A Fool's Utopia 2.05.09: The Battle for Hollywood

Posted by Ron Martin on 02.05.2009

This week in one man's utopia we decide who is more Hollywood -- Hulk Hogan or The Rock? Also, we discuss our thoughts on the broadcast known only as the Super Bowl, the episode that followed as well as a certain channel that used to show videos in the 80s -- on Friday Nights. We also lament the downfall of my precious 25 cent fruit flavored drinks.

We've seen the shot a million times. The Rock and Hollywood Hogan circling one another in the early moments of their not-quit-epic, but surely spectacular Wrestlemania 18 match where the much loved Rock was booed and the much hated Hogan cheered. That matchup would pit not only the icon of the first national wrestling generation against one of the icons of the latest generation, but it would also pit the two most accepted mainstream wrestlers of all time at one another.



Which begs the question – just who is more Hollywood – The Rock or Hogan? As I mentioned in a column a couple of weeks ago, whenever Hollywood needs football players, enforcers or big dudes in general, it comes knocking on wrestling's door. In that column, I mentioned several wrestlers appearances in movies, but omitted anything by Hulk Hogan or the Rock. That seemed pretty fruitless as both wrestlers have had enough mainstream acting roles that they completely overshadowed their peers.

There's no doubt in the wrestling ring, while the Rock outshines Hogan in a ton of categories, but when it comes down to it, the Hulkster is the bigger wrestling icon. If the Rock's career were a bit longer, then perhaps it would be more up in the air, but as it stands it's pretty much Hogan, Andre, Flair and Austin in that top tier with the Rock settling in with Sting, Hart, Michaels, HHH, Savage and Taker in the second tier. Not too bad for a guy the fans wanted to die during his first attempt at being a face. However, that's wrestling. We have a whole section at 411 to discuss that. This is the movies section – who is the bigger Hollywood icon?

Both men started off with similar roles. Hogan played wrestling champion Thunderlips in Rocky III while The Rock had an extremely brief appearance as the Scorpion King in The Mummy 2. I know those don't sound similar, but both were one scene cameos in successful movies. This is where the stories start to take different paths.



In the 1980s, Hogan was everywhere. Vince McMahon promoted the hell out of the guy. He was showing up in movie cameos, he was all over MTV, he hosted Saturday Night Live. Hell, the guy even had a recurring role on The A-Team. He starred in Tiny Lister's only bad movie, which happened to be the very first WWE (then WWF) film, No Holds Barred. It was supposed to be a vehicle for Hogan, but as the movie really sucked, no one was buying. As we know, that's never stopped Hogan before. He decided to semi-retire to star in a string of B-movies such as Suburban Commando and Mr. Nanny.



In the early years of the new millennium, the Rock's charisma catapulted him to the top of the WWE. While he took a step back to HHH and Kurt Angle in the ring, he was still the company's top star (at least until the full time return of a face Austin). A weird thing happened. On his way to legendary wrestling stardom, Hollywood decided the Rock was the next big action star based on his few minutes of screentime in The Mummy 2. I guess Brendan Frasier has some pull, eh. He was pulled away from the ring multiple times to star in action movies like The Rundown, Walking Tall and The Scorpion King. While these movies weren't tearing up the box office, they weren't exactly terrible. They certainly were a step above Santa with Muscles. Hollywood wanted to make a real star out of the Rock, not just novelty movies.

After a TV show that got a decent run (Thunder in Paradise), Hogan came back to revive wrestling once again in the mid-90s. His run in WCW/nWo (with the help of Austin in the WWF) boosted the popularity of wrestling to the point where wrestlers were becoming celebrities even without Hollywood's help. No pun intended. While Hogan didn't have the WWF machine behind him, he still managed to nab a few cameos here and there even as a bad guy. Who could ever forget his Oscar worthy performance as an evil henchman in Muppets in Space where he claimed he could do these things because "he's a bad guy now?" While age and injury limited Hogan's in ring appearances, he found a new format to conquer: reality television. Hogan Knows Best was a sleeper hit following the ridiculous life of Hogan and his family. Hell, there was even a spinoff. As we speak, there's talk of a second season of Hogan's Celebrity Championship Wrestling which earned my ire onced they tossed the lovely Erin Murphy. Hulk Hogan: wrestling legend, movie star, TV star.



Meanwhile, back at the ranch, The Rock caught the acting bug. He didn't want to be an action star, though that seemed to be his calling. He wanted to stretch himself as an actor. Hello gay bodyguard guy in Be Cool. He wasn't great, but neither was the movie. The Rock quit wrestling to continue acting full time, even dropping weight to fit the Hollywood lifestyle. Without the WWF machine behind him, the Rock continues to have steady work. He seems to do fine when not called on to carry the movie (Get Smart) and has decent comedy timing. Unfortunately, he's stuck himself in the rut of starring in kid's Disney films instead of being the next great action hero. He makes more money than me, so what can I say?

The final verdict? It's a tougher call than you think it would be. It's easy to shake this off and say obviously it's the Rock because he is the better actor (and he is). However, when you take Hogan's TV career into consideration and add in the fact that he's still relevant to Hollywood 25 years later, things get murky. Here's the difference – the wrestling. Hogan's world still revolves around wrestling. His reality TV show relied heavily upon it and he still is talked about in a one time match here and there for both TNA and WWE. His new reality show is just that – him teaching wrestling. The Rock, on the other hand, is no longer the Rock. He is now Dwayne Johnson. He is a movie star. He is a spy, a football player, a taxi driver, a tooth fairy and yes, even a gay bodyguard. The Rock is never mentioned in return matches because Dwayne Johnson is never going to wrestle another match ever again. He is a movie star, not a wrestler in a movie or on TV. Hulk Hogan is as mainstream as a wrestler is ever going to get. Dwayne Johnson is a mainstream movie star that dabbled in wrestling in his past. I just wish he's pick better roles.

Super Bowl thoughts
The pre-game stuff that I saw didn't seem as watered down and pointless this year as it has in many years past. What we got wasn't invaluable or anything, but I also didn't feel like my brain had turned to mush as the game started.



I'm not saying that Pittsburgh didn't play well – that was one hell of a catch to win the game – but how much more money does the NFL make if they win? That might explain the no call when Santonio decided to use the ball as a prop during his TD victory dance, the no review of the last play of the game, the numerous ridiculous personal foul penalties and why the Cardinals were penalized for over twice their regular season average. Kind of a microcosm of the season I suppose. I've been watching football since '86 and I've never seen a season officiated as badly as this one was as a whole.

During the pre-game breakdown, NBC had Bill Belichik do a scouting report on each team. He smiled. I got queasy. My girlfriend literally and physically recoiled.



More importantly – what the hell happened to the commercials? I understand we're in a bad economy, but this is still the Super Bowl. Some companies just ran ads that were already in circulation while the others were … just bad. If I ever see a SOBE lizard, I'm going to stomp it out of its misery. Was it just my TV or were the 3-D effects in that run of commercials really weak? Maybe I'm just used to theme park 3-D. The only decent commercials I remember are the "send your gold" commercials (which had already aired that day), the e-trade babies and the Heroes vs. Legends game. That's pretty much it. I spent 4 ½ hours of my DVR just to record the Super Bowl to watch the commercials when I got home. I avoided NBC's Monday Night lineup just because it was forced down my throat so hard on Sunday that I gagged and almost lost my chicken wings.

Why do I get the feeling that if Brett Favre retires, Ben Roethlisberger is the "new Brett Favre?" What I mean that every announcer will be tripping over one another to be the first to compliment Ben on his left nutsac every week while justifying a four interception game by saying that Ben is a gunslinger and was trying to will his team to win. Oy. If that happens, I'll have to add Pittsburgh to the list of teams whose games I will not watch. I'm sure the Pats would love to have some company on that list.

Did anyone get their free Grand Slam from Denny's?

I don't care what any of these "professionals" say, I like "Glory Days."

-- Kind of dealing with the Super Bowl, but kind of not – I can't decide whether or not to push The Office's string of good episodes to four. The teaser had me rolling, not quite on the floor or my ass off (ugh, that just reminds me of another bad commercial), but it leveled out after that. Wasn't the new Amy Poehler show suppose to air after the Super Bowl? That was back when it was an office spinoff, but now that it's completely different, they thrust The Office into that spot – that's my thought process.



I say that because the one hour episode of The Office reeked of two episodes being smashed together at the last minute. I know that in reruns, they'll split the two shows, but come on. The only two storylines that spread over both were the Jim/Pam/Andy watching a movie/dealing with Pam's parents storyline and Stanley's heart attack. Stanley's heart attack is the sort of thing that The Office will usually run with for four or five episodes, so that can be dismissed. The Jim/Pam/Andy thing was weird in that there was not another character involved in any of the scenes or even mentioning that it was going on. Could it be that these three just filmed their little storyline to be the bridge between the two episodes? Add some stunt casting that doesn't interact with any of the characters from the show and you got a Super Bowl episode. Seriously, did they really pay Jessica Alba anything? She was onscreen for all of four seconds and I don't even remember her having a line.

I am a noted hater of Jim/Pam as a couple, so I didn't really buy into much of their storyline but there was some pretty good stuff outside of it. As I said, the teaser was awesome, I loved Michael feeding whole pieces of bread to birds that weren't there and loved his "zingers" even more. I guess I'll give it a pass, but it's close.

-- Everyone acts so grossed out by Jessica Simpson's weight – truth is, we'd all still hit it. Nothing wrong with a girl who has got a little curve to her. I'd have to ask her not to talk and please do not look me directly in the eye, but I'd still hit it. So would everyone else.

Bathroom CD of the Week


After the funk of Blood Sugar Sex Magik, this week I felt the need for a semi-popular girl led rock band from the late 90s with a hint of grunge. There was only one logical choice, Eight Arms to Hold You by Veruca Salt. This was pre-Nina Gordon departure and is by far the bands best album. The college favorite, American Thighs is good, but choppy. The band is probably best known for Volcano Girls off Eight Arms and their overuse of the word "seether." While the neighbors are happy that I'm not belting out lyrics, I do occasionally find myself singing some of the slower songs ("Benjamin," "The Morning Sad") in a high falsetto. That's just embarrassing, but the lady who lives above me makes weird sounds with most of the parts of her body, so she can deal with it. On top of that, it's always fun to try and guess who's singing on a particular song as you have to be pretty familiar with the band to tell when its Gordon or current front girl Louise Post. Personal favorites are "Straight," "Awesome," and "Shutterbug."

-- Perhaps someone out there can remember when Super Bowl games were blowouts? When the only gummy candies were bears and worms? When walking like an Egyptian was cool and not considered racist? If you remember these things, perhaps you're ready for a little RETRO in your life.

Maybe you were around for its inception, maybe it was always just there. Maybe you're like me and are truly part of the only true "MTV generation." I was 7 when MTV hit the airwaves, so I was influenced greatly by it all the way up to college when it started messing with it's format and evolved into the crap it is today. That's all beside the point as I am not here to talk about MTV today. I am here to talk about something that was born out of the influence of MTV. When MTV was immediately embraced by youth everywhere, NBC decided to do a little something I like to call counterprogramming. For those without the newly fandangled invention known as cable TV, NBC offered you…



Starting in 1983 from 12:30 – 2 AM, you could see nothing but the coolest, the newest, the baddest videos on the planet. You think I jest, but I kid you not. Before cable TV became commonplace, this was the only way some people could see these videos that they were constantly mocked for not having seen by their much cooler junior high classmates. There was always an A-List celebrity including the likes of Madonna, Ozzy and even the aforementioned Hulk Hogan hosting your night of videos.

I watched this show when I could even though I had MTV the majority of the time. I won't lie – part of the allure was the mystery of what was on TV past the witching hour. Hey – I was young, this was a big deal to me. Videos weren't enough. Oh no, NBC crossed the line for your entertainment and provided you with amazing profiles of the most popular musicians of the time. Don't believe me? Check out the profile on what can only be called the greatest rock band of all time – I'm sure somebody called them that at some point, right?



"Maneater" was totally jobbed and did not deserve to be on MTV's worst videos of all time list. Damnit! That one still makes me pee blood, I tell you! Amazingly, Friday Night Videos was around in some format until 2002 if you can believe that! It was reformatted several times before finally being booted off the air in favor of Late Night with Carson Daly. Ironic? Not really – what's ironic is the fact that the show, if still on today might do gangbuster ratings because MTV no longer plays videos.

Enough about long cancelled TV shows, I have more important things to talk about – like $.25 drinks. Does anyone remember these? Oh, how I remember them well. That is if they ever existed. Of everything that has been covered on the internet – which is pretty much everything in the world – the $.25 from the Village Pantry that went oh, so well with a $.50 hot dog and a day of playing Donkey Kong Jr and Off Road in their tiny video game room has not a single mention that I can find. For those in the know, these cool aid like beverages came in milk-like cartoons sporting flavors like lemon-lime, fruit punch, grape and orange. They'd probably go for about a dollar today because they were pretty healthy in size if I remember correctly. Oh, if I could find these little shiny cartons from heaven today, I would buy them out. Mostly because I have more money now and could probably afford to do so. Then I would watch as kids ran to the refrigerator section of the store only to find that shelf empty. There's nothing like a child's quivering lip of disappointment – but that's a story for another time. I hope someone else remembers these to validate that they're not just a made memory in the back of my head.

23 Years Ago Today

February 5, 1986

#1 Song



"That's What Friends Are For," by Dionne and Friends

#1 Album



The Broadway Album by Barbra Streisand

#1 Movie



Down and Out in Beverly Hills

Notable Releases: The Best of Times

I must leave you now.