Misunderstood Masterpieces: Strange Brew

Posted by Will Helm on 07.30.2003

…or, Something Is Rotten in the Province of Ontario, Hoser

[This is the last chapter of the quasi-legendary ‘80s trilogy, lost somewhere in the great beyond…until now! Enjoy!]

I love Shakespeare. It’s currently my personal quest to see, or at least read, every single play written by the Bard of Stratford. From the first time I read “Hamlet” in the 8th grade, through high school, and even an entire year of college, Shakespeare has amazed me with his ability to use every meaning, every connotation of a single word simultaneously. I’ve laughed, I’ve cried, and, most of all, I’ve been in awe, knowing that I will never be able to write like that…few, if any at all, can. Even though there are many theories and conspiracies as to the authorship of the plays themselves, all that really matters is that they exist and they are still riveting. Shakespeare could be considered the pinnacle of literature…literature which, oddly enough, is not meant to be read but performed. Go figure.

I also love anything Second City. Through the years, the Chicago- and Toronto-based comedy troupe has produced some of the greatest comedy minds of the 20th Century and beyond. Alumni of this esteemed organization can be found everywhere nowadays. From the early years with talents such as Mike Nichols, Elaine May, and Fred Willard; to the glorious 1970s which featured Dan Ackroyd, Gilda Radner, John Belushi, and many, many others; to more recent alumni such as Colin Mochrie, Ryan Stiles, Nia Vardalos, Tina Fey (and some guy named Mike Myers…who would be silly enough to name their kid after the villain from Halloween?), Second City serves as the proving ground for some of the most famous names in comedy. In case you’re curious about the backgrounds, origins, and rosters of Second City, I highly recommend the Second City book, which can easily be found on the bargain racks of your nearest major bookstore. Anyway, I guess it’s obvious that I’m a sucker for anything involving Second City.

Two of the more famous alumni of the glory days of Second City are Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas (no, not the deceased former owner of Wendy’s) and even more famous are their über-Canadian alter-egos: the McKenzie Brothers, Bob and Doug. With minds comprised of Canuck slang, beer, and hockey (and little else), the McKenzie brothers were one of the highlights of the old “SCTV” show with their recurring sketch, “The Great White North.” If you ever need to learn how to get a mouse into a beer bottle, this is where to go. Anyway, somewhat-predating the plethora of “Saturday Night Live”-inspired movies, someone decided to feature the brothers McKenzie in a feature film. “A great idea,” you say, “but what does Shakespeare have to do with it?” Well, not just any movie would do for our Canadian friends; this film would be based on the magnum opus of Shakespeare’s career: “Hamlet.” Yes, “Hamlet.” And so, with all that in mind (sure is a lot of backstory, ain’t it?) I bring you the 1983 epic Strange Brew…or, more accurately, The Adventures of Bob & Doug McKenzie: Strange Brew. I wonder which one they put on the marquee.

You know you’re in for goodness when even the MGM Lion is drunk. Who’s responsible for the feline inebriation? Well, Bob (Moranis) and Doug (Thomas) McKenzie, that’s who! They begin their movie and promptly break down the “Fourth Wall,” which would make their Second City colleagues proud. You really have no idea where the movie begins and the real world ends. OK, maybe that’s a bit of an exaggeration…if you try to walk onto the set, you’re just going to run headlong into your television screen. And that hurts. A lot. Not that I’ve done it, of course. Anyway, for the letterboxing geeks, the McKenzies helpfully explain the wonders of the widescreen. They now begin their movie-within-the-movie (ah, like the play-within-the-play!) where it’s the future and Bob is dressed like a retarded Maple Leaf. Then again, how could you tell the difference? The special effects are not just bad, they’re superbad…yet I’m sure the Chiodo brothers would be proud. So the movie-within-the-movie breaks, but the movie we’re watching, which, until recently, was the movie-within-the-movie, is still going! Right now I’m terribly confused, but so is a random angry fat guy in the audience that was watching the movie we’re watching as well as the movie-within-the-movie. A riot breaks out, A Hard Day’s Night is teased, and we finally get the opening credits…with the obligatory crappy title theme. Why, ‘80s…why?!?

Back at the McKenzie household, the boys break out the donuts. I wonder if they’re Tim Horton’s? Not only was he a pretty good hockey player, but he supposedly makes some damned fine donuts. They also take some time to get their dog, lovingly named “Hosehead,” drunk. This ticks off the dog, as well as their dad…who sounds suspiciously like Yosemite Sam. It’s actually because the voice of their dad, who is (almost) eternally watching cartoons, is the immortal Mel Blanc. So I guess he went to do some rootin’ and tootin’ north of the border, eh? The boys unwisely drink all the beer in the house, so they try to work the beer-store clerk with the old “mouse in the bottle” trick. It doesn’t work because the awesome power of the clerk’s pompadour deflects the McKenzies’ powers of persuasion. He directs them to get their free beer from the brewery, which is oddly named Elsinore. Does that mean they’re going to have to drive to Denmark now? Damn…I don’t think I could sit through that.

Luckily, however, the brewery is just on the outskirts of the anonymous Canadian town where the McKenzie brothers reside. There are a lot of arrows leading to the environs of Elsinore, but no slings, though. At the front gate to the brewery, the boys rescue a chick trapped in an old Volkswagen. Those were some ugly cars back in the early ‘80s. It turns out she’s the heiress to the brewery, Pamela Elsinore (Lynne Griffin). We have to infer this, because we’re quickly introduced not to her, but to our villains: the suspicious and wimpy Claude Elsinore (Paul Dooley) and the pissed-off and pissing Brewmaster Smith (Max von Sydow). The brothers bribe a receptionist with donuts while there’s TENSION involving Claude, Smith, and Pamela over her birthright. Oh, I shall refer to Mr. von Sydow’s character as “Smith” because I highly doubt that “Brewmaster” is his given name. I could be wrong, though. Anyway, Bob and Doug are lost, but they luckily run into a Montreal-Canadien-turned-lunatic-and-brewery-employee, Jean “Rosey” LaRose (Angus MacInnes). All is well when you run into a hockey player, as long as it’s not with your head down at the opponent’s blueline.

In a wicked twist of fate, Bob and Doug get jobs at the brewery and there is much rejoicing. In a hurry, we get references and homages to both “1984” and “Laverne and Shirley.” And here I thought we would just be getting “Hamlet”; I feel very grateful now. Somewhere around here, we learn that Smith, chemist extraordnaire, has been putting drugs in the beer, which turn mental patients into hockey players. That explains the Calgary Flames as of late. Later, we find out that rich people love KFC, while poor cartoon voice-artists love beer. Hmm…sounds like a hypothesis of a bad doctoral thesis: “An Empirical Study of Socio-Economics and Cuisine in Four Parts.” I bet someone’s written it already. Just a hunch.

While Jean helpfully provides exposition (every movie’s got one of those people), we learn that the crux of the TENSION between Pamela and Smith is the typical conflict of tradition versus technology. Unfortunately, I don’t particularly remember that plot point from “Hamlet.” Maybe I missed something. Sensing something wicked has come her way, Pamela fires Smith; I’d wager that it’s because of his freaky teeth. That’s some serious bridgework. He retaliates by abusing Claude with some cartoon-inspired violence.

You just had to know, since this movie is set in Canada, that somewhere a hockey game would break out, and one does. Bob and Doug dress in suits of what can only be called “hockey armor” and play goal. Maybe the Philadelphia Flyers can sign one of them. Because of the drugs in the beer and the awesome power of the rink organ, the game quickly degenerates into a Red Wings-Avalanche game and all Hell, as always, breaks loose. Meanwhile, we learn, through a helpful video game console, that Smith murdered Pamela’s father. I guess the assumption is that the electrical system of the brewery is haunted by the ghost of Pamela’s father…this would make sense if he was electrocuted. Sadly, he was strangled; his death was only made to look like an electrocution. The coroners in Canada must be terrible to miss something like that. Then again, what do I know? Anyway, Pamela and some guy (Douglas Campbell) get ambushed while Bob and Doug rock out on a synthesizer. John Tesh, Nick Nightingale, AND John Carpenter would be proud. They suddenly revert into “obscure hockey-reference mode” and the only cure is tranquilization. Helpfully, they are quickly ambushed and sedated.

You know, there’s nothing funnier than attempted multiple homicide, as Smith and Claude plan to dispose of Pamela, some guy, Bob, and Doug by trapping Pamela and some guy in beer kegs in the back of Bob and Doug’s van, which now has no brakes. Unfortunately, Bob and Doug take a detour from the route of doom to their parents’ house, where they walk in on their folks in flagrante delicto. That means “knockin’ boots” in Latin…or something like that. Even creepier than parental intercourse is the fact that the parents are played by Moranis and Thomas. Um, eew. That’s far beyond icky, to say the least. They play an EP for a British New Wave band and then head back out on the road…of doom! The van crashes, but Rosey rescues Pamela and is rewarded with a trip to the great big penalty box in the sky. Oh yeah, Bob and Doug are dead too. INTERMISSION!!!

…And we’re back. It turns out that Bob, Doug, AND Rosey all survived underwater (I guess by drinking beer), but the boys are, instead of being rescued, arrested for kidnapping. Oops. Claude meets with a cop where we learn that he can’t lie to save his life and his wife is a slut. Who knew one little scene could have so much? Meanwhile, Bob and Doug try to impress the screws in the pokey and then meet with their creepy lawyer and his pet hockey moustache. In fact, he could actually be Bruins legend Terry O’Reilly in disguise, as he later disposes of a bunch of reporters with some good old violence. The conspiracy thickens as a corpulent prosecutor, Smith dressed like Colonel Sanders, and Claude work together to frame the brothers McKenzie. They’re sentenced to hospitalization at the mental asylum for “paranoid schizophrenia”; I think they’re just stoned. There are drugs in the beer, you know.

Anyway, Pamela’s at the asylum for a lobotomy. I hear it comes with a free bundt cake recipe. Meanwhile, Claude tries to kill Rosey, but ends up murdering some other guy instead. Because mistaken identities and cold-blooded murder are funny! Bob and Doug decide to have fun with some electroshock therapy, Rosey comes to the rescue (again) and it’s a JAILBREAK! Alright, so it’s really an “asylum-break,” but there’s still no sign of Judas Priest. Back at the brewery, Bob and Pamela get captured and put into a giant keg that is quickly filling with beer while Doug and Rosey play hockey. They quickly subdue Claude, but Smith fights back admirably. I bet it’s because von Sydow’s from Sweden…I’m sure he’s played some hockey in his life. Anyway, Smith anticlimactically gets electrocuted in an ironic reference to the way in which Pamela’s father WASN’T murdered. We learn that it’s a good thing that Bob’s not incontinent, as he drinks all the beer and then helpfully urinates on a building in flames. That Bob, he’s a hero.

After all this, there’s still the matter of all the drugged beer. Luckily, Pamela’s father’s ghost helpfully tells the gang where the tainted beer is being sent, so Bob and Doug go home. Why? Well, to recruit the services of none other than Hosehead, the flying drunken super-dog, to rescue Oktoberfest. Even though German-Canadians love free beer, Hosehead, the flying drunken super-dog, disguises himself as a skunk and a riot ensues. Rosey and Pamela pledge their love, Bob and Doug hijack a beer truck, and they all live happily (and drunk) ever after. Whoopee, eh?

All things considered, I loved this movie when I was a wee little kid and I still do today. I mean, how could you go wrong? For the kids, it’s got the voice of Mel Blanc and…um, that’s pretty much it. For us grown-ups, it’s got Shakespeare, beer, hockey, Max von Sydow’s freaky teeth, lots of people going “eh” a lot, maybe an “aboot” here or there, and nice giant plot holes. I mean, what other movie can you think of that has all those? Anyone, anyone…Bueller, Bueller? OK, there are probably plenty of movies out there where you can find quite a few of those requirements, but I bet they don’t have the awesome power of Bob and Doug McKenzie. Thank you…I rest my case. Now take off, hoser!