What?!! This Column!?? 07.28.08: Issue #119

Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz on 07.28.2008

Thoughts on "The Dark Knight," that Canadian CBS action show "Flashpoint," and some other stuff: ***Warning: some spoilers abound***




Going into "The Dark Knight," I wasn't expecting much and was prepared for the worst. I absolutely hated "Batman Begins" (I went into why here) and wasn't all that interested in seeing the "new and improved" franchise continue. But, with the hype surrounding "the biggest movie of the summer," "the greatest comic book movie ever made," and "Heath Ledger's final completed performance," and the whole writing about movies and whatnot on the internets thing, how could I resist such an international cultural milestone? So, now that I have seen "The Dark Knight," I'm happy to say that, while it's certainly not the best anything of all time, it is a damn good superhero comic book action movie that just about works all the way through.

That's right. It just about works all the way through. The flick, co-written and directed by the Christopher Nolan, makes a few odd choices that, after thinking about them for a few days, still annoy.

First, there's the opening bank robbery sequence. Despite looking fantastic and featuring a fun little bit by the great William Fichtner as a pissed off, shotgun wielding bank manager, it's ultimately an underwhelming introduction to the flick's main villain, the Joker. The prank he plays on both the bank manager and the gang of highly motivated thugs he uses to rob the bank isn't as clever as the movie seems to think it is, and it doesn't really leave much of an impression beyond wondering why Nolan thought this was a great way to introduce the Joker. It just isn't. Perhaps it would have worked a little better if we didn't get to see the Joker's face, instead only catching a glimpse of him as the stolen school bus driver (and then only seeing him from behind and recognizing him by his purple jacket). Or perhaps it would have been better if the whole bank robbing sequence was actually Batman's opening sequence, as the Batman's actual opening sequence, featuring a boring cameo appearance of Cillian Murphy's reprehensible Scarecrow villain, is incredibly bad.

I like the idea of fake Batmans running around Gotham City, "helping out" the real Batman, but why can't the movie slow down and show us that, yes, these fake Batmans are, in fact, fake Batmans. Why not give the real Batman an actual entrance, where it's obvious that the real Batman is here? I was actually confused there for a moment, wondering why Christian Bale's second go around as the Dark Knight required him to wield an Uzi. But then, even when it's sort of obvious that the real Batman is the one kicking butt (the whole jumping onto the roof of the Scarecrow's car thing), I was still kind of iffy about it (where's his Uzi?). It's like Nolan wasn't all that interested in this scene and just wanted to get it over with as quickly as possible.

Now, just imagine if Batman had been the one foiling that spectacular bank robbery. Now that would have been a hero opening. As for the Joker's entrance, it should have been held off until the big crime boss meeting where we actually get to see Ledger acting. I mean, is it really necessary to see the Joker robbing a bank and amassing a small fortune to run his gang and his schemes? I don't think it is. The Joker's origin is supposed to be a big mystery, and we never see him hand any of that money out to his immediate acolytes anyway, so, again, why bother with the big scheme in the first place? Wouldn't the Joker be able to gather together a gang based solely on his mysterious reputation?

The last quarter of the movie isn't all that great, either. There's just way too much going on between the Joker's devilish big giant boat scheme and the whole Two-Face thing. Two-Face as an actual villain should have been saved for the third movie because, right now, it comes off only slightly better than the whole Scarecrow thing in "Batman Begins." Sure, there's an actual pay off with Two-Face and his whole thing, but it still feels rushed and tacked on. Again, why not save Harvey Dent's full on angst and rage for a third movie? Why not have Dent's horribly scarred face as the final thing we see in the movie? And why not have Batman's final fight with the Joker actually be the final fight in the movie? At least the Two-Face make up is cool to look at. That make up would certainly make for a great Fangoria Scream Greats poster (remember when Fangoria did that?).

Maggie Gyllenhaal, taking over for Katie Holmes as Bruce Wayne love interest Rachel Dawes, does what she can with the character, but since she isn't all that interesting, you're likely to end up wondering why Gyllenhaal looks like she's about sixty years old and why would Bale and Eckhart fight over someone's grandmother. Nolan should be ashamed of himself for making the usually great looking Gyllenhall look so awful.

And what the hell is the deal with Bale's Batman voice? I know I'm not the only one to take issue with it (it seems like dang near everyone in the world hates it), and while I have no idea how to fix it (well, beyond just having Batman speak less), hopefully someone comes up with a viable solution for the next movie. I don't think I can stand another two and a half hours of Bale sounding like a beefy woman with throat cancer.

After the lackluster Joker and Batman introductions, the flick picks up steam when we meet both Aaron Eckhart's Harvey Dent and Gary Oldman's Lt. Jim Gordon and we get to see what kind of situation Gotham City has on its hands when it comes to rampant crime. If Nolan had removed all of the Batman stuff and just had Gordon and Dent trying to bring down the Joker and Eric Roberts' Salvatore Maroni, he would have made a pretty decent, straight up crime movie. The bit where Batman goes off to Hong Kong to capture Chin Han's Lau works out surprisingly well and comes off as the best fight sequence in the movie. And it's always cool to see Michael Jai White, Spawn hisself, in anything, and he does a great job as a gang leader who gets done in by the Joker (although I'm a little confused about how he gets killed. Does the Joker stab him or does he get shot?). It would have been geektastic to see Spawn and Batman duke it out at some point, but, for whatever reason, it just wasn't in the cards.

Bale, while still somewhat boring, is much better this time around as both billionaire playboy Bruce Wayne and as the Batman. He isn't saddled with all of that origin crapola like last time and is free to be the freewheeling layabout oblivious douchebag that is Bruce Wayne and the concerned vigilante that is Batman. Morgan Freeman comes off quite a bit better this time, too, as he's actually inhabiting a character here, instead of just passing the time as Morgan Freeman appearing in a superhero comic book franchise movie like he did in "Begins." Michael Caine is also less annoying this time around as Bruce Wayne's butler Alfred (he also looks less bored, which is always great).

And then there's Heath Ledger's performance as the Joker. While he's quite excellent as the maniac clown prince of crime, I don't know if the performance necessarily deserves all of the adulation it's getting. Ledger certainly inahbits the scary make up and funky purple suit with psychotic gusto and is a joy to watch, but it just seems that when you get right down to it, he's just playing a maniac and that's it. He isn't doing anything all that different from other previous super movie psychos. Why should we all be awed by that? He plays his part well, no question, it's just... is that it?

Now, is Ledger great as the Joker? Again, yes. Is he better than Jack Nicholson, who as we all know played the Joker back in 1989's "Batman"? No. But that's just me and my personal preference. Nicholson is probably always going to be the "real" movie Joker to me, but that doesn't make me hate Ledger's performance or anything. Does Ledger deserve an Oscar nomination? Not really (but my opinion may change in the fall when we get a better sense of who is and should be in the running. I think it's still way too early to be thinking about it). Would it be cool if he did get a posthumous nomination? Absolutely. Would I root for him to win? Probably (unless Tim Thomerson somehow got nominated for some reason, then it's Jack Deth or no one).

Gary Oldman is superb as Lt. Jim Gordon. Just superb. I think I was more amazed by his performance than by Ledger's. Gordon ends up having the most difficult job in Gotham, trying to run his major crimes special unit all the while weeding out corrupt cops and somehow dealing with the public all at the same time. When it looks like he's been gunned down by the Joker in the middle of a public funeral I was actually enraged. I kind of figured Gordon really wasn't dead (I'm sure we would have known about such a prominent death months before the movie came out), but still, I was pissed. And while I didn't care for the last quarter of the movie, I was concerned about Gordon's family issues and what Two-Face was going to do to them. If Ledger deserves an Oscar nod, Oldman deserves a Best Supporting Actor nomination. He is that good.

And how about Eric Roberts? He's in an actual movie this time around, one with a catering budget that wasn't filmed in Lithuania. And it looks like he's having the time of his life here as Salavatore Maroni (this is the kind of character Rutger Hauer probably wished he had for "Batman Begins").

And Aaron Eckhart, an actor I've never really been a big fan of, is magic as Gotham City District Attorney Harvey Dent. He's quite good as Two-Face, but, as I said above, I'd rather see Two-Face's whole thing as its own movie. I hope on the eventual mega DVD release we get to see the Two-Face make up process in action. I'd love to see just how that mask was created and applied. And what is the Halloween costume going to look like come October?

The action scenes are better this time around (mostly because you can see what the hell is going on), and the action scenes are actually cool to look at. Slowing things down so we can see what's going on is always the best way to go. I just wish the flick had a better, stronger opening. Maybe Nolan will deliver that in a third movie.

So, in conclusion, while I don't think "The Dark Knight" is a great movie, it is a damn good flick that deserves to be seen at least once. It's a step in the right direction in terms of the "Batman" movie franchise, and, finally, after sxteen years of waiting, the world has another good "Batman" movie.

Rating: 7.5/10

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So what do we have here, for "The Dark Knight"? Gratuitous hip and edgy "realistic" bank robbery, gratuitous messing around with the bank customers, gratuitous grenades, gratuitous William Fichtner with a shotgun kicking ass, mutliple double crosses, gratuitous school bus, gratuitous Heath Ledger in his final completed performance, grenade to the mouth, gratuitous Bat signal in the sky, gratuitous horrendous Scarecrow cameo, "Batman" with an Uzi, dog attack, Batman dropping onto a car, gratuitous geiger counters, gratuitous Michael Caine, gratuitous Christian Bale, wound fixing, gratuitous Eric Roberts, gratuitous Aaron Eckhart, gratuitous two headed coin, punching a witness in court, gratuitous Morgan Freeman, gratuitous Michael Jai White, pencil to the forehead, gratuitous Batman going to Hong Kong, a spectacular building dive, a sky hook, gratuitous massive police corruption, a dead "Batman," gratuitous Anthony Michael Hall, a torture video, exploding car, gratuitous political fundraiser, gratuitous Joker attacking U.S Senator from Vermont Pat Leahy, a belt knife, a massive publiuc funeral, the Joker sans make up, Batman beating the shit out of people in a nightclub, ankle breaking, a fire truck that's on fire, a garbage truck battering ram, gratuitous Batmobile destruction, gratuitous Batcycle, breaking off a car's side mirror, exploding helicopter, gratuitous flipping tractor trailer truck, gratuitous the Joker in jail, Batman beating the shit out of the Joker, exploding fat guy, gratuitous Two-Face origin, money burning, gratuitous Lambourghini, gratuitous Joker wearing a Harvey Dent campaign button, the Joker using hand sanitizer, exploding hospital, gratuitous usual Chicago cop guy (he was in "The Fugitive"), gratuitous Tiny "Zeus" Lister, voting to blow up a boat, dangling cops, another dog attack, gratuitous Joker using the same trap to trap Batman that Dr. Loomis used on Michael Myers in "Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers," and an ending that's just okay but could have been better.

Best lines: "So why do they call him the Joker?," "Where did you learn to count?," "The criminals in this town used to believe in things. Honor. Respect. Look at you! What do you believe in? What do you believe in! I believe whatever doesn't kill you simply makes you... stranger," "That's more like it," "Don't let me find you out here again," "What's he hiding under that make up?," "Batman has no limits," "If you want to kill a public servant, I recommend you buy American," "You've got a hell of a right cross," "Really, so you're into ballet?," "I thought my jokes were bad," "If you're good at something never do it for free," "Enough from the clown!," "You're a hard man to reach," "I'm sure you've always wanted to go to Hong Kong," "Want to know I got these scars?," "See, this is how crazy Batman has made Gotham," "I only have one question, where is Harvey Dent?," "You know, you remind me of my father. I hated my father," "Some men just want to watch the world burn," "I'm not sure you made it loud enough, sir," "Lucious, I'm playing this one pretty close to the chest," "No more dead cops!," "Hey, you wait like everyone else, pal," "What is that, a bazooka?," "Excuse me, I want to drive," "I like this job, I like it," "We got you you sonofabitch," "If we're going to play games I'm going to need a cup of coffee," "See, I'm not a monster, I'm just ahead of the curve," "I want my phone call," "Do you want to know why I use a knife?," "What do you want? I just want my phone call," "I'm sorry, Harvey," "Where's the Italian?," "You know, I don't want there to be any hard feelings, Harvey," "Why would they give us the detonator to our own bomb?," "You just couldn't let me go, could you?," and "Dammit, will you stop pointing that gun at my family?"

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You're almost there, Mr. Bale. Almost.

You're still not as good as this guy, though.



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Well, CBS has hit summer ratings gold (well, to a degree) with their action show "Flashpoint," which is co-produced by a Canadian production company (I could go look it up but I'm too lazy at the moment to actually go do that) and which takes place in Toronto. For the most part, it's pretty decent, with relatively good performances throughout. However, for some reason, I can't remember who any of the actors are. Even if I went to imdb right now and looked up the show's cast, fifteen seconds after reading the cast list I don't think I could remember any of the names. It's got kind of a bland look, and perhaps it's a tad too serious, but I can see why CBS moved the show to Thursdays after "CSI." It's dang near perfect network synergy.

Now, is there actually that much call for such a sniper SWAT team in Toronto? How often does that major city have a major hostage situation? I'd ask the same thing if the show took place in New York City or Los Angeles or any other major world city. Wouldn't it be better if the "Flashpoint" crew only dealt with a major hostage situation every fourth show, and dealt with other major issues in other episodes, like tracking down bank robbers or taking down a series of meth labs?

I'm a little annoyed, though, with not having "Swingtown" on Thursdays anymore. It's a fun, sleazy show that's a perfect fit for Thursdays right before realzing that Friday is, in fact, coming and there isn't much you can do about it. Why not movie the dog reality show to Fridays, move "CSI" to 8, put "Flashpoint" on at 9, and then finish the night off with "Swingtown"? Grant Show, who plays swinger Tom Decker, is freaking hysterical. I love the way he enters every room grinning like a kid with a new toy.

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I'm a little scared now that Amy Poehler is scheduled to leave "Saturday Night Leave" for a new sitcom job. I'm scared because that likely means Kristen Wiig is going to take over as the head female performer on the show. Wiig isn't that funny and doesn't have the range that Poehler has in terms of characters. I wonder if Wiig will aslo end doing the "Weekend Update" segment, too. I wish Lorne Michaels would convince Maya Rudolph to come back and have her be the lead female performer. Then it wouldn't matter if Poehler left.

And since Poehler is leaving, does this also mean that Andy Samburg is going to get more screen time? I sure hope not. He's hardly ever funny.

Give Keenan Thompson more time. Now he's funny.



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So, how many of you went out this past Tuesday and picked up a "Spaced: The Complete Series" DVD set?
I haven't picked up one yet (long freaking story), but I plan to soon. I can't wait. For those of you who have picked up a set and actually watched it, is it as cool as it should be?



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This week, the "What?!! This Column!?? Douchebag of the Week" goes to right wing radio scumbag Michael Weiner (also known as Michael Savage), for attacking children with autism. It's bad enough that he routinely attacks homosexuals, Muslims, Arabs, hispanics, illegal immigrants, now he's going after kids with autism. I can't wait for the day he starts attacking retarded children and just retarded people in general. Because Mr. Weiner's just telling it like it is, right? Isn't that the standard right wing defense? The world just can't handle the truth, right?

And I don't want to hear any of this bullshit about "Weiner was just making a point about over medicating children." Please. There is no hidden message here, no misunderstanding his intentions. He was out to attack kids with autism. And I also don't want to hear any of this "Well, George Carlin attacked children and everyone loved him. So how is he any different than Weiner?" Because George Carlin wasn't a fucking douchebag, that's why. He actually had a point behind his attacking children. Mr. Weiner attacked children with autism because, to him, it's fun, and what are they going to do? They're all imbeciles.

How long do you think it will take for Weiner to get a show on Fox News?

***
Well, I didn't get to see the Mid-Ohio Indycar race at all, but I read a few accounts and it didn't sound like a bad race, but not a good one, either. The only thing people seem to want to talk about is the shoving match Danica Patrick got in with Milka Duno. I'm not going to say kudos to Milka for "standing up" to Danica, but, while I'll admit that Milka isn't the world's greatest Indycar driver, I don't hear anyone demanding track menace Marty Roth to get off the track. And A.J. Foyt IV isn't exactly the world's greatest driver, either. Milka just needs more seat time. Maybe she should just go to the Indy Lights series.

Now, the race this past Saturday at Edmonton wasn't the worst street race I've seen, but it wasn't very good. I read in the National Speed Sport News that Indycar wants to leave Nashville because it's a one groove track and it's bad on tires. But they really, really want to race at a street course where there's absolutely no passing on the track and several accidents happen on the first lap, destroying several cars. Remember all that crap about Richmond being bad for the team's checkbooks? I'm telling everyone in the world, within two years, the IRL is going to be a street racing series with turbocharged engines, and we're going to end up exactly where we all were in 1994-1995. No ovals, no sponsors, and constant seat buying. It'll be Champ Car all over again.

As for the Sprint Cup race at Indianapolis, while I fully understand NASCAR's reasons for throwing "competition yellows" every ten-fifteen laps due to the Goodyear tire issue, the whole event was a disgrace from start to finish. If there was such a huge problem with the tires, perhaps NASCAR should have parked everyone, postponed the race until tomorrow, and had Goodyear bring in another set of tires. This kind of thing, especially with a multi-billion dollar professional racing company running the show, can never, ever happen again. It's just bad for business. And considering the number of empty seats at the race, NASCAR can't afford any more stupidity.

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Once again,still no real new news on the "Jericho" front, although there's supposedly something big coming soon. I have no idea what that's going to be exactly, so that's a good incentive to check out the following websites for all kinds of up-to-date "Jericho" information:

http://www.jerichoseries.com

http://www.jerichooncbs.tumblr.com/

http://www.jerichorallypoint.com

http://www.radiofreejericho.com

http://www.jericholives.com

http://www.jerichowiki.cbs.com/

http://www.jerichonet2.com/

http://www.jerichorangers4ourtroops.com/

And don't forget to go here to order the second season DVD, which came out a few weeks ago. And you can go here to get the first season, and, if you've got deep pockets you can go here to get the complete series, both seasons one and two, in one set. The more we buy, the more they'll listen and pay attention.

Long live "Jericho"!

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Well, I think that'll be it for this issue. Don't forget to check out the 411mania movies zone podcast, which can be heard here. It's always a good listen. And please check out my other column here at the movies zone, The Gratuitous B-Movie Column. It's about B-movies.
"Peter: This is worse then that time when I was Kevin Federline's magic mirror.

(Flash to Kevin's apartment)

Kevin Federline: Magic mirror, how can I look like a douchebag today?

Peter: Well Kevin, um first of all, I would say don't shave and don't shower.

Kevin: Ok, I won't.

Peter: And you just got out of bed, right?

Kevin: Yeah.

Peter: Uh, I would say just go ahead and wear that tank top all day.

Kevin: Um...ok.

Peter: So let's see, we covered the hygiene, no collared shirts... um... oh! Don't forget to walk around with an undeserved sense of accomplishment."

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Cancer sucks.

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