Banderas and Meg Ryan, featuring Colin Hanks as well. This strikes me as an incredibly dumb premise. It is too long to explain. Just click on the link and read for yourself. I have no desire to see this.

Super High Me - Doug Benson from Last Comic Standing avoids pot for 30 days, then gets all he can for 30 days. This could be funny, but I doubt I'll remember to add it to Netflix. What is really comical is the conservative art cover for stores.

Rails & Ties - The directorial debut for Alison Eastwood (Clint's daughter) looked to have tremendous potential, but the reviews I glanced at were average. I'm still giving it a chance.

Transformers Animated: Transform and Roll Out - Besides a bad title, this would make a good straight to video nightmare for the future.

WWE: Judgment Day 2008 - The Triple H/Randy Orton steel cage match might be cool to see, but everything else I have seen time and time again.

Chaos Theory - I better watch what I say. This has Ryan Reynolds in it and I've pissed off those fans in the past. Truthfully, his role does not seem all that terrible here. It might be worth renting. Too bad all of his attempts at serious parts never make a splash.

TNA: Lockdown 2008 - I was always a supporter of the fact that all the matches are contested in a cage, but not everybody agrees. Nevertheless, this card seems boring to me.

So I Married An Axe Murderer (Special Edition) - I saw this several years ago when I became infatuated with the Wayne's World movies. I remember hardly ever laughing, but my taste has changed a lot since then. Rentable

The Carmen Miranda Collection - This contains five films from the colorful singer/dancer/actress. I am not overly familiar with her musical catalogue. I will have to change that.

Movie Dictionary: Word of the Week

Giallo - Giallo is an Italian 20th century genre of literature and film. It is closely related to the French fantastique genre, crime fiction, horror fiction and eroticism. The term is also used to mean an example of the genre, in which case it can take the Italian plural gialli. The word giallo is Italian for "yellow" (see Wiktionary: giallo) and stems from the genre's origin in paperback novels with yellow covers.

The film genre that emerged from these novels in the 1960s began as literal adaptations of the books, but soon began taking advantage of modern cinematic techniques to create a unique genre. Films known abroad as "gialli" are called thrilling or simply "thriller" in Italy, the first term usually referring to Italian 1970s classics by directors like Dario Argento or Mario Bava. "Giallo" films are characterized by extended murder sequences featuring excessive bloodletting, stylish camerawork and unusual musical arrangements. The literary whodunit element is retained, but combined with modern slasher horror, while being filtered through Italy's longstanding tradition of opera and staged grand guignol drama. They also generally include liberal amounts of nudity and sex.

Gialli typically introduce strong psychological themes of madness, alienation, and paranoia. For example, Sergio Martino's Your Vice Is a Locked Room and Only I Have the Key (also known as Eye of the Black Cat) was explicitly based on Edgar Allan Poe's short story "The Black Cat". They remain notable in part for their expressive use of music, most notably by Dario Argento's collaborations with Ennio Morricone and his musical director Bruno Nicolai, and later with the band Goblin. As well as the literary giallo tradition, the films were also initially influenced by the German "Krimi" phenomenon - originally black and white films of the 1960s that were based on Edgar Wallace stories.

The first film that created the giallo as a cinema genre is La ragazza che sapeva troppo (The Girl Who Knew Too Much) (1963), from Mario Bava. Its title referred to Alfred Hitchcock's famous The Man Who Knew Too Much (1956), again establishing strong links with Anglo-American culture. In Mario Bava's 1964 film, Blood and Black Lace, the emblematic element of the giallo was introduced: the masked murderer with a shiny weapon in his black leather gloved hand.

--from Wikipedia.org

The Critic's Quickee

Kung Fu Panda - Here is a summer movie that is sure to please just about everyone. It's not a classic mind you, but it is satisfying animated entertainment. The plot is incredibly thin, extremely straightforward, and entirely predictable, but when you have Jack Black as the lead voice character in a role that was tailor made for him, those flaws are not so noticeable. Black carries this movie from start to finish. He has plenty of juicy lines and laugh out loud moments of humor. While the rest of the voice cast is well-known with Angelina Jolie, Ian McShane, and Seth Rogen, without Black, they are not really worth noting. The Furious Five were comprised of neat animals/creatures that integrate actual kung fu styles. I thought that the CGI looked really amazing at times with vivid images inside the Jade Temple and Tail Lung's prison, but I do feel that too many scenes were constructed for night time. The concluding fight scene might rank up there with the best in recent years. I would probably have changed my Top 5 Fight Scenes from long ago. One of my favorite scenes is when the Panda initially steps into the Temple, and scurries around at all the ancient artifacts which have such stereotypical, yet hilarious names. If they play their cards properly, Dreamworks could definitely have another franchise to expand upon. This is a premise that has ample room for improvement and the addition of more villains. Since being spoiled by Pixar, the good guy vs. bad guy storyline seems a bit skimpy here by comparison, but that does mean this wasn't fun. On a side note, the original title was "Master P: Kung Fu Panda." So thumbs up, 3 stars, 7.5, C+, and worth buying on used or cheap. Final Rating = 7.5/10.0

You Don't Mess with the Zohan - Yes, I actually sat through "You Don‘t Mess with the Zohan", or as I like to call it "Cameofest 2008" because this movie is filled with celebrity cameos from Dave Matthews as a redneck terrorist, George Takei, Mariah Carey, and the list goes on. Michael Buffer is one of the many throwaway villains, and he probably got paid more than most of the supporting cast just to do is typical shtick. When the audience wasn't enduring a cameo, a scene with deliberate product placement was stuck in our faces. I have seen a lot of movies this year, but this is the worst, most painful film I have seen thus far. I mean, is Sandler for real here? What really makes this awful is that the humor never stops. Every atrocious second is an attempt at a joke. The CGI is excessive to the point of making you head spin like similarly seen in The Exorcist. Most of all, this story is just dumb, retarded, idiotic, inane, and I can‘t think of anything else. Oh isn't it funny how the Zohan has something stuffed in his underwear to give the illusion that he has a huge schlong. And he has sex with everyone he gives a haircut to…chuckle chuckle. See how he does endless pelvic thrusts. Haha. Oh and there is Rob Schneider, because Sandler is the only person giving him steady work now, and he has another crummy accent role for us to listen to. Take a gander once at Sandler's career arc. You can see his ascend into stardom, and then he plateaus, and now he is steadily going down. Not in terms of box office numbers mind you, but definitely in quality. I found myself drifting off as this movie continued. It is directed by long time Sandler pal Dennis Dugan, the same person responsible for helming one of my favorite Sandler efforts, Happy Gilmore. The confidence in jokes, the set up, and the execution of them has changed. It seems as if anyone with any idea remotely amusing to the cast, was allowed to include it here. I can only imagine how chaotic this film set was. On a side note, Roger Ebert, the critic that has hated Sandler's offerings for years, has given this a positive rating. Am I missing something? This is a predictable, offensive, and absolutely horrendous way to spend $10. I for one am fed up with Sandler helping his friends out. He showed in Reign Over Me what potential he has as an actor. His approach to comedy needs to be repackaged quickly. As I write this, he is collaborating with Judd Apatow on a project about stand-up comedians. Perhaps that is what he needs because this is scraping the bottom of the barrel. Final Rating = 2.0/10.0

Based on the Trailer…

Newest Trailers

Death Race - Anyone who remembers the Top 10 B-Movie feature a couple years back, knows that the original is a favorite of many staffers here. I must admit, this doesn't look near as bad as anticipated, as long as the Statham routine is toned down. I'll see it out of curiosity. Trailer Rating = 7.5/10.0

Encounters at the End of the World - Werner Herzog is a magician, and I cherish each and every offering he bestows to the world. This documentary is about Antarctica, and I can't wait to see it. Trailer Rating = 10.0/10.0

Miracle at St. Anna - I get annoyed by some of Spike Lee's comments, but he is a fabulous filmmaker, and this new war epic looks marvelous with Derek Luke and Joseph Gordon Levitt. Trailer Rating = 10.0/10.0

Punisher: War Zone - This is only a teaser, but I get the impression I have seen all I need to. This sequel (or whatever is in relation to the previous film) looks like an comic action nightmare with cliches up the wazoo. I'm not a fan of the Punishers movies thus far, and this does not look to change that. Trailer Rating = 5.0/10.0

June Releases

Get Smart - I need to catch a few episodes of the original show before seeing the film. The trailer is funny, which means it should be somewhat fun. Trailer Rating = 7.5/10.0

The Love Guru - I usually enjoy Mike Myers, but this new character might not be as popular as Austin Powers or Wayne Campbell. I laughed a few times, but this has not really jumped out as all that spectacular. Trailer Rating = 6.0/10.0

Wanted (2) - This movie does look extremely cool, but I still se a lot of Matrix elements. Oh well, Angelina Jolie is sexy, Morgan Freeman is playing his customary wise instructor role, and the special effects look neat. Trailer Rating = 7.5/10.0

Wall-E - Another Pixar classic is under our belt, and I can't wait for the next one. This robotic adventure should be great, and easily superior to Robots. Trailer Rating = 10.0/10.0

Wall-E (2) - The second trailer for Pixar's upcoming film makes me want to see it even more. I'm sorry, but this company is doing wondrous things right now. Trailer Rating = 10.0/10.0

Wall-E (3) - How can some people not be lovers of Pixar? This movie looks wonderful, and I'm pleased this trailer revealed some added characters. Trailer Rating = 10.0/10.0

Kitt Kittredge: An American Girl - The new Abigail Breslin vehicle. I'll bet this blows as it looks similar to Nancy Drew, which was horrendous by itself. I'll be passing on this one. Trailer Rating = 3.0/10.0

July Releases

Hancock - Will Smith plays one of the most extraordinary looking super heroes in history. I'm actually excited to see this. Trailer Rating = 8.5/10.0

Hancock (2) - This is the superhero movie that is top on my list. Unfortunately this 3 minute trailer gives away basically the whole storyline. These previews anger me. The movie looks cool, but this trailer is not. Trailer Rating = 7.0/10.0

The Wackness - This little indy was a hit at Sundance, and definitely looks funny and creative by the teaser trailer. I'll be giving it a chance for sure. Trailer Rating = 8.0/10.0

Meet Dave - Just when you think Eddie Murphy will only dove lower for his comedies, this to me, actually looks kind of funny. I'm having trouble admitting that after Norbit, but this seems original. Trailer Rating = 7.5/10.0

Midnight Meat Train - You watch this preview, and it strikes you as a riveting thriller, then the title comes up, and you can't help but chuckle. It seems to take itself way too seriously for a bizarre title like that. Trailer Rating = 6.0/10.0

Space Chimps - A new CGI film about chimps going to space. Ehhh…don't care. The voice cast looks fair, but the jokes in the trailer are weak. Trailer Rating = 5.0/10.0

Mamma Mia! - I have never seen this musical on Broadway, but I suppose I'll have to see this film, featuring music from Abba…ugh. It doesn't look terrible, but it's not my type of thing. Trailer Rating = 6.5/10.0

Hellboy II: The Golden Army - I loved the first film, and am greatly anticipating the sequel. It looks to have kept the same sense of visual excitement and adventure. Trailer Rating = 8.0/10.0

The Dark Knight (2) - I have to admit, despite the endless news bits about this film, the trailer is marvelous and could not have been handled better. This will rock. Trailer Rating = 10.0/10.0

The Dark Knight (3) - I'll be honest. I was getting sick of everyone talking about this movie, that is until I saw this trailer. It is amazing, and Heath Ledger's performance looks to go down as one of the best in term so of comic book adaptations. Trailer Rating = 10.0/10.0

Journey to the Center of the Earth 3D - This will most likely be cheesy and preposterous, but hey, it's in 3D, and it has Brendan Fraser, so it should be semi-enjoyable. This should be fun in the theater, but not much else. Trailer Rating = 7.0/10.0

The X-Files: I Want to Believe - I really need to revisit this series. From what I read, a list of episodes are related to this film. Either way, the trailer looks average to me. I like what Duchovny has been doing lately, so I'll see this no matter what. Trailer Rating = 7.0/10.0

Step Brothers - Now this is a Will Ferrell comedy I can't wait to see. The premise is unusual, and the jokes in this preview are hilarious. Plus, it's directed by Adam McKay, who knows his stuff. Trailer Rating = 8.0/10.0

August Releases

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor - Months ago when this premise was announced, I laughed at it. Now that the trailer is finally out, it still looks bad. I like Brendan Fraser, but not this new approach with following the son character. I'll see this only out of curiosity. Trailer Rating = 5.0/10.0

The Accidental Husband - How many ways can we package a typical romantic comedy? This doesn't fool me. It is the same old song and dance we get every year, only this time with Uma Thurman and Jeffrey Dean Morgan. Trailer Rating = 5.0/10.0

The Rocker - Rainn Wilson from The Office finally gets to star in a comedy of his own…with some Jonah Hill wannabe guy. This actually looks really funny, mainly because I enjoy Rock ‘n Roll and Rainn Wilson. Trailer Rating = 8.0/10.0

Star Wars: The Clone Wars - It might be Star Wars, but this movie looks goofy to me. It starts out with an excessive amount of Yodaness which made me chuckle. The animation looks nice, but isn't this a bit of overkill? Ehhh. Trailer Rating = 6.5/10.0

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2 - I generally hate the term "chick flick", but really what else applies here. Never saw the first one, won't see this one, and this trailer is not up my alley. That is all. Trailer Rating = 4.5/10.0

Hamlet 2 - I heard a lot of positive things about this comedy, plus I'm a huge fan of Steve Coogan, who is the star. Catherine Keener and Amy Poehler also star. It is about a high school drama teacher who writes a musical called "Hamlet 2." Trailer Rating = 9.0/10.0

Tropic Thunder - I am liking the plot to this film, and the trailer is pretty funny. Hopefully this is a Ben Still flick I don't hate. Trailer Rating = 7.5/10.0

The Pineapple Express - This is the red band trailer by the way. I Haven't laughed this hard at a trailer in awhile. This is going to be great. The cast is fantastic, and James Franco is being put to good use. Trailer Rating = 10.0/10.0

September, TBD, and Beyond Releases

Nights in Rodanthe - An adaptation of a novel from Nicholas Sparks, so this might not be too bad for a romance. It has Richard Gere and Diane Lane reuniting from Unfaithful, so I'm in. Trailer Rating = 8.0/10.0

Burn After Reading - The new comedy from the Coen Brothers looks funny as hell. I am not totally sure where the plot goes, but then again, that is why I am so fascinated by it. The cast looks great, and I am definitely seeing this one. Trailer Rating = 9.0/10.0

Choke - A new adaptation from author Chuck Palahniuk, and that gets me excited. I love his books, though I haven't read this particular one. I will before the movie comes out though. This has Sam Rockwell in the lead, so it should be funny. Trailer Rating = 8.5/10.0

Righteous Kill - The new crime thriller with Pacino and De Niro! This looks average at the moment, but it should be fantastic with the two of them as a duo on screen for most of the film. The supporting cast looks excellent as well. Trailer Rating = 7.5/10.0

Blindness - This is a movie that proves how I have changed. It stars Julianne Moore and Mark Ruffalo. It involves an infection. That sounds rather bland right? Well, it's directed by Fernando Meirelles, a brilliant filmmaker, so I'm in, even though it doesn't sound outstanding. Trailer Rating = 7.5/10.0

Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa - This is some sort of weird DVD trailer, but we see the basic layout of the plot, and it is not very funny or interesting. I could care less about this one. Trailer Rating = 4.5/10.0

Lost Boys: The Tribe - I stumbled upon this trailer for the Direct-to-DVD sequel starring Corey Felmdman. For a B-movie, it doesn't look half bad, though Feldman is not the actor he once was. Trailer Rating = 7.0/10.0

Bangkok Dangerous - Nicolas Cage continues his "Next" phase with this assassin story. Ehh, Cage is starting to piss me off. He's such a talented actor, and he does this junk. Trailer Rating = 6.0/10.0

Quarantine - I suppose this wants to be the Cloverfield of "infected" movies. I say this will suck big time. Trailer Rating = 4.0/10.0

Zack and Miri Make a Porno - Kevin Smith's new comedy looks hilarious. I'm anxious to see this because I know he is a great filmmaker that can flourish outside of Jay and Silent Bob. Note: This may not be online anymore. Trailer Rating = 8.5/10.0

Regilulous - Well, Bill Maher is always one to stir up controversy, and I'm sure this documentary will do the trick. I think it looks funny personally, so I'll give it a shot. Trailer Rating = 8.0/10.0

Igor - The concept has potential, but I can't see this being anything more than a couple laughs. John Cusack does not sink into the character well. I'll see this for Steve Buscemi‘s contribution, but I'm not all that impressed. Trailer Rating = 6.0/10.0

The Duchess - This is a goofy trailer. You wonder who could be introduced, and then the title "The Duchess" comes up, and you wonder why all the hassle of building it up. Knightley is to period pieces as Seagal is to B-movie action. Trailer Rating = 6.0/10.0

City of Ember - Here is a film that could end up being pretty neat. The cast alone is worth the price of admission. You have Bill Murray, Saoirse Ronan, and Tim Robbins, among others. Gil Kenan is a decent director and the plot is creative, so I'm in. Trailer Rating = 8.5/10.0

The Escapist - A British prison break film starring Brian Cox. This is my favorite genre, so I can't wait for this, but in order for this to make a splash, it will have to be something special. The critic quotes being from random guys worries me. Trailer Rating = 8.0/10.0

Star Trek XI - The teaser was superbly placed before Cloverfield, and this causes me to be amped for the next installment despite my doubts about the cast. I hope it's as good as we deserve. Trailer Rating = 9.0/10.0

Lakeview Terrace - Patrick Wilson and Samuel L. Jackson star in this thriller about an insane neighbor who is also a cop. This seems sort of like Cape Fearto me, but not nearly as good. Ehhh. Trailer Rating = 6.5/10.0

Australia - The new epic from filmmaker Baz Luhrman seems to have left out his usual exaggerated flair. Kidman and Jackman will make a fine team. I think this looks rather good, and the trailer has a splendid piece of music accompanying it. Trailer Rating = 8.0/10.0

Eagle Eye - Mr. LaBeouf surprises me with every passing role. I'll start giving him more credit. This thriller teaser has me intrigued for sure. Trailer Rating = 7.5/10.0

Defiance - This new Edward Zwick film looks outstanding with Daniel Craig leading the cast in World War II story. This gave me chills. I can't wait. Trailer Rating = 9.0/10.0

The Spirit - This is the new adaptation from Frank Miller. I'm anxious to see this, but from this teaser, it looks a bit too similar to Sin City. Oh well. I loved that film, so maybe this will be just as entertaining. Trailer Rating = 7.5/10.0

Other Stuff to Read

The Best Movies of the Alphabet
411 June Roundtable - This month Owain J. Brimfield takes the reigns and compiled the thoughts of the movie zone staff on the summer releases for June!
The MeeThinks Friday FreeThinks - Thanks again to John Meehan for providing my banner here, and for the Alphabet feature.



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