The Big Screen Bulletin 10.20.08: The Desktop Boogie Edition

Posted by Chad Webb on 10.20.2008

A nightmare with ICP and Raven, the box office results, a fourth Bourne, delayed Oscar contenders, the death of the "He-Man" picture, new DVD releases, new quickees, new trailer ratings, and much more!

Straight to Video Nightmares

Death Racers







Starring: Raven, Violent J, and Shaggy 2 Dope
Directed By: Roy Kynrim
Written By: Andrew Helm
Release Date: September 23, 2008
Running Time: 86 minutes
Unrated

I usually stay away from the Z-movie titles, or ones that are deliberate rip offs of popular mainstream films like Transmorphers, War of the Worlds 2: The Next Wave, or Hair Salon. Normally I glance, chuckle, and walk away. On this particular occasion though, I decided to take a fateful chance. The movie that caught my eye was Death Racers, and I am reviewing it for you because any time I have the opportunity to bash the Insane Clown Posse, I will take full advantage of it.

It is the year 2033 and society is crumbling. The criminals have all been placed in an Escape from New York like area called the Red Zone. A ruthless mastermind known as the Reaper (Scott Levy) has forced a scientist to make a Sarin gas to unleash in the country's water supply that conveniently goes underneath the Red Zone. The government of the state, presumably California as one character mentioned has vowed to stop the gas from killing millions. The result is a death race, formerly known as a savage run, which puts various teams in weaponized vehicles to find and eliminate the Reaper. Along the way, they can score points by running down criminals in their path. The first team to 1,000 points is the victor.

The teams consist of: Homeland Security - two military like dudes in a jeep, S.H.G. (Severed Head Gang) – one dude in an old Cadillac with flames on the side, Vaginamyte – two fishnet wearing girls in a sports car, and the Insane Clown Posse – two rappers in an ice cream truck. The only tolerable or remotely entertaining duo is Vaginamyte. The women are easily the best performers in this atrocity, and I'm not just saying that because I'm a guy, or because one gets topless.

Where to start? Nothing in this garbage makes a lick of sense. The dialogue is filled so many unnecessary curse words, and some of the most inane lines that it will literally slaughter brain cells by the second. Here is a sample: "You're a dumb ass. You drive like a bigger dumb ass, dumb ass." "That car can go from zero to suck my dick in 0.2 seconds." The visual and color effects are just agonizing with much of same splatter footage being re-cut into later scenes. The gore one is privy to would be considered poorly constructed with an I.Q of 10. The hyper-stylistic editing crams strobe lights, shaking cameras, and fast cuts together in such a jumbled fashion that at some points, you're not sure what you're really watching. For instance when a gun is firing, one can plainly observe that it is a flashing light emanating from the car. A 2 year old could discern this.

In between the blood are two news anchors updating the audience on the point standings. These segments are introduced by the "Death Race" symbol and a growling shout of the name. We hear this so many times that the 86 minute running time could have been split in half if Director Ron Kynrim had taken them out. I forgot about the government of California who is trying to stop the Reaper from his dastardly deeds. Odd that such important state officials are mashed into an office that the manager of McDonald's would laugh at. Governor Reagan Black is played by Robert Pike Daniel, who basically does his best Colm Meaney impression, and that isn't saying much since I'll bet most of you readers don't know who that is.

The "stars" of this little project are undoubtedly the Insane Clown Posse, or at least they're supposed to be. For those who do not know of them, the ICP are two clown faced rappers (Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope) that have been making some of the most awful crap since 1992. I have heard many of their albums and have seen their appearances on Howard Stern. These two are losers who want the world to think they are ten times more relevant then they ever will be. That being said, whoever selected the tracks to put in Death Racers did not do Violent J and Shaggy 2 Dope any favors. The credits have a list of 10 songs or so, but I distinctly heard the same 3 verses throughout the entire picture. They portray themselves in the future. Someone couldn't even give them generic names? Are they that lazy?

If those two are not enough reason to avoid Death Racers, Scott Levy is, or as the fans of 411mania would know him as Raven. What about him? What about Raven? Well, the former WCW/WWE/TNA wrestler is the Reaper, and he has put on some weight, and could use a shower or two. This is not his first foray into acting. He was himself in The Jesse Ventura Story, and he also knows ICP from the "classic" Juggalo Championsh*t Wrestling DVDs.

Death Racers was directed by Ron Kynrim, who has been employed in just about every facet of filmmaking you can think of, from the art department to director. This is actually his fifth film, but he also was the property maker of the Octopus in Ed Wood. His calling is not direction. That is my personal advice to him. I still have no idea what plot screenwriter Andrew Helm put on paper. I noticed no "racing" since the characters basically drive around at 10 M.P.H. killing people in circles. You might also be shocked to hear that this is closer in faithfulness to Roger Corman's Death Race 2000 then the Paul W.S. Anderson remake Death Race was.

Ok, now I realize this is the Asylum's attempt to craft an experience reminiscent of Troma, and I can't fault the film for being trash because that is all it strives for, but this would drive anyone insane. If you love ICP, Raven, and the worst movies ever made, this will be Heaven for you. The rest of will wonder why any DVD outlet would carry these titles.

Final Rating = .5/10.0

The News Bulletin

Feel the Payne
Twentieth Century Fox was feeling no pain at the weekend box office as Mark Wahlberg actioner "Max Payne" put the studio back on top and Fox Searchlight's "The Secret Life of Bees" buzzed its way to a photo finish with family holdover "Beverly Hills Chihuahua" for No. 2. Lionsgate's high-profile George W. Bush biopic "W." also performed on the upper end of expectations. The Oliver Stone film grossed an estimated $10.6 million from 3,326 runs to place fourth, according to Rentrak. "Max Payne," based on the vidgame, opened to an estimated $18 million from 3,239 locations.

After that, it was a relatively close race. Disney's "Chihuahua" declined just 37% in its third weekend to gross an estimated $11.2 million from 2,030 runs for a cume of $69 million, according to Rentrak. "Bees" grossed an estimated $11.1 million from 1,591 runs for a sweet-as-can-be location average of $6,945--the best of any film on the top 10 chart. Overall, the domestic box office was up by as much as 10% from the same frame last year, despite the grim economy and all-consuming presidential race. The only blemish was Summit Entertainment's "Sex Drive," the weekend's other new wide release. The R-rated teen comedy grossed an estimated $3.6 million from 2,421 runs to come in No. 9.

I thought for sure election season would push W. to the top, but evidently Marky Mark and his Max Payne adaptation proved differently. Beverly Hills Chihuahua is a powerhouse that refuses to go down. People are still seeing this? Wow. I'd say we saw positive debuts for all new releases this week, including Sex Drive, which managed a #9 spot with barely any publicity. Eagle Eye, while not as adept a thriller as Body of Lies, has already performed better. It remains in the top 5. Next week, I know I will be right. High School Musical 3 will dominate, but hopefully horror fans support Saw V enough that we get a sixth installment. Yes, I'm a fan.






Bourne the Fourth
Jason Bourne is getting ready to go on the run once again. Universal Pictures has hired screenwriter George Nolfi (Timeline, Ocean's Twelve, The Sentinel) to pen the script for the fourth Bourne film, according to Variety. Nolfi co-wrote the story for the last installment, The Bourne Ultimatum, with Tony Gilroy. The trade claims that "the new film won't be based on a [Robert] Ludlum title, but rather an original story involving the Ludlum-created Bourne character." The next Bourne film is reportedly a top priority for Universal. Director Paul Greengrass and star Matt Damon are expected to reprise their respective duties for it.

This sequel could very much go either way. I have faith in Damon and Greengrass, but the screenplays up until this point have been based on Ludlum's material. This will be an original tale. I am somewhat surprised that Universal did not adapt any of Eric Van Lustbader's new books (The Bourne Betrayal, The Bourne Legacy, The Bourne Sanction). He's got to be a little ticked off. I'm sure he wrote them hoping they'd get picked up. Here's hoping Nolfi builds another exciting script that Ludlum would be proud of.






It Wasn't Meant to Be For Prince Adam
The new live-action film version of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe entitled "Grayskull" has been canceled at Warner Bros. Pictures reports Latino Review. The studio apparently gave executives at Silver Pictures a short list of A-list directors they would consider making the film (eg. Doug Liman, Bryan Singer) and most passed. The few remaining up and coming directors who were keen however weren't comfortable enough for Warners to go with. Another reason is that two executives who were championing the project at Silver Pictures left the company last month. Justin Marks penned the script for the property which was well-reviewed online.

I am not all that startled at this news actually, and not disappointed either. As a fan of each animated series and the Dolph Lundgren 80's live-action film, a part of me was waiting for a new feature that could be done better. The idea has been in development hell for years now. It sat on John Woo's shelf for a long stretch until he bagged it. Then after Transformers scored big at the box office, it was greenlit again in hopes that all 80's cartoons would attract moviegoers. I like the title Warners was using, but I would rather this not get made unless an intelligent director was at the helm. Liman would have made a bad movie. Singer could have been a fine choice, but anybody new would not have known how to handle the load and the pressure. He-Man fans will have to cherish the DVDs they have.






Scorsese's New Boy
Movie star Mark Wahlberg has developed an unlikely friendship with his The Departed director Martin Scorsese because they share a passion for gangster movies and mobster fashion. The odd couple is working on a new TV series, Boardwalk Empire, set in the 1920s, and Wahlberg reveals his pal knows everything there is to know about gangster culture - and he's very impressed with his "encyclopedic knowledge". He says, "Every time you talk to the guy it's like a history lesson. I mean he's talking about movies that were made in the 1930s. He knows what year they were made based on how the hairstyles are. "Even if they're supposed to take place in, like, 1830, he's like, 'Oh, they shot that in 1932 because they have such-and-such a haircut'."

I just thought this was interesting. No analysis needed. How great would it be to talk gangster movies with Scorsese though?






Oscar Contenders Delayed Until 2009
Less than two months before their release, Paramount Pictures has delayed the releases of true-life drama "The Soloist" and the Daniel Craig-toplined Nazi-escape film "Defiance" until early next year says The Hollywood Reporter. "Soloist", the story of a columnist (Robert Downey Jr.) and his friendship with a homeless musical prodigy (Jamie Foxx) was to open next month but has been pushed back to a March 13th 2009 wide release date. Despite not being screened as yet, its been considered as a possible awards-season candidate due to the Oscar-friendly storyline, the actors and the film's director Joe Wright ("Atonement," "Pride and Prejudice"). This move effectively takes it out of Oscar consideration unless the film receives an Academy-qualifying run sometime before December 31st. The delay for "Defiance" isn't as bad with its December 12th limited release pushed back to December 31st. An expansion into wider release will happen on January 16th.

The film adaptation of the post-apocalyptic thriller "The Road" may be pushed back to 2009 according to EW & The Hollywood Reporter. Originally slated for a mid-November release, the Weinstein Co. property has been quietly pushed to December and may be moved back to 2009 depending upon a meeting about the release date plans scheduled for later today. The film is presently in post-production and decidedly not done according to sources on the John Hillcoat-directed feature. The reason for the rush to get it out this year is that because of its pedigree - Hillcoat, star Viggo Mortensen, and based on a book by Cormac McCarthy ("No Country for Old Men") - many expected that this might be an Oscar contender. Yet with Harvey Weinstein having pushed Stephen Daldry's also not completed "The Reader" forward as the company's big awards-hope, 'Road' may be given that extra time it needs.

These announcements came out of left field. I can see that The Soloist was pushed to leave more films for 2009, but why delay Defiance till the 31st? What will 2 weeks change? I doubt The Soloist would be screened only for a week just for awards with high profile actors involved. Foreign films do that a lot because people usually don't see them anyway, but pulling this strategy with The Soloist could anger people. The news on The Road has not been confirmed, but this too is surprising since this had solid Oscar buzz. If it's not completed, then I certainly would want them to polish it off so we end up seeing the best film possible. Rushing The Reader and The Road is a definite risk the Weinstein's are taking, but then again, you never know what will happen. This season has started slow in terms of obvious contenders. Hopefully these delays do not further dampen that.






Kevin Smith = Controversy
Kevin Smith is fighting another battle on the marketing front of his new comedy "Zack and Miri Make a Porno" - this time its puritanical media outlets. The other month Smith's original poster art for the film was banned and replaced with stick figures to represent the actors. Now, fifteen newspapers along with several TV stations and cable channels are refusing to carry ads for the film - the reason? Because of the word 'Porno' in the title according to CNN. This isn't just some ultra-conservative stations out in the US mid-west, it seems that commercials for the film during Los Angeles Dodgers games on Fox Sports were dropped at the team's request after some viewers complained. Also the city of Philadelphia has refused posters at bus stops while posters in Boston have drawn complaints.

Really, the word porn is causing the complaints? Sadly people like this exist in every walk of life. They have absolutely nothing better to do than complain about something so trivial and stupid. I suppose all the Victoria Secret and other modeling ads displaying half-naked men and women are ok, but the word "porn", oh no, that's crossing the line. When will our society grow up? I must echo Eva Mendes' statement that we are prudish about this sort of thing. And the baseball team complained? Lord knows how the Dodgers probably act, and how inappropriate they are, but the tame trailer for this film bothers them? Give me a break. This is just a comedy folks. What exactly is so offending that the posters and commercials must be refused? I think it says a lot about how hypocritical American can be, and it is a damn shame. Should it be called Zack and Miri Make an Adult Film? Geez. On a side note, George Sirois informed me of a TV spot that referred to the film as "Zack and Miri." Unbelievable.

The 20 Second Sermon

Steven Soderbergh has cast porn star Sasha Grey in his upcoming film The Girlfriend Experience. I don't know why everyone is making such a big deal about this. Maybe she has actual acting talent if Soderbergh pulled her from the adult genre. Sam Raimi is enthusiastic about the next Spider-Man production, but without a script, it won't begin until March 2010. Good, waiting a bit might give us a sequel that can correct the horrors of 3. Though numerous idiots online insist on stirring up the rumors, Richard Donner has stated once and for all that chances of a Goonies sequel have been "buried." At least Donner knows what to hammer that final nail. Steve Carrell continues his buffoonish comedy characters with Brigadier Gerard, a story about a clueless French soldier from the Napoleonic Wars. Carrell with a French accent frightens me, but it could be ok. Warner Brothers, Brad Pitt, and Director George Miller are set to make The Odyssey, where Pitt would play Odysseus. Let us not forget the last time Warners and Pitt teamed. The result was Troy. Good thing Pitt has Terrence Malick and Quentin Tarantino flicks on his slate huh.

What's Coming to DVD….Buy or Avoid?

DVD Headline of the Week



Casino Royale (Three-Disc Collector's Edition) - This is just a double-dip for Quantum of Solace, but if you're like me, and don't own this yet, then you'll want to spring for this new edition. Plus, the film rocks. 6 other Bond titles arrive on Blu-Ray by the way. Buyable

The Incredible Hulk - I was amped about Edward Norton as Banner just like anyone, but this is an average comic adaptation, just like the Ang Lee version. The extras make this worth buying on used or a good sale price though. Buy it Used

Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed - I vaguely remeber this. It has Ben Stein in it. I'm not sure if that makes it better or worse. I'll forget about this in a minute probably.

The Strangers - Man I hated this movie. Liv Tyler was hot in it, but that is the extent of my positive comments. This was dull, trite, and had one of the worst endings of the year. So I say avoid. Forgettable

Looney Tunes: Golden Collection, Vol. 6 - They just keep pumping these sets out, and I can't keep up. I own the first one. I'm sure they are all fantastic though.

Sold Out: A Threevening with Kevin Smith - These are funny and interesting, and I loved both, but Evening Harder got a bit too personal if you ask me. Still, I'll be renting this.

Eclipse Series 13 - Kenji Mizoguchi's Fallen Women - The eclipse series goes overlooked from the Criterion company, but many of these sets are really worth taking a chance on.

Missing - Criterion Collection - This is not an obscure foreign film. Instead, this stars Sissy Spacek and Jack Lemmon, and the plot is about political turmoil. Definitely going on my Netflix queue.

Warner Gangster Collection, Vol. 4 - Old gangster films are always entertaining, especially when one of the titles is The Amazing Dr. Clitterhouse. What a genius name!

Flight of the Red Balloon - This was a superb reimagining of the original children's classic. Juliette Binoche is terrific. This is already available to rent at Blockbuster, but apparently it is on sale now.

Casino Royale (40th Anniversary Edition) - I've actually never seen this, but I plan to sometime in the near future. It stars David Niven.

Linewatch - Cuba Gooding Jr. continues his quest to be superior at throw away B-movies than Wesley Snipes.

The Last Man on Earth - It is being re-released in color. The B&W version is included also. Before I Am Legend, there was this, with a great performance from Vincent Price. I feel Legend perfected the storyline, but this is still pretty good. Buy it Used

Anaconda 3: Offspring - Wow, a DTV sequel starring David Hasslehoff and Jonathan Rhys-Davies. I am reviewing this asap.

The Critic's Quickee

Body of Lies - Otherwise known as the Pamela Anderson story. All joking aside, this is a mature, gritty, and fulfilling terrorism thriller. I thought Traitor would have been tough to top, but Body of Lies does the trick with intensity, realism, and exhilarating action as the edge. This is certainly superior to Scott's previous effort American Gangster, which possessed some entertaining performances, but was basically a collage of classic gangster films. This showcases Scott's efficiency for versatility. He has never really tackled a Middle Eastern storyline, but what he accomplishes here is fantastic. All efforts of this ilk have a couple weights stacked against them. First, is that moviegoers do not flock to the theaters for them, and second is that the subject matter tends to have critics comparing it to other flicks of the same category. A few do stand out, and this is one of them because it successfully combines suspenseful action sequences with a sophisticated approach to politics, terrorism, and the price of attaining ones goals. The quote at the beginning of this is important, and spells out the theme for the film so keep that in mind. Those who have compared this unfairly to the Bourne franchise should think again since those are tailor made for meticulously choreographed action. Body of Lies is closest to Spy Game, directed by Ridley's brother Tony, but that was a bit slower paced, and had a more standard tone to it, whereas this was executed with originality and panache. What separates the two without question however are the screenwriters. William Monahan penned Body of Lies, and received an Oscar for his 2nd job, and Michael Frost Beckner who wrote Spy Game went on to Sniper 2/3. The dialogue here is brilliant, and aids in weaving a terrorist plot into something far more profound. It seems every time Leonard DiCaprio comes out with a new film, I hear someone say "No matter what he does, he'll always look 16 years old." Ok we get it. He looks young. Let's move on. He's one of the best actors of his generation, and this only further proves that case. This is saturated with fascinating characters, and DiCaprio's Roger Ferris is the main one. He gives a powerful and consistent performance that drives the film. Russell Crowe has audiences divided because of the nature of his character. Ed Hoffman is the beaurocratic CIA executive that is making crucial decisions that put lives in jeopardy, while relaxing at home and taking care of his kids. He is calm, cool, and collected, whereas Roger Ferris is the exact opposite type of agent. I enjoyed how Crowe approached the character actually, but he is easily misunderstood. Without spoiling anything, I did not like the involvement of a certain female, but other than that, this was a fabulous piece of work. Scott's direction is not overly flashy, but stays taut and compact throughout. The supporting cast, led by Mark Strong, is terrific, the locations are memorable, and the cinematography from Alexander Witt is crisp and sharp. Of the post-9/11 thrillers, this is one that holds a specific viewpoint, but does not overwhelm us with it. Instead of pandering, it presents the material to the audience in an intelligent fashion without patronizing. Final Rating = 9.0/10.0

The Duchess - Well, the Oscar winner for Best Costuming has arrived. British period dramas are a shoe-in for this category, so The Duchess should have no problem. However, that is likely the only Oscar it will walk away with. Maybe makeup, but you know what I mean. I've said before I enjoy British period pieces for the visuals and the acting, and that holds true, but when a story is this static and transparent, I tend to get annoyed. Now, I didn't care much for The Other Boleyn Girl either, but that is an easy recommendation compared to The Duchess. You have fancy parties, affairs, the desperation for a male heir, and not much else. My rule for historical accuracy holds true in a different fashion as well. No matter how factual or manipulated the drama is, when you translate it to film, it has to hold our attention. Georgiana, the Duchess of Devonshire seems like a very fascinating lady, but maybe her life was better left to historical analysis. Keira Knightley and Ralph Fiennes are marvelous in their roles though. At this point, it is possible that they could garner Oscar noms, but this is a slow start in terms of memorable performances, so anything could happen. The fact is Knightley knows these types of roles like the back of her hand. She's been turning them in her entire career. Still, one can't deny her talent. Fiennes is just a remarkably consistent actor. He can take the dullest of characters, and add a human quality to them that makes them intriguing. Hayley Atwell is still as sexy as ever here as Lady Bess. She was better in Brideshead Revisited, which incidentally, is also a superior British costume drama. This is Director Saul Dibb's mainstream debut, and if not for the diligent work of the crew, his naïve approach to filmmaking would be obvious. He has a lot to learn. This is lush, but underbaked, and if you really love this genre, you'll find ways to enjoy yourself, but for the rest of us, we expect a little meat on the bone. Final Rating = 5.5/10

City of Ember - The live-action family film genre is one that does not receive frequent praise. Chances are the film will be overly cheesy and poorly acted. Or you'll have mediocre efforts like Journey to the Center of the Earth which is neither good nor bad. That is why I was so surprised to watch City of Ember, the best live-action family entertainment since Holes. This is a wonderfully original science-fiction fantasy about a city filled with lights that is powered by a generator. However, the generator is failing, causing certain people to investigate. I knew that this was reminiscent of The Goonies and other 80's related fare, but I couldn't figure out why. The reason is the subtly dark elements and themes that have eluded this class for years. Taking into account that some parts are darker in tone, it is still endless fun, compelling, and gripping from start to finish. Now, if you are examining this like it's an adult picture, you will be disappointed. This is meant for all ages, and should be viewed as such. What propels the movie to a higher level is the quality of the acting. No one overplays the roles or delivers the lines in clichéd way. Atonement's Saoirse Ronan and Harry Treadway are the lead characters Lina and Doon. Both are terrifically spot on. The supporting cast includes Bill Murray in a suitably comical part as the Mayor of Ember, Tim Robbins is the father of Doon/crackpot inventor, but you also have Martin Landau, Mary Kay Place, and more. This is based on the book by Jeanne Duprau, and it makes me interested to read that actually. The director is Gil Kenan, who previously helmed the extremely satisfying CGI film Monster House, and he has made an outstanding transition to live-action for his sophomore offering. The sets are not entirely CGI here, which was nice. This does contain some CGI, and they are noticeable, but it fits the universe. That might be the only flaw. This is not pretentious and it is not slow. The pacing is perfect and constantly flowing. I found myself loving the City of Ember itself for the neat gadgets, the creative way of dividing up jobs, and all the other intricate details. But for those who crave a more profound adventure, this has a lot spiritual and metaphorical elements. I might also mention that Mr. Tom Hanks produced this on for his Play-Tone company. He doesn't back just any project. This is a winner for everyone, and is filled with imagination. I highly urge you to give this a chance. What a shame that is did not even crack the top 10 at the box office. I mean, I know why. This was difficult to market, but still, a true treasure is going unnoticed. Final Rating = 9.0/10.0

What Have I Done?

Monday - Finally got a much needed haircut after it started to get curly, which is a no no. I am extremely picky about who cuts my hair since most wind up doing what they want and messing it up. Since I moved away from regular barber back home, I now go to whoever is convenient at the time. On this day it was a male stylist, who trimmed my sideburns at a diagonal. Damn.






Tuesday - Somedays I drive to work in the morning and am amazed that I arrived without crashing. The reason is that when I get too little sleep, I do the nod off/on thing with my head in the car. We've all been there, but I'm seriously shocked nothing has happened to me yet. This was one of those days.



Wednesday - I have been renting more CD's at my local library since, you know, it's free, and have been catching up on John Mellancamp's more recent efforts like Cuttin' Heads, Freedom's Road, and Life Death Love, and Freedom. I have come to the conclusion that old Mellancamp is the only way to go.






Thursday - After work, I rummaged through my clothes drawers and found an old relic. My "Big Johnson" shirt. In case you don't know what they are, this line of T-shirts has a nerdy looking guy on the back doing various activities that make a joking reference to "a big johnson." They were popular at the beach, and mine still fits since I bought it during a phase in which I wore Extra Large shirts thinking I looked cool.




The Weekend - I used my Best Buy Rewards certificate. They keep delaying and changing the points to avoid more gift cards. Anyway, I also used the remaining dollars on a Visa gift card to buy the Blu-Ray version of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. I was all prepared to have the cashier yell at me since Visa Gift cards are a royal pain in the a$$ to use, but I was astonished to see that Best Buy understands how they work. Yay.

Based on the Trailer…

Newest Trailers

Delgo - I've seen this one twice now, and it amazes me how studios think. If we stack as many stars that are willing to join, it will be a hit right? No. The animation looks sloppy, and the story sounds forgettable. Trailer Rating = 5.0/10.0

Bride Wars - Kate Hudson has gone downhill as much as possible after her great role in Almost Famous. This looks dreadful, and not because it is targeted at women. I'm sure it will be #1. Trailer Rating = 2.5/10.0

Role Models - On one hand you have Paul Rudd, who is always hilarious, but then you also have Seann William Scott, who is annoying after about 5 minutes. This looks average the very maximum. Trailer Rating = 6.0/10.0

The Haunting of Molly Hartley - Oh goodie another movie with cheap scares and devil pact plot. The newbie cast and the lame premise equals a skip for yours truly. This kind of sludge just doesn't interest me. Trailer Rating = 4.0/10.0

October Releases

Zack and Miri Make a Porno - Kevin Smith's new comedy looks hilarious. I'm anxious to see this because I know he is a great filmmaker that can flourish outside of Jay and Silent Bob. Note: This may not be online anymore. Trailer Rating = 8.5/10.0

Zack and Miri Make a Porno (2) - Kevin Smith's new comedy still looks funny, but this trailer sends a different message of tone than the teaser did. I'm anxious to see this due to the absence of Jay and Silent Bob, although Mewes is involved. Trailer Rating = 8.0/10.0

High School Musical 3: Senior Year - Oh boy the teaser has arrived. Why do I have the feeling that this will be exactly like the first two, both in plot and level of suckage. Ms. Tisdale is the only tolerable character. Trailer Rating = 6.0/10.0

Pride and Glory - A nifty looking cop thriller with Ed Norton and Colin Farrell. Should be ok. And if we're lucky, we will get some commendable work from Jon Voight. Trailer Rating = 7.5/10.0

Changeling - Not to be confused with the superb horror film starring George C. Scott. This is a Clint Eastwood original that looks outstanding. Can Clint do no wrong? Angelina Jolie looks to be in contention for an Oscar. I will be seeing this. Trailer Rating = 9.5/10.0

Synecdoche, New York - I have been reading about this one for months now. It stars Philip Seymour Hoffman and is written/directed by Charlie Kaufman (Adaptation, Being John Malkovich). It might be weird, but that's ok. How can it be bad? Trailer Rating = 9.0/10.0

Saw V - This is just a teaser, but it gets the same point across. I am a fan of the series, so I'll certainly be seeing this one. Trailer Rating = 7.0/10.0

November Releases

Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa - This is some sort of weird DVD trailer, but we see the basic layout of the plot, and it is not very funny or interesting. I could care less about this one. Trailer Rating = 4.5/10.0

Repo! The Genetic Opera - They keep the music clips to a minimum in the trailer, which was wise. While this certainly intrigues me, the praising quotes from random websites worries me. It could be really bad, but check out the cast. That alone is worth the price of admission. Trailer Rating = 7.0/10.0

Quantum of Solace - I saw this weeks ago, but forgot to rate it here. The new Bond movie looks to be just as awesome as Casino Royale. I can't wait. Trailer Rating = 10.0/10.0

Transporter 3 - I know George's buddy is looking forward to anything Statham, but this franchise has never been all that outstanding to me. Statham is hit or miss. I'll see this I guess, but only out of curiosity. Trailer Rating = 7.0/10.0

Australia - The new epic from filmmaker Baz Luhrman seems to have left out his usual exaggerated flair. Kidman and Jackman will make a fine team. I think this looks rather good, and the trailer has a splendid piece of music accompanying it. Trailer Rating = 8.0/10.0

Bolt - It takes exactly two seconds to decipher the Disney CGI to the Pixar Disney CGI. This has John Travolta as the lead voice. The hamster seems funny, but the rest doesn't impress me. Trailer Rating = 5.5/10.0

Milk - Sean Penn as a gay man. At least we know he wants an Oscar. I love Gus Van Sant, so this should be fabulous no matter how many Oscars they want. The cast has some outstanding young guys in it, so I'm there. Trailer Rating = 8.5/10.0

Four Christmases - Vince Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon in a holiday comedy. Yippee. I generally dislike modern Christmas movie because they all go way overboard on the slapstick. This appears to be up that same alley with typical Vaughn shtick. Trailer Rating = 5.0/10.0

December Releases

Doubt - A great looking drama with great performers. This trailer was riveting. I'm looking forward to it. How can you go wrong with Meryl Streep and Philip Seymour Hoffman going toe to toe? Trailer Rating = 10.0/10.0

Frost/Nixon - Wow. I was glued to my seat. This is an amazing trailer that shows right away how brilliant the performances are. Ron Howard is a superb director, and I really hope this is a hit for him. Trailer Rating = 10.0/10.0

Yes Man - A new Jim Carrey comedy where he must say yes to everything. Sounds a bit like Liar Liar, but this is the Carrey humor I have missed for years. It looks pretty funny to me. Trailer Rating = 7.5/10.0

Che - Granted, this is in Spanish, which I do not speak fluently, but this trailer looks amazing nevertheless. Soderbergh's epic should be fantastic. Trailer Rating = 8.5/10.0

Defiance - This new Edward Zwick film looks outstanding with Daniel Craig leading the cast in World War II story. This gave me chills. I can't wait. Trailer Rating = 9.0/10.0

Seven Pounds - I'm not quite sure what to make of this yet, but it looks compelling, and it also looks like Mr. Smith is aiming for another Oscar nom. We'll see, but this is worth a ticket price. Trailer Rating = 7.5/10.0

Punisher: War Zone - This is only a teaser, but I get the impression I have seen all I need to. This sequel (or whatever is in relation to the previous film) looks like an comic action nightmare with cliches up the wazoo. I'm not a fan of the Punishers movies thus far, and this does not look to change that. Trailer Rating = 5.0/10.0

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button - This film looks amazing. David Fincher is the man, I will be waiting to purchase my ticket. A plot about someone who ages backwards has all sorts of possibilities. Trailer Rating = 10.0/10.0

The Spirit - This is the new adaptation from Frank Miller. I'm anxious to see this, but from this teaser, it looks a bit too similar to Sin City. Oh well. I loved that film, so maybe this will be just as entertaining. Trailer Rating = 7.5/10.0

The Spirit (2) - This revealed a lot more than the teaser, and while this film looks like a blast, I have some doubts, and they start with Samuel L. Jackson. Can Frank Miller hit a homerun for a third time? Trailer Rating = 7.5/10.0

The Day the Earth Stood Still - This teaser illustrates how a classic sci-fi film will probably not update well for this era. I am curious because Keanu Reeves is a suitable choices, but I noticed too much CGI just from this, so that's not a good sign. Trailer Rating = 6.0/10.0

The Tale of Despereaux - This new Universal CGI film has some cute lines and some exquisite animation, but the plot strikes me as dull. You never know, at least it isn't filled with poop jokes. Trailer Rating = 6.5/10.0

January, TBD, and Beyond Releases

Paul Blart: Mall Cop - Kevin James stars in a Happy Madison production about a mall security guard. This looks like it will provide a few chuckles, but not much more. Trailer Rating = 7.0/10.0

The Escapist - A British prison break film starring Brian Cox. This is my favorite genre, so I can't wait for this, but in order for this to make a splash, it will have to be something special. The critic quotes being from random guys worries me. Trailer Rating = 8.0/10.0

The Uninvited - A crappy looking horror film with some sort of lame twist at the end. Yay. Trailer Rating = 5.0/10.0

Terminator Salvation - I love Christian Bale, and the Terminator franchise, but I have serious doubts about this. I believe it will be terrible, but I must admit, this teaser was well constructed. Trailer Rating = 8.0/10.0

Watchmen - This was the best trailer attached to my Dark Knight screening. Hopefully Zack Snyder can continue to improve his skills after 300. I must read this graphic novel soon. Trailer Rating = 8.5/10.0

Star Trek XI - The teaser was superbly placed before Cloverfield, and this causes me to be amped for the next installment despite my doubts about the cast. I hope it's as good as we deserve. Trailer Rating = 9.0/10.0

Wolverine - Not the finest quality of trailers, but you can still see and understand it. Gavin Hood is directing, so that is intriguing. The preview is ok, but I am still unsure. Can the character carry a whole film on his own? Trailer Rating = 7.0/10.0

The Perfect Game - Though I'm not a baseball fan, I always enjoy watching the Little League World Series. The problem with this film, despite a bad title, is that the preview reveals way too much, so hopefully it has more going for it besides the story, which I'm sure is inspirational. Trailer Rating = 6.5/10.0

Outlander - Hmm, I'm not sure about this, but the cast alone is enough for me to buy a ticket. James Caviezel is so talented, but his script choices continue to boggle me (not in a bad way mind you). The idea is shaky, but the effects and acting look good, so I'm in. Trailer Rating = 7.0/10.0

The International - Sadly, this will be released early in 2009, which is not a good time of the year. Still, I like both Owen and Watts, and since Tom Tykwer is helming, it should be at least halfway decent. Trailer Rating = 7.5/10.0

Fast & Furious - Is that the best title they could come up with? Well, I hate this franchise, and everything it stands for, but I'd be lying if I said this wasn't a step up from the previous installment. Trailer Rating = 6.0/10.0

The Soloist - Atonement' Joe Wright changes his British period drama material for something new. This looks a bit like Resurrecting the Champ, only with better actors. Trailer Rating = 8.5/10.0

Knowing - This has Number 23 sort of approach, which is fine, but why is Nicolas Cage doing all these mediocre thrillers? He's a great actor, and should be showing that more. Anyway, this looks ok. Trailer Rating = 6.5/10.0

New York, I Love You - The first film, Paris, Je T'aime was one of the best films in recent memory that few knew about. So I am very excited about this second installment. The cast and directors look amazing. It should be a terrific experience. Trailer Rating = 9.0/10.0

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince - This was a great book, the darkest of the set, and this trailer rocks. I'm anxious to see this. The franchise has not decreased in quality, and here's hoping this continues that trend. Trailer Rating = 9.0/10.0

Other Stuff to Read

The Best Movies of the Alphabet
411 October Roundtable - This month Owain J. Brimfield continues as roundtable host and compiles the thoughts of the movie zone staff on the releases for October!
The MeeThinks Friday FreeThinks - Thanks again to John Meehan for providing my banner here, and for the Alphabet feature.

Also, keep an eye out for more comic book character timelines in the future. Here are the first two:

The Ultimate Batman Timeline
The Ultimate Daredevil Timeline



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