Misunderstood Masterpieces 11.19.08: Daddy Day Camp
Posted by Will Helm on 11.19.2008
...or, Sometimes the Great Outdoors Just Aren't So Great...
Though it seems that Hollywood is sequel crazy lately, this has always been a problem with Tinseltown. Throughout the years, there have been many, many unnecessary sequels – for some reason, The Neverending Story II: The Next Chapter comes to mind right now – and, on more than one occasion, the filmmakers find themselves unable to secure the talents of one or all of the actors who starred in the original film. For example, somewhere between Major League and Major League 2, Willie Mays Hayes transformed from Wesley Snipes into Omar Epps, and that's just one sample of this odd Hollywood tradition.
More rare, however, is the film where the entire cast is replaced, rather than just one or two stars. Such is the case of the very unnecessary sequel to 2003's Daddy Day Care: Daddy Day Camp. Currently residing at 66 on the IMDB.com Bottom 100, Daddy Day Camp was originally slated to be a direct-to-DVD sequel, but it tested so well with early audiences that the studio elected to release it to theaters. Though some may have thought this was a big mistake, as the strangely successful Daddy Day Care featured the talents of mercurial box-office draw Eddie Murphy, the follow-up did star an actual Oscar winner: Cuba Gooding, Jr. Sadly, the one-time Best Supporting Actor, rather than starring in a role of his own, replaced Murphy, who must have been busy doing . . . something. Probably Norbit. Or Meet Dave. Shudder. Anyway, not only was Cuba Gooding, Jr., a stand-in for another star in the film, but his goodly wife became Tamala Jones, whereas Regina King starred in the original. In addition, Paul Rae replaced Jeff Garlin as the best buddy archetype. Interestingly, Steve Zahn is irreplaceable. But, does all this – and the lack of Steve Zahn or a reasonable facsimile thereof – add up to a Misunderstood Masterpiece? Let's find out!
Somewhere, a little girl tries to climb a marble counter because she desires a piece of the giant cake resting comfortably up there. Of course, hilarity ensues as gravity defeats the girl's intentions and the cake falls to the floor; the girl, not one to give up so easily, eats the cake anyway. Meanwhile, a bunch of other kids make an absolute mess of their day-care center, the preceding movie's titular Daddy Day Care, which is also, evidently, the worst day-care center on the face of the planet. I guess the point of Daddy Day Care is that the kids can run around wherever they want, as long as they don't bother the dads who are busy drinking beer and watching the game. Methinks the state would probably be interested in studying those business practices so that subpoenas can ensue.
I'll allow the conceit of the film to continue, only because if I didn't, I'd probably complain about it until the end. Interestingly, the reality of the situation is even worse than I had thought, as the kids run around and wreck things much to the amusement of the owner, Charlie Hinton (Gooding) and his lovable buddy (Rae). While Charlie minds a barbecue grill and laughs at his charges' antics, his buddy unwittingly eats a poop burger and then has a flashback to a camp race they lost thirty years ago because Charlie sucks at running. Charlie, reminded of this traumatic event in his past, reconsiders sending his son (Spencir Bridges) to day camp, but his lovely wife (Jones) insists and, hence, wins that argument.
Therefore, because of the lovely wife's pressure, Charlie and his buddy drive their sons to the day camp they attended thirty years ago, when Charlie sucked at running. Once in the woods, Charlie and the gang pass by their camp's rival camp, which now features butlers, skateboarding, and paintball because it's gone X-TREME! Charlie dismisses the improvement in the rival camp as an aberration, but his mood changes when he pulls up to his old camp and finds it in a sorry state of disrepair, so much so that Charlie is almost killed by a giant "W." I'm sure there's some sort of political commentary there. Just to add insult to near crippling injury, some guy in a track suit (Lochlyn Munro) drives up on an ATV just to mock Charlie and his cohorts. I guess he's the film's villain; it's just a hunch.
After Charlie and his associates shrug off the villain's evil taunting, they enter the camp, where Brian Doyle Murray explains the situation: ever since Charlie lost the race thirty years ago, the camp has been in a steady decline while the evil camp's prospects have improved greatly, so much so that now the evil camp wants to buy Charlie's old camp. Charlie, swelled up with righteous pride, makes a deal with his buddy to buy a share in the camp from Brian Doyle Murray so that it can live on to future glory . . . and also because he wants REVENGE against the evil camp for ruining his life and self-esteem thirty years ago. I guess he should have gotten a trophy just for participating, but this was 1977, when losing was still allowed.
After Charlie and his buddy seal the deal to become partners with Brian Doyle Murray, Brian Doyle Murray runs off on vacation, leaving the camp in the hands of Charlie, his buddy, and a goofy counselor (Josh McLerren). And, conveniently, Charlie has his first crisis moments after as, in Brian Doyle Murray's wake, a nerdy banker shows up to tell Charlie that his bank is going to foreclose on the property; sadly, Charlie won't be able to take party in a Treasury Department-funded bailout, so he has to convince the banker to reconsider. The nerdy banker, being a nerd and, therefore, easily manipulated, gives Charlie and the camp a stay of execution . . . for one month. Unfortunately, the second crisis rears its evil head the next day, as Charlie and his buddy learn, much to their fiscal chagrin, that the camp needs a new septic tank, or else the latrine will explode. Or something like that. Of course, Charlie and his buddy, being poor, elect to ignore the problem. Evidently, this movie takes place in a state with VERY lax licensing; I'm just saying. Or, perhaps the state inspectors were forgiving of the camp's fortunes as Charlie and his buddy fixed up the camp to the best of their abilities during a wacky musical montage! It's well-recorded that state inspectors love wacky musical montages.
Sometime later, a bunch of exaggerated kid archetypes wait on a street corner for the bus to Charlie's camp. The goofy counselor, who's way too excited for such a dead-end job, picks up the kids and, in the process, some socially awkward nerdy gamer kid (Tad D'Agostino) pops his first boner for the camp's hot girl (Telise Galanis) and his brother (Taggart Hurtubise) urges him to tap it. The nerdy gamer kid is a little apprehensive, though. Back at the camp, the buddy tries to play reveille on the cornet, but fails miserably, and then the goofy counselor rams the bus into one of the camp buildings. I guess he wanted to start the camp off with a bang.
Surprisingly, the remarkably unharmed kids are still ready for fun after surviving a horrific bus accident and the nerdy gamer has enough endurance to pop another boner over the hot girl, which apparently causes a gender riot among the campers. After the scene settles down, the buddy takes some kids on a hike; meanwhile, Charlie teaches archery – which is always a great idea for rambunctious kids – and the goofy counselor teaches knot-tying. Something tells me there's going to be a violent coup in these kids' future and my supposition is proven almost immediately as Charlie is nearly shot with arrows and the goofy counselor ends up tied to a tree. In addition, the buddy and his hikers get attacked by bees in the woods. What kind of sick camp is Charlie running here?
Sometime later, after the kids have settled down again, the goofy counselor uses a game of "Simon Says" to brainwash the kids into submission and it works, as Charlie's son doesn't even recognize his own father. Charlie, surprised by his son's slight, drives off into the hills, where he encounters his evil rival surveying the camp, probably for nefarious purposes. Though Charlie objects to the evil rival's actions, the evil rival and his surveying team merely insult Charlie; Charlie, to his credit responds with righteous indignation . . . and little else. Evidently racing isn't the only thing he sucks at.
Back at the camp, the kids somehow break into the conveniently unguarded candy shack and, in the resulting sugar-fueled aftermath, one of the kids – specifically a kid who may or may not be the buddy's son (Dallin Boyce) – ends up on the bus with a skunk, because he – hilariously – was born without a sense of smell. The kid, not the skunk. While the kids have another riot and the stereotypical sick kid (Talon Ackerman) vomits on Charlie, the buddy ignites a lighter in the latrine and blows it up. Remarkably, he survives the conflagration.
At home, Charlie gets a stern talking-to from his lovely wife, while she bathes her son in tomato juice. It's almost like a sploshing video for pedophiles. Charlie's wife, as part of her stern talking-to, also tells Charlie that he should call in his father for help and some undisclosed reconciliation, but Charlie considers that idea verboten. Charlie, instead, calls in two consultants to help with the camp, but they're too creepy, so he quickly ushers them out of the film. Thanks for that, Charlie. In the consultants' wake is the bus, this time with only a handful of kids from the day before, specifically the most stereotypical of the bunch. With the threat of foreclosure now looming more than ever, Charlie's buddy even tells him to call in his father, and Charlie relents, telling his father (Richard Gant), a stern military stereotype, to show up and rescue them.
While Charlie makes some modicum of peace with his father, the evil camp's camouflage-clad raiders invade the camp armed with paintball guns. Ah . . . so the evil camp isn't X-TREME; it's an Al-Qaeda training ground! This becomes evident when the evil campers go all Abu Ghraib on the buddy by tying him up and punching him repeatedly in the junk. While the good campers cower and hide from the onslaught, Charlie wades into the middle of the fracas to meet with the evil rival, who drives up to read Charlie a scroll and challenge Charlie to a camp Olympics, a challenge which Charlie ignores because of his failure thirty years ago. The evil rival, perhaps a bit upset at Charlie's lack of fight, drives off dejected, but not before his troops steal the camp's flag as a prize of battle.
In the aftermath of the attack, the nerdy gamer kid, for some reason, tries to hit on the hot girl with World of Warcraft stats, but she's just as confused as I am by what he's saying. Somehow, the scene then degrades into another fight between the campers which rages on and on until, out of nowhere, Charlie's dad shows up to restore paramilitary order. I sense an arms race brewing between the two camps; maybe Daddy Day Camp is actually a thinly veiled analogy for the Cold War. This becomes a little more evident when Charlie's dad addresses the campers and plots REVENGE against the evil camp for their misdeeds. Charlie, like a Pinko hippie, objects to his father's tactics and wants his father to chill out because he merely wants his father's help to manage the camp, not attack the other camp.
Way to earn your campers' respect there, Charlie.
Charlie's dad, under the guise of taking the campers on a hike, instead spies on the evil camp and then he teaches the kids to meditate like samurai. Unfortunately, the evil camp rudely interrupts the Zen feeling, so Charlie's dad, his pride insulted, plans a counterstrike against the evil camp. Now this is something the nerdy gamer should be good at; I'm sure he's got at least one Tom Clancy game in his possession. Charlie's dad reveals his plan to the kids and they agree to go with him, casualties be damed; in order to minimize injuries, Charlie's dad has the kids disguise themselves as logs and trash cans as they invade the camp. Meanwhile, in the evil camp, the evil rival discerns Charlie's identity by sifting through old newspaper clippings that he just happened to have. Before he can use this new information for nefarious purposes, he's interrupted by two girls from the good camp – the hot girl and the smart girl (Molly Jepson) – who offer a peace offering. Of course, the peace offering was merely a distraction, as Charlie's dad sets his plan into motion and the rest of the kids attack the evil rival with fruits and vegetables. Then, just because, the kids tear off the evil rival's track pants – I don't like where this is going – and steal his Hummer, leaving the evil rival to endure the laughter of his own campers.
Back at the good camp, Charlie yells at his dad for insubordination and then the evil rival – who is luckily now wearing shorts – shows up to cause trouble and mock Charlie for sucking at running thirty years ago. Charlie, perhaps emboldened by his campers' morale, finally accepts the evil rival's earlier challenge and there is much rejoicing among the campers. Yay. Back at home, Charlie's wife tries to talk some sense into Charlie – even though she was the one who wanted him to send their son to camp in the first place, but her tune changes when a horde of bankers show up at the house and start rummaging through their stuff. Well, either the bankers are planning foreclosure on the property or they're all now unemployed due to Wall Street collapsing and they're pillaging the town. I bet it's the latter. Either way, with this new and shocking development, Charlie's lovely wife wants nothing more than REVENGE against the evil camp . . . because if she didn't, there'd still be more arguing and unnecessary drama.
Later, at the camp, Charlie's dad trains the kids and they – very slowly – start to become awesome; maybe it's all through the power of the musical montage? Anyway, on another hike, the nerdy gamer kid argues again with his brother because his brother still wants him to tap the hot girl, even though the nerdy gamer kid failed miserably at his last attempt. Meanwhile, the buddy bonds with the camp's resident bully (Tyger Rawlings) because they're both bedwetters. Later in the hike, the kids start to mutiny due to exhaustion, but Charlie's dad gives them a pep talk to calm their morale, just to prove himself further as the film's resident alpha male.
That evening, around a campfire, the kids and the buddy have a belching contest and then they cook fruit because Charlie forgot the fixings for s'mores. While fruit roasts over the campfire, the nerdy gamer kid's brother gives the nerdy gamer kid another pep talk because he really wants his brother to hook up with the hot girl. The nerdy gamer kid finally takes his brother's advice and settles in next to the hot girl, but his attempts at small talk are thwarted when he eats a hot grape and freaks out. Umm . . . OK. Somehow, this – as well as a grotesque, oozing banana – causes the sick kid to throw up in Charlie's tent. Eh, whatever, movie.
Before bed, Charlie's dad gives the kids another pep talk – because, apparently, that's all the film is now: a series of pep talks – and they totally buy into it. Charlie, meanwhile, is still skeptical of the team's chances the next day but is quickly distracted by the fact that his son has gone missing because the bedwetting bully made fun of him. The drama is quickly defused, however, as Charlie finds his son in a tree; alas, the son isn't being raised by eagles or anything. Nonetheless, Charlie gives the kids an anti-pep talk and he tells them that they'll all be winners even if they're losers, all because he hates his father. Charlie, I hate to tell you, but I don't think any of these kids are licensed therapists . . . although they'll probably need some after this experience is over. In addition, Charlie's father may need some psychological help as he overhears Charlie's diatribe against him while hiding behind a tree for no discernible reason other than to be able to overhear Charlie's diatribe.
Overnight, a fly pesters Charlie until his buddy kills it with flatulence, causing Charlie to get out of the tent and fall over outside. The next morning, Charlie awakens – still on the ground – to find the kids goofing off together and his father nowhere to be found. Sadly, though Charlie may find this an ideal situation, the kids don't appreciate the fact that Charlie's dad abandoned them. Later, at the camp Olympics, the evil rival mocks Charlie, but Charlie, to his credit, ignores him. Then, just to complicate the plot, Charlie gets a letter from his father, explaining that the father skipped out to go on "maneuvers." Something tells me that's a euphemism for "boozin' and whorin'." Charlie tries to make the best of the situation by exaggerating the contents of the letter for the kids, but they see right through his ruse and begin to lose faith in their prospects. Charlie, sensing defeat may be imminent even before the competition begins, elects to go off in search of his father, especially after his lovely wife mocks him for no particular reason.
While nothing in particular evidently happens at the Olympics, Charlie finds his father at a train station that just happens to be nearby and, after nary a tense moment, Charlie and his father reconcile. Meanwhile, back at the Olympics, the evil camp cheats to win and the kids lose their morale until Charlie and his dad return to inspire the troops. After Charlie's dad convinces his grandson that Charlie's actually a really good guy, he, continues the conceit from earlier in the film and gives the kids another pep talk, telling them that they need to counteract the cheating by outsmarting their opponents.
Evidently, the first step in outsmarting the enemy is by coating the buddy's son in skunk stank so that he can easily win the wrestling event. Later, the sick kid throws up all over the opposition in the tug-of-war, putting that event in the good camp's column as well. Somehow, the nerdy gamer kid doesn't need to resort to grotesque tactics to win the egg race; he just merely earns himself a kiss from the hot girl, much to his brother's surprise. In addition, some kid with a mullet (Zachary Allen) wins the archery event by channeling Robin Hood. Finally, to thwart a sharpshooting evil henchkid during the water-balloon toss, the bedwetting bully hits the kid with a urine-balloon, allowing the good camp to win this event and tie the score, much to the evil rival's chagrin. The moral of this story, therefore: outsmarting somehow involves bodily excretions. Those are some inspiring words of wisdom.
The final event, the relay and wall climb, looms ahead with the score tied and the good team's best climber – the kid with the mullet – is injured. Alas, the good camp needs to find a substitute climber, and, as foreshadowed about fifteen minutes earlier, it turns out to be Charlie's son. Dum-dum-DUM! As the last leg of the relay, Charlie's son nearly drops the baton, failing the same way his father did, but he perseveres until the wall climb, where he shockingly slips off and spoils everything for his team. Oh well; I guess the movie's over. Or not, as the smart girl comes out of nowhere with a startling revelation: the evil camp greased the good camp's side of the wall! While the crowd on hand reacts to this damning accusation, Charlie's son recovers to climb a tree that just happened to be near the wall and swings over to ring the bell on the wall and win the event and the Olympics for the good team.
OK, I have to call "shenanigans" on this one. First, Charlie's son slipped off the wall, which should have meant an automatic disqualification. As well, he didn't climb the wall, he climbed a tree, which technically shouldn't be in play. Finally, he wasn't on the wall or the tree when he rang the bell, which should count as another fall and not a legal move. Way to win the Olympics through bad reffing, good camp!
Anyway, my misgivings fall on deaf ears, as the good camp celebrates their victory and all the parents abandon the evil camp because they're evil. In addition, the evil rival's son – who earlier got hit with the pee balloon – beats up his father, continuing the cycle of abuse in that family. Finally, all the kids join up with Charlie's camp and Charlie and his father reconcile for good . . . and there is much rejoicing.
This might be a shocking revelation, but Daddy Day Camp isn't deserving of its place on the IMDB.com Bottom 100. It may not be great, but it isn't that bad, even for a film that was originally supposed to be direct-to-DVD. Though the kids may be broad stereotypes, the crux of the – albeit hackneyed – plot doesn't focus on them. To be quite honest, this is a film about Cuba Gooding, Jr.'s, character, Charlie Hinton, and his relationships with his family. The day camp is merely a plot device for Charlie to win the respect of his son and reconcile with his father, and everything else is merely window dressing. Unfortunately, it is this window dressing that drags the film down with its predictable and broad nature, diluting the power of the drama surrounding Charlie and his family. In total, Daddy Day Camp may not be the 66th worst film ever made, but it surely is a Misunderstood Masterpiece.
Join me next week as my series of the worst films of the year starts a week early with a little visit from that lovable Teutonic lug Uwe Boll. See you then!
