Misunderstood Masterpieces: UHF
Posted by Will Helm on 03.27.2003
…or, This Movie Is “Weird” And That Was a Bad Pun
I really don’t understand what possesses some musical artists to try their hands at acting. I can understand the desire to try new things, but, when it comes to movie-making, there’s very few Meatloafs (he was a musical actor who then moved to movies and then made music again and then went back into movies…in the span of about 20 years) and more Mariah Careys (Glitter…a film I’ll have to get around to watching one of these days…hint, hint). Case-and-point: the awesome song-parody master “Weird Al” Yankovic, who starred in the poorly made, poorly performing, and very entertaining film UHF.
For all intents and purposes, UHF is very similar to Weird Al’s music, as well as the old Cheech and Chong films and The Kentucky Fried Movie. The plot is really secondary to the pop-culture spoofs and parodies contained within the movie. That’s really a good thing, because the plot of UHF is downright terrible and formulaic. It’s the charm of the bizarre goings on and parodies around the plot that make this film so entertaining.
We begin our story in a scene not unlike the beginning of a lesser-known film called Raiders of the Lost Ark. While the yet-unknown characters meander through swamp and jungle, credits that look like they were formatted on an old Commodore Amiga appear on the screen. Once we get to finally glimpse our hero, George Newman (Yankovic), the movie suddenly becomes “Raiders of the Unlimited Sight Gags,” as there are plenty in this scene alone. One of George’s jungle-guides tries to betray his master and gets his arm whipped off, while the other is hit by a train. George is left to fend for himself, through a maze of street signs and to the temple with a poorly rendered Oscar replica (which looks like it is cupping its genitals) on a pedestal. George steals the idol and is chased and eventually run over by a giant boulder. As if that wasn’t so obvious!
The film then fades into a greasy hamburger on a griddle. I’m not kidding. It turns out the entire prologue was just a daydream in the mind of George Newman, Burger World employee. He toils there with his best buddy Bob (David Bowe), where they complain about their situation and burn the fries, up until George insults their boss Big Edna and they get summarily tossed to the curb. Edna’s got some hang time on those throws, by the way.
George and Bob retire to their humble abode, an apartment next to a karate dojo owned and operated by Kuni…none other than Gedde Watanabe! Oh yeah. Here, George tries to cheery up Bob by making Bob’s favorite meal, a twinkie-weiner sandwich. You know, the idea of a twinkie and a hot dog is not unappealing, but it’s really the EZ Cheez that George tops it with that seals the deal for me. From here, George goes over to his girlfriend Teri’s (Victoria Jackson) apartment, where he builds a sculpture out of mashed potatoes.
Somehow, we’re magically transported to a random cocktail party. Oh, it’s George’s Uncle Harvey (Stanley Brock) and Aunt Esther’s (Sue Ane Langdon) party. This movie is cut at such break-neck pace that I may need a cervical collar! Here, George gets the job to manage Channel 62, which his uncle has won in a card game. Uncle Harvey, I believe, makes history in this scene, as he may utter the first recorded “Fugghedaboutit!” in cinematic history…I could be wrong. It’s certainly better than Aunt Esther, who speaks like a cold, emotionless android with an accent that alternates between Southern and Long Island. That could be very VERY annoying. Wait, it is very VERY annoying.
Channel 62 features a wonderful cast of freaks and weirdoes masquerading as crewmembers. There’s Pamela Finklestein (TV’s Fran Drescher), receptionist and anchorwoman; Philo (TV’s Anthony Geary), technician; and the cameraman (Lou B. Washington), who says nothing in the entire movie and just eats a lot. There’s also Noodles MacIntosh (Billy Barty), a midget cameraman (oh the hilarity!), and, later, a Mr. Stanley Spadowski (TV’s Michael Richards!!!), a janitor who George hires from Channel 8…the evil competition for Channel 62.
Onward to the daily operation of Channel 62, featuring Emo Philips as a clumsy shop teacher (and ripping off a gag from Dan Ackroyd’s Julia Child bit on Saturday Night Live), George’s failed attempts at a kids show…with great amounts of clown abuse…and a commercial for Spatula City! Now, I don’t know if the effect was intended to just make some of the elements look like they were filmed off of a television, but the Spatula City commercial, as well as others, look as if they were filmed in patented “fuzz-vision.” It’s a bizarre and disconcerting effect, to say the least…and they don’t even keep it standard to every segment!!!
Later, it is discovered that the station is in dire straits, just after the musical interlude featuring Weird Al’s remake of “Money for Nothing” by Dire Straits. Isn’t that a wonderful coincidence? Also, Teri leaves George, so he goes off to console himself in a blueberry daiquiri. In his absence, Stanley takes over the kids show and hilarity ensues!!! The station becomes popular and profitable and new shows appear…like Wheel of Fish, Philo’s Secrets of the Universe, and Raoul’s Wild Kingdom. It’s really amazing that a channel can become that successful in the span of, oh, about a day. I think this movie was made in some sort of time warp universe or something…there’s no pacing whatsoever! Things just happen at random intervals. I guess that’s just the curse of having the movie as filler for a bunch of loosely related pop-culture references. Kids, if you’re going to make a movie, just remember: Plot first, pop-culture references second. Then again, I’m a huge fan of Kevin Smith’s films, so I shouldn’t talk. OH…sorry…was I rambling? Ahem…back to the movie…
OK…so Channel 62 is now the number one station in town, so R.J. Fletcher (Kevin McCarthy), the head of Channel 8 gains revenge by buying out the station from Uncle Harvey. So George and the gang (no relation to Kool or his gang) gain more revenge by starting a telethon to buy back the station. So R.J. trumps that revenge with even more revenge as he has Stanley kidnapped. There sure is a lot of revenge in this film. So George turns into Rambo, blows up random international sites, and tries to rescue Stanley, but he gets captured. So George and Stanley are, in turn, rescued by Kuni and his gang (no relation to Kool’s or George’s gangs) and the return to the telethon.
Accompanying George, Stanley, and Kuni are a bunch of big pickup trucks with lots of lights driving by men with impressive mullets. At the 11th hour…well, actually the 10th hour, since the deadline to buy back the channel was 10 p.m…. a bum gives George the money he needs and the station is theirs!!! Hip-hip-hooray!!! There is much rejoicing as ‘80s synth-pop plays, George and Teri reconcile, R.J. gets his comeuppance, and Philo turns into an alien. Yes, you read that right. That’s it…end of movie…take me home!!!
Now, to be honest, UHF has a lot of great gags and parodies; for example: “Conan the Librarian,” where a kid returns an overdue book and gets sliced in half lengthwise (I don’t know what it is, but the lengthwise bit just kills me every time), or “Ghandi II,” where Ghandi is re-imagined as an tough-guy vigilante in L.A. Other than the parodies, as I’ve mentioned, the film is terrible…but it’s still damned entertaining nonetheless.
