The Hollywood 5 & 1 06.28.08
Posted by Steve Gustafson on 06.28.2008
Finding the wack news out of HOLLYWOOD...so you don't have to! Click here and read the email from someone mentioned in a previous 5 & 1...and they are not happy!!!
Hey there! Welcome back to the Hollywood 5 & 1! I'm your host, Steve Gustafson, and I read every gossip rag, visit every celebrity related web site, and call to my vast network in Hollywood to find the slightly offbeat news you might have missed during the week. Or just ignored. Do you have something to contribute? A celebrity sighting? A funny story? Shoot me an email at stevethegoose@gmail.com. Open 24-hours!
In Memory of George Carlin
This is the part where I have a bunch of random news bits. This week I want to take a couple minutes and acknowledge the recent passing of comedy icon George Carlin. Much more profound words have already been written, both on this site and in other media outlets. I was a big fan of Carlin and was surprised with news of his death. I would like to share with you my...MY TOP 10 CARLIN QUOTES! In no particular order:
The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.
Religion convinced the world that there's an invisible man in the sky who watches everything you do. And there's 10 things he doesn't want you to do or else you'll go to a burning place with a lake of fire until the end of eternity. But he loves you! ...And he needs money! He's all powerful, but he can't handle money!
When someone asks you, A penny for your thoughts, and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what do Chinese mothers use? Toothpicks?
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
Electricity is really just organized lightning.
Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
Thank you George! You will be missed, but your impact will be felt for a long time!
THE EMAIL!
I receive emails over the week. Some nice. Some...not so nice. Some with news bits. But last week as I was going to "press" with the column I received an email from someone I had mentioned in a previous column. The column in question is this one here:
Billy Don't Bug
You know, when your name is Billy Bob, you kind of have to expect things like this will happen. Mr. Billy Bob Thornton is at the center of a bizarre new police report, filed by his former sister-in-law. Elysabeth Cherniak claims the actor has bugged her home and regularly sends her insulting emails. According to a Los Angeles Police Department report she filed, Thornton has been harassing Cherniak, the sister of the actor's fourth wife Pietra, for almost two years. Law enforcement sources tell Tmz.com they are waiting for Cherniak to bring in copies of the emails and other evidence so they can continue their investigation. Thornton was married to Pietra Cherniak from 1993 to 1997, and the couple had two children. A spokesman for the actor says, "Billy doesn't use e-mail and never has. Anyone who knows him would know that." I have unconfirmed reports he also doesn't use soap... never has. The representative also states the accuser has "a history of making these very same false accusations in the past." Still how much cooler would this story be if the accusations were true? Just remember: THIS MAN WAS ONCE MARRIED TO ANGELINA JOLIE. Wow. Just...wow.
The email I received was from Elysabeth Cherniak. Her email read:
My name is Elysabeth Cherniak, and i have attached a few recent photos of myself for you to take a a gander at. I am the woman who Billy Bob Thornton is Harrassing, this is what happens when a woman says they don't want to get involved with him by the way. I was seeing him, and not seriously, but he wanted to be with me, ok? so my safty and my privacy are in jeopardy here, and your regard for my safty with the tone of yuor article sounding like my allegations are not valid are really upsetting to me, this has been hell! By the way "the invesitagtion" is not on hold! It is solid and will be ongoing indefintely, it costs $4,500 to do a sweep of a home and getting bugs and taps removed from it. I cannot afford that expense, and what he did cost him $15,000 which is nothing ok? I did turn ove rthe emails by the way to the police with enough proof, and they are generated by a masekd ip address, welcome to Hollywoosd, ever heard of Anthony Pelicano??? Right well this is real my dear and you need to act like it is real, like the police are! I'm pretty pissed that the tone of your ass kissy on Billy Bob's to be more precise is so disgusting. Right he was with Angelina Jolie until she realized he was too gross and disgusting for a beautiful rich woman like herself, be responsible and change your tone please...HE IS NOT THE VICTIM HERE I AM! he wanted to break up my relationship and prevent it from happening, so this was his m.o. He has tried to get me fired from jobs in the past too, this is what he does to women he is invoved with, and he did this to my sister too, and she told me he did. so you need to recognize!
I don't have any reason to believe this is fake or a joke in any way. I feel she brings up a valid point and also feel she is frustrated. While a celebrity like Billy Bob Thornton has a legal team, managers, and publicists to deal with situations, the regular person on the street has to do the groundwork themselves. Where I feel she is off is the accusation she made that I supported him. Yes, I used allegedly and unconfirmed because he has not been convicted. This is an ongoing case and until the reports are proved, I can only report what is known. A good question she made me face was, was I being insensitive to her situation? I may have been. If so, I apologize. I thank Elysabeth for writing and will keep you all posted of any news in the future.
Do Me a Favor
If you run into John Cusack, Kathy Bates, or Mel Brooks today, wish them a happy birthday from me! Please!
Quote of the Week
"I know I'm a grown woman, but it's like he's touching an old car. He used to change my diaper!"
-Brooke Hogan explaining the photos of her dad, Hulk Hogan, applying lotion to her...rear. Sorry...they are creepy photos.
THE STUFF THAT JUST MISSED THE LIST STARTS...NOW...
Such a random story! Is this true? We need a reality show called CELEB FIGHTS! Regardless, this looks like a cool "gang" to be a part of. John Cleese, Daryl Hannah, Henry Winkler and illusionists Penn + Teller were caught on camera punching a fan. Over at SteveHarwood.com you can gander some crazy shots with the back story being Hannah taking umbrage to Harwood's compliments about her mermaid film Splash, while funny man Cleese "jumped out from behind a recycle bin, socked me in the belly, and made off with my Ritalin." What the...?.........Welsh actor Matthew Rhys has denied rumors he has revived his relationship with Sienna Miller, insisting on-set romances are "the worst idea in the world". Dude, even if it isn't true, never deny. That's PR 101 baby!..........Entertainer Liza Minnelli has won a battle to defend herself in person against claims she forced herself on her former driver. The words "forced herself" and Liza Minnelli should never be in the sentence. Ever..........This story should be gaining some steam by the time you read it. U.S. presidential candidate Barack Obama has downplayed his email communications with Hollywood star Scarlett Johansson, stating she doesn't even have his personal email address. The old case of a guy who wasn't good with the ladies growing up, gets a little attention from a hottie, gets outed by the hottie, and now has to act like it's no big thing. I gotcha Obama. It's all a big misunderstanding. **WINK**..........The Love Guru earning $14 million...THANK YOU!
And Now...A Very Special STEVE SALUTE!
To David Letterman. The interview happened last week, but Spencer Pratt's appearance on The Late Show with David Letterman is definitely worth bringing up. Dave lit him up! I'm no fan of Pratt. In fact, I'd love to go a couple of rounds with him...for charity! Back to Letterman. He skewered him over his hefty nightclub appearance fees, asking him what exactly he does for a living, flat-out calling him a dope. Check it out on youtube! Thank you Dave!
And lastly, some of you emailed about my MySpace page (www.myspace.com/stevegustafsononly). I haven't been as faithful to it as I should be, but that should be changing very soon! Hit me up!
Alright, let's get down to business. What's the Hollywood 5 & 1? It's real simple; I go through 5 things out of Hollywood this past week that made me scratch my head and 1 item that's not so bad. Got it? Good. Let's go!
The 5
Oh C'mon!
Man, we start out the 5 & 1 right! The man who helped turn Paris Hilton into a sex tape star is now hoping to do the same for pint-sized funny man Verne Troyer. You know what? I give up. Footage from a sex video featuring the Austin Powers star and a former girlfriend has appeared online after a third party got hold of the tape, which was shot in the apartment Troyer shared with his ex. Website TMZ.com, which has obtained an extract from the video, claims sex tape dealer Kevin Blatt, who brokered the deal for Hilton's One Night In Paris romp, is in negotiations to distribute the footage. Let's just move on...
Just Say NO (MORE) to Wilmer
Ok, we all need to band together and start weeding out Hollywood. ASAP. Wilmer Valderrama is to return to comedy TV. He's co-producing and starring in new series called The Emancipation Of Ernesto. Want more names? Actress Mary-Kate Olsen is to make a guest appearance on Christina Applegate's comedy series Samantha Who? Also, Nicole Richie will relive her days as a Hollywood 'bad girl' after landing a small role in U.S. TV comedy Chuck. It's just a matter of time before we are swamped with so many D-level celebs that one of them is going to find their way onto the Oscar/Emmy ballot and win. And that will just inspire the others to keep clogging our television sets, movie screens, and magazines. Can anyone stop them? Or are we doomed to be bombarded with more and more names in the hall of LOWER CELEBRITY STANDARDS?
Corey Feldman. No Punchline Needed.
Former child star Corey Feldman has put an end to rumors he was once molested by pop superstar Michael Jackson, insisting the singer is innocent of any abuse claims. Ok, let's go through this real slow like. Feldman was a close friend of the Thriller music man throughout his childhood and was subpoenaed as a witness during Jackson's 2005 child abuse trial. A career highlight to be sure. And because the actor, now 36, was placed under a strict gagging order, he was forbidden from talking about the case, even to defend his former pal. Feldman has now revealed that while he was the victim of childhood abuse, the perpetrator was definitely not Jackson. He tells GQ magazine, "People can say whatever they want, but it wasn't Michael. He and I have our own issues, but that wasn't one of them. The guy that did this to me was my assistant. I was still a virgin at the time. I hadn't even had sex with a girl. So for me it was just kind of bewildering." Jackson was tried on a variety of accusations of alleged abuse in 2005 but was eventually acquitted of all charges. In a FELDMAN 2-FOR-1, he and pal Corey Haim have been hit with a $1 million lawsuit by three writers/producers, accusing the actors of breach of contract. Feldman and Haim are alleged to have agreed a deal with writers David Pullano, Matthew Odgers and Jeff McCarthy to star in a reality TV show called The Two Coreys, which would follow the duo's pursuit of fame. They were reportedly due to approach TV bosses with the idea together, but according to legal papers filed in Los Angeles Superior Court on Friday, Felman and Haim broke the deal and sold the show to the A+E TV network themselves. Feldman and Haim are now being sued by the writers for breach of contract, unjust enrichment, unfair competition and fraud. Pullano, Odgers and McCarthy want to take the case to trial, and are seeking $1 million in damages, reports TMZ.com. It's very sad to see a case involving people fighting over a horrible idea that was executed poorly. That's like me fighting with someone over the right to smell dirty socks.
Malibu UNLEASHED
Have you been keeping up with this? The man who oversaw the investigation into President Bill Clinton's sex scandal has been asked to help draw up new city laws that would keep the paparazzi from Malibu, California. Hey, that's cool with me. The coastal city's Mayor Pamela Ulich has asked local Pepperdine University law school dean Ken Starr for the benefit of his legal counsel as she plans to prevent Malibu becoming a paparazzi mecca. Ulich has suggested creating "buffer zones" for cameramen and photographers who follow celebrities to the beach, and taxing the snappers. If you remember I mentioned that in a previous 5 & 1, and I was all for it then, still for it now. She wants the paparazzi to "think twice before shoving a camera in your face". The summer has already started badly for Malibu-bound photographers, several were chased off a public beach on Sunday as they attempted to snap Matthew McConaughey. A gang of angry surfers ordered the paparazzi to stop taking photos of the star. The confrontation led to violence when some of the surfers allegedly dragged a photographer into the sea while beating him up. Just like Point Break! Or maybe not. Another snapper reportedly had camera equipment thrown into the sea. Police reports were filed and the local authorities are investigating the matter. In video footage released to news networks, the surfers can be seen beating up the photographers and dragging one of them into the ocean. It's gotten so bad that extra sheriff's deputies have been assigned to patrol the beaches of Malibu, California after Saturday when Colin Farrell challenged a paparazzi after the Irishman spotted the snapper trying to take beach shots of him, his son and pregnant pal Minnie Driver. Farrell ran up the beach and confronted the videographer, asking, "Are you f**king taking a picture of me and my boy? Turn that off." Local officials in Malibu are fighting to change city laws to prevent the paparazzi from invading beaches. In the meantime, police have agreed to patrol target areas in a bid to halt further clashes between photographers and sunbathers. One local tells WENN, "It's getting out of hand. Suddenly you spot a celebrity and then there's a swarm of photographers. Malibu people are sick of it." I smell a reality show! Really!
Spacey...or Sissy?
Yeah, if I ever meet him, I'm getting beat up by his entourage. For sure. Hollywood actor Kevin Spacey has blasted reports of his expanding entourage, insisting he always travels alone, except when he has a media engagement. The 21 star was rumored to have hired a host of extra helpers to assist him on a daily basis, taking them everywhere he goes. A source tells Britain's Ok! magazine, "He's got bodyguards, several publicists, a make-up artist, a personal hairdresser, someone styling him..." But Spacey's representative has dismissed the claims, saying: "A publicist, a groomer and security are there when he does press. Just like they are for any other stars." That Spacey. He keeps it real.
& 1
I Support This!
This is something I think we all can agree on. Comedian Robin Williams is demanding U.S. soldiers be given rights to a free college education. The 56-year-old star has enlisted his support for new legislation, which will ensure U.S. soldiers returning from Iraq and Afghanistan have their university tuition paid in full because the sacrifices they've made for their country have not been compensated fairly. The proposed bill would cost the U.S. government $4 billion annually, a total that pales in comparison to the weekly cost of the American occupation in Iraq. Williams says, "It's a payback for them. It's all-access to the American Dream. We in no way have given the vets their due. These guys and gals have sacrificed so much. It's the least we can do." Spread the word, get more info, and support this today!
