The Gratuitous B-Movie Column 12.01.08: Issue #36

Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz on 12.01.2008

"Hero Wanted" (2008) and "Air Strike" (2002)

The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Issue #36: "Hero Wanted" (2008) and "Air Strike" (2002)

Hello, everyone, and welcome once again to the internets movie review column that isn't above making a fart joke to get a cheap laugh (imagine, at this very second, Tom Arnold being interviewed by Meredith Veira on the "Today" show. While answering a question about his latest CMT hick video show or whatever the heck it is he's been doing these past few years, in mid-sentence, Tom stands up, bends over just a little, and then rips a fart so lound and juicy that once Tom sits back down Meredith, in a kind of momentary shock, asks, "Tom, did you just shit yourself?," which Tom replies with, "Yeah, yeah, I just did"), The Gratuitous B-Movie Column, and I am your host Bryan Kristopowitz. In this issue, issue number thirty-six, I take a look at the 2008 Cuba Gooding, Jr.-Ray Liotta vehicle "Hero Wanted," and then I take a look at the 2002 low budget action flick directed by the immortal David Worth, "Air Strike."

Hero Wanted


"Hero Wanted," directed by Brian Smrz, is, at first viewing, yet another overly complicated, low budget, direct-to-video "action" movie released by the fine folks at Sony Home Entertainment. It tells the story of Liam Case (Cuba Gooding, Jr.), a man haunted by the death of his wife in a car accident, the time he saved a woman from a fiery car crash, got horribly scarred for his trouble and then rode a wave of pseudo celebrity for about two weeks afterwards before going back to his lowly occupation as a garbage man (or, sanitation engineer if you prefer that term), and the big fucking mistake he made asking his best pal Swain (Norman Reedus) to help him fake a robbery so he could get the attention of a hot babe bank teller (Christa Campbell) and become a pseudo celebrity again, only to have Swain bring along some of his own hoodlum scumbag friends (among them Kim Coates, who plays Skinner McGraw, and Thomas "Tommy" Flannigan, who plays Derek) who don't like the idea of a fake bank robbery to help out Case and instead engage in an actual bank robbery, where they "accidentally" shoot the hot babe bank teller in the head and put her in a coma. With the help of his dead father's old 'Nam buddy Cosmo Jackson (Ben Cross), Case decides that he has to "make all of this right," which means he has to get a gun and start killing Swain's hoodlum scumbag pals one by one. The only man in Case's way is Detective Terry Subcott (Ray Liotta), who wants Case brought down because he's a vicious vigilante and being a vigilante is against the law. Or something like that.

The biggest "issue" with "Hero Wanted" is that it doesn't tell its story in a straight up, beginning to end kind of way. Instead of starting out with Case killing one of the hoodlum scumbags, then another and another, with Liotta's Subcott finding out who Case is along the way, the flick decides to twist up its story, starting out in the middle, slowly moving back to the beginning, then back to the middle, then moving towards a conclusion that doesn't feel right because you expect the story to somehow revert back to the beginning again for some reason. It's a rather annoying way to tell a revenge story. It's only later, perhaps a few hours after watching it (it's what happened to me), you begin to appreciate the "twisty" story telling technique and you realize that the flick is actually better than it has any right to be. I, personally, still would have rather seen a straight up, ass kicking revenge story (so very few good ones are made nowadays), but, hey, as long as it's well made it doesn't really matter.

The flick's only real flaw (and a flaw isn't necessarily an issue) is the Ray Liotta character, mostly because it's Ray Liotta. Liotta's Detective Subcott character is a rather thankless role, mostly because he doesn't have much to do beyond yelling and standing around at crime scenes. Liotta is a fine actor for sure, but it doesn't appear he's having much fun, and as a result the audience isn't going to have to much fun with him. It probably would have been more prudent to get a "no name" but strong character actor to play the detective character, so it would be easier to see Detective Subcott as a minor character in the big scheme of things and not Ray Liotta. But then again, Liotta's participation probably helped get the movie made, so I guess Detective Subcott had to be Ray Liotta.

Gooding, Jr. is quite good as Liam Case. He's got the vulnerable aspects of the character down pat. He's also kind of believable in the bad ass revenge killer bits (although, for future reference, Cuba should refrain from doing the two handguns thing. He just doesn't look right doing it). Norman Reedus is good as Swain, Case's buddy and revenge instigator. It is a wonder, though, why the story isn't told from Swain's point of view, since his big fucking mistake is slightly more horrendous than Case's (yeah, like he didn't know that Skinner and Derek were total psychopaths and wouldn't go apehooey in a tense bank robbery situation. What the hell was he thinking?) and his moment of growing a conscience would have helped lay the ground work for a much sadder, tragic ending. But, for what we get, Reedus does a good job. Jean Smart is pretty decent as Melanie McQueen, Kayla's distraught mother who befriends Case after meeting him visiting her comatose daughter at the hospital. Ben Cross is just awesome as Cosmo Jackson. He's been watching Case for years (one of those old 'Nam buddy debt things), and while he doesn't approve of Case's decision to go Chuck Bronson on Swain and the others he helps him out as best he can. There are some great target practice scenes that are hysterical, as Cosmo shows utter disdain for the way people shoot guns in action movies. He also gets a great "oh hell yeah" scene where he comes to Case's rescue (some of the best sniper moments in recent low budget action movie history).

And then there's Kim Coates and Thomas Flannigan as the main bad guys Skinner McGraw and Derek. As we've recently seen on the great FX cable show "Sons of Anarchy," where both Coates and Flannigan play hard ass scumbag killer bikers, both of these guys know how to ooze sleaze and, well, scumbaggery to the point where you can't wait to see them die. That's a dying art these days, as more and more movies want audiences to "feel" something for the villains (that "shades of grey" crap). You don't feel anything but disdain for these scumbags. You will be surprised, though, at who goes first (I know I was). It's quite the moment.

And special mention should be made of Steven Kozlowski, who plays Lynch McGaw, Case's first victim. Would you take your car to that guy's garage? Yeah, me neither.

So, should you search out "Hero Wanted"? Yes, I think you should. You should watch it, give it a chance, and see if you have the same thoughts I did during and after watching. It isn't the movie you think it is. It's actually quite a bit better than that.

So what do we have here? Flash cuts, potential drowning, people watching TV in an apartment, homeless people getting warm via flaming barrel, gratuitous drug dealer in a red hat, gratuitous "Smokey and the Bandit" like Trans Am, gratuitous Cuba Gooding, Jr., gratuitous Cuba Gooding, Jr. getting drunk in a bar, gratuitous Cuba Gooding, Jr. barfing on the bartender, punch to the face, gratuitous Cuba Gooding, Jr. as a garbage man, gratuitous Norman Reedus, a massive car accident with burning car, gratuitous Cuba Gooding, Jr. on fire, a nasty back burn scar, gratuitous scumbag in a garage jerking off to porno, impromptu shoot out, gratuitous Cuba Gooding , Jr. cashing a check in a bank, gratuitous slow motion bit where guys with masks and shotguns enter the bank and beat up the security guard, head shot, gratuitous Cuba Gooding, Jr. sweating profusely in a hospital bed, gratuitous Jean Smart, suitcase packing, handgun cocking, gratuitous Ray Liotta, gratuitous Ray Liotta chewing out a beat cop for being stupid, gratuitous Ben Cross, gratuitous Cuba Gooding, Jr. target shooting out in the woods, a flashback beating, heater to the head, phone to the head, testicle piercing, screwdriver to the head, frying pan to the head, a hip and edgy sleezy dance club, a bathroom beatdown, broken toilets, multiple shots to the chest, using the internet, gratuitous Cuba Gooding, Jr. sitting around without his shirt on talking to himself via voiceover, a city medal, gratuitous talking about George W. Bush allowing the assualt weapons ban to expire, punching a bathroom mirror, hanging out in a cemtary, dope smoking, sousal abuse, yet another bat baeatdown, gratuitous abandoned warehouse, hand shooting, gratuitous Cuba Gooding, Jr. using two guns, police massacre, suicide by cop, a double gun shootout, big ass knife to the heart, attempted Kim Richards, a blood dripping white rose, and gratuitous touching Cuba Gooding Jr.'s face.

Best lines: "One shot's all I need," "Move, bitch!," "This is what happens when people move!," "Don't you want to know about the perp, sir?," "Hey, where's my coffee?," "Christ, Liam, killing a man ain't never easy," "Revenge. It's an airborne disease and it travels fast," "Oh, my dick!," "Tomorrow, you crazy fuck!," "When it's over I'm going to kill him," "Oh, you sick fuck! You sick fuck!," "Screw you, Liam," "35 divided by 5 doesn't make me fucking Donald Trump! Where the fuck am I gonna go?," "You know, it's too late in the day for Roman mythology, Subcott," "I'm a garbage man, man!," "Did you know Amerca was built on labor?," "Jesus Christ, this guy had a shitty life," "Look who we have here. The fucking hero!," "Hey, Liam, fuck you!," "Do something, you fucking pussy!," "Stop firing at me! Then kill somebody!," "Redemption. It's a funny thing. Sometimes you have to go through hell to get it," and "Sometimes things worth dying for are worth living for."

Rating: 4.5 (right after watching it), 7.5 (a few hours later)

Air Strike


And then there's "Air Strike," which can best be described as low budget pro American claptrap, the kind of movie that the Golan Globus/Cannon people would have released back in the 1980's. And that's a compliment. "Air Strike" is a kind of throw back movie where the good guys are the good guys and the bad guys are, well, ridiculous. Directed by the immortal David Worth (he directed "Warrior of the Lost World," which I reviewed here), it's part of a direct-to-video series called "American Heroes" (there's a neat little commercial on the DVD showcasing the movies in the series, like "Air Marshal" and something called "Submarine," among other titles).

The flick starts off with the following ridiculous little blurb:

"After the September 11 attack on America, the President sent a small squadron of elite helicopter pilots and U.S. Rangers into Eastern Europe as a deterrent to terrorists. This is their story..."

It's ridiculous because at no point during the movie is 9/11 mentioned by, well, anyone, and you'd think that the soldiers involved in this Eastern European terrorist operation would be going on and on about the worst mainland terrorist attack in U.S. history and how they're going to prevent something similar from happening again, but they never do. No, this flick features a much more generic, 1980's type story involving a maniacal drug running terrorist named Ivan (Ivailo Geraskov) and the elite U.S. Army helicopter pilots and Rangers sent to destroy him. Led by the famous, coming out of retirement to avenge his dead friend ace helicopter fighter pilot Ben Garret (Robert Rusler), the U.S. operation against Ivan will see a bunch of stuff blown up, a bunch of people killed, an ace female pilot named Charlie (the very hot Jennifer Gareis) falling in love with Ben, a terrorist henchman named Chicago (Asen Blatechki), a bunch of attack helicopter stock footage mixed in with low budget helicopter animation and shots of remote control helicopters flying (there could be some actual, real, life size attack helicopter stuff in here, but once you realize that there are remote control helicopters in use all bets are off), and an actual moment where you hear "America the Beautiful" on the soundtrack.

Ben Garret is your typical 1980's Golan-Globus action hero type guy. He's the best pilot around, but he no longer wants to be in the Army. He's served his country, and now it's his turn to live his life as he sees fit. But at the urging of his cigar chomping old buddy/commander Colonel Blackwell (Frederic Lane), Ben gets back in the game when he finds out about his dead buddy Cash (Atanas Srebrev). Then Ben wants revenge. So Ben gets back in the game. He ends up having a sexual relationship with Charlie, which is a bit of a shame since at no point do we see Jennifer Gareis topless or naked. In fact, there's no nudity at all in this flick. There are some very, very, very short skirts on the hip and edgy Eastern European exotic dancers that show up at the Army bar to dance with the soldiers, so at least we get that. Getting back to Ben, he eventually gets captured by Ivan's men, gets tortured, then escapes and runs around killing terrorists with two AK-47's and a machete. That's exactly what you expect to see at the end of a movie like this. Rusler is just outstanding in the role. He never overacts, you believe that he could kill a bunch of terrorists with two AK-47's going at the same time, and you don't laugh as much you probably should when he steals a dead man's Cuban cigar and tells him "You're not going to need this anymore."

Now, would it have been better if Worth, story creator Boaz Davidson and writer Jon Stevens had come up with a better story (you know, one with a better plot and overall point)? Probably. But I don't think there's anything necessarily wrong with the somewhat scattershot plot the flick already has. It's a story about revenge, about protecting America, about stopping evil drug runners from running drugs. That's quite a bit of stuff to deal with succinctly in ninety minutes. I think we should all be happy that Worth was able to make something watchable out of all of this. The violence is outstanding. Limbs fly, blood spurts everywhere, there are some good bullet hits, and Worth creates one of the best knife to the forehead scenes in movie history. Just great, great stuff.

Gareis is very fine as Charlie the hot chick helicopter pilot. Again, she doesn't get naked or topless, but she's pretty enough to make up for that lack of nudity. Fredric Lane is hilarious as Colonel Blackwell. You never see him without a cigar and you never see him sleep or rest. You get the sense that all he does is hang out in the computer command center, staring at the various monitors and checking on the spy satellite feeds he has access to (you also get the sense that his direct monitor underlings ever leave that command center, either). And Ivailo Geraskov and Asen Blatechki are perfect as Ivan and Chicago. Geraskov gets funnier and funnier as the movie proceeds (listen to him swear like a moron and engage in martial arts hand-to-hand combat with Rusler), and Blatechki (who I'm sure we all remember from the Dolph Lundgren flick "The Russian Specialist," which I reviewed way back here) is very movie Eastern European as Chicago. You never really understand why either Ivan or Chicago are terrorists (I think Ivan says something towards the end, when he tells Ben that he went to USC, but I may be mistaken on that) or why Ivan has an army of black clad henchmen out in the woods (you also never see anyone show up to pick up his drugs), but then again you're not supposed to understand terrorists because, hey, they're terrorists. They're the bad guys. Get them.

As for the rest of the cast, most of them appear to be Eastern European actors doing their best impression of what they think an American is. It doesn't appear any of them are dubbed, most of them seem to be actually saying their lines with an "American" accent. Although there are a few guys who, despite their best efforts, can't shake the fact that they're Eastern European. It isn't a big distraction, but it will make you wonder why so many of the U.S. Army's elite pilots and Rangers are from Bulgaria or wherever the heck the movie was made.

"Air Strike" is definitely a welcome blast from the past, the kind of movie they don't make anymore. I hope I can find the other flicks in this "American Heroes" series. I want to see if any of them also feature "America the Beautiful" on the soundtrack.

Seek it out.

So what do we have here? Gratuitous American flag flailing on the wind while somber military music plays on the soundtrack, gratuitous opening blurb explaining the movie has something to do with the American response to 9/11, monitors with labels on them, planning a bridge attack, gratuitous attack helicopters, gratuitous male bonding, really cheap animation, gratuitous stock footage, gratuitous bridge attack featuring pseudo hard rock music on the soundtrack, an "East LA" style missile attack, more cheap animation, exploding jeep, gratuitous soldiers chanting "USA! USA! USA! USA!," gratuitous RPG attack, gratuitous the woods of "Minnesota," wood chopping, gratuitous Colonel guy smoking Cuban cigars, yelling in the woods, gratuitous terrorist compound where everyone wears black fatigues, gratuitous narco terrorists talking about "doing evil," gratuitous hot ass Eastern European chicks wearing very, very, very short skirts, drunk soldiers singing "God Bless America," gratuitous American soldier killing a bunch of heavily armed terrorists with a handgun, another exploding jeep, exploding head, a flipping jeep, man on fire, gratuitous bad guys robbing a bank, a floating car, gratuitous weight lifting, gratuitous pick up basketball, gratuitous hot ass female Army helicopter pilot, gratuitous guys doing jumping jacks, a rottintg corpse and a recording of a woman moaning, gratuitous video phone news with burning building in the background, Tequilla drinking, exploding suitcase, pool hall massacre, a missing leg, gratuitous military funeral in a hangar, gratuitous bit where a guy talks about loving toy models as a kid and blowing them up, gratuitous stock footage of attack helicopters attacking, another RPG attack, slow motion stock footage, gratuitous terrorist using a computer to take down the U.S. military's computer systems, gratuitous "Blue Thunder" reference, an AK-47 beatdown, torture, taser to the testicles, gratuitous guy named Major Hanks, metal pipe beatdown, gratuitous martial arts showdown, sandwich eating, water drinking, stealing a dead guy's flak jacket, exploding building, gratuitous guy using two AK-47's at the same time, gratuitous using a Cuban cigar to start a fire, phone sex, cocaine destruction, shotgun hooey, exploding room full of money, more exploding vehicles, gratuitous machete attack, one of the greatest knifes to the forehead in movie history, a bulletproof radio, gratuitous radio controlled model helicopter dogfight, flying upside down, exploding flying model helicopter, and gratuitous "American the Beautiful" on the soundtrack.

Best lines: "Cash, keep her straight and level," "USA! USA! USA! USA!," "I appreciate the sentiment, bro, but we've got a mission to do," "We're running out of ammo! Get us the fuck out of here flyboys!," "Hurry man! Hurry! The fuckers are so close I can smell their garlic breath!," "Ah, you know what, guys? I hear wedding bells ringing," "We're terrorists, Chicago, so let's terrorize them," "Whiskey! Whiskey!," "What the fuck! This OC is off limits to locals!," "You fucked up when you popped the Colonel," "Oh, I'm crazy, crazy as a shit house rat," "How'd that feel, Bubba?," "The old man is amazing!," "You're a fucking ace, Chicago!," "You can call me Charlie, everyone does," "Been there, done that, got a T-shirt," "Oh my God, the Colonel's got skills," "It's Jim Cash!," "Check out that hot chick with Perez!," "Taste this, suckers," "Do you have any idea how pretty you are?," "I will not lose another man on this operation!," "You call that a punch? My sister hits harder than that," "Hey, stupid yank! Did you even go to college? I don't think so," "Hey, cocksucker, get up!," "Don't get the good guys mad," "Nuts? What is nuts?," "When I am through with him, not even Viagra will help him," "Come on, yankee, I'm going to chop off your nuts!," "Go Bruins!," "They're engaged in combat over there!," "If you two are done having phone sex maybe we can complete this mission," "Suck on that!," "Surrender motherfucker or she dies!," "Jesus, Captain, you look like shit! Thank you!," and "You've got it wrong American whore! I'm going to fuck you to death!"

Rating: 8.5

***

Well, I think that'll be about it for this issue. B-movies rule, always remember that. And if there's anything you'd like to see reviewed here, send me an e-mail or offer your request down below. I'm always on the lookout for new stuff to watch.

"Hero Wanted"

Cuba Gooding, Jr.- Liam Case
Ray Liotta- Detective Terry Subcott
Norman Reedus- Swain
Jean Smart- Melanie McQueen
Kim Coates- Skinner McGraw
Thomas Flannigan- Derek
Steven Kozlowski- Lynch McGraw
Ben Cross- Cosmo Jackson
Christa Campbell- Kayla McQueen
Directed by Brian Smrz
Screenplay by Chad Law and Evan Law
Distributed by Sony Pictures Home Entertainment
Rated R for strong violence, language and brief sexual content
Runtime- 95 minutes
Buy it here




"Air Strike"

Robert Rusler- Ben Garret
Jennifer Gareis- Charlie
Fredric Lane- Colonel Blackwell
Ivailo Geraskov- Ivan
Asen Blatechki- Chicago
Atanas Srebrev- Cash
Directed by David Worth
Screenplay by Jon Stevens, based on a story by Boaz Davidson
Distributed by Lionsgate and Nu Image Films
Rated R for violence and language
Runtime- 95 minutes
Buy it here