Ten Deep 01.07.09: Ten Movies Deserving of a Second Chance!

Posted by Lucas Huddleston on 01.07.2009

Well, it's the New Year, and everybody deserves a second chance...even horribly crappy movies! Join 411's Lucas Huddleston as he names off his ten movies that deserve a second chance at NOT being considered crap!

Hey everybody, and welcome to Ten Deep: Week 16!

This past week saw the rekindling of a friendly debate between a friend of mine and myself. I'm sure that everyone has debates the likes of the one that my friend and I have: it's pointless, inconsequential, and ultimately completely and utterly meaningless, as neither one of us will ever budge on our own personal stances on the subject (though it's one I never tire of debating with him, oddly enough). And so, I thought that it'd be fun to pose the same thing here, just for kicks. So here it is, in all of its excruciatingly pointless glory: Does the Legend of Zelda videogame series qualify as being an action-RPG (and, thusly, an RPG)? I say yes, he says no. Of course, beating him in this debate is as easy as Lisa Simpson beating Bart in a game of rock, paper, scissors; much as how Bart always picks rock, no matter what, my friend always goes back to his old standby of there being ‘no such thing' as an action-RPG…which is relatively easy to deflect, as I just bring up things like Diablo and Secret of Mana. Of course, Zelda isn't stat-based, but the heart system can be construed as a form of leveling up. Plus, later installments of the series have been subjected to some fairly intricate and complex storylines that are staples of the RPG genre. Eh, who knows.

Well, I finally got caught up a bit on my comic book reading, to which all I can say is Secret Invasion sucked, for any of you who read comics and have been keeping up with Marvel's big crossover. It started off fantastic, but as the thing went along it felt like an exercise in tedium and lost possibilities. The big tease about whether or not Tony Stark was a Skrull could've really been played to the fullest, but it was instead just treated like an afterthought after the big tease in Issue #3. It was just like, ‘Oh, yeah, you're not a Skrull, Tony', and that was it. So I hereby officially deem that DC's Final Crisis the winner for the big crossover, as even though it's not yet complete and has left me in bewilderment at times, it actually feels like SOMETHING. Secret Invasion just felt like someone swindled me.

And since this IS the New Year, here are my own personal resolutions…

I resolve to quit smoking. Yes, I smoke, and I've tried quitting several times over the past couple of years. But it's tougher than you'd think, as once you get past the initial few days or so, it all becomes a big mental thing. However, whereas there used to be times when I actually liked smoking (i.e. on a cool, early morning in the Springtime when nothing else is stirring…ah, relaxing!), I'm tired of smoking at this point. Also, it's bad for my health, I hear.

I resolve to beat Final Fantasy III on my Super Nintendo (FF6 to those not ‘down'). For years, I've touted this game as being one of the finest RPGs ever crafted, and yet, here I am, never having beaten it. Actually, there's a story to that…but suffice to say that I leveled up only four people, and by the time I reached Kefka's Tower, I had screwed myself. I swore it off, but now, I think it's time to revisit…AND CONQUER!

I also resolve to have somebody buy me tickets to the MLB All Star Game in St. Louis. So get on it, whoever it is that will buy me tickets to this glorious event.

MOVIES TO GIVE A SECOND CHANCE IN 2009!

Of course, this being the new year and all means that everybody gets another shot. If you didn't accomplish some of your resolutions from last year, it's not that big of a deal, really; you got a whole ‘nother, brand-new year in which to succeed. Same goes for movies (or so I'd have you think), and, as such, this week's list should be fairly self-explanatory. Just pick a movie that people have crapped on that either you think isn't all that bad or unfairly tossed under the proverbial bus, and you'd have the idea behind this list. This list isn't really to be taken all that seriously, and also keep in mind that the rankings themselves don't really mean too much. It's all in no particular order.

10. The New Adventures of He-Man (1990)



Hmm, what's this doing here? Now, I know that this isn't a movie…it's a short-lived, animated television series from the early 1990's. But, it's here on the list because, in my want a few years back to own all the DVD sets of the He-Man franchise, I bought the first volume of two for this series…and have STILL yet to finish watching it all. To be honest here, I really had no clue what I was getting into; I only vaguely remember the show during its actual run, and I owned the show's version of the Power Sword…but, since the days that my memory of the show has faded, that sword has been the only reminder for me that the show even existed. Judging by how big of a He-Man fan that I was growing up (and still am), the idea that I had forgotten EVERYTHING about (suppressed the memories?) The New Adventures of He-Man should've sent up a red flag, or sounded the Klaxon or something in my mind that maybe, just maybe, the show wasn't really all that good to begin with. Well, when compared to the original series and the 2002 series…The New Adventures of He-Man is complete and utter dog-crap. It's true, I can't lie to myself about it. Those two particular He-Man series' best this one in every way possible, whether it be by animation, voice work, or just plain entertainment.

However, when NOT compared to the greatness of those two shows, and held on its own merits? Well, then, this series has some strong points. The series seems to carry one large, continuous storyline throughout what I've seen of it (by the by, I've watched all of the discs but one), and sometimes the storyline brings something intriguing to the table. For example, there was one story-arch where Skeletor actually took over the planet Primus (where the series takes place at…on an alien world in the future), and He-Man was leading a rebellion against Skeletor and his Mutant legion. In fact, the stories told here are indeed better than those in the original, if only because by-and-large the original series didn't try too hard to tell compelling stories. He-Man doesn't really show off too much of his strength, and his sword does some weird and wacky stuff (like becoming a lasso), but he's still He-Man-y enough. Skeletor himself is about par with the other iterations in terms of entertainment, and he's a bit more sinister here than he is in the original series, though he's still a goof. The animation seems to be heavily anime-influenced, and whether that's a good thing or bad, well, I suppose that that depends on the person. The major falling for the series, however, is that it lacks the strong and interesting supporting cast that the other series' have; there's no Man-at-Arms, Mer-Man, Beast-Man…just characters that pretty much suck. But…I need to gird my loins (?!?), and sit down and actually finish the first volume. Who knows, maybe by the end of it, I'll have liked it enough to buy the second volume.

9. Various Disney Direct-to-Video Sequels to Classic Disney Films



At various times during my life, I've attempted to collect all of the great Disney Masterpieces – their feature length, animated films that were released theatrically. Of course, this has been a MAJOR pain in the ass due to the fact that Disney's Vault exists, since they're constantly shuffling films in-and-out, causing there to be stretches were collecting a certain film at a certain time is frustrating. In fact, on January 30th of 2009, Disney will be sending Peter Pan and The Little Mermaid back into the Vault, only to be release when only God knows when. You know what else is going into the Vault with those films? Their sequels/prequels (whatever the case may be). Of course, I'm sure that you all know that Disney has made a habit out of creating Direct-to-Video sequels to some of their Masterpieces (though some, like the sequels to The Rescuers and Peter Pan, and maybe others, were released theatrically), though I'm sure that many of you, like me at one time, scoff at their existence. I can remember seeing the previews for Return to Neverland and thinking, "A sequel to Peter Pan? Really? After all these years…really?" I hardly even thought about giving the film a chance. A sequel to The Jungle Book? Did we really need that?

Well, no, we didn't need them. But you know what? Most of them really aren't that bad. My first foray into these Direct-to-Video sequels were quite by accident, as I was given one of them as a gift a few years back, as the person giving the gift knew of my life-long quest to collect ‘em all. I won't lie to you, at first I was like, "uh, what is this?" I held off on watching the thing, as before I really had never intended to even WATCH the DtV films, let alone hoard them. But, time passed, and a night came along where I wanted to watch something, and Return to Neverland was there…so I watched it. And you know what? It wasn't near as bad as what I was expecting. Of course, it wasn't near the quality of the first, either, as the animation was obviously not as good (and the film, honestly, is little more than a cash-in), but still, it retained some of that fun-filled Disney magic. I feel that these little films get a bad rap (because of people like me thinking that they're unnecessary), and while I'm not saying that they're great or that these films are must buy, they can still be fun to watch if you like Disney films…though still, not as good as the true Disney Masterpieces, so don't even begin to expect that.

8. Batman Forever (1995)



Now, I KNOW that there are quite a few people out there who like this movie. That's fine…but I ain't one of ‘em. In fact, out of the films that you see listed here on my list, this is probably the one film that I dislike the most out of them all. So, this entry can be chalked up to my very own personal movie to give another shot at liking. But I'll start this off by saying that, even when I had originally seen this film in the theaters way back when it was first released, I left the theater shaking my head in disappointment. I had really walked away with the feeling that absolutely nothing in the film was anywhere near as being as good as the two previous Tim Burton efforts (Batman and Batman Returns), and whatever there was that just happened to be good in the film was offset and smothered by the horrid things that were in the movie. I mean, what was up with the part where Robin steals the Batmobile and winds up in some back alley of Gotham City that's lit up with blacklights, where he fights some street gang whose faces and whatnot are covered in paint that under said blacklights causes the gang members to look like large, neon glow-sticks? Talk about causing my ‘suspension of disbelief' to come crashing down and be smashed to bits upon the jagged edges of reality.

I didn't like Val Kilmer as Bruce Wayne/Batman, and I still don't, as he's just bland in the role, lacking the charisma of Michael Keaton. I didn't like Nicole Kidman as just another ‘bang-of-week' character for Wayne that obviously wouldn't carry over to another film (which, until Dawes, had yet to happen in the Batman franchise); yeah, you could kind of see her being naked in Forever, but so what? I'd seen Billy Bathgate before this film was released. I should note at this time that by the time I had seen this movie, a lot of my thoughts and ideas of how characters should be and act in the Batman universe came directly from the Batman: The Animated Series…uh, animated series. As such, I absolutely HATED the way that Two-Face and The Riddler were depicted in this film, as both seemed to be just waaaay too over the top for my tastes. Yes, I understand about how Jim Carrey's take on Riddler was more or less a big send up to Frank Gorshin's portrayal of the character and all that from the 1960's television series…but I wasn't raised on THAT series (in fact, I've only seen the movie and a handful of episodes…they're okay, I guess). I was raised on Bruce Timm's cartoons, where the Riddler was a much more subdued personality…still insane, but not wacky. And Two-Face…pffft, where did Tommy Lee Jones get the notion to portray Harvey Dent in THAT manner? Two ‘main' villains, acting exactly the same way, doing exactly the same thing? Blah, overkill. Robin, he was okay, I suppose, and definitely the least offensive of the other ‘headliners'. But, seeing as how this is the New Year, I personally resolve to give this movie another shot. It's better than it deserves, believe you me.

7. King Kong (1976)



It seems like almost ninety-nine percent of the time, whenever I hear somebody talk about a Kong film, they're either talking about the original 1933 classic film (which I can understand why, of course), or they're ranting about Peter Jackson's 2005 remake (which I liked overall, with my only complaint being that Kong looked a little too gorilla-y for my tastes, and not some ancient, long dead race of giant ape). But they almost never, ever make mention of the first remake, or at least so it seems to me. It stands as almost seeming to be the long-forgotten Kong film, which…well, it kind of saddens me. Of course, much like most films that I have a strong affinity for (like a majority of the films that appeared on my Fantasy lists), I have a strong personal relationship with this film, and a somewhat sad tale to tell about said relationship. I first received this film as a Christmas gift during the Christmas that rested in the middle of my third grade year; even a couple of months after I had opened the gift of Kong '76, the film was still something of a new experience for me…and then something happened. My parents owned a Ford Bronco II, and one morning, as my mother and I were preparing for the morning trip to school, the automobile locked itself into reverse and went flying out of the garage backwards. My mother, sitting in the driver's seat, slammed on the brakes, tried to put the thing in neutral and park, but the Bronco wouldn't stop; I had been in the process of entering the vehicle at the time that the ‘happening' occurred, and as such, I was hanging onto the passenger door…until it struck the side of the garage entrance, at which point I was catapulted through the air onto the gravel of our drive-way, while my mother was still in the Bronco, eventually coming to a stop after slamming to as stop by striking a massive cedar tree, with a horrendous sound that I can still remember to this day. I was okay, and I can remember running to the vehicle as it rested, smashed and almost cleaved asunder against the tree, my mother lying in the front seat. I was able to revive her, at which point we went inside the house, where my mom called my grandmother and my dad. While we waited for their arrival, my mom put this movie in the VCR to occupy my mind, and I must've watched the thing three or four times that day. As I said, I was fine, but my mother would suffer from a broken back and neck…which is a miracle that she's still able to walk today. Of course, that's the only good thing out of the whole deal, as my parents' lawyer, Kenneth Shelton (and yes, I put his name on here out of spite, so everybody can know what a piece of shit he is), my dad's cousin, sold my parents' out and dropped the case, but was still somehow able to buy THREE vintage Cadillac's (he was paid off, no doubt). Of course, years later Ford would release a recall on the Bronco II, but since my parents had lost their court case, they were screwed. Couple that with the fact that my mother has been swindled by the government for her Disability (they first told her that if she got a job and could prove she couldn't work it then she'd get it, and then they told her that since she had a job, short-lived though it was, she couldn't get it, so there's no hope she'll get her Disability…even though her brothers, my uncles, are all on Disability due to alcoholism…and that's fucked up), it's been a hard life for my mother. Oh, and Kenneth Shelton can rot in Hell.

That's what I think of when I watch this movie. I don't think that it's a morbid or macabre thing to think of; I just happened to watch this movie all day during one of the most pivotal days of my young life. Oddly enough, whereas one might suppose that, due to the circumstances surrounding that particular day, I might've ultimately held ill feelings toward the movie, that's not the case at all. I, for one, love this movie. Sure, in terms of characters and whatnot (and though the names of the characters had been changed, they still stand as being those same characters from the original film due to their archetype), the film stands as a fairly big departure from the original. For example, the ambitious egomaniac that organizes the whole trip (played excellently by Charles Grodin) isn't a filmmaker, he's an oil man. The ‘hero', played by Jeff Bridges, is no longer a hardy sea fellow; instead, he's more or less a hippie. And, I might add, it's implied that the ‘damsel in distress/Fay Wray role', airheaded Dwan (Jessica Lange, in her debut), may or may not have been out on the sea in a yacht filming a porno. All in all, the film comes across as being somewhat campy (it does have probably the most provocative ‘giant ape tearing the clothes off of a human female' scene in the history of film), though at the same time, it tries to convey a feeling of seriousness…but not too much. Again, unlike the original, there are no other giant creatures (besides Kong, of course) featured in the movie, other than a really big snake, which doesn't look very good. In fact, that's a thought that a lot of people choose to put forth when it comes to this movie – that all of the effects are bad, including Kong. I've always thought that Kong looked pretty good in this film and fairly realistic looking…particularly the amount of emotiveness that is achieved through the animatronics in the face of Kong. Yes, it IS a man in a gorilla suit, but still…I think it looks pretty damn good. Or maybe that's the memories talking.

6. Godzilla (1998)



I first began watching Godzilla movies, in all their horribly dubbed glory, a long, long time ago, sometime around the first grade or so. It was at that time that I met my friend Dave in school, and whenever I'd stay over at his house, we'd stay up late either playing videogames or watching Godzilla films. Shortly thereafter, I begged my mother to buy me some Godzilla movies, essentially starting a collection process that would carry through the early years of my life; of the Godzilla films that I received during this time, I had collected them all from the very first film all the way up to Godzilla 1985. So it was that in 1998, when my sophomore year of high school came to an end, my longtime friend announced that he was moving away. Some other friends and I all decided to get together and spend a day to see our friend off, one last day together … a day that included go-karts, goofy golf, and the brand-new (and supposedly ‘better') Godzilla that had just entered the theaters. Could there have been better timing in my younger, more impressionable days for that movie to have been released? What more could I have asked for, as the finale for my lifelong friend and fellow Godzilla fan? Well, I probably could have asked for an ACTUAL Godzilla movie…

In my opinion, fans of the character of Godzilla and his myriad of B-grade Japanese films probably would've been a bit more receptive to this American ‘re-imagining' (I guess is what you'd call it) if it had been titled It Came From the Sea or The Big F'n Lizard…ANYTHING other than carrying the title of Godzilla, because this film isn't a Godzilla picture. In fact, as it pertains to me, that in and of itself is pretty much the only real problem that I personally have with movie. Everything else about the film is fine: the acting is decent for the most part, with the likes of Matthew Broderick and Jean Reno (and, as a side note, this film marked the first time that I'd actually seen Hank Azaria himself on film, as opposed to just his voice-work as Krusty and Moe and other characters from The Simpsons); the humor in the movie is funny at times; and the special effects still stand up nowadays, even though the technology in the CGI department as evolved far past this. But, again, it's not really a Godzilla film. Funnily enough, one day last year (I think it was, anyway), shortly after the original Godzilla and its direct sequel were re-released on DVD, the local Wal-Mart was carrying a fair amount of Godzilla DVDs; rather than buying and watching the older films that I already had seen numerous times on VHS, I opted to buy a cheaper Godzilla film that was a bit more recent, namely Godzilla 2000. When I got the thing home and opened it, there was a little leaflet inside that detailed that the only reason Godzilla 2000 was made was due to the fact that since Fraudzilla didn't pull in the massive bank that Tristar was expecting, a second (and even third) American Godzilla film was canceled, which allowed Toho Studios to bring back the franchise/character proper, showing Hollywood how a real Godzilla should be done. Which they did, because Godzilla 2000 was pretty good, with an awesome looking Godzilla that didn't give birth at the end of it. But still, I still think that if you take the name away, the American Godzilla wouldn't be quite so hated on by ‘Zilla fans.

5. Super Mario Bros. (1993)



Yeah, this is going to be one of those kinds of lists. I'll be honest with you here, when I first saw this movie as a child (and a die-hard Nintendo fanatic) I absolutely loathed this sham of a supposed ‘Mario' game brought to life. And how could I not? I mean, in this film, Luigi was ‘hip', as evidenced by his missing mustache. Since when has Luigi ever been the cool Mario brother? And if Luigi was a shade of his source game-character in this feature-film adaptation, then other heavy-hitting Mario alumni such as Yoshi, Bowser, and Toad were rendered nigh unrecognizable. Ah yes, Toad, that loveable, anthropomorphic mushroom (and my favorite character to play as in Super Mario Bros. 2 way back when)…completely mishandled! He wasn't a mushroom in this film, he was a … thing … I don't know what he was, exactly. A Goomba is what the film told me, but I knew better than that, as Goombas didn't appear to be almost seven feet tall in the video games. Yoshi was supposed to be this sickeningly adorable dinosaur, and while he was indeed a realistic looking dinosaur in the film, who in their right minds think that scales and sharp teeth are adorable? As for Bowser…well, Dennis Hopper is good and all, but even he couldn't quite pull off being a monstrous, evil turtle. And what happened to the Mushroom Kingdom itself? It was so bright and colorful in the games, but here it looks like a gigantic section of the red-light district has engulfed EVERYTHING. Bob Hoskins (who plays as Mario, and did a job that was worthy of Capt. Lou) has made no bones about the fact that he hated his involvement in this picture, and I really couldn't have blamed him when I was child. Easily, this film was the most disappointing thing that I ever had the sad, sad misfortune of seeing. I watched it once in the theaters, then once more around a year later when my mom bought it for me on VHS… and then I never watched it again.

UNTIL NOW (dramatics!).

Well, not ‘until now', to be precise, but sometime within the past year or two, when I was blessed with a day where I had nothing better to do than to dig through box after box after box of old VHS tapes that haven't seen the light of day in almost a decade, I found my old copy of Super Mario Bros.. Of course, it had been so long since I'd seen the movie (and I hadn't seen it very much in the first place), so how could I not separate it from the others by placing it in the ‘watch me' pile, while sneering at its putridity, knowing of the crappiness that awaited inside its cardboard trappings? So, imagine my surprise when I popped that movie in the VCR and discovered that the film … well, it was still pretty crappy. BUT, it wasn't near as bad as what I had decried the film as being in my younger days, and that's the important thing here. Since my Mario fanaticism has long since subsided, it should go without saying that so has my very own extremely hard feelings that I'd long harbored for this movie. And while there's not really anything in Super Mario Bros. that's really all that great or that stands out (I'd say that everything from the acting to the special effects are all average at best), what we have here is a moderately entertaining, humorous, camp film, with loads of cheese on the side. And, honestly, perhaps that's what a Mario movie really should be.

4. The Three Stooges short films with Joe Besser



Ah, how I love me some of that good, old-fashioned Stooge goodness. They really don't make ‘em like they used to when it comes to physical, absurd comedy, in my opinion; the Stooges broke the mold. Originally, the Stooges starred in a Vaudeville act with a veritable star in those days, a guy by the name of Ted Healy. The act had featured Moe, Larry, and Shemp, though after Shemp left the act due to differences between himself and Healy, Curly came in to replace his departed brother (Shemp would go on to have a fairly decent solo career; Curly originally had long hair and a handlebar mustache, and after Healy took one look at him and said ‘no' to Curly joining the act, Curly immediately shaved his mustache and hair, and was given the part). The act was so successful that the Healy and Stooges were given a movie deal with MGM, though eventually the Stooges would obviously break away from Healy and go on to become icons in the realms of comedy. Of course, despite the Three Stooges tagline, there happened to be six men to be official Stooges in history: Moe, Larry, Curly, Shemp, Joe Besser, and Curly Joe DeRita. Of these six men, only the character of Curly Joe stands as not being his own character, but a knock-off of (obviously) Curly, as during the ‘60's, the Stooges went through something of a popularity renaissance (with, of course, Curly being the preferred Stooge from the old films for the audiences of the 1960's), and as such Curly Joe was designed to reap some of that goodwill towards Curly (who was long since dead). The other five men, however, were completely different characters from one another, with Moe being the domineering jerk, Larry being a lunatic, Curly being stupid, and Shemp being homely. So if that made Curly Joe being Curly, what did that make Joe (Besser)? Well, Joe was girly…or at least that's the best that I can describe it, seeing as how I've only seen one short film starring Moe, Larry, and Joe. "Sssstop it! Don't hit so HARD!", he'd say, as he'd gently nudge Moe in the shoulder. See, he really was a girlie-man next to the man's man that was Moe.

I've read a lot of stuff about the Stooges over the ‘net, and one thing that I've taken notice of is that a lot of Stooge fans don't like Joe. Most of them say that they just didn't find him funny in the least; others just say that Joe didn't seem to be a good fit with mainstays Moe and Larry, character-wise. I really can't say one way or the other, as the one Stooge film of Joe's that I've seen (he was a matador…though it's been so long since I've seen it that I can't remember the title, but it wasn't What's the Matador?) was funny enough; obviously he didn't even begin to approach the levels of hilarity set by Curly and Shemp during their tenure as Stooges, but Joe was able to hold his own in his own way during that one short film that I saw. Since I've been collecting the Three Stooges Collection DVD sets that have contained all of their short films (there's been four sets released, in case you're wondering…though I haven't heard anything about the fifth set, which should be entering into the Shemp years), and considering the possibility of IF the sets continue on to the Joe years, it should only be a matter of time until I'm finally able to sit down and check out some Joe. Maybe he doesn't deserve the hate that he gets.

3. Masters of the Universe (1987)



Who grew up in the ‘80's and doesn't love He-Man? I've always thought that all that dogs think about are what they happen to be doing at any point in time; for example, when a dog is chasing a car, he's thinking, "I'm chasing a car! I'm chasing a car!" Or whenever a dog is humping another dog, he's thinking, "I'm humping! I'm humping!" Such would be the case for me as a kid, as judging by the many, MANY He-Man toys that are scattered in all kinds of boxes in my house, apparently all I was thinking about as a kid was, "Gotta have He-Man stuff! Gotta have He-Man stuff!" I mean, seriously. I have gobs and gobs of the toys, including Castle Greyskull, Snake Mountain, some big skeleton dragon thing, a He-Man shield, the power sword (even the power sword from the New Adventures of He-Man), numerous He-Man pictures and posters, He-Man bed-sheets and underwear...need I go on? As such, it should go without my saying that, from this film's initial release onto its ‘adoring' public, 1987's Masters of the Universe has been in my possession, being giving its spot in my library of films simply due to the fact that it is indeed a He-Man vehicle. Is this film really the standard-bearer for what a He-Man and the Masters of the Universe movie could be, or even should be? Well…no, no it's not. Is Masters of the Universe the type of film that only a fan of the subject could like? Well, being watched by a fan of He-Man would help the film's cause, but that's not necessarily the case, as I know of several people who grew up loving He-Man like I did, and they absolutely loathe this film. Is it a bad film? No, I really don't think it is. In fact, I might even go so far as to say that had the creators of the film dropped all of the Earth stuff and just focused on a plot that was strictly limited to taking place on Eternia, this film might be as good of a live-action He-Man movie as we could ever hope to get.

Now, that's not to say that Earth should have no place in the film, as, if you remember, He-Man/Adam's mother, Queen Marlena, was originally an astronaut from Earth who's spaceship crash landed on Eternia; not only that, but there were a few other episodes of the classic 1980's cartoon series that dealt with people from Earth happening upon Eternia. But, then again, the ties between Earth and Eternia don't really exist in the film, particularly through the strongest link of Marlena, since Marlena plays no part in the film. In fact, apart from He-Man, Man-at-Arms, Teela, Skeletor, Beast-Man, The Sorceress, and Evil-Lyn, no other characters from the accepted Masters of the Universe canon (which was set by the original Filmation animated series and mini-comics that were packaged with the toys, though also derived from the cartoon themselves) are used. So that means that there's no mentions made of not only Marlena, but of King Randor, Cringer/Battle-Cat, Orko (though the character of Gwyldor in the film seems to be a take on Orko), all other members of the Good and Evil Warriors…even He-Man's alter-ego, Prince Adam, plays no part in the film, and is not even given a mention. The obvious line of thinking after knowing all that is that the film doesn't follow any of the previous canon that had been laid out for the character of He-Man and the franchise itself, and as such, the Masters of the Universe film doesn't fit at all into the generally accepted continuity for said franchise. However, there is a line of thinking out there (and one that I myself buy into) that the film CAN be placed somewhat into the continuity of the series by simply assuming that the film takes place long after the events portrayed in the cartoon. That would suitably explain why so many of the other heroic/villainous characters don't make an appearance or even mentioned (perhaps they were either slain in combat or imprisoned), why there's no King Randor or Queen Marlena (they were overthrown, as when the film opens, Skeletor has already assumed control over Castle Grayskull, and thus, all of Eternia, and He-Man is leading a group of rebels against him), and even why He-Man doesn't transition into Prince Adam (there would be no need for him to assume his secret identity). You see, it can work!

As for how the good the film is on the more ‘filmy' side of things, I've always felt that the film is quite decently done. The minor characters that make an appearance in the film that also existed in some form in the cartoon series are good enough, as Beast-Man is suitably bestial (and pretty cool looking), Meg Foster looks perfect as Evil-Lyn, the Sorceress is acceptably mystical (though she does nothing in the film, due to her imprisonment), and Teela is enough of a warrior to buy her as being somewhat true to the original character. The only complaints that I have as it pertains to the minor characters are the Earthlings (of course, as they're just annoying), Man-at-Arms doesn't come off as being any kind of scientific genius (though he does know what ‘meat' is, as opposed to everyone else on Eternia, or at least so I assume after Teela and Gwyldor's reactions to eating beef), and the most intriguing looking evil henchman, Saurod, doesn't last long…I'd have rather seen more of him and less of Karg or Blade. All of the special effects in the film are good enough, and though the film does tend to lean more towards sci-fi than fantasy, magic still exists in the form of Skeletor and Evil-Lyn. However, there are two things about this film that I've always loved: Frank Langella's performance as Skeletor (naturally), and Dolph Lundgren as He-Man (WHAT?!?). The Skeletor in this film is nothing short of fantastic, in my opinion. In the cartoon series, Skeletor wasn't really allowed to be quite as evil as we all knew he could be; instead, more often than not in the cartoon, he came across as being kind of a goof. Here, he's cruel and heartless, at one point even killing Saurod as a message to the other henchmen to not screw up again. Fantastic, as he now had a personality that was suitable to his appearance! And as for Dolph as He-Man…I really don't think there was anybody else suitable enough at the time that the film was made to play the part, being blonde, blue-eyed, muscular, and with fair acting abilities. My only complaint about this iteration of He-Man is the fact that we never get to see him utilize any super-strength; there's no tying a rope to the end of his sword, thrusting said sword in the ground, and then pulling the planet back together like we had in the cartoon. Oh well, as I said, this film is probably the best we could've hoped for, and more than likely will be the only He-Man film to be created. Even a passable He-Man film is better than none, in my opinion

2. Titanic (1997)



What? Titanic?!? Am I serious, or did I just put this movie on the list to annoy people? Well, well, that's for me to know, and for nobody else to really care about, I'm sure. Actually, I put this here because … well, it's kind of hard to miss all the Titanic bashing that's been floating around the world wide inter-web message boards as the presence of The Dark Knight and its highly profitable theatrical run threatened to dethrone the all-time ‘King of Earnings' (which, it seems, TDK won't be able to overcome). Also, I couldn't help but notice a veritable ton of people claiming that they haven't seen Titanic … pfft. Whatever, you don't have to lie to make friends. Me? I seen it twice in the theater (both times by my parents, with one time being of my own free will, and the other being forced into going … though I was able to successfully fend them off when they went the third time), and then several more times when it was released on VHS (remember me stating a few weeks ago about how when my dad absolutely falls in love with a movie, he watches over, and over, and over again?). In fact, I just watched the thing (for the first time in a while, honestly) about two months ago, with my girlfriend, her mother, and her sister-in-law; having passed up my opportunity to accompany her brother and her dad to the local Mud Run (the Mud Run being where a group of hicks drive their trucks through a thick, deep mud-pit, and actually CHARGE people to watch), I had instead opted to stay with the women and watch a movie … and, of course, about two seconds after the other guys had left, one of the girls piped up, "Hey, let's watch Titanic!" Such things happen when you're dealing with the ladies.

On the whole, though, the film really isn't that bad to deserve as much crap as it gets. Yes, it's obviously a fairly lengthy romance film, which doesn't help the film's standing in the eyes of a majority of male viewers, and yes, the movie is what kicked off ‘Leomania' (ugh), which I'm sure those of you who've read my list on Pretty Boys know my feelings toward Leo. But the acting in the film is all fairly good, the special effects towards the end are well done, and even the music for the thing is good (though vastly overplayed in its time, perhaps so much so that it can't be salvaged as it pertains to many of this generation). The last quarter or so of the film where the Titanic is sinking, drawn out though it may be, is almost always enough to garner my attention every time it's on, as the finale to the film is suitably action-oriented enough to get my blood pumping a bit. Also, who doesn't love Billy Zane as a villain (Demon Knight, anyone)? He's always great at playing a despicable, slimy type of character, and here it's no exception. Personally, I think that some people are turned off by extremely successful things, and sure, some deserve the hate. The Movie films (i.e. Epic Movie, Disaster Movie, and such) deserve it. A majority of your pop stars in music deserve it. Those twerps on all those VH1 ‘celebreality' shows deserve it (who the hell is Real and Chance, and why are they on TV looking for hoochies?). Does Titanic? Eh, maybe, but I don't really think it does. The film is kind of the celluloid equivalent to a pop album, but at the same time, it's also very well-crafted by a man that earns praise from people like us for things like The Terminator and Aliens. Maybe, just maybe, Titanic isn't as bad as a lot of people would have you believe. Or maybe it's worse…DUM DUM DUM!

1. The Star Wars Prequel Trilogy



Now, I realize that those of you who've seen the Prequel Trilogy are probably more-than-likely Star Wars fans, and that there's next to nothing that I can say that will change people's minds on how they feel about the prequels. You either like them, or you loathe them…there seems to be very little in between when it comes to these three movies. In fact, to be honest, I don't think that I could even serve up a compelling enough argument to even begin to change people's minds on these movies, and so all I can do is give you my take on the prequels. Over the past few weeks, it should be rather apparent that I'm a huge Star Wars fan…and, unfortunately for me, I'm a huge Star Wars fan that missed out on the original trilogy's theatrical releases. Of those three, the only one that was released in theaters in my life (not including the mid-90's re-releases, of which I saw A New Hope in theaters, but not the others, as they weren't brought to our little theater) was Return of the Jedi, and I wasn't quite two years of age when it was released. So by the time that The Phantom Menace was looming on the theatrical horizon, I was incredibly amped to see it; everyone always talked about how the first three Star Wars films were events in the theaters, and I saw this new, and at the time, upcoming trilogy to be my chance at being a part of said experience. And I loved it. Sure, there were problems with the film; I really didn't care too much for Jake Lloyd, and as time has went on, I like him even less, but it's not that big of a deal. I didn't care too much for aspects of the plot, such as the immaculate conception of Anakin or the fact that C-3PO and R2-D2 being around since the beginning seemed to contradict parts of the original trilogy (at least to me, though I can see where someone could make the case that it fits in), but by and large, the plot was suitably Star Wars. The effects were nothing short of astounding for the time, though after re-watching Phantom Menace on DVD, there are times were the age on the CGI shows. Jar-Jar was indeed annoying, but was comical at times. Oh, and Lucas not using Henson's Yoda puppet was a mistake, because the one used in this movie looks HORRIBLE. But, I enjoyed watching the movie in theaters, and the final lightsaber duel sent me home wanting more.

By the time that Attack of the Clones was released, I was again eager to see a Star Wars film in theaters. I mean, cult-icon Boba Fett was in it (kind of…at least his armor was)! Of the three prequels, this is the one that I personally dislike the most, as the plot seems to be both slow and confusing. Hayden Christensen was introduced to the series, and his wooden acting, I felt, ruined the scene where he reveals to Padme that he slaughtered the Tusken Raider tribe that kidnapped his mother, and even Natalie Portman's response was kind of like, "Oh, you slaughtered men, women, and children? That's okay, what's important here is how you feel," and that whole scene was meaningless. But, there were some good things. Jar-Jar's screen time was significantly trimmed down. They trashed the horrible Yoda puppet, and went with a CGI Yoda…and even let him kick a little ass at the end, finally. The effects were all super well-done, the action sequences were jam packed with awesomeness, and Ewan MacGregor and Ian McDiarmid started to carry the series on their backs. All in all, I enjoyed myself here too, but not as much as the first.

With Revenge of the Sith came the glorious moments that I had been waiting for ever since I sat down to watch Phantom Menace in the theater. Easily the best of the prequels, as well as being better than Jedi (in my opinion, of course), Revenge of the Sith was nothing short of great. Sure, Christensen faltered a bit at times, but by the time that he had turned, his acting became fairly good. All of the battles and action sequences were quite intense, especially the final battle between Obi-Wan and Anakin. This film seemed to carry a lot of weight with it, and really, the only thing bad that I can say about it is that I think that they should've cut out the scene where Vader lurches off of the operating slab like Frankenstein (I believe that by that time Vader should've cared less about Padme, honestly), and just shown the end scene of him walking up to stand by the Emperor. Sith was a really good movie, and you know what? I think that the whole Prequel Trilogy was as well. They have their faults, but so do the originals. But they still carry that Star Wars charm, and that's really all that I wanted out of them. They were Star Wars.

That's it for this week! Thanks for reading, everybody!