The Gratuitous B-Movie Column 07.20.08: Issue #21

Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz on 07.20.2008

"King of the Ants" (2003) and "Endangered Species" (2002)

The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Issue #21: "King of the Ants" (2003) and "Endangered Species" (2002)

Hello, everyone, and welcome once again to the internets movie review column that's waiting for the day Gene Hackman gets his own reality show, where for a half hour each week he beats the shit out of someone (the network can call it "Gene Hackman Beating the Sh*t Out of Someone This Week"), The Gratuitous B-Movie Column, and I am your host Bryan Kristopowitz. This issue, issue number twenty-one, I take a look at the 2003 Stuart Gordon directed horror crime thriller "King of the Ants," and then I take a look at the 2002 made-in-Lithuania sci-fi action flick "Endangered Species."

King of the Ants


"King of the Ants" stars Chris L. McKenna as Sean Crowley, a young no name handyman just trying to survive day to day by doing, well, odd jobs (when we first see him he's painting a red room white for no one in particular). He has dreams and aspirations, but he's not really sure on how to achieve them. One day, he meets an electrician named Duke (George Wendt) who tells him that he's too good to be just a no-name no one and that if he comes meet his boss Ray Mathews (Daniel Baldwin) maybe he can get a better job and make a little more money. All Sean has to do is wait for a call.

A few days later, Sean gets the call from Duke about a potential job and is told to go to a local golf course to meet Ray and find out what exactly the job entails. Ray, a local building contractor and construction company owner who quickly hits it off with Sean, tells him that he needs a man followed for a few days. All Sean will have to do is watch this guy all day, log where he goes, and take pictures. So Sean does that, following a man by the name of Eric Gatley (Ron Livingston). Sean, via his trusty mountain bike, follows Gatley from the moment the man leaves his house to his job and then back home. Sean does this for a few days, chronicling the rather mundane events of one Eric Gatley, city accountant, taking Polaroid after Polaroid.

Suddenly, at the end of one particular day where Gatley met with local news personality Meade Park (Shuko Akune) for some reason, Ray stops Sean on the street and asks him to talk. At first, they talk in general terms about life and business and what you have to do sometimes to get what you want (as Ray says, "Sometimes you gotta be a little ruthless"). The talk quickly turns dark and weird, as Ray, in a roundabout way, asks Sean what it would take for him to take out Gatley. Sean, somewhat dumbfounded by the question, hems and haws for a few moments, trying to figure out if Ray is serious about this. Sean realizes that, yes, Ray really is asking him to kill Gatley, and tells Ray that he'll do the deed for thirteen thousand dollars. Ray agrees to that amount, and Sean goes off to kill Eric Gatley.

Killing Eric Gatley isn't easy. Sean, initially all gung ho about killing the man, starts to have doubts about whether or not he can do it. He doesn't get much sleep the night before (I'm going to assume that's why he was going commando while sleeping, but maybe that's just a general comfort thing) and really, really takes his time going to Gatley's house, all decked out in a jumpsuit, rubber gloves and boots, and a funky motorcycle riot helmet. When he rings Gatley's doorbell, he doesn't want Gatley to answer. But Gatley answers, and Sean goes through with it, smashing Gatley's head in with a Gatley family heirloom, a big terra cotta pot, and lastly a whole refrigerator (he drops that sumbitch right on the man's head). It's messy and awful and bad, but Sean did what he was asked.

And Sean expects to get paid.

A few days pass, and Sean doesn't get paid. Sean is pissed. He calls Duke again and again and again, wanting to know when he's going to get paid what he's owed. Duke won't return his calls. Sean eventually gets a call from Duke, telling him to meet him at the zoo for an explanation. So Sean goes to the zoo and is told by Duke that there was never any deal to kill Gatley and that it would be best for everyone if Sean just disappears. Naturally, Sean feels cheated and tells Duke that if he isn't paid, he'll squeal to the cops and the media. See, Sean has the evidence that Gatley was accumulating against Ray and figures that he can use it as leverage to get his money. This "counter offer" doesn't sit well with Duke or Ray, so Duke and Ray hatch a plan to kidnap Sean, take him out to a house in the desert, and beat the crap out of him until he gives up the evidence.

And so Sean gets his ass kicked for about a week, suffering repeated wicked whacks to the head with a golf club until the point he's a beaten, bloody, drooling moron. At night, Sean has dreams that get weirder and weirder with each beating. He has dreams about a sexy woman in a construction worker's uniform, Gatley's wife Susan (the yummy Kari Wuhrer), and eventually a giant blob thing that eats its own feces (it's like "2 girls 1 cup" but with only one girl and her hand). Sean is eventually rescued by his pal George (Timm Sharp), only to end up wandering the streets with the homeless, coming into contact with Susan Gatley, who works at the local homeless shelter and who takes Sean into her life to recover. It's here that Sean sees what the "other side" of the world looks like, the responsible, family oriented world of mothers and daughters and familial love. It's also here where Sean is eventually given an ultimatum by the universe: either do what it takes to remain with Susan, or exact revenge on the people who beat you and tried to kill you.

Since this is a non Disney related Stuart Gordon movie, I think we all know what side Sean decides to side with. And Sean does pretty much what you'd expect any regular ol' person would do in a similar situation.

Again, this is a Stuart Gordon movie.

"King of the Ants" is at its best right up until the point Sean escapes from Ray and Duke. It moves along at a brisk, nasty pace, and really starts to get under your skin the more and more we see Sean beaten. Despite the fact we see Sean kill a man for no apparent reason beyond personal greed, we root for him because he's relatively normal and stupid (you know, kind of like every working stiff shmoe the world over, forced to do crappy work for little to no pay, no recognition, and no self satisfaction) and he's placed in a situation where the world's bullies are engaged in a nasty escalation of violence against him. It never once looks like Sean is ever going to get out of that little shed in the middle of the desert, that he's going to die there. And so, again, we feel for him and root for him to get out of there. After Sean's escape, the story slows down a bit, as out hero engages in domesticity. It's here where the audience's enjoyment of the story is likely to split, depending on whether or not you accept Sean's decision. Do you want him to stay with Susan and the "simple" life, or do you want him to exact revenge for what's been done to him? I personally love the fact that Sean doesn't take the easy path and instead decides to kick some butt, but that's just me. You could probably see it the other way, where Sean's decision is the wrong one, but that's your decision to make.

It would have been better if the ending was a tad bit more spectacular, a little nastier, but, considering that the movie wasn't made for that much money, what we get is good enough. Gordon, using a script written by Charlie Higson (who authored the novel the flick is based on, also called Kingdom of the Ants), makes due with what he has at his disposal and makes it brutal, nasty, and terrible. And in this case that's a good thing. Chris L. McKenna, in his first leading role in a motion picture, is outstanding as Sean the no name handyman. He's able to project a sort of natural naivete about the awful world he lives in and is then able to shift into a kind of dark stubborness when it comes time to get paid. He's a little iffy in the butt kicking department (he should have gained about twenty pounds for that part, just to give him some greater physical credibility), but he gets through it with the help of everyone else. George Wendt is at his sleaziest as Duke. Wendt, who also served as one of the flick's producers, does so many things in this movie that are simply unbelievable (carrying a golf bag on a hot day without having a heart attack, sitting on the floor and getting up on his feet without much help, running, sitting on a guy's back and not crushing his insides), but because he's so damn good you dismiss them. And George sure can choke a guy. Daniel Baldwin, who matches Wendt's sleaze with his own brand of drunk nastiness and natural bad assness, is just awesome as Ray the corrupt construction company owner. It's the kind of role Daniel was made for. Vernon Wells (Bennett hisself, or if you prefer the "Circuitry Man" hisself) is great as the ass kicking henchman with a conscience. Lionel Mark Smith also does a great job as the other Mathews henchman Carl (he gets one of the sadder character endings in recent movie history). And Kari Wuhrer is incredibly brave here, engaging in the kind of nudity that "serious" actresses only engage in when there's a major award possibly on the line. No major award was ever on the line here, so, again, kudos to Kari.

And then there's Ron Livingston, Peter Gibbons hisself, as Eric Gatley, the man who dies and gets the whole Sean's life decision ball rolling. He isn't in the flick all that long, but his scant few minutes on screen is some of his best dramatic work ever. Gatley is just so normal, so mundane, so real, that even the biggest, heartless jag off is going to be outraged at the way his life is snuffed out. It's a brilliant performance.

You should definitely seek out "King of the Ants." It's a great, nasty little movie that'll stick with you long after its over.

Man, that George Wendt sure can freaking run.

So what do we have here? Painting a red room white, gratuitous eating a sandwich and eating a book, gratuitous George Wendt, George Wendt drinking beer on the job, gratuitous George Wendt sitting on the floor, gratuitous Daniel Baldwin, gratuitous Daniel Baldwin playing golf, gratuitous George Wendt carrying a golf bag, mountain bike riding, guy hitting the back of his head on a mailbox, gratuitous Ron Livingston, gratuitous Polaroid camera, gratuitous meeting Dan Baldwin at night in a car to drink, "pussy" talk, a story about beating a dog to death, gratuitous Daniel Baldwin making weird faces while sitting in the car, sleeping commando, gratuitous wearing a blue jumpsuit, rubber gloves and boots and funky riot helmet, blunt object with sentimental value to the head, terra cotta plant to the head, refrigerator to the head, giving to the homeless, gratuitous barfing into a sink, dart playing, a real douchebag of a friend, gratuitous meeting George Wendt at the zoo, fat guy choke from behind, an envelope, a train ticket to Chicago, gratuitous George Wendt sitting on a guy and not killing him, gratuitous Vernon Wells, a mugging, masturbating to a hot chick dressed up in a construction company uniform, wild dream sex, chair bondage, forcing someone to drink alcohol, a mattress strip blindfold, gratuitous golf club to the head, gratuitous horror flashbacks of a sexy woman with a huge drill, a woman with a huge cock, gratuitous talking about the music of John Tesh, a hosing, gratuitous dream where a big blob woman eats her own feces, attempted throat slitting with a broken beer bottle, gratuitous "God Bless America" T-shirt, neck biting, a cinder block attack, walking around town in dirty underwear, hanging out at the rescue mission, toilet breaking, spaghetti eating, "no hands" bicycle riding, real wild sex, knee to the balls, head bashing, cutting off a frozen dead body's head and then burning it in a small fire, a fake looking gun, sledgehammer to the gut, puking up blood, rebreaking a broken leg, setting a guy on fire, a shoe fire, and an exploding house.

Best lines: "The wiring in this building is fucked. Should have burned down years ago. You flip the lightswitch and the fucking shower comes on," "James fucking Bond, huh?," "Hey, you don't need to be a private eye to get some pussy," "Fresh out of business cards, huh?," "Sometimes you gotta be a little ruthless," "Don't answer the door. Come on, don't answer the door, you fucker. Don't be stupid all your life," "What are you doing?," "Bye, Mr. Gatley. I'll call later this week," "Fucking asshole!," "Shit, a guy wears a hat like that deserves to die," "Do you know anybody that goes to the zoo?," "Why would anyone give you thirteen grand to do anything?," "Where's the file, Sean?," "How about I cut your balls off?," "What are you talking about? I was drunk?," "You filthy animal!," "Yeah, he could talk the panties off a nun," "You know, it's really scary what a single blow to the head can do," "You just can't make someone a vegetable! You can't!," "What he fuck are you doing?," "That motherfucker cut me!," "Man, we're out of beer," "You're very efficient," "Crowley, where the fuck are you you little douchebag?," "Hello, Duke," "You know what, Duke? I'm not a professional, but I do a nice job," and "It's gasoline."

Rating: 9.0/10

Endangered Species



And then there's "Endangered Species," directed by the great Kevin S. Tenney (the man who brought the world the awesome 1990 sci fi action horror flick "Peacemaker" starring Robert Forster) and starring Eric Roberts, John Rhys-Davies, Arnold Vosloo, and the immortal Tony Lo Bianco. This sci-fi action flick, apparently filmed in Lithuania and bankrolled by people from there, is sort of a riff on the Dolph Lundgren sci-fi action classic "I Come in Peace," but made with considerably less money. Considerably less. Yet somehow, despite the flick's flaws, it manages to entertain and almost completely succeed.

Roberts is Lt. Mike "Sully" Sullivan, a scumbum cop with a family who is investigating a series of bizarre murders at local healthclubs. Every so often a man walks into a healthclub, usually at night (well, actually exclusively at night), shoots a bunch of people, and then takes some of the dead bodies with him. No one knows why he takes some of the bodies with him and leaves others behind. With the help of fellow cop and asshole Lt. Wyznowski (Rhys-Davies), Sully searches the city high and low for anyone who could do something like this. Meanwhile, there's a strange man in a black knit cap, known only as Warden (Vosloo), who has been seen investigating some of the crime scenes despite the fact he's not a cop. No, Warden is something else. Something else entirely.

Sully, Wyznowski, and Warden eventually all run into one another, with Warden being captured and charged with the health club murders. Little do Sully and Wyznowski and subsequently the entire police department know that Warden is not the killer they're looking for. Soon after the health club murder case is "solved," the real killer, known as the Hunter (Saulius Siparis), attacks a strip club, once again killing a bunch of people and walking off with some of the dead bodies. Just what the heck is going on here?

Sully, after some crack low budget sci-fi action movie cop investigating, comes to the conclusion that Warden and the Hunter are not a bunch of weird beard European secret agents, they are, in fact, aliens from another planet. Wyznowski doesn't believe it, nor does Lo Bianco's Captain Tanzini. Aliens from outer space? Freaking ridiculous.

And so some stuff happens, Warden escapes from jail, and Sully meets the mysterious man in some alley in the city. It is here that Sully's suspicions are confirmed and he, and we, all find out what's really going on. And so it then becomes a race against time. Can Sully and Warden stop the Hunter from committing more atrocities, or will the alien killer, well, kill more people?

What's great about "Endangered Species" is that it shoots for the stars almost immediately, showcasing an elaborate, somewhat action packed story that has absolutely no business being as engrossing as it is. It doesn't let its budget limitations stop it from telling its story and makes due with what it has at its disposal (great acting throughout and a gung ho director). There are some nifty little scenes involving an invisble van that can only be seen with special glasses, an apartment building chock full of alien furniture only an alien can see, and an insane car chase with that invisible van where we actually get to see a man in mid-air shooting back at his pursuer. It's just amazing that Tenney would even try to execute a scene like that, and the fact that he makes it work is testament to his skill and abilities. The only problem I have with the flick, besides the porno style opening (I'm not complaining so much about the bountiful full on female nudity here, just the way it's shot and edited. Why is the camera always lingering? I mean, yeah, I kind of know why, as looking at naked women is fun, but, in a movie like this, is it really that much fun?), is the last twenty minutes or so, where the flick tries mightily to finish with a bang but simply can't because, well, it just can't. It never really deals with the massive amounts of chaos and violence that happen, especially considering the number of people who get blown away. It just sort of forgets about it all at the end, which is a tad disturbing. There's also a prominent death scene that comes off as more or a joke than something serious. There's a level of seeming flippancy here that's tough to deal with. But, I can't really fault the flick too much, as, again, it does the best with what it has. It does have a great score, too, composed by the man behind the "Friday the 13th" score, the one, the only Harry Mafredini. Always cool to hear something by him.

Roberts is great as Sully. I don't know why he hasn't done more roles similar to Sully, as he's one of the best scum bum cops in a good long while. Rhys-Davies is freaking hysterical as Wyznowski. He's really trying to be a tough, bad ass cop here, and some of his line readings are just so over the top it's hard to imagine that such an accomplished actor would give them that way. But he does and, in the end, he somehow makes it work. Roberts and Rhys-Davies should team up again in a different movie and play essentially the same characters again. It'd be a hoot to see both of them take down a Miami drug cartel or something like that. Vosloo is surprisingly good as Warden. He doesn't get to say all that much until the end of the movie, so he has to rely on his physical acting to get the job done, which he's exceptional at (why hasn't anyone hired him to do a "Terminator" movie?). Tony Lo Bianco does his usual good job as the police captain. Lo Bianco is an old pro, a character actor who can excel in any role or situation. It's great to see Lithuania giving him a chance. And then there's Saulius Siapris, the Hunter. He's simply put one of the creepiest villains in recent memory. I don't think I've ever seen anyone shoot someone in the eye as coldly as Siparis. He hasn't done that much since this flick came out in 2002, which is scandalous. He needs to work more.

And, as for Sarah Katie Coughlan, who plays Sully's wife Susan, I can only say one thing: yum-mee.

You should most definitely seek out "Endangered Species," as it's one of those rare low budget treats that almost succeeds at overcoming its limitations. A great, great flick.

So what do we have here? Gratuitous flashcutting on stock footage of various animals, a dionsaur attack, a small television, gratuitous guy walking into a health spa, screw driver to the ear, gratuitous hot blonde chick with giant breasts, gratuitous full frontal female nudity, gratuitous shooting people in the eye with a space gun that sounds like a .44 magnum, gratuitous bad guy putting dead bodies in a laundry hamper with wheels, gratuitous Eric Roberts, talking about dog crap, gratuitous Arnold Vosloo, gratuitous John Rhys-Davies, gratuitous Tony Lo Bianco, gratuitous Tony Lo Bianco watering the plants in his office with a spray bottle, racism, gratuitous admonishing John Rhys-Davies to shave off his beard, gratuitous cororner eating a jelly donut while performing an autopsy, gratuitous sex with the wife, boob kissing, dish breaking, gratuitous Arnold Vosloo jumping down entire flights of stairs, a chase through a hospital, gratuitous John Rhys-Davies jumping into a garbage canister, gratuitous invisibility, gratuitous Tasers, a lack of fingerprints, dick sucking, breakfast in bed, gratuitous question about who would win in a fight, Superman or Mighty Mouse, a strip club, a funky pair of sunglasses, gratuitous dead hot dead chicks, exploding car, gratuitous invisible car, exploding invisible van, shooting an arm off, another exploding car, arm autopsy, gratuitous attacking severed arm, talking about gorillas and chimps, arm fixing, shot to the eye, gratuitous "Maniac Cop 2" style police squad massacre, an M-16 that sounds like a laser pistol, SWAT team destruction, gratuitous leather jackets, parental cussing, an invisible space ship, gratuitous alien pulling off his own face, melting alien face, screwdriver into an electrical socket, exploding building, gratuitous family pets, and Eric Roberts deciding to go vegetarian.

Best lines: "Hi, Cathy, how's it going?," "Stop it! Mom, Christine keeps making dinosaur noises at me!," "Hey, Sully, what's happening?," "I'm no expert, but have you tried those little fertilizer sticks?," "The only thing undermining your authority is your suit," "Puppies make great Christmas gifts. Fuck you, Phil," "Is it me or is he fat?," "This is a loss," "I said I was tired, not dead," "Stay? What the fuck is that?," "You better start talking, shitface, or I'm going to give you a 9mm enema," "So you're saying this is not real leather?," "Seems like pretty sloppy police work to me," "And get the fuck off my wandering Jew!," "Holy shit that a gun?," "Oh, yeah, this is wild," "Fuck the tires, kill him!," "What I want from you is the fucking truth! The fucking truth!," "I need a favor. I need you to do an autopsy on that arm for me," "So what you're saying is the gorillas have to take care of themselves?," "Oh, fuck you Obi-Wan," "Mom, Dad said shit!," "If you get yourself killed I swear I'll never speal to you again," and "Motherfucker!"

Rating: 8.0/10

***

Well, that'll be it for this issue. B-movies rule, always remember that.

"King of the Ants"

Chris L. McKenna- Sean Crawley
George Wendt- Duke Wayne
Daniel Baldwin- Ray Mathews
Kari Wuhrer- Susan Gatley
Vernon Wells- Beckett
Lionel Mark Smith- Carl
Timm Sharp- George
Shuko Akune- Meade Park
Ron Livingston- Eric Gatley
Directed by Stuart Gordon
Screenplay by Charlie Higson, based on the novel by Charles Higson
Distributed by The Asylum and Anthill Productions
Rated R for strong violence and sexuality, nudity and language
Runtime- 102 minutes
Buy it here




"Endangered Species"

Eric Roberts- Lt. Mike "Sully" Sullivan
Arnold Vosloo- Warden
John Rhys-Davies- Lt. Wyznowski
Tony Lo Bianco- Captain Tanzini
Sarah Katie Coughlan- Susan Sullivan
Saulius Siparis- The Hunter
Directed by Kevin S. Tenney
Screenplay by Kevin S. Tenney
Distributed by Beyond Films
Rated R for violence, language, nudity and some sexuality
Runtime- 90 minutes
Buy it here