East Coast Musings 02.01.09: Who the Hell Thought This'd be a Good Idea?

Posted by James Craig on 02.01.2009

You've heard by now that there will be a new Bonnie and Clyde film on the way. There's very little reason to be hopeful, and here's why.

In this column, I will explore various facets of the film and television worlds and offer my views on why things are they way they are and where I feel the subject of each topic in heading in the future by weighing both the pros and the cons each is facing. Nothing is safe and no one is safe as from my focus.

I'm not sure the apocalypse is upon us just yet, but 2009 has already given enough reason to wonder if we have some how been transplanted to a bizzaro type land where things that should never even be thought of, become reality. First we have the unlikely rise of the Arizona Cardinals managing to get themselves into the Superbowl. That still won't be fully settled in until about the 3rd quarter of the game itself. Micky Rourke's name has been said more in the past 10 days than perhaps the last decade. This isn't so much a bad thing, but it is hard to wrap my head around positive news surrounding Micky. To be fair his Wrestlemania announcement seems to have put him back in the sights of those who think that his current success is the exception rather than the rule. Then comes the news that initially left me speechless. Hilary Duff has been cast to play Bonnie Parker in the upcoming film The Bonnie and Clyde Story.

No seriously, Hilary "The One Joel Couldn't Knock Up" Duff is going to be Bonnie Parker. Did I sleep straight through to April 1st? Upon checking the nearest calendar and discovering that this was in fact not April and this was not a cruel April Fool's Day prank. Perhaps she was thrown in to attract a younger demographic. That must be the reason. Must be going for the younger audience, much the same way Disturbia did. The rest of the casting must be solid. Researching this, however lead me to find that the guy from the Air Bud films is going to play Clyde Barrow. I need a stiff drink. Wait, I can't be too hasty, I need more information on this guy, his credits can't just be as "The guy from Air Bud". Who was this Kevin Zegers? Does his body of work lead me to believe in any way shape or form that he can even remotely step into a role made famous by a true Hollywood legend in Warren Beatty? Well, his resume is varied, to say the least. I was encouraged to see he is Canadian, but I can't let my soft spot for fellow canucks get in my way. The only thing I can identify him from in film or television that I have seen or at the very least can remember him from, is playing "Terry" the youngest mall security guard in the "Dawn of the Dead" remake. There was the pedigree I was looking for. This man obviously has the cache to take on a role where he will immediately be compared to Warren Beatty. Combine this with the Duffster and this can only be compared to leading lambs to the slaughter. The director must be top caliber to even dare take on this. Tonya S. Holly...who?

Time to take a look at Tonya S. Holly. It is a necessarily brief look as there isn't a whole lot about Holly out there. What is out there isn't even remotely reassuring. Holly's only film that has anything written about it at all is 2006's When I Find the Ocean. It has the colossal rating of 3.5 on imdb.com. That alone is reason for pause, but I wanted to dig a smidge bit deeper. I looked to my old friend rotten tomatoes.com and could only find one review. The film hasn't even managed to get a freshness rating. The review only confirmed what the imdb.com rating foreshadowed. The review from MaryAnne Johanson made it quite clear what the film was like in the first line;

"...Ill-conceived, poorly written, badly acted, and incompetently directed, this is a disaster from start to finish...".

Johanson does mention that it seemed as if Holly's heart was in the right place, but ultimately the talent wasn't there to make this film any where close to good. The quote I would like to highlight is, "incompetently directed". This isn't the wording I would expect or at least never thought i would ever see, in relation to a director and any sort of modern take on . This isn't to say that a questionable cast and a unknown director will equate to a brilliantly horrible film. Hell, Zeger even managed to be in the example I want to use, 2004's Dawn of the Dead.

The remake of Dawn of the Dead was a re-imagining of the "Dead" franchise, made famous by George A. Romero, and an unknown Zach Snyder was the man behind the film. Both in terms of directorial credits as well as writing. As with The Story of Bonnie and Clyde the Dawn of the Dead remake was a bone of contention for many fans as the original stood as a piece of film history that seemed important and nearly untouchable. Snyder was able to at the very least update the original to meet the taste of the modern audience, after the success of 28 Days Later in 2002. Of course the biggest difference that could be made is that while Dawn of the Dead is a movie made with a very specific demographic of fans, The Bonnie and Clyde Story is going to try, I would imagine, to be a wide release film trying to appeal to as many people as possible. While the scrutiny is going to be the same, the width and level is going to be so much more, just as with Superman Returns and people will just be looking to find faults in any area they can.

This film is almost completely behind the 8 ball from the onset, as not only is the casting going to be questioned and Duff and Zegers are going to be held to a standard I'm willing to bet neither can really meet. Also, the 1967 Bonnie and Clyde is beholden as a classic in film history. This isn't like remaking something like Tank Girl. I know, there have been many declarations from Tonya S. Holly that this isn't going to be a remake, but a new look at the duo. Here's the thing, no matter what they do or how they try to package this film,The Story of Bonnie and Clyde is going to have to live up to immense pressure. The most recent example I can liken this to, at least in terms of casting, is from Superman Returns. Brandon Routh had huge shoes to fill stepping into a role made iconic by Christopher Reeves and the comparisons were made the instant anyone could figure out who the hell Brandon Routh was. It isn't entirely Routh's fault that Superman Returns was a mediocre film, that blame can go to Bryan Singer.

It is remarkably easy to look at the news surrounding The Bonnie and Clyde Story and roll your eyes and wonder how in the hell something like this would get the go ahead. The casting is questionable at best, with "Lizzy Maguire" and a guy who routinely was out acted by a golden retriever. We also have a director that seems to be too inexperienced to take on a project of this magnitude. These are not the beginnings that one would think of when it comes to retouching, remaking or even coming into the same realm as such a classic film. A film that is widely considered to be classic and untouchable. I want to try and keep as open a mind as possible, because there are always pleasant surprises that do come along and perhaos this film can be another Dawn of the Dead in terms of success and of finding its' own place in the lore of Bonnie and Clyde on film.