The 411 Movies Top 5 12.26.08: Week 145 - Annoying Celebrities of 2008

Posted by Trevor Snyder on 12.26.2008

The Top 5 Most Annoying Celebrities of 2008

THE TOP 5 MOST ANNOYING CELEBRITIES OF 2008


Trevor Snyder

5. Carlos Mencia

Dane Cook stayed pretty under the radar this year, so I have to give the crappy comedian spot on my list to someone, right? Mencia didn't really do anything that noteworthy this year, and it's not like he was any more annoying than usual. But his show is still inexplicably on the air, and if you ask me, that right there is enough to justify his placement here.

4. Elisabeth Hasselbeck

OK, yes, I am a left-leaning Obama supporter. But that's not the reason I'm including Hasselbeck. I might not agree with them, but in general I have no real problems with people like Bill O'Reilly or Sean Hannity. They have a different stance on issues that I do, and maybe sometimes I think they're being a little loose with fact, but at least they're trying to use facts. Hasselbeck is one of those crazy people who just believes anything she hears if it supports her side, and then goes on to spout it as the truth on a public platform. I'm sure it must be tough to be the lone voice of her side on The View, but that doesn't justify her complete disregard for reality, or the temper tantrums she throws whenever someone points out how wrong she is about something. And yet the right still love her. It's almost as if they don't care how crazy or ignorant someone is, as long as she's an attractive woman. Hey…wait a minute…

3. Spencer Pratt

I pride myself on the fact that I have never seen The Hills. I mean, I guess I must have flipped past it while channel-surfing at some point, since I've heard it's pretty much all MTV shows now. But I never stopped on it, and can honestly say I've never seen anything even close to 20 seconds of consecutive footage. I still don't even really know what the concept of the show is, or whether it's real or fake or whatever. And yet, I somehow know who this douchebag is. That alone is annoying enough to me to justify this choice. But what really seals the deal was the appearance Pratt made on David Letterman's show this year, which I did see. Pratt, not surprisingly, came across like a grade-A asshole, bitching about his fellow cast-members and bragging about how clubs actually pay him to attend their parties. Letterman – who is long past putting up with celebrities and their BS – was thankfully having none of it, and verbally put Pratt in his place. Unfortunately, Pratt didn't even seem to notice, as will usually happen when people have their heads that far up their own asses.

2. Stephenie Meyer

I feel a little guilty about this one – I told my fellow writers to try to stick to Movie & TV celebrities as much as possible, and yet here I am including an author. But, at the same time, Meyer is responsible for the Twilight empire, which – like Harry Potter before it – has now transcended the world of literature and become a full-blown pop-culture phenomenon. The only question is…why? I read the first Twilight book, because I work at a bookstore and wanted to know what the big deal was. It was one of the worst books I've ever experienced, reading like the worst fan-fiction you've ever seen and/or the diary of a lovelorn 12-year-old girl. I'm not one of those guys who complain about how the books interpretation of vampires is doing damage to the horror genre, or anything like that. In fact, I think that's a pretty moronic argument – the very reason the vampire has remained such a popular monster over centuries is because it can be constantly reinvented. No, I'm more bothered by the fact that Meyer is, simply put, kind of a hack. I'm not a Harry Potter fan, but at least I can admit that J.K. Rowling is a talented author. Meyer, on the other hand, is currently at the forefront of that group of average-at-best (dreadful-at-worst) authors like James Patterson, Dan Brown, and Nora Roberts – all of whom continue to enjoy massive bestseller after massive bestseller while truly innovative and unique authors like Haruki Murakami, Mark Z. Danielewski, and the late David Foster Wallace are instead left with what in any other art-form (music, film, etc.) would have to be considered "cult followings." Believe me, folks, there's a lot better stuff out there that you could be reading instead of tripe like Twilight. If you're a girl under the age of 14, I'll let it slide. Anyone else, put that crap down and go pick up a Cormac McCarthy book. You'll be better for it.

1. Amy Winehouse

Once again, not really a Movie or TV celebrity – but then again, the time of Winehouse being famous for her musical abilities is more of a distant memory everyday. And what a shame that is. It's not like this is a talentless waste like Paris Hilton we're talking about. Winehouse could be one of the biggest musical stars in the world (and I suppose she is, even if it's mostly for the wrong reasons), but seems content to slowly kill herself instead. Well, this is gonna sound really harsh…but can't she just die already? I'm sorry, I would never really wish that on anyone, but I'm definitely sick of hearing about her latest problems every other day. You can blame her condition on her idiot of a husband, but she spent a good part of the year away from his influence (due to his incarceration), and I didn't see her making any real effort to get better. It just seems like she's got a death wish, and as terrible as it might be to say, it's getting to a point where I wouldn't really have a problem with her getting that wish. At least we wouldn't have to put up with watching her slow suicide play out in front of our eyes anymore.



Owain J Brimfield

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Rappers - I wanted to keep the main list strictly to movie and TV celebrities, but hell most rappers seem to think it's ok to appear in films. They're invariably gits of the highest order.

Mark Ronson - Again, a bit of a stretch for him to fall under the movie/TV banner, but I did see him on Cribs so I guess that counts. Just a ghastly gimp of a man.

Kerry Katona - the name probably won't mean much to those of you outside the UK. Be thankful for this.


THE TOP 5

5. Lindsay Lohan

I asked my girlfriend for a little advice on this column as she tends to keep up with the gossip rags, and "L-Lo" was the first name out of her mouth, shortly followed by a heavily sarcastic "oh, this year, I'm a lesbian". I see her point. Perhaps the most galling fact is that Lohan does occasionally show flashes of charisma and/or talent in some of her movie roles, and then spoils it all by pandering to the paps via getting off with our honorable mention's scabby sister. Thankfully she seems to have fallen off the radar a little bit recently, so thank heaven for small mercies I suppose. Get back to making movies, Lohan - Mean Girls wasn't all that bad, after all.

4. Owen Wilson

"Oh, it's so miserable being a Hollywood A-lister who's guaranteed a multi-million dollar payday for turning out the most mediocre of so-called comedy movies to an audience of morons, and dating some of the most attractive women in the country despite having all the visual charm and appeal of a slapped arse. I wonder if I should fake another suicide attempt this year to get some more attention in a year where my one major motion picture was as successful as William Hung, and about as amusing. Well, maybe I won't, but that doesn't change the fact that I'm still an annoying twat."

3. Eoghan Quigg

Again, the name (which, believe it or not, is pronounced "Owen") probably won't mean much to those of you outside the UK. Young mister Quigg was a contestant on this year's season of The X Factor, yet another reality/talent type TV show aimed at producing another faceless popstar to assault the charts for the space of two or three singles and then disappear from the face of the earth. Quigg looks like a rebuilt burns victim, can't sing, has no charisma, possesses the worst haircut this side of the 80s and is generally just a horrible little chav. He just has one of those faces you want to give a good slapping, you know? Thank christ he didn't win the show so he can fade away back to the mire of ignominy where he belongs. If this is the face of today's youth, then God help us all.

2. Angelina Jolie

I've said it before and I'll say it again, but I'm apparently the only red-blooded male on the planet who doesn't find this woman attractive. Sure, she's a talented actress, but the apparent desire to collect as many different coloured children as possible is eerily reminiscent of the child catcher from Chitty Chitty Bang Bang. Pity poor Brad Pitt, who probably doesn't even have the saving grace of being able to bang her now he has to spend 24 hours a day maintaining her collection of sprogs. How on earth Jolie expects to be taken seriously as a family woman when everyone remembers the days of her lesbian affairs and carrying Billy Bob's blood around with her, I'm not entirely sure, but she's certainly giving it her full irritating attempt.

1. Tim Westwood

Radio presenter turned presenter of the British version of Pimp My Ride, for those of you who haven't had the extreme displeasure of encountering this odious boil on the anus of humanity. Westwood, for that is how he refers to himself, is a 50 year old white man who speaks in a horrible pseudo-ghetto voice and seems to think of himself as the sole savior of rap music in Britain. It's really quite un-possible to convey the sheer magnitude of the man's idiocy without actually experiencing him firsthand, but the catch-22 there is that once you *have* come across Westwood, you'll find yourself wishing all of humanity was wiped from the face of the earth to prevent people like him from ever soiling civilization again. Westwood is officially one of about four or five people in the entire world that I am willing to call a C-word.



Steve Gustafson

HONORABLE MENTION

Joe Francis - Creator of Girls Gone Wild. Barely a celebrity. Barely a man.

Oprah - Yes, I know she does a lot of good but that can't hide the fact that I find her grating on the ears. I can just imagine her at her own dinner parties getting annoyed when the conversation doesn't revolve around her.

THE TOP 5

5. Justin Timberlake

You know how you see a guy being interviewed and something doesn't seem right? I feel that every time Justin opens his mouth. This guy is a puppet. Everything he does is "on-purpose". I can imagine him sitting in a meeting with his management team planning out his week:
Handler: Hey, J.T., here's what you should do! Show up on Ellen's show! It will be so cool and wacky. Our demographic will eat it up...dawg! Oh, and the gay community will think it's cool that you're down with her. You can't lose...dawg!
Timberlake: Yeahhh.
I've found him annoying since his N'SYNC days. And little things add up on the way. I still have forgotten how he sold out Janet Jackson over the Super Bowl/Nipple Fiasco. Or forgotten how he spat on fans from his balcony after he denied their autograph request. He comes off as insincere and talks trash but is quick to hide behind his bodyguards. (Thanks tmz for the footage!). I know it happened years back but I will always love the Punk'd episode where Justin cried. Always.

4. Paris Hilton

Remember in the Old Testament how they had to deal with plagues, locusts, and leprosy? Paris is our modern day curse! Revelations, Chapter 17: "Come hither; I will shew unto thee the judgment of the great whore that sitteth upon many waters. With whom the kings of the earth have committed fornication, and the inhabitants of the earth have been made drunk with the wine of her fornication...I saw a woman sit upon a scarlet colored beast, full of names of blasphemy, having seven heads and ten horns. And the woman was arrayed in purple and scarlet color, and decked with gold and precious stones and pearls, having a golden cup in her hand full of abominations and filthiness of her fornication!" It's right there! Yes, we brought this on ourselves. If only we had recognized our wicked ways! OH, how I wish we could repent and banish her from our sight and our ears! (BTW, I hope everyone reading this knows I'm doing this in jest, and in no way mean to insult anyone's religious beliefs. The views of this writer in no way reflect the views of this web site and those affiliated with it.) IT'S RIGHT THERE!

3. Kanye West

I'm going easy on him since his mother passed. That's incredibly difficult and not even open to make light about. So let me just say that I wish he still had his jaw wired. NEXT!

2. Lindsay Lohan

Where to begin? Where to begin? Where to begin? What's the most annoying thing about Lindsay?
Her mom?
Her dad?
Her "made-for-paparazzi" relationship with Sam Ronson?
Her overrated acting ability?
Her weird freckles?
Her MySpace blogs?
Her unprofessional behavior on movies sets?
I could go on, but you get the picture.

1. Spencer Pratt

Long time readers of my column (The Hollywood 5 & 1! <---BLATANT PLUG!) know my disdain for S. Pratt. From the day I saw this guy I didn't like him. I could see right through his phoniness, his douche-baggery, and his punchable face. If you need a reason to not like this guy or if you need proof of his annoying nature, just google him and all the evidence you need will appear. Just don't send me the bill for a broken monitor after you punch out your screen. Readers also know that I've contacted The Hills and MTV about fighting Pratt, MMA Style for charity. To date, my challenge has gone unanswered. So I'm asking you, faithful reader, to help me. Help me! Rise up with me, and call or write MTV and make my dream a reality. Let them know that the people of the 411 Universe want Spencie to stop avoiding me and step into the ring.
MTV Studios
1515 Broadway
New York, New York 10036
212-258-8000
I know that fighting him won't make him go away...but it sure will feel good.



Bryan Kristopowitz

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Brad Pitt/Angelina Jolie - Although I absolutely refuse to refer to them as "Bradgelina," you really can't separate the two when it comes to general pop culture annoyance. They're everywhere, doing everything, having kids, engaging in various charities, and being outstanding world citizens. So why does it feel like they're just lording it over everyone like a bunch of jagoffs?

Sean "P. Diddy" Combs - I've never been a fan of the former Puff Daddy (although that song he did with Jimmy Paige for Godzilla was pretty cool). He's just so dang full of himself. What gets him on the list here is his reality show I Want to Work for Diddy. Would you ever really want to work for him? Yeah, that's what I thought. Loved it when he stepped in the dog crap, though.

Miley Cyrus/Jonas Brothers - These people are just getting on my nerves. I don't care about Miley's "indecent" photos (what exactly is the world going to do if and when she develops a drug problem or gets pregnant?) and that Jonas kid's promise ring or whatever the hell the big controversy was. Can't these pseudo Christian teen wackos just go away?

THE TOP 5

5. Bill O'Reilly

It's a given that a total douchebag like O'Reilly would appear in some form on a list like this. He just can't help himself when it comes to being generally annoying. But this year, aside from all of the election crapola he engaged in (like his "big" interview with Barrack Hussein Obama, which was lame), was his cameo appearance in the right wing comedy An American Carol (awful, awful stuff) to the title of his latest book "A Bold Fresh Piece of Humanity." What kind of asshole comes up with a book title like that? An asshole like Bill O'Reilly, that's who. And I don't give a hooey if some nun called him that when he was a kid (I bet the nun was drunk when she said it, if she did. You can't be too careful with a guy like O'Reilly. He's a known liar). Just go away, Bill. Please, for the sake of humanity.

4. Oprah Winfrey

Oprah's been on my "annoying" list ever since she decided to change the focus of her talk show to "uplifting" material (what a bunch of pretentious hooey), but she gets a spot on the list this year for not only inflicting the world with more of Dr. Oz (oh, yeah, can't wait for this goddamn show to show up. You know it's coming), but for also allowing herself to become a storyline in the Presidential election. "Did she help push Obama to victory? What will her fans do? Did they vote for Obama because she told them to?" etc. And then, after becoming a storyline, she then refused to participate any further in the election and then started acting like she was above the whole thing until Obama won and then she was front and center again. I don't mind celebrities supporting candidates and all that, but, please, don't come out strongly for something and then back off when you start to think "Hey, I could lose money if I take a position on this or that." You're a mega billionaire, Oprah. You've got enough money to take chances. Phil Donahue took chances before he became wealthy, and he still does. Try to be more like Phil, Oprah.

3. Jon Voight

Oh, yeah, Jon Voight. When he wasn't in the tabloid news regarding his relationship with daughter Angelina Jolie (can we please give that shit a rest?) he was in the news, or appearing on Fox News, talking about Barrack Hussein Obama having a hidden past and potentially being a terrorist (granted, he never explicitly said "Obama is a terrorist" but it was obvious what he was getting at). And then there was the implication that since Voight was a right wing conservative he couldn't get a job in Hollywood and that the "liberal elites" were somehow blackballing him. Give me a break, Jon. He's been making at least two movies a year for over a decade now. They're really throwing you under the bus there.

2. Elisabeth Hasselbeck

Easily the most annoying member of the regular The View cast, not because she's the group's token right wing Republican yahoo (there's nothing wrong with being one), but because she's so dang humorless. You can't have a conversation with her without her having a total hissy fit. How can the others on the show deal with her without smacking her upside the head? And then there was the big rumor that she was leaving The View and moving over to Fox News to host her own show, which ended up being not true. There was so much breathless speculation about what would happen to The View's ratings if Elisabeth left. She isn't the show, people. She's just a part of the show. And she was never going anywhere anyway. Sean Hannity was never going to divorce his wife.

1. Sarah Palin

The current Republican governor of the great state of Alaska and John McCain's running mate gets the top spot on the list not for what she did during the disastrous Presidential campaign but for what she did afterwards. Ever since she and McCain were trounced by unrepentant terrorist Bill Ayers' best buddy Barrack Hussein Obama, she hasn't shut up for five seconds. That freaking interview she did with Great Van Susteren, where she was in her kitchen cooking something and babbling about total bullshit was, is, and always will be one of the most excruciating TV viewing experiences in history. The other interviews she's done haven't been much better. She's still as fucking stupid as she was during the campaign. Nothing is going to change that fact. Stay in Alaska, Governor. Let someone else be annoying.



Jeremy Thomas

HONORABLE MENTIONS

The Duggars - The Duggars are the family from Arkansas with their own reality show 17 Kids and Counting. That's right, they have seventeen (now eighteen!) kids. How this woman's uteral wall has not collapsed I'm not sure. What's almost as bad as their many kids and their constant desire to have more is the fact that they've named them ALL with "J" names. Hopefully they'll run out of names and then stop having kids.

la Anderson - She's divorced, she's not, she's annulled. She's being the subject of fights between exes Kid Rock and Tommy Lee. What does Pamela do that's not annoying? Anything?

Mary-Kate Olson - You know, I wasn't going to put either of the Olsons on the list--yes, they're annoying, but it's like poking fun at Hilton or Spears these days. Then I remembered that Mary-Kate had her whole drama where she may have supplied Heath Ledger's drugs, and she made a big deal about not giving information without protection from prosecution. For possibly helping to kill Heath Ledger, she gets an Honorable Mention.

THE TOP 5

5. The entire cast of The Hills

Does anyone even watch this inane MTV "reality" show? Does anyone care about Heidi Montag, Lauren Conrad, Audrina Patridge or anyone else on the thing? They sure seem to think so. There was Montag coming out and endorsing McCain, like her opinion meant something...which, of course, it didn't, since we later found out she wasn't even friggin' registered to vote. Or Patridge's so-called accidental nude pictures that surfaced from when she was just out of high school. Seriously, nothing about these people is real, and it's so fake I just want to vomit whenever I see them.

4. Brooke Hogan

Whether she was having daddy Hulk rub lotion on her in inappropriate-looking places or palling around with him and his new girlfriend who looks disturbingly like her, Brooke Hogan was just obnoxious all year long. I was tempted to put the entire Hogan family here, but really, Brooke's the worst of them all. When the rest of the family had had enough of VH-1's cameras, she said "Nuh-UH!" And thus, we got Brooke Knows Best, which of course is an utter disaster. The worst came when she posted a hideously attention-seeking picture on her MySpace of her fake beat-up with a sign saying "Id RaThr B wiTh mY BrOthR." But she's not an attention whore. No, not at all.

3. Tila Tequila

Ahh, Tila. You no-talent, brainless little cooze. Whether she was working on her new dance album Tila Tequila: I Have Tourettes (that's not a joke, the title really is that), claiming credit for gay marriage in California, starring on her abomination of a game show A Shot At Love or posing for constant pictures with her endless parade of "girlfriends," Tila was annoying the ever-living crap out of us at every turn. Sorry, Tila, kissing girls while the cameras are flashing does NOT equal bisexuality. The biggest thing that amazes me about her? Her self-help book, Hooking Up with Tila Tequila was released this month. Let me say that again. TILA TEQUILA HAS A SELF-HELP BOOK. The gods help us all.

2. Miley Cyrus

Miley once seemed to have such a future. She was the star of Disney's Hannah Montana, and that seemed to be perfectly fine for the daughter of Mr. Achey-Breaky Heart Billy Ray. Then there was the whole Vanity Fair fiasco, where she posed with a hint of toplessness on the cover. Although everything was cleared by the Cyruses, and yet when the issue came out, they painted Vanity Fair as monsters and Disney described it as "a situation [that] was created to deliberately manipulate a 15-year-old in order to sell magazines." When Vanity Fair then proceeded to publish the full interview and photo shoot, which included behind-the-scenes shots that showed the Cyrus's being perfectly okay with it, they retracted right quick. Since then, she's seemed perfectly fine with publishing her own "sexy" shots from in front of her computer. Miley Cyrus will go crazier then Britney Spears at this rate, mark my words.

1. Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer

These assclowns are, without a doubt, the people on the top of the list of celebrities I would pay $500 to punch in the face. Seltzer and Friedberg, for those that don't know, are the writing/directing team behind the fecal matter known as the "_____ Movie" parodies. Date Movie, Epic Movie, Meet the Spartans, and Disaster Movie. These two morons are the bane of film-making today. And they don't care. It's not like they aren't aware that their "films" are the most hated things since Uwe Boll, or that their movies are finding themselves subject to the laws of diminishing returns. They simply don't give a rat's ass and are going to keep squeezing these festering turds out until they can't anymore and have to try and make REAL films. For that level of utter laziness and their complete lack of talent--yet prolific producing--Friedberg and Seltzer are, with zero doubt, the most annoying celebrities of 2008 to me.