The Gratuitous B-Movie Column 9.22.08: Issue #28

Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz on 09.22.2008

"Shadow Fury" (2001) and "Glass Trap" (2005)

The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Issue #28: "Shadow Fury" (2001) and "Glass Trap" (2005)

Hello, everyone, and welcome once again to the internets movie review column that thinks sticking your hand in a blender is likely to hurt quite a bit, The Gratuitous B-Movie Column, and I am your host Bryan Kristopowitz. This issue, issue number twenty-eight, I take a look at the 2001 low budget sci-fi action flick featuring both Fred "The Hammer" Williamson and Pat Morita, "Shadow Fury," and then I take a look at the 2005 Fred Olen Ray directed low budget sci-fi flick, "Glass Trap."

Shadow Fury


"Shadow Fury" is one of those rare, low budget B-movies that is an instant classic the very second it starts. Directed by Makoto Yokoyama, "Shadow Fury" never lets up being cool and, despite its obvious low budget, never lets that obvious low budget get in its way.

The flick stars Sam Bottoms as Mitchell Madsen, a drunk ass scumbum bounty hunter mercenary with a bad liver, who is hired by the nefarious Nova Corporation to protect three cloning scientists (this flick takes place in the "future," obviously) who have been marked for assassination by the samurai clone killer Takeru (Masakatsu Funaki), who is hoping to score revenge for the recent death of his master/creator, the incredibly nefarious Dr. Oh (Pat Morita in a hysterically bad frizzy white bald man wig). Madsen isn't sure he can do the job, as he just found out that he's only got a few weeks left to live (he'll eventually die from catastrophic liver failure) and isn't sure he's strong enough to protect the three scientists and take on Takeru, if necessary. But Madsen is given a worthwhile incentive to try and make an effort: Nova Corp scientist Dr. Hiller (Allan Kolman) guarentees Madsen that, if he protects Dr. Forster, as played by Alexandra Kamp-Groeneveld, and Hiller and finds a way to destroy Takeru, Hiller will give Madsen Takeru's "perfect" liver. With the prospect of a brand spanking new liver, Madsen figures he's got everything to gain and nothing to lose. So the question for Madsen becomes will he and can he survive Takeru's killer assault and get a new lease on life?

Of course, in a movie like this, that's not all that's going on. As I said, the Nova Corporation and Dr. Hiller are not exactly the world's greatest citizens. They're part of an evil corporation that's been making clones illegally for years for reasons that are never apparent (I'd say it all boils down to greed and, well, just being plain evil), and it's that great and nasty evil that forced Dr. Oh to fly off the deep end and create his own clone assassin (not to mention to the clone army he was apparently planning to create to take down the Nova Corporation). The Corporation has created something called the "obedience strain," which prevents clones like Takeru from making independent decisions, and there's a question of just how deep this Corporation's reach goes (why would Nova have contacts in the CIA, which led them to Madsen?). Just why are they allowed to so openly flought the law?

I will admit that there are moments at the start of the movie where the story gets a tad confusing. It's initially hard to figure out what the heck all of this "cloning" business is about. It's also somewhat odd that anyone would hire a guy like Mitchell Madsen to do anything, even if the ultimate point of hiring him is to get him to fail. But, once the kung fu bullstuff starts and the guns come out, the flick is just non-stop action until the (and I'm not lying here. It really is) thrilling conclusion. Even when some of the action sequences appear to be kind of shaky (the flick could have been helped by better sound design for the firearms. The guns sound sickly here), the scenes end strong.

Sam Bottoms is dang near iconic here as Mitchell Madsen. He's sort of a cross between Mad Max, Martin Riggs, and the Rider from "Warrior of the Lost World" but with a raging alcohol problem. There are moments where it seems like he's completely outmatched by Masakatsu Funaki's Takeru, but even after getting his butt kicked again and again and again he keeps getting back up. He's also quite good trying to build a romantic relationship with the great Alexandra Kamp-Groeneveld, who plays the Nova Corporation scientist Dr. Louise Forster. I'd love to see another movie starring Bottoms as Madsen, perhaps running guns in future Peru or something. And Kamp-Groeneveld can tag along, too. Great stuff.

Masaktsu Funaki's turn as the clone assassin Takeru is also bordering on iconic. From the rippling muscle posing bits before jumping into action and slicing everything in sight with his samurai short sword to the bits where he walks down the street with his black trenchcoat with the shoulder pads looking all bad ass, it's a wonder why he doesn't have his own series of Takeru action figures. Funaki is simply outstanding in the many, many flying kung fu fights and up close, hand-to-hand brawls, and he's also quite good in the small, dramatic scenes where he has to connect with Sasha (Cassandra Grae), the hot ass blonde hooker he saves from a scumbag thug street beatdown. Funaki's best fight is with the teenager version of the Dr. Hiller secret weapon clone killer Kismet, as played by John Stork. It's a brutal, knock down brawl that ends with a nifty grenade explosion. Funaki also has a cool fight with the adult version of Kismet (there's a whole super aging thing going on with the clones), as played by Bas Rutten. Again, just great stuff.

Allan Kolman is quite the slimy villain as Dr. Hiller. Resembling Borat sans a mustache, he's got that pseudo scumbag Eastern European Nazi thing down pat (I wonder if he's played similar characters before and after). You just know he's up to no good as soon as you see him.

And then there's Pat Morita and Fred "The Hammer" Williamson. Basically, Pat and Fred appear here in extended cameos, although Pat, while he's in the flick less in terms of actual screen time, has more to do that Fred, who appears I believe three times throughout. Morita looks like he's having the time of his life as the wacked out scientist Dr. Oh. The freaky white hair helps his performance tremendously, but you get a sense that even if Morita didn't have the wig he'd be wacked out. Williamson, who appears as Madsen's buddy and bar owner and occasional weapons supplier Sam, doesn't leave much of an impression as he doesn't really do anything. He doesn't shoot anyone, kill anyone, get into any fights. He's just the guy at the bar who sometimes gives Mitchell Madsen a gun. And his line reading when he's providing Madsen with advanced weaponry in the back room of the bar is just attrocious (was that really the best take of that scene?). It's too bad Fred didn't get to hammer someone. That would have definitely made a great movie that much better.

Despite it's few small problems (all due to the budget), "Shadow Fury" is an awesome ninety-minutes of super cool sci-fi action B-movie fun. If you see it on the video store or store shelves, or if you see it sometime on cable, make plans to see it. I can't reccomend it enough. "Shadow Fury" rocks.

See it, see it, see it.

So what do we have here? A spectacular car stunt involving a man jumping onto the roof of the car and ramming a sword into the top of the head of the driver and then jumps off the car as the car drives head on into another car and creates a gigantic explosion, stock footage of dead bodies, gratuitous guy looking at his sword, gratuitous Pat Morita, gratuitous scrolling computer screen with pictures of doctors, a Mayo Clinic letter, gratuitous drunk ass scumbum mercenary bounty hunter hero, gratuitous bald clone henchmen, bald guy falling into a hole in the ground, a "hybrid chicken" clone, gratuitous evil corporation up to no good, stacks of money in an envelope, gratuitous sweaty rippling muscles bit, deflecting bullets with a sword, shooting a clone in the mouth, sickly zombie ninja clones, neck breaking, hand slicing, gratuitous Pat Morita crazy hair, a big ass fireball, a hot blonde chick in a short skirt, gratuitous Fred Williamson, a homing device shooter, gratuitous Sam Bottoms playing the piano, setting off a motion detector, throat slashing, attempted Kim Richards, a killer child clone, deformed and mentally retarded clones, flashback to Madsen's war days, a chemical attack, sewing up an arm wound, falling asleep with a cigarette in your mouth, gratuitous street thugs, a window jump cradling a woman, punching, kicking, more neck snapping, walking through fire, more guy riding on top of car and ramming sword through the roof, an Apple computer, a ninja outfit and ninja throwing stars, boob fondling, claymores, ninja throwing star practice, yet another war flashback, throwing a clone off the roof of a building, an M203 grenade launcher, slow motion explosions, guy runs up a tree, slow motion kung fu fight, face spitting, tree bondage, gratuitous slow motion kung fu fight with killer teenage kung fu master, attempted eye gouging, grenade attack, rooster shooting, drooling zombie kung fu killers, car roof crushing, wall kicking, sword to the top of the boot, wrist snapping, shirt ripping, the "glow," fist blowing, shot to the top of the head, slow motion walk up the stairs while getting shot at repeatedly at close range, throwing star to the throat, body burying, and a sword in the ground acting as a grave marker.

Best lines: "Are you Mr. Madsen?," "I don't give to charities, and I don't give a rats ass about cloning," "What do you think, dollface?," "You're talking about human clones here, doc?," "This ain't right," "What a shame. There's a tear in my stocking," "I wasn't expecting to go up against a goddamn killing machine," "I don't need flesh eating grenades, Sam," "This isn't Madsen's blood!," "At last! The obedience strain!," "I never planned on cloning chickens my whole life," "When I get that liver, I'm going to quit," "I must kill Dr. Markov," "That's enough, Kimitz. Well done," "You are creating horrible beasts," "You're fucked up!," "I am a killer," "I feel nothing," "I do not feel pain," "I am a clone," "Call me Mitchell, Doc," "Motherfucker!," "Now you're gonna die motherfucker!," "Fuck! You broke my leg motherfucker!," "A ninja? A goddamn ninja? Here?," "Don't you care about anything but you?," "I am an animal?," "Showtime!," "He's not human! He's a goddamn monster!," "I don't want to kill you!," "Take my liver! I don't want your liver, I want your help!," "He's right. You need to be alive when this is over," "You're going to hell, doc," "What do you say, killer? Time to boogie?," and "You think they'll make it to heaven, doc?"

Rating: 10.0/10.0

"Glass Trap"


And then there's "Glass Trap," the Fred Olen Ray directed low budget sci-fi action flick about giant ants that attack people in a skyscraper. I don't know why Fred didn't use his name in the credits (he's credited as Ed Raymond, but then again the great Jim Wynorski keeps making movies as Jay Andrews, so at least Fred is in good company in that regard) because, despite the flick's extremely low budget, it's not a bad movie at all.

Now, the flick does throw a whole bunch of plot and character motivation hooha that never really pays off in the end (either they forgot about it, the stuff was edited out for time reasons, or no one ever came up with a good reason for any of it, or maybe the script just wasn't finished at the time of production and no one cared), but then again no one is going to watch this flick for the characters and their backstories. It's a movie about giant mutant ants that get into a downtown LA skyscraper and start eating people. The question is, once it's apparent what's going on, who will survive?

The flick stars C. Thomas Howell as Curtis, a janitor at the skyscraper who has a shady criminal past. He's just there on a Saturday doing his job. Then there's Sharon (Siri Barue), a young up-and-coming secretary at the fashion and pop culture magazine run by Joan Highsmith (the great Stella Stevens). They're working on the weekend because that's just the way Joan Highsmith does business. Then there's Dennis (Brent Huff), a shady guy who shows up at the building to download something off a computer in an office he's not supposed to be in. He brought his daughter Carly (Whitney Sloan) with him and makes her sit in the truck in the parking garage with a boombox he bought her for her birthday. There's Jack Warner (John Clement) the weekend security guard, Henry "Hank" Conlon (Ron Harper) the executive janitor/handyman, and Paolo (Chick Vennera) the hip and edgy "ethnic" fashion photographer who is doing a major shoot on the roof of the building for some reason. They're all potential ant food (and you can guess right from the outset who will be and who won't be).

Then there's Elizabeth (Tracy Brooks Swope), a crackerjack FDA agent who investigates a nearby nursery suspected of selling foreign fauna without a license. When Elizabeth finds out that, indeed, grossly overweight nursery owner Howard Brunel (Peter Spellos) is selling foreign fauna without a license, she is forced to call in a top secret, special FDA SWAT team "not even the President knows about" run by the cigar smoking tough guy Corrigan (as played by Martin fucking Kove). Corrigan has only one plan in mind to deal with the skyscraper ant infestation: kill all of them with a giant chemical bomb. Sheriff Ed (Andrew Pine), the local law enforcement, doesn't mind the whole killing all of the ants thing. He isn't all that happy, though, about Corrigan not allowing whoever may still be alive inside to get out. So, the question becomes, if the ants don't get whoever is inside, will Corrigan?

The cast, for the most part, is pretty dang good. C. Thomas Howell doesn't look bored, which is always a good thing (that was one of my fears going in, because I've seen Howell bored in a movie and it ain't pretty). Stella Stevens is hilarious as Joan Highsmith because she's such a bitch throughout. The weird thing, though, is that while she is a bitch throughout, you completely understand why Sharon doesn't throw her out the window of the magazine's top floor office. She didn't get to be rich and successful by being nice. Andrew Prine is pretty decent as Sheriff Ed (he plays the sheriff as a hick, which makes no sense and all the sense in the world for some reason). Tracy Brooks Swope is funny as the FDA agent Elizabeth, mostly because her character can't stand seeing dead bodies (every time she does see a dead body she feints). And Chick Vennera is hysterical as Paolo the fashion photographer mostly because he's such a stereotype. Brent Huff is okay as Dennis the guy apparently commiting industrial espionage. It would have been better if we knew why exactly he's committing industrial espionage. And Whitney Sloan is decent as Dennis' daughter Carly (she gets to do some of the best suspense stuff in the parking garage). Ron Harper is hilarious as Hank the handyman, mostly because he's so damn confident in his abilities as a handyman. And John Clement is good as one of the most inept building security guards in movie history.

And then there's Martin fucking Kove as Corrigan. Kove, like Pat Morita in "Shadow Fury," seems to be having the time of his life here. He gets to smoke cigar after cigar, he gets to shoot a few of his own people because, well, they're in the way, and he just gets to act like a bad ass. The question, though, is why isn't he in the movie longer than about thirty minutes? Why isn't he in the flick from the get go? It's not like Martin had anything else better to do (I don't know Kove personally or anything, but I suspect he didn't have anything better to do. I mean, when was the last really big movie you saw Martin in? Exactly). I mean, we don't get any scenes of Martin fighting one of the giant ants up close. You'd think that would happen. Seriously, who wouldn't want to watch that?

The special effects, even though they're on the obvious cheap side, are actually quite effective, even when it's just a lame plastic prop ant an actor is holding up to his or her neck. There's very little cheap CGI here (only when the ants have to walk down a hallway, but the hallways are darkened, so that helps hide the lines around the outside of the ant bodies). The only thing the flick is missing, besides an overall point (again, there's a whole bunch of plot stuff here that's just unresolved) is a giant super ant. We do get a nasty ass pile of ant eggs, which is just disgusting. It looks like a big old pile of puke. Kudos to Fred Olen Ray for giving us that. The flick also would have been helped by some nudity. There are some supermodels here and they don't get naked! What the heck is up with that?

Oh well, maybe that'll happen in the sequel, when the remaining mutant ants go after Corrigan like the shark from "Jaws" went after Roy Scheider's character's wife in "Jaws the Revenge." I bet Fred can make that happen. And I bet he can get Kove back.

All in all, though, "Glass Trap" is pretty decent for what it is. Just don't be surprised if you're confused by the apparent lack of an ending.

See it.

So what do we have here? Gratuitous people working at a greenhouse, blood on the leaves, gratuitous fat guy nursery owner, falling Jello squares?, "And Martin Kove as Corrigan," old woman with a handicap parking tag she doesn't need, gratuitous underground parking garage, gratuitous C. Thomas Howell, gratuitous Stella Stevens, gratuitous working on a Saturday, picking up a cigarette butt inside a building, double nogaknocker, gratuitous tree delivery, a female blonde USDA cop, a bloody skeleton, gratuitous feinting, a boombox radio with cheap heavy metal music, dripping trees, gratuitous "ethnic" fashion photographer, gratuitous fashion/pop culture magazine, indoor putting practice, gratuitous cheap DVD player used as a disk drive for the computer used to commit industrial espionage, the biggest computer downloading icons in history, dropping sugar cubes down a floor drain, wooden duck to the back of the head, gratuitous giant ant attack, wire chewing, power failure, using a golf putter as a weapon, gratuitous giant ants roaming the hallways, people getting trapped on the steps, decapitating an ant with a door, gratuitous C. Thomas Howell examining a giant ant head, gratuitous Glock in a desk drawer, mention of the Beverly Hills gun club, elevator ant attack with kneecap chewing, stabbing a giant ant in the back of the head with a pen, talking about building an ant farm, a nasty and mean practical joke, a guy gets stung by an ant, using heavy metal to keep the giant ants away, gratuitous people crawling around in the building's air conditioning, dead radio batteries, gratuitous roof fashion shoot, gratuitous Martin fucking Kove, gratuitous super secret USDA SWAT team, talking about plutonium, gratuitous Martin fucking Kove smoking a cigar, using a telephone wire to slide from building to building, gratuitous Martin fucking Kove shooting a door lock off, a CGI ant crawling across a telephone line, an impromptu rescue mission, shooting the electronic gizmo lock, gratuitous giant pile of ant eggs that's about as nasty as you can get, a jumping mutant ant, gratuitous personal assistants for Martin fucking Kove and his coffee, extreme close up of Martin fucking Kove's face for no reason, ant electrocution, saving a name tag, exploding chemical bombs with ant melting, ant head stomping, gratuitous Martin fucking Kove taking pictures with the ant's head, and a ten minute on screen rundown of who acted in the movie.

Best lines: "Remember, don't you water it after midnight!," "Nazi," "We got more trees here than a freaking forest," "Well, this is a nursery," "I am not a photographer. I am the photographer," "If her brains were in her ass she'd be a genius," "I'm going to make some coffee. You want some?," "Sorry, boss, but this is a business," "I swear, that woman must have been in the Navy," "What the hell is that?," "Screw you Jiminy Cricket!," "This is the longest I've ever spent in the kitchen in my life," "Oh honestly, Sharon, how do you expect to get anywhere in life if you can't do everything in heels?," "That is one big ant," "Well, the FBI isn't all it's cracked up to be. A least in federal," "Your victims were eaten by ants," "Paolo, there are people in the air conditioner," "Since when is the U.S Department of Agriculture in the business of kidnapping police officers?," "Show me some ants," "Gentleman, I believe we've got a big problem," "Corrigan, just give me your recommendation," "There are people still alive in this building!," "Get me a wedge or something!," "Ladies and gentlemen, to absolute termination," and "I've always liked a woman with a little spunk. I wonder if she's seeing anybody?"

Rating: 7.5/10.0

***

Well, I think that'll be about it for this issue. B-movies rule, always remember that. And, if there's anything you would like to see reviewed here, send me an e-mail or send me a line below.

"Shadow Fury"

Sam Bottoms- Mitchell Madsen
Masakatsu Funaki- Takeru
Alexandra Kamp-Groeneveld- Dr. Louise Forster
Allan Kolman- Dr. Hiller
Gregory Vahanian- Dr. Markov
Pat Morita- Dr. Oh
Fred Williamson- Sam
Cassandra Grae- Sasha
Bas Rutten- Kismet (adult)
John Stork- Kismet (teenager)
Directed by Makoto Yokoyama
Screenplay by Eric Koyanagi and Makoto Yokoyama
Distributed by Lionsgate and Pathfinder Pictures
Rated R for violence, language, and brief nudity
Runtime- 89 minutes
Buy it here



"Glass Trap"

C. Thomas Howell- Curtis
Stella Stevens- Joan Highsmith
Siri Baruc- Sharon
Brent Huff- Dennis
Chick Vennera- Paolo
Andrew Prine- Sheriff Ed
Tracy Brooks Swope- Elizabeth
John Clement- Jack Warner
Ron Harper- Hank Conlon
Whitney Sloan- Carly
Peter Sellos- Howard Brunel
Martin Kove- Corrigan
Directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Ed Raymond)
Screenplay by Lisa Morton and Brett Thompson
Distributed by First Look International
Rated PG-13 for sci-fi violence and gore and some brief language
Runtime- 90 minutes
Buy it here