Misunderstood Masterpieces 01.06.09: The Adventures of Pluto Nash

Posted by Will Helm on 01.06.2009

...or, Eddie Wants to Fail All the Time, Fail All the Time, Fail All the Time

A few months ago, I recounted the failing career of one-time box-office kingpin Eddie Murphy when covering his atrocious turn in Beverly Hills Cop III. Unfortunately for Mr. Murphy, his bad run of luck in film continued on from there, even to the present day. While Murphy did find some success in, strangely enough, children's films – which is ironic considering the content of his stand-up career – such as The Nutty Professor, Shrek, and Dr. Dolittle, his more adult fare flopped horribly at the box office.

Since Beverly Hills Cop III and other than the aforementioned family flicks, Murphy meandered from bomb to bomb. His résumé since then reads like a litany of Hollywood failure, as Murphy followed his disappointing turn as Axel Foley with the Wes Craven misstep Vampire in Brooklyn. The flatulence-fueled success of The Nutty Professor came next, as well as Dr. Doolittle a few years later . . . but then came Holy Man, another adult flop. A Nutty Professor sequel and Shrek rehabilitated Murphy's career somewhat, but, after the forgotten Showtime, one of Murphy's biggest failures was released . . . two years after it was filmed: The Adventures of Pluto Nash. Though perhaps seeming like another entry in Murphy's new-found career as a children's star, The Adventures of Pluto Nash, remarkably, isn't what it appears, as the film is actually a sci-fi comedy . . . because those turn out so well. Despite Murphy and a host of other stars, The Adventures of Pluto Nash failed tremendously at the box office, grossing only 5% or so of its $100 million budget. Yes, The Adventures of Pluto Nash made around $5 million in theaters, making it one of – if not the number one – biggest financial flop in film history. What better way to kick off a new year of Misunderstood Masterpieces than with a film as auspicious as this? But does it deserve to be here? Let's find out!

Sometime in the future, on the moon, cars drive to "Little America," which, judging by the scale in comparison to the cars, is really, really little. Somewhere in "Little America," at a run-down dive bar, Jay Mohr plays the accordion while Eddie Murphy – as the titular "Pluto Nash," but I'll just call him Eddie Murphy anyway – winces at the atrociousness of the performance. After his act concludes, Jay Mohr serves Eddie Murphy a drink and they argue about Jay Mohr's inexplicable kilt; maybe it's to show off Jay Mohr's calf implants. Eddie Murphy, who knows a thing or two about being a success on stage – and being a failure at the box office – gives Jay Mohr some advice: be more Italian. No, really.

After dispensing his wisdom, Eddie Murphy visits Jay Mohr's very dirty lavatory while Jay Mohr freaks out in front of a mirror, refining his craft as a fake Italian, since Jay Mohr's character is actually supposed to be Polish, because Poles in kilts are HILARIOUS. While Eddie Murphy's clean-freak tendencies get the best of him in the bathroom, some goons show up to pummel Jay Mohr . . . and one of them is Paulie (Burt Young)! I guess Rocky Balboa taught him a thing or two about muscling guys and he took that knowledge to the moon. Luckily for Jay Mohr, before the hoodlums pour battery acid down his throat – maybe they didn't like his act and are expressing their disapproval, Eddie Murphy shows up in the nick of time to defuse the situation because he's buddies with Paulie's family. I guess he bought a turtle off Adrian sometime in the past. After a few moments of catching up, Paulie once again tries to kill Jay Mohr; Eddie Murphy once again intervenes as he offers to buy Jay Mohr's club and pay off his debts, even though Eddie Murphy apparently just got out of prison and it's very suspect that he'd have that kind of money. Eh . . . I guess I'll suspend disbelief, just this once.

Seven years later, Joe Pantoliano ends up on the moon. Oh yeah . . . this just got real. Meanwhile, people dance badly to 20th century dance music at Eddie Murphy's club. Meanwhile, Eddie Murphy scolds his DJ for having the audacity to play a slow jam and then he chats with his assistant (Miguel A. Núñez, Jr.). Out of nowhere, Rosario Dawson shows up because she's a singer in need of a job and Eddie Murphy, like Ben Kenobi before him, is her only hope. Eddie Murphy, rather than following Rosario Dawson onto the Death Star only to meet his demise at the hands of a former pupil, wisely avoids that fate by making her a waitress in his club so she can earn enough money to go back to Utah. Because it's SO believable that Rosario Dawson comes from Utah. Of course, Rosario Dawson, who must be some sort of self-absorbed diva, starts complaining after only one night on the job.

Later that evening, after business hours, Joe Pantoliano visits Eddie Murphy's club because his client wants to buy Eddie Murphy's club in order to expand some sort of gambling empire. Eddie Murphy isn't intimidated by Joe Pantoliano – even though most people should be – as he has an ace up his sleeve: his bodyguard, Robo-Randy Quaid! With Robo-Randy Quaid watching his back, Eddie Murphy confidently refuses Joe Pantoliano's proposal; Joe Pantoliano isn't pleased with this turn of events. Then again, when is Joe Pantoliano ever pleased?

Even more later, the humble assistant sends Rosario Dawson up to visit with Eddie Murphy; she suspects hijinks or sexual harassment, but the assistant assures her everything is on the up-and-up. Rosario Dawson finally makes her way to Eddie Murphy's office, where she watches him mix a martini in his mouth, which is efficient, inventive, and disgusting. After Eddie Murphy finishes his impromptu cocktail, he takes a call from Joe Pantoliano, who's still upset over being snubbed earlier. So upset, in fact, that, after Eddie Murphy's next refusal, he blows up Eddie Murphy's club! Eddie Murphy, with REVENGE on his mind, runs after a nearby assassin and, in the aftermath, Rosario Dawson and Robo-Randy Quaid give chase.

After a overly long chase scene, Eddie Murphy ends up in a restaurant with the assassin . . . and a horde of other assassins, as Eddie Murphy has run right into an ambush! Luckily for him, Rosario Dawson arrives on the scene moments later to warn him, a bit late, but I'm sure it's the thought that counts. After Eddie Murphy fends off a few attackers, Rosario Dawson grabs a gun and shoots up the place, just because she's Rosario Dawson and she's awesome. Even Robo-Randy Quaid joins in the fun and they all escape after the gunfight subsides.

Outside the restaurant, which probably wouldn't be the wisest place to stop for a chat, Eddie Murphy and Rosario Dawson argue because she has to stay on the moon because of some cockamamie excuse that Eddie Murphy probably made up because he wants to tap it. Maybe he'll even show her how he does it donkey-style. Perhaps fittingly, the next stop for the heroes is a nearby motel, where Eddie Murphy and Rosario Dawson joke about Robo-Randy Quaid, who's busy being recharged . . . and smoking from his power input because there's an unfunny joke that he's an old, obsolete model of Robo-Randy Quaid.

While Rosario Dawson and Robo-Randy Quaid wait patiently in the motel room, Eddie Murphy wanders off to meet with an old police contact of his, Frankenstein Barone (the late, great Peter Boyle). Frankenstein Barone tells Eddie Murphy that he has a thing for Eddie Murphy's mom – more on that later – while Eddie Murphy reveals that he wants REVENGE against the moon's equivalent of Howard Hughes – who may or may not be a clone of someone else – and he wants Frankenstein Barone to do a little snooping around for him. Frankenstein Barone, ever the helpful expository character, tells Eddie Murphy about a possible lead in the whole case, in case Eddie Murphy wants to learn a little more about what's going on.

Back at the hotel, Rosario Dawson and Robo-Randy Quaid hang out and bond a bit, mainly because Robo-Randy Quaid doesn't appreciate being made fun of. Sometime afterward, Eddie Murphy returns to pick up Rosario Dawson and they head to a plastic surgeon's office. Luckily, they don't meet with Dr. 90210, but instead Dr. Illeana Douglas, who thrills them with bizarre images of new bodies in a computer. Eddie Murphy and Rosario Dawson goof off and play along for a bit until Eddie Murphy busts Dr. Illeana Douglas for accepting a bribe. Rather than turn Dr. Illeana Douglas into the police, Eddie Murphy – as a fake cop – interrogates the plastic surgeon about a cloning expert she was associates with sometime earlier and Dr. Illeana Douglas, crumbling under the pressure, provides the needed exposition.

With IMPORTANT PLOT POINTS in hand, Eddie Murphy and Rosario Dawson return to the motel, where Eddie Murphy's mom is waiting for them . . . and it's Foxy Brown (Pam Grier)! Foxy Brown, ever the overbearing mother . . . which is just slightly different than one bad mother – shut your mouth! -- tells Eddie Murphy to be nicer to Robo-Randy Quaid, but, before she can continue scolding her son, some hoodlums show up to spoil the fun. While Foxy Brown disappears to somewhere, Eddie Murphy, Rosario Dawson, and Robo-Randy Quaid end up in an adjacent room, where they push down a wall and stomp on two hoodlums underneath. Meanwhile, Foxy Brown pops back up to shoot two robot hoodlums and Robo-Randy Quaid once again joins in on the fun of a gunfight, easing Eddie Murphy and Rosario Dawson's escape.

Eddie Murphy, with Rosario Dawson and Robo-Randy Quaid in tow, orders two spacesuits from Frankenstein Barone and then he steals a car, which just happens to run on John Cleese power. John Cleese, as the car, scolds Eddie Murphy for trying to steal him and becomes recalcitrant; he then relents when Robo-Randy Quaid – who is apparently a mechanical psychopath – threatens him with whatever the automotive equivalent of bodily harm is . . . which I suppose is bodily harm. With John Cleese at the wheel, Eddie Murphy and Rosario Dawson chill in the back seat and Eddie Murphy orders up some champagne from the car, probably seeking to put the moves on Rosario Dawson and tap it. Unfortunately for Eddie Murphy, Rosario Dawson falls asleep before he has a chance to work his magic on her . . . or that's just what he planned all along.

Back wherever, Joe Pantoliano reports to his boss (James Rebhorn), who states, emphatically, that he wants Eddie Murphy dead. I guess he wasn't a fan of Mr. Robinson's Neighborhood. Meanwhile, Eddie Murphy parks John Cleese at an old mine, where he and Rosario Dawson bounce around on the surface of the moon for no reason other than to hammer home the fact that this is the moon and not a studio backlot. After Rosario Dawson goofs around for a bit, Eddie Murphy breaks into the mine, which also happens to be his old hideout from his smuggling days; I wonder if he knows Lando Calrissian! Then again, maybe they don't have Colt .45 on the moon. Inside the mine, Rosario Dawson marvels at Eddie Murphy's HOT CHICK robo-maid (Jacynthe René) and Robo-Randy Quaid shares the sentiment, though with more lascivious intentions.

After a bit of silliness in the mine, Eddie Murphy gets to work investigating Dr. Illeana Douglas' lead, which leads nowhere until Rosario Dawson shows up to reveal an IMPORTANT PLOT POINT! This IMPORTANT PLOT POINT aids Eddie Murphy in his search, as he somehow unlocks information about his evil nemesis . . . and it's "legitimate businessman" and lech Alec Baldwin! Dum-dum-DUM! This is honestly an inordinate amount of stars for such a flop. With this amazing discovery – but no Mike Levey – in hand, Eddie Murphy calls Frankenstein Barone with the information, but Frankenstein Barone isn't terribly surprised. Meanwhile, in the hideout, Rosario Dawson finds a frozen chihuahua and then she and Eddie Murphy bond over it until Eddie Murphy brags about making Robo-Randy Quaid permanently happy, which explains why he's a psycho.

Back in the city, Frankenstein Barone gets killed by some guy and Foxy Brown, who may or may not have known that Frankenstein Barone had the hots for her, calls Eddie Murphy to warn him. Eddie Murphy swears REVENGE against Frankenstein Barone's assailants, but before he can have his REVENGE, Joe Pantoliano and his goons show up to assault the mine. Eddie Murphy and Rosario Dawson, with Robo-Randy Quaid's help, preposterously survive an implosion of the hideout by taking cover in the bathroom – which is the second scene in this film to take place in a water closet – and then Eddie Murphy and Rosario Dawson fly out of the roof, allowing Eddie Murphy the opportunity to blow up some hapless henchman. Moments later, Robo-Randy Quaid also pops out of the bathroom – hopefully he flushed first – and he shoots at the hoodlums, hastening Eddie Murphy and Rosario Dawson's escape. While the heroes attempt to drive off to safety, Joe Pantoliano and his goons give chase until Eddie Murphy has John Cleese jump over a canyon . . . and then blow up on the other side. Oops.

Joe Pantoliano, content that his rivals are finally deceased, drives off victorious; unfortunately for him, he didn't stick around long enough to find the heroes PERFECTLY UNHARMED and wandering around on the surface of the moon. Unfortunately for Eddie Murphy and Rosario Dawson, their spacesuits quickly run out of oxygen and they pass out; Robo-Randy Quaid attempts to carry his compatriots to safety, but he runs out of power and becomes a statue on the moon. Oh well . . . movie's over, and rather melodramatically at that.

But wait! Luckily for the heroes, an angel from Puerto Rico shows up out of nowhere to rescue them . . . and it's Luis Guzmán! And here I was just thinking to myself that this movie needed more Luis Guzmán. Actually, I wasn't thinking that and I'd have to be pretty worried if I did think of that. Anyway, the Puerto Rican deus ex machina saves Eddie Murphy and Rosario Dawson from certain doom, but he's reluctant to rescue Robo-Randy Quaid, as he had a bad experience with a robot in the past. Of course, that was a female robot and, as everyone knows, ROBO-BITCHES BE CRAZY! Despite his prior misfortunes, Luis Guzmán does rescue Robo-Randy Quaid as well, only because Eddie Murphy is Eddie Murphy.

With everyone safely aboard his conveyance, the ever-helpful Luis Guzmán takes the heroes to the nearest big city, where Eddie Murphy plans to have a showdown with his nemesis, Alec Baldwin . . . while, apparently, dressed as a tacky Puerto Rican tourists, thanks to Luis Guzmán's intervention. At a giant casino owned by Alec Baldwin, Eddie Murphy and Rosario Dawson check in and request tickets to a Jay Mohr show while Robo-Randy Quaid is stalked by a slot machine, which he tears the arm off of, earning himself a stay in the impound lot for the evening.

Later that night, Eddie Murphy and Rosario Dawson, dressed in rented formalwear, make their way through the casino to see Jay Mohr's show. Unfortunately for them, though they try to go incognito, Luis Guzmán blows their cover, much to Joe Pantoliano's chagrin. Later, at Jay Mohr's show, Eddie Murphy and Rosario Dawson make out in order to hide from some of Alec Baldwin's thugs and Rosario Dawson digs it. Hmm . . . maybe he'll get to tap it after all.

After the show, Eddie Murphy meets with Jay Mohr in his dressing room while Jay Mohr's twin wives (Alissa and Heidi Krämer) fawn all over him. After Jay Mohr sends his wives out of the room, Eddie Murphy calls in a favor and requests Jay Mohr's help in exacting REVENGE against Alec Baldwin for blowing up his club and killing Frankenstein Barone. Jay Mohr, though apprehensive, agrees and Eddie Murphy tells Rosario Dawson to pick up Robo-Randy Quaid and set up Eddie Murphy's quick getaway, in case things get rough . . . and things ALWAYS get rough. But maybe that's just how Eddie Murphy likes it. I get the feeling that Rosario Dawson may find that out a little later.

After Rosario Dawson takes her leave, Eddie Murphy and Jay Mohr retire to an elevator, where Jay Mohr tells Eddie Murphy to jump to another elevator shaft which will take him directly to Alec Baldwin. Eddie Murphy protests, long enough for the boss and some goons to show up and tase Eddie Murphy and Jay Mohr. Meanwhile, in the impound office, Rosario Dawson and Robo-Randy Quaid get captured too, just because.

Eddie Murphy, shocked back to consciousness, ends up in the casino's penthouse where he finally meets his arch-nemesis . . . and it's HIM! Dum-dum-DUM! OK, well, not really him, but, as the convoluted exposition explains, a clone of him created by Alec Baldwin who then repaid his creator by having him and the cloning doctor killed, taking over the business. Seriously, movie. Did you really need a big, preposterous twist like this? Alec Baldwin would've been fine as the villain, not a cloned Eddie Murphy. One Eddie Murphy is plenty, movie; remember that . . . even though the movie-going public doesn't, judging by the success of The Nutty Professor franchise.

Anyway, evil Eddie Murphy kills Joe Pantoliano for no particular reason and then, with the upper hand – but less one henchman, he explains to good Eddie Murphy the intricacies of his complicated and EVIL real-estate scheme! Good Eddie Murphy, who's apparently heard enough of himself, fights . . . himself, allowing the movie to devolve into that hackneyed "no one knows who the real good guy and/or bad guy is" mode that's really annoying whenever evil twins and/or clones are involved. After the scuffle and after Rosario Dawson and Robo-Randy Quaid show up, one of the Eddie Murphies shoots Robo-Randy Quaid and the goons shoot the other Eddie Murphy, which just happens to be the evil Eddie Murphy because good Eddie Murphy pulled a swerve by shooting his own robot. Dum-dum-DUM!

The boss, sadly, realizes his mistake too late and he gets killed or disappears from the picture or something like that . . . but that moment's hesitation allows evil Eddie Murphy the opportunity to come back to life and fight a little bit more until good Eddie Murphy throws him out a window to his demise on a craps table below. In the months or so after the incident, Rosario Dawson becomes a singer in Eddie Murphy's new club, where Jay Mohr and all the other extraneous characters hang out and Eddie Murphy promotes Robo-Randy Quaid to management, just to repay the old droid for services rendered. Then he sits back and smokes his cigar . . . and that's it.

Though its flaws are many, The Adventures of Pluto Nash's biggest weakness is the fact that it's pointless. Even though quite a bit seems to happen in the film, I feel like, after watching it, that nothing at all came together to make a coherent plot. There are comical scenes, science-fiction scenes, action scenes, and even a touch of noir, but none of those parts form a logical, sensical whole. It is almost as if The Adventures of Pluto Nash attempted to be a little bit of everything and, in doing so, accomplished nothing. The sad fact is that each component shows promise, but none are expanded enough to shine through the others and give the film a complete theme and genre, making it yet another muddled Misunderstood Masterpiece.

Join me next week as I study how Eddie Murphy's cinematic misfortunes have even continued on to 2008. See you then!
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