The Gratuitous B-Movie Column 08.11.08: Issue #23

Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz on 08.11.2008

"Serial Slayer" (2003) and "Instinct to Kill" (2001)

Hello, everyone, and welcome once again to the internets movie review column that thinks it's about time the world bans the egg salad sandwich (because, Jesus Christ, it's nasty. It tastes nasty, it looks nasty, and it smells nasty), The Gratuitous B-Movie Column, and I am your host Bryan Kristopowitz. This issue, issue number twenty three, I take a look at the low budget, apparently shot on video suspense thriller "Serial Slayer" (also known as "Claustrophobia" in some quarters) from 2003, and then I take a look at the 2001 action thriller "Instinct to Kill" starring the immortal Mark Dacascos.

Serial Slayer


"Serial Slayer," also known as "Claustrophobia," is a fairly decent suspense thriller featuring some good performances and some neat jump moments that ultimately come as surprise because the movie looks like it cost about a hundred bucks to make. The flick tells the story of three women who gather at a work friend's house (technically they gather at the house that the work friend is house sitting) for a weekend get together (one of the gals calls it a "slumber party," but since they're all pushing thirty, that name just sounds so dang childish so they don't use it again. But, really, why beat around the bush? They're having a slumber party). There's Lauren (Melanie Lynskey), the house sitter who put the shindig together, Gina (Sheeri Rappaport), Lauren's tough best friend (she's got short hair and is more assertive than the other two, so she's the tough one), and Grace (Mary Lynn Rajskub), the nerdy new girl with a peculiar penchant for, well, more on that in a minute. There were supposed to be more participants in the get together, but a bunch of the gals from work decided not to show up.

Why did they decide to stay away?

There's a serial killer on the loose, a "serial slayer," if you will.

See, a bunch of people have been murdered in and around their homes by a killer wielding a crossbow. The victims usually have no idea they're about to be crossbowed to death until it's too late (as we see right at the beginning, when an old woman, as played by Judy O'Dea of "Night of the Living Dead" fame, gets a few arrow darts in the back and one in the head. The poor woman had no idea that going to get the morning paper would be so dangerous). The city, somewhere in California, is, as you'd expect, scared. And annoyed, as well, as the police don't seem to have a grasp on who the killer could be or why the deaths are occuring.

So, for the weekend, it's just going to be Lauren, Grace, and Gina. They decide (well, Lauren and Gina decide) that that scenario isn't going to be much fun and that they should just end the weekend early. But, to placate Grace (she did drive out from wherever it is she drove out from), Lauren decides to order Chinese food. At least Grace will get dinner. So Lauren makes the order, and then the three of them start watching television. While watching TV, they learn of the old woman's murder earlier in the day, and then they start talking about the murders. And talk. And talk. And talk. Lauren and Gina find out that Grace has a keen interest in serial killers (a nice red herring). Gina gets weirded out by that bit of personal background, and Lauren continues to try to be a good host (although she's a bit weirded out by Grace's keen interest, too).

And then they hear footsteps on the roof. They freak out. Is it the crossbow killer?

I think you know the answer to that.

And so, for the rest of the flick, the plucky female trio try to figure out how to get out of the house alive. The phone lines have been cut. The power is out. Seemingly all of the neighbors are gone. And the police are, not surprisingly, nowhere to be found. Will the gals be able to match wits with the unseen killer? Will the gals survive?

The first thing you'll notice about "Serial Slayer" is its "shot on video" look. That look usually doesn't bode well for a movie, but, in this case, it actually helps with the story's atmosphere and overall sense of doom, adding a sense of immediacy to the suspense sequences that litter the second half of the movie. When the flick starts, the video look is a tad offputting because it just doesn't look like a movie (the sound is a little odd, too. There are moments when it's difficult to hear what the characters are saying). But, as the movie progresses, you get used to the video look and you stop paying attention to it. You're much more interested in what the characters are going through.

The three female leads are quite good. Melanie Lynskey is excellent as the nice, goodhearted Lauren. You can't ever dislike her. Sheeri Rappaport is hilarious as the tough chick Gina. She's funny, aggressive, yet incredibly vulnerable when the poop hits the fan. You seem to think that she's going to be the one to take charge of the situation, but she doesn't. She becomes a part of the group. The big surprise here is Mary Lynn Rajskub, mostly because you're not sure why she's even in this little low budget horror movie (she's instantly recognizable from her various TV roles (she's on "24") and the parts she's had in movies like "Sweet Home Alabama" and "Legally Blonde 2: Red, White, and Blonde"). And when we see her interacting with Lauren and Gina she doesn't dominate the screen. She's kind of meek. Again, it's a bit of a surprise. She's excellent, though. She works well with the other two women, and it's great how she plays Grace as a potential suspect in the killings (just what the heck is this fascination with serial killers really all about?). A great cast all around.

The flick's ending, though, is a bit "iffy." I don't fully understand why the revelation at the end is a revelation at all. And I don't know if I like the relatively "down" ending is earned. What's wrong with having an actual resolution to the story? In the grand scheme of things, the ending isn't that big of a deal, as the flick is a good ride up until that point, but, again, I just don't know if the flick earns the ending it provides. And is it me, or does the ending remind you a tad of the ending to the original "Halloween"?

All in all, "Serial Slayer" is worth a look. It's one of the best shot on video movies you're likely to ever see.

So what do we have here? An old woman sleeping, a clock ticking in the background, gratuitous Judith O'Dea, gratuitous Judith O'Dea putting on a robe, washing her hands, and putting on her glasses, gratuitous Judith O'Dea preparing breakfast with toast in the toaster, a shadow walking by in the background, gratuitous Judith O'Dea putting mail in the mailbox, multiple arrows to the back, crossbow to the face, gratuitous community call-in radio show, gratuitous talking to a criminologist, gratuitous Mary Lynn Rajskub, gratuitous talk about the D.C. sniper, gratuitous talking about crossbow pistols, the lamest door knocking in movie history, trees, spilling lemonade, gratuitous thorough washing out of a drinking glass, gratuitous TV news reports, ordering Chinese food, job hating, door and window locking, gratuitous serial killer fetish, gratuitous VCR power going out, gratuitous drawer full of knives, gratuitous dead Chinese take out delivery guy, gratuitous using a frying pan as a shield, arrow to the ankle, putting bloody knife in a plastic bag, taking off a bloody sock, gratuitous using the house's smoke alarms to attract attention, standing on the bed, arrow to the stomach, gratuitous using information from a project management conference in an attempt to survive, blood trail on the floor, arrow through a smoke detector, hiding in the closet, sidewalk chalk drawings, gratuitous fat guy, fighting the killer, demasking, stabbing, and an ending lacking a resolution.

Best lines: "Hey, where can I get one of those crossbows?," "Your friend's yard is nice," "There's some sick shit out there. I'll have the chicken salad," "Does anyone want soup?," "Are you okay with Chinese food?," "It's kinda hard to slit someone's throat from the roof," "We're supposed to be having fun. I don't want to spend the whole weekend worried about being murdered," "You look like Benny Hanna," "We're such girls," "Chinese guys can't be serial killers?," "You want me to go on the roof?," "Hey! Asshole!," "Fucking... grab ass limp dicks!," "It looks like you got him," "Where are the hand towels?," "You sadistic shit!," "Would you like some water?," "We could always burn the house down," "Your foot! Yeah, I know, would you just go back and hit the fucking smoke detector?," "Eat me!," "You're so self absorbed, Gina," and "Did you lock the back door?"

Rating: 7.5/10

Instinct to Kill


And then there's "Instinct to Kill" (also apparently known as "Bone Ripper" and "The Perfect Husband"), a movie about a battered wife deciding to take charge of her life and protect herself against all of the bad people in the world. Well, that's essentially the story the movie tries to tell. But, because the battered wife, played by the uber hot Missy Crider, and her "take charge of her life" trainer, as played by the great Mark Dacascos, aren't all that interesting, the wife beater and raper and serial killer villain of the flick, as played by Tim Abell, is the real star of the movie.

Abell plays Jim Beckett, a decorated detective with a penchant for raping his young wife and killing people in general. Tess (Crider), who married Jim just a few months after meeting him, lives in fear of her husband. He forces her to stay at home, in lingerie, waiting for him to come home so he can slap her around and rape her. She also lives in constant fear of Jim "noticing" that their bed isn't made properly. Tess eventually finds a woman's severed finger in a box in the wall, and hatches a plan to turn Jim in to his partner Lance Difford (Kadeem Hardison). And so she turns Jim in, he's arrested, charged, put on trial, convicted, and sentenced to an insane asylum. One year later, Jim escapes, and decides to find Tess and gain revenge.

Meanwhile, Tess decides that she's tired of living in fear and wants to gain the ability to take charge of her life and protect herself. With the help of Difford, she's put in contact with Dacascos' J.T. Dillon, an ex-FBI/CIA/Special Forces/Secret Agent cop type who lives alone up in the woods. So Tess goes to see Dillon up at his house and begins her training. She learns about beating the shit out of someone with her hands and feet, how to shoot a variety of firearms, and how to just look tough. Little does she know that, soon enough, she'll cross paths with her psychotic ex-husband and she'll have to put her "extensive" training to the test.

As I said, the real focus of the movie is on Abell's Jim Beckett. We see him escape from the asylum, kill a bunch of people, including his drunk father (great scene), disguise himself as a number of people to throw the cops off his trail (because he knows that Difford is after him. They used to be partners, after all), and eventually he rapes and murders another woman. You don't actually root for Beckett because he's just a total scumbag, but, as the flick goes along and it becomes obvious that the cops in "Serial Slayer" are more on the ball and astute than Kadeem's Difford's task force, you're interested to see just how he's going to get out of the next situation. And Abell is excellent as the killer. There is absolutely nothing redeeming about him at all and he never once makes you feel sorry for him (even when you find out that Jim was abused as a child, you're sad that his parents didn't kill him when he was young). He's just an absolutely disgusting person from beginning to end. Now that's a villain.

Mark Dacascos does his usual good job as the hero of the story, although he doesn't have much of a character to play. The only thing we really know about him is that he's got a somewhat sad, shadowy past and that he's incredibly paranoid (he's got an extensive security system in his desert forest home). He does get a pretty decent "beating the crap out of a bunch of ruffian thugs in a bar" scene, and he gets into a few cool fights with Abell, but he's just sort of there, almost like they got him because Olivier Gruner was busy. And why is he such a terrible shot in this movie? I think "The A-Team" hit more targets than Mark. Missy Crider is pretty okay as Tess the battered wife. She gets to engage in some acting at the beginning, and there isn't a moment in the movie that you don't feel for her, considering what she's been through, but thruthfully, even after her extensive training montage, you don't really believe that she could beat up anyone. There's no real sense of confidence gaining here.

Kadeem Hardison is boring as Lance Difford, and it's not really his fault. He isn't given much of a character to play, either, and since he has less screen time than Dacascos he isn't given much of a chance to establish himself. And it just gets ridiculous at the end for him. And then there's Jill Jacobson, who plays Arlene. She probably has the hardest scene in the movie (she's naked, bound to a chair with duct tape, and she's forced to wear a plastic bag over her head all the while being taunted by Beckett) and she somehow gets through it. It's also probably the most disturbing scene in the movie, even more disturbing than the rape scene on the stairs at the beginning.

"Instinct to Kill" also has a rather peculiar mysogyny running through it's story. Maybe I'm just misreading the intent of director Gustavo Graef-Marino and screenwriters Randall Frakes, C. Courtney Joyner, and Josh Olson, but it seems as though the story blames Tess for the predicament she finds herself in. Maybe it's because Abell is so "on" as Jim and Dacascos is so intense before he starts up Tess' training montage, basically telling her to stop being such a girlie girl. And the rape scenes and the bondage torture scenes aren't exactly "in the shadows," off screen, away from view. And, again, Crider's characterization of Tess isn't strong or all that confident, even at the end, so it makes you wonder what exactly this movie is really all about. Again, maybe I'm just reading too much into what's presented and I don't understand something that's clear to everyone else in the world. I don't know.

However, even with that lack of clarity, "Instinct to Kill" isn't a total waste of your time. It's worth a look. You probably shouldn't go out of your way to see it, though.

So what do we have here? Gratuitous sleazy voyeurism, gratuitous hot blonde cheerleader, water to the face, gratuitous abusive father, gratuitous boob videotaping, a wedding, orange juice pouring, impromptu bed making with face slapping, gratuitous bullshit about peanut butter, gratuitous rape, gratuitous hit blonde chick constantly wearing lingerie, a bloody metal lunchbox, a severed finger in a box, thigh cutting, attempted choke, gratuitous insane asylum, prison guard beating, blood tasting, mace to the face, gratuitous Pescadero State Mental Prison, gratuitous background on Jim Beckett, gratuitous Tucson, Arizona, gratuitous Mark Dacascos, gratuitous bar fight, horseshoe catching, gratuitous "instinct to survive," a trunk of weapons and money and disguises, attempted murder, bullet to the head, gratuitous making the bed after having a nightmare, drinking a glass of raw eggs, as stakeout, gratuitous fake old woman, exploding baby carriage, gratuitous martial arts and gun training montage, gratuitous Kadeem Hardison, Missy Crider taking a shower, a hospital fight and shootout, bullet through the stomach, gratuitous Mark Dacascos diving into the air, a roof brawl featuring a knife and a lead pipe, ambulance stealing, talk about working double shifts, a bald cop, pulling off make up, gratuitous Jim Beckett watching old videos, gratuitous Mark Dacascos drinking non-alcoholic beer, a hot blonde jogger, countertop sex, gratuitous naked Jill Jacobson, vagina fingering, fake nose issues, gratuitous chair bondage with plastic bag fetish, women's underwear stealing, a dead body, diving through a glass door, consensual sex with a total lack of nudity from Missy Crider, a hostage situation, tree bondage, even more bondage, shotgun blast to the chest, another big ass fight, breaking a 2x4 over a guy's neck, arm breaking, leg stabbing, a head shot, and a "happy" ending.

Best lines: "I'm coming to get you, darling," "You know I don't like locked doors in this house," "Discipline is the key," "James Beckett is evil on two legs," "Hey, what a rose like you doing with a weed like that?," "Whiskey. Double, please," "Just because someone looks like they're drunk doesn't mean they are," "Orange juice," "Vengeance walks this Earth, Pops. He wears many faces," "I guess I'll be running this operation from a desk now," "Almost? Almost can get someone killed, Lance!," "Her current location is on a strict need to know basis, and none of you motherfuckers need to know," "I'll be your rock zombie," "I don't think so, I don't lend out my guns," "Why don't you go get me some champagne," "There is something wrong with your nose," "We've got a bingo," "Theresa, are you going to shoot?," "See, that's what was wrong with our marriage. A lack of communication," "It's going to be okay, don't worry," "'Come on you sonofabitch?' Is that how you speak to your husband?," "Thank you for your hospitality," "See, you just can't teach a coward to be brave," "Ow, that hurts," "Murder can be fun," "It's not murder. It's justice," and "Did I ever tell you I'm a real slow learner?"

Rating: 7.0/10

***

Well, that's it for this issue. B-movies rule, always remember that.

"Serial Slayer"

Melanie Lynskey- Lauren
Sheeri Rappaport- Gina
Mary Lynn Rajskub- Grace
Will Heermance- Man in Black
Judith O'Dea- Alena Gray
Directed by Mark Tapio Kines
Screenplay by Mark Tapio Kines
Distributed by Lionsgate
Rated R for language and violence
Runtime- 79 minutes
Buy it here





"Instinct to Kill"

Mark Dacascos- J.T. Dillon
Missy Crider- Tess Beckett
Tim Abell- Jim Beckett
Kadeem Hardison- Lance Difford
Jill Jacobson- Arlene
Directed by Gustavo Graef-Marino
Screenplay by Randall Frakes, C. Courtney Joyner, and Josh Olson, based on a novel by Lisa Gardener
Rated R for pervasive brutal violence, strong sexuality and language
Runtime- 92 minutes
Buy it here