Hot Off The Rack 11.12.02: The Hitcher Posted by Miss Galatea on 11.12.2002
A stupid horror movie, with a stupid plot, stupid characters, and one of the funniest damn "buzz" moments in cinematic history!
The Hitcher Director: Robert Harmon
Starring: C. Thomas Howell, Rutger Hauer, Jennifer Jason Leigh
Rated: (R) Graphic Violence, Adult Situations, Adult Language
Columbia, 1986, 98 Minutes
Overview
The consummate 80s pretty boy C. Thomas Howell (Outsiders, Red Dawn) plays 18-year-old Jim, a wuss-wanna be type who is driving cross-country to San Diego, California hoping to get out of his apparently boring home life in Chicago. As he finds himself on the verge of falling asleep at the wheel, narrowly avoiding a head on collision in the process, Jim decides to pick up a lowly hitchhiker, John Ryder (played by Rutger Hauer of Lady Hawk fame), to keep him awake.
Take note: Stupid Mistake #1.
Within five minutes of this first of many rookie mistakes, Jim’s crotch is suddenly introduced to the crazy hitchhiker’s switchblade as Ryder teases a wide variety of mind games. Eventually noticing that the fanatical psycho’s door is ajar, Jim takes a risk and kicks Ryder out of the car, but then proceeds to congratulate himself for the next 20 miles or so, rather than contact the local police.
Take note: Stupid Mistake #2.
The rest of the story unfolds as an intense game of cat-and-mouse, as Ryder continues to follow little Jimmy while at the same time framing him for the murders of his own road-side victims. This tale also includes an appearance by Jennifer Jason Leigh (Single White Female) as Nash, a truck stop waitress with a bad accent, who takes pity on poor and pathetic Jim. It’s a move that could end up costing her far more than she bargained for.
Take note: Stupid Mistake #3.
What I Didn’t Like
Like any typical horror movie, there were plenty of "turn the light on, dumbass" moments, where you fully expect the stalker to jump out the shadows, but you still flinch when he does. The problem with this movie, however, was that there were at least a hundred of these dumbass moments where, instead of flinching, you find yourself wondering how Jim, with apparently only a 3rd grade education, learned how to drive, much less live to the age of 18. Here is a brief transcript of my verbal dialog while watching this movie.
"Just run him over, Jim... Now grab the freakin’ gun... Geez! Get in the car, stupid... No, don’t pull over to throw up again!... Oh my God, just DRIVE!... Why don’t you CALL THE POLICE???... SHOOT HIM MORON!"
What I Did Like
Of the features that I did enjoy, most were completely unintended by the filmmakers I‘m sure. First there was the "Stupid Mistake" factor, which was so frustrating and retarded, it was entertaining. Then of course the fact that Jim (Howell) was such a loser in the beginning, then developed into a loser who thought he was a total bad ass by the end, was also amusing. The movie had some rewarding generic horror aspects as well, which weren‘t entirely based on the bewildering dimness of the characters. You can probably thank Rutger Hauer for that, as he played an exceptional nutcase, although the purpose for his rampage was never revealed.
Without giving away the ending too much, my favorite part of the movie was one of the last times Jim shot Ryder. Before the man even hit the ground, you could hear a quick fly go "Buzz," as if somehow the sound was supposed to indicated that the man was dead. Maybe it was just a weird error in editing, I don’t know, but it was still pretty damn funny either way.
The 411
Having driven the 12-plus hours between Seattle, Washington and Calgary, Alberta over a dozen times, I’ve never once picked up, or even considered picking up a hitchhiker. It’s a strict policy of mine. After seeing this movie however, should the opportunity present itself, I may make an exception if I ever find C. Thomas Howell hitchhiking at the side of the road, if for no other reason than to psychologically torture him for being such an idiot in this movie.
A decent horror flick, fit for MST3K viewers.
Final Score: 5
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Miss Galatea’s nearly decade-long editorial career has included work with such noted publications as IGN, WOW Magazine, and F4W. For an archive of her work and more, visit her official website at www.missgalatea.com.
