The Big Screen Bulletin 02.23.09: An Article That Promises to Waste 4 Minutes of Your Life

Posted by Chad Webb on 02.23.2009

Another nightmare with the Boogeyman, details on lots of award winners, "Watchmen" updates, Zack Snyder's future, release date changes, "Expendables" updates, new DVD releases, new quickees, and much more!

Straight to Video Nightmares

Boogeyman 3







Starring: Erin Cahill, Chuck Hittinger, and Matt Rippy
Directed By: Gary Jones
Written By: Brian Sieve
Release Date: January 20, 2009
Running Time: 94 minutes
Not Rated

Last year, at around the same time, I reviewed Boogeyman 2. I was not kind in my review, but for some odd reason, I have decided to go one more round with the old Boogster. If you thought Boogeyman 2 hit rock bottom, Boogeyman 3 lands right beside it. I shudder at the thought that somewhere, someone enjoys this franchise, and thinks they are fun films. Those people must not set the bar very high. This was bad with a capital "B", and yes that is a crummy line for a critic to use, but the hell with it.

This story takes place in Northern California, Wolfbridge University specifically. Well, the first 5 minutes show Audrey Allen, daughter of Dr. Mitchell Allen, you remember, the psychiatrist portrayed by Tobin bell when he had a beard. So Audrey finds her father's journal, and is promptly taken under the bed. We then proceed to the college, where we meet the lovely Sarah, friend of Audrey, who is worried about her. Sarah does a radio show with Dr. Kane, and together they field student questions about various issues they are dealing with. She has a dull boyfriend named Mike, a roommate named Lindsey, and loads of other meaningless people that live in Hammonds Hall around her. In one intelligent exchange with her roommate, Sarah says "Have some sex for me" as Lindsey is about to go off with her British boyfriend Jeremy. Man, all the good ones are taken.

So Audrey returns. Apparently the Boogeyman ripped her under the bed only to let her go? He does that a lot in this film, causing me to wonder what his motives are. Audrey is scared out of her mind, and tries to tell Sarah this. The Boogeyman kills Audrey, but her death looks like a suicide. Sarah however, caught a glimpse of him, and is now trying to convince her friends that he is real. Evidently, Sarah's mom died in almost the same fashion, but people told her she just "saw things." With no one believing her, the Boogeyman continues to haunt her every night.

The Boogeyman is a mix between Robert Smith of The Cure and Ozzy Osbourne. He moves around in a form that looks like he is a holographic image. He morphs like a worn out TV set from place to place, and his approach is signaled by black cloud smoke. Very ominous indeed. He only attacks when people are alone, and it is dark. He emerges from the closet, and beneath beds. This seems obvious, but then he arrives in various rooms for no reason whatsoever. The Boogeyman can go anywhere he wants I guess. For 80 minutes, he grabs Sarah, then flees, and why, I have no clue. Well, because the film ends at the 90 minute mark, that's why. Duh Chad. The token black guy is named Lukas. He also loves to get high, and one would think the amount of time he spends doing this would be smelled by the RA, or some sort of snitch in the hallway, but no. His death is the only creative one. His bong breaks, and his throat is pushed onto the broken piece.

The Boogeyman sucks the British guy through a suitcase because that was the only dark place at the time? We should cut him slack. He has little to work with. Sarah sees many visions, and since the makers of The Grudge are involved, I expected nothing less. Director Gary Jones, loves blood, but not necessarily from victims. Sarah's visions include a hallway of blood and bodies, Lindsey gets covered in blood that sprays from the laundry room, and one guy does get chopped to bits in the heating ducts, but we only see blood spray. His death occurs off screen. And this is unrated? Sarah discovers the secrets of why the Boogeyman grows stronger, and it only induces laughter.

Erin Cahill is the sweet and innocent Sarah. She's average looking, but even if she was drop dead gorgeous, it would not overshadow her acting ability. Most of the acting here is about what you anticipate for a DTV release. Chuck Hittinger is the pansy boyfriend David, who tries to persuade Sarah that the Boogeyman does not exist. Mimi Michaels is her roommate Lindsey, who is a dime a dozen as far as horror movie blondes are concerned. Matt Rippey is Dr. Kane, and he had two bit parts in The Dark Knight and Hellboy II. Sadly, you probably won't be able to spot him. The twist with him at the end is laughable, much like his overly serious acting.

The cast has a tough time delivering these lines because they are beyond silly. I mean Freddy Kreuger attacked in your dreams, but even that was easier to swallow than this. Director Gary Jones has given us such classics as Crocodile 2: death Swamp, Jolly Roger: Massacre at Cutter's Cove, and Planet Raptor. I would go on for the rest of the paragraph talking about his weaknesses as a filmmaker, but you've heard that already. All I can say is I have no idea what he was trying to do here. It's not scary, suspenseful, funny, intriguing, or remotely engaging. This film just exists like a skidmark on the underpants of life.

Final Rating = 1.5/10.0

The News Bulletin

Madea Goes to the Bank
"Tyler Perry's Madea Goes to Jail" took in $41.1 million, giving Lionsgate its biggest opening weekend during a time of instability for the company. The Tyler Perry bow far surpassed the previous Lionsgate high of $33.6 million on "Saw III" in 2006. Perry and Lionsgate have been a potent combo, with the multihyphenate's seven pics grossing $300 million to date at the domestic B.O. Overall B.O. continued its remarkable hot streak, gaining about 30% thanks to strong carryover frames for "Taken" and "Coraline," which finished No. 2 and No. 3, respectively. "Madea's" per-screen average of $20,236 was the highest for any pic since last November's "Twilight" phenom.

The only other wide bow on Oscar weekend, Screen Gems comedy "Fired Up," collected $6 million from 1,810 locations. Fox's Liam Neeson thriller "Taken" notched another $11.4 million, dipping just 40% to reach a cue of $95.2 million. The "Madea" numbers, coupled with January low-budget 3-D release "Bloody Valentine" hitting $50 million, gave Lionsgate a positive finish to a bumpy February. The company reported a quarterly loss, badly missing Wall Street estimates, and also announced significant cuts in production spending and release output for fiscal 2010. As its stock price spiraled downward, activist investor Carl Icahn upped his stake in the company by scooping up bargain-priced shares. To have the second biggest hit of the year after less than two months is really a good feeling," said distrib chief Steve Rothenberg.

I was way off this week folks. I am off to a bad start this year indeed. Those negative reviews nearly decapitated Friday the 13th, which dropped in one week, from #1 to #6. Wow. Tyler Perry surprises the masses once again. Yes, many underestimate him, but I still say he retreats to the Madea character when he needs a box office smash quickly enough. Taken, Coraline, He's Just Not That Into You, Slumdog, and Paul Blart have dominated the top 10 for weeks. Fired Up debuted horribly, though that is not a shock with barely any publicity. Tom Tykwer's The International is hanging on for dear life at #10. I might get made fun of, but after last year's Hannah Montana shocker, I can bet the house that Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience will be #1.






The Razzie Winners Are In!
At least someone loved "The Love Guru". Voters for The 29th Annual RAZZIE Awards spread the dis-honors around this year, but gave several of their berry biggest trophies to one of 2008's most notorious box office losers, Mike Myers' misbegotten, far-from-mystical "comedy" "The Love Guru". In addition to being named the year's Worst Picture, 'Guru' also received spray-painted gold for its screenplay and Myers as Worst Actor, in intentionally tacky ceremonies held on 'Oscar Eve' at the Barnsdall Theatre in Hollywood.

But the former SNL star wasn't the year's biggest RAZZIE winner/loser. That dis-stink-tion belongs to 'sex-tape-celeb-utant' Paris Hilton, who tied Eddie Murphy's hat-trick from 2007, taking a record-tying three trophies in a single year. For her "starring" performance in Worst Picture nominee "The Hottie and the Nottie" (which Hilton herself executive-produced) the air-headed heiress was gonged for both Worst Actress and as part of the year's Worst Screen Couple (along with co-stars Christine Lakin and Joel David Moore). And for her mostly-left-on-the-cutting-room floor cameo in the "slasher musical" "Repo: The Genetic Opera", she was chosen Worst Supporting Actress.

Others roundly RAZZed in the 90-minute Oscar parody included Pierce Brosnan as Worst Supporting Actor for his tone-deaf turn in MAMMA MIA! The year's third-biggest grossing (and most disappointing) movie "Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull" 'won' as Worst Prequel, Remake, Rip-Off or Sequel and world-class worst movie-maker Uwe Boll took both the 2008 Worst Director RAZZIE® (for 3 titles) and a well-deserved special Worst Career Achievement dis-honor.

These are best viewed as a joke, but Uwe Boll must be getting in contact with the Razzie chairmen, so as to book his next boxing match with them as opponents. Not everyone receives a worst career achievement dis-honor. Poor Pierce Brosnan. It is more the director's fault than his. He might be a bad singer, but the camera was on him so close you pick out the creases on his face. Paris Hilton and Mike Myers, deservedly take home the most awards here. I think Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull's win is bogus. That film will take a place beside The Godfather Part III and Terminator III: Rise of the Machines as being underrated.






The Little Director's Cut That Could
Dark Horizons first broke the story of a three-plus hour director's cut of "Watchmen" coming to DVD back in November and now it looks like said cut may be making it to the big screen as well. Talking with VH1, Director Zack Snyder says that the 190-minute director's cut will be hitting DVD & Blu-ray shelves in July and, if the theatrical cut performs well, the director's cut will get a theatrical release in Los Angeles and New York around the same time.

Take not this is NOT the 'Ultimate Edition' DVD with a shortened version of the 24-minute Tales from the Black Freighter animated short re-incorporated back in. That 205-minute version will likely only be seen on DVD & Blu-ray. Meanwhile the new issue of Entertainment Weekly features six covers featuring the key characters from the film.

This is exciting news, though it should just be released as a director's cut right away if you ask me. I'm certainly pumped for this movie after reading the graphic novel, and the fact that the DVD is getting released so soon afterwards is spectacular. And at least this time, we have been warned that an Ultimate Edition, with Tales of the Black Freighter, etc, intertwined will be coming out, in addition to the theatrical cut, and other releases. Usually, we are tricked, or messed with (I'm looking at you Peter Jackson and George Lucas) so this is a step in the right direction.






The Future of Zack Snyder
Zack Snyder's proposed "Alice in Wonderland with machine guns" project, entitled "Sucker Punch", aims to kick off filming in the Fall of 2009 in Vancouver. Talking with Collider, Snyder says the film takes place in the late 60's and "it's about a girl that's been committed to an insane asylum and she fantasizes that she can escape and she has these crazy adventures in her mind where she goes into the past and into the future."

He adds that it's a hardcore action film that's "definitely rated R". Snyder and Steve Shibuya penned the script based off a short story. Snyder's adaptation of Alan Moore's acclaimed graphic novel "Watchmen" hits theaters in two weeks and he's been in and out of Sydney for the past few months working on his animated project "Guardians of Ga'Hoole".

Why isn't the title Alice in Wonderland with Machine Guns? That we be off the hook. Sucker Punch is too close to Donkey Punch, in sound, not meaning. Snyder is a busy bee as of late, and for good reason. His projects have proven to make money, so now he can deliver some personal efforts. This action flick could be very entertaining, but glancing at a premise for a Zack Snyder pic is never the full picture. His style always adds a unique flavor no matter what the story. I'm anxious to see how he fares in the animated realm too. On a side note, I heard he is interested in directing an adaptation of Frank Miller's The Dark Knight Returns sometime. I have just begun to read that, but if it does happen, it would not be for many years.






Release Date Changes!
500 Days of Summer
The Joseph Gordon-Levitt led anti-romantic comedy has been moved up a week to July 17th where it will act as counter-programming to the new "Harry Potter" flick.

The Box
The Richard Kelly-directed sci-fi thriller has been delayed again, this time only slightly - from November 6th to November 25th

When in Rome
The Kristen Bell-led romantic comedy will come out August 7th 2009.

The Haunting in Connecticut
The Lionsgate horror-thriller starring Virginia Marsden has moved up from June 19th 2009 to March 27th, which already features five other wide-releases.

Couples Retreat
The Universal ensemble comedy starring Vince Vaughn, Jon Favreau, Jason Bateman, Malin Akerman, Kristen Bell, and Jean Reno will come out October 9th 2009.

Moon
The Sam Rockwell-led sci-fi drama that premiered at Sundance will get a release on June 12th

Dance Flick
The Wayans Bros. dance-parody has moved back from August 14th 2009 to a surprising Memorial Day Weekend release on May 22nd.

The Goods: The Don Ready Story
Paramount has moved up the Jeremy Piven comedy from August 21st to a wide-release on the 14th.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine
This is just rumored, but there's a possibility that Fox may move up the release date of the film to April 30th. However, this likely just means that they could have evening showings, much like Iron Man or Transformers before it.

A Richard Kelly sci-fi film. That is sure to be buckets of fun :note scarcasm:. Uh oh, I'm sure all the Kelly fanatics will be commenting at the bottom. On the other hand, a sci-fi drama with Sam Rockwell is more my taste, however, dumping it in June is not proper business. Whoever titled the Kristin Bell romcom needs to be fired. That is the exact title of the same Olsen Twins DTV adventure from 2002. Couples Retreat will be comfortable in that autumn slot. Vince Vaughn and company should score a hit then for sure. Now that the Wayan parody has moved into May, it gives me a better excuse to skip it, and how could Fox not have evening showings for such an anticipated blockbuster?






The Independent Spirit Award Winners
"The Wrestler" put the Ram-Jam on the competition, taking top honors at Saturday's Film Independent Spirit Awards with three gongs. The complete list of winners:

Picture
"The Wrestler," producers Darren Aronofsky, Scott Franklin
Director
Tom McCarthy, "The Visitor"
Screenplay
Woody Allen, "Vicky Cristina Barcelona"
Cinematographer
Maryse Alberti, "The Wrestler"
Male lead
Mickey Rourke, "The Wrestler"
Female lead
Melissa Leo, "Frozen River"
Supporting female
Penelope Cruz, "Vicky Cristina Barcelona"
Supporting male
James Franco, "Milk"
Foreign film
Laurent Cantet's "The Class"
Documentary
James Marsh's "Man on Wire"
First feature
Charlie Kaufman's "Synecdoche, New York"
First screenplay
Dustin Lance Black, "Milk"
John Cassavetes Award (given to the best feature made for less than $500,000)
Alex Holdridge's "In Search of a Midnight Kiss"
Acura Someone to Watch Award
Lynn Shelton, "My Effortless Brilliance"
Piaget Producers Award
Heather Rae, "Frozen River"
Lacoste Truer Than Fiction Award
Margaret Brown, "The Order of Myths"
Robert Altman Award (given to film's director, casting director and its ensemble cast)
"Synecdoche, New York"

Hey, Synecdoche, New York won something. Congrats to them. Hopefully more people see it. It is customary (I think) for the male lead that won for these awards, to lose in the Oscar race, but one never knows. Mickey Rourke gets robbed, so there you go. The Class won the foreign film race here, but Waltz with Bashir was not nominated. I tried to find out why they name their screenplay award "First Screenplay", but to no avail. I'm glad to see Director Tom McCarthy and James Franco get some love though. And just having a John Cassavetes annual award is terrific.






Weekly Expendables Update
According to Total Film, when Sylvester Stallone was assembling his team of kick-ass action stars for The Expendables, he asked Jean-Claude Van Damme to join the fight. Apparently JCVD turned down the part because Sly was more about the money than the characters. "Stallone gave me a part in his next movie," Jean-Claude told Total Film. "But I ask him about the subject, about the story. He said, ‘You're gonna make lots of money.' I don't want to hear that, I want to hear what was my character. He was unable to tell what it's going to be. [Stallone said:] ‘You know, uh, well, the fighting will be good.' [So I said:] ‘Sly, what is my character?' So I didn't do the movie." The movie moved on without him, casting Mickey Rourke, Jason Statham, Jet Li, Forest Whitaker, Dolph Lundgren, and of course Stallone.

At first it seemed Jean-Claude had turned over a new leaf. No more dumb action movies for a paycheck thanks to his amazing dramatic turn in JCVD, a French production based on the "Muscles from Brussels." So is Jean-Claude a serious actor now? Is he taking off the black belt and putting on fancy pants? Not exactly. JCVD also told Total Film he wants to make another Bloodsport movie. "You know, like, we're gonna do Bloodsport 2," he said. "Which was my first movie. And I want to do it now in a very mature way, where the guy from Bloodsport is a complete bum, maybe abusing his son." 1988's Bloodsport introduced the Belgian actor to the States alongside his co-star Forest Whitaker. There was already a Bloodsport 2 in 1996, but JCVD was not involved, nor did he show up in the third or fourth movies.

Arnold Schwarzenegger is heading back to the big-screen - he has signed up to appear in fellow muscleman Sylvester Stallone's upcoming film The Expendables. Schwarzenegger put his acting career on hold when he was elected Governor of California in 2003. But he is set to make a return with a brief appearance playing himself in Stallone's star-studded movie. It seems that the Gov and Sly's character Barney Ross have some history back when the Gov was shooting Conan The Barbarian!" The film, about a team of mercenaries heading to South America on a mission to overthrow a dictator, will also star Eric Roberts (who is set to replace Ben Kingsley), Robert Knepper (Prison Break), and Danny Trejo. Filming is scheduled to start shooting next month. Van Damme was offered the role that went to Lundgren, and Wesley Snipes was offered the role that went to Randy Couture, but declined due to his tax problems.

I like the idea of Van Damme in the film, but not if it means Dolph is out. Obviously we know the basic cast, but I think it would have been fun for Van Damme to take the spot of Couture for instance. In my opinion, Van Damme prefers himself to be the center of his films. In the past, he has teamed up and what not, but most of the time, the focus is on him, and in The Expendables that would not be the case, and I can bet that bothered him. What makes his decision odd is that he declines on Stallone's offer, but wants to do Bloodsport 2, which was already made incidentally, and even if he did return to that series, it would surely go DTV, which defeats the purpose if you ask me. You might think Sly's comments towards him would make me worried about the film, but quite the contrary I assure you. Sly knows what the audience wants, and he tells Van Damme that exact thing. The fact that all he said was "The fighting will be good" makes me more pumped for the film because that's what I'm paying a ticket for.

As for Arnold, I mean who is not psyched for that. Even though he is playing himself, who cares? Rocky and the Terminator will be a film together, and that means instant awesomeness. There is only one link missing to complete this as greatest film ever. AFI will remove Citizen Kane immediately, and put The Expendables in its place if we only had C-Nor. Come on Sly. If you can make all this happen, you can give Chuck Norris a ring. If this movie had a hole, I would find a way to….well nevermind, but this is gonna rock.

The 20 Second Sermon

The Dark Knight has topped $1 billion, becoming only the 4th film to do so. This is a great accomplishment for that crew, but Titanic is still a long ways away. Linda Hamilton is in talks to reprise her role as Sarah Connor in Terminator Salvation. It would be a voice-over, but just to have her involved in any capacity increases my interested in the McG film. It appears that the Wachowski's will not be rebooting Superman for a trilogy. Well, I knew it was too good to be true. This is good in a way, because it delays the reboot longer, and the man of steel needs a rest. Apparently Universal is planning a Battlestar Galactica film, based on the 1978-79 series, not the recent reboot. I must admit, I need to watch the newer series. Many people have recommended it, but as of now, I have like half a dozen shows to watch on DVD. Little Fockers is preparing to move forward, but needs a director. Most of the cast from the first two are ready, except Dustin Hoffman and Barbara Streisand, who are not confirmed. I loved the first one, hated the second one. Of the filmmakers they want (Paul Weitz, Peyton Reed, David Wain), I would give the nod to either Weitz or Reed.

What's Coming to DVD….Buy or Avoid?

DVD Headline of the Week



Futurama: Into the Wild Green Yonder - A review will be posted on the site soon, but it's Futurama, the last one as far as I know, so go buy it!

What Just Happened? - Robert De Niro and Director Barry Levinson team 11 years after Wag the Dog with this new satire with a solid cast. I didn't see it, but will soon.

Sex Drive - I remember this as the flick with the intriguing movie poster, but that's it. I doubt I'll ever see it unless a bunch of people tell me its good.

Ironweed - This drama stars Jack Nicholson and Meryl Streep. It received a bunch of Oscar nominations, and this is yet another this week I have not seen. This is at the top of my list though.

Four Flies on Grey Velvet - I only recently started getting into Dario Argento, so this is definitely on my slate for the future, but I need to catch up with some of the more popular titles first.

WWE Royal Rumble 2009 - I have little interest in this PPV except for the Edge match. I am upset I missed No Way Out last week though. I had planned on buying it.

The Last House on the Left - This is the Wes Craven original. The remake is on the way. It gets exhausting seeing all the originals of these horror remakes. Please, give them a break.

The Haunting of Molly Hartley - This is a slow DVD week. I have lost track of movies with the title "The Haunting of.." now.

RetroGrade - A Dolph B-movie from 2004 gets released on DVD. Oh happy day!

The Critic's Quickee

Friday the 13th - Well, we are back at Camp Crystal Lake with Jason Vorhees on the prowl once again, and one thing is certain after this adventure. Do not mess with the weed! Whether that weed belongs to Jason or not, you better not go near it, because he will cut yo a$$ up. I have seen all the films but Jason X. Some I enjoyed, some I didn't. I went into this with a fairly open mind. This new reboot of the franchise is in my opinion an abomination. I looked at the reviews on our site, and compared them to the abysmal reviews from mainstream critics, and I came to a conclusion. I had been asking myself why I saw so many 7's and 7.5's for ratings. The only thing I could think of was that fans of the original series wanted so badly for this to be good, that they were prepared to enjoy it no matter what. That's why you see the ratings you do. Now, if you were to admit the film is bad, but say "You know what, I like it anyway." That is cool, but to justifiably describe this as a satisfactory movie is baffling to me. The director is Marcus Nispel, and I think some people have forgotten who he is, and what he has already given us. He stood at the helm for The Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake and Pathfinder. Nispel falls into the category of filmmakers that have not evolved real hard. This is the same weak direction since his debut with constant dark lighting to shadow the poor staging. He only knows how to show buckets of blood spilled.

And if body count is your fancy, this will be a dream come true. The death toll is high here, which becomes boring. Yes, this venture with Jason is tedious. How to describe these killings? Some people actually think these are creative deaths? Wow. Go rent a Final Destination film for that. The Willa Ford one was neat, but that's it. He stabs and slices with a machete, and other than that we see that Jason is cunning this time around. Let me tell you listeners, this is the smartest damn deformed hick kid I have ever seen. He sets bear traps in exact spots where the victims will step, he rigs ropes and bells around the forest so he knows when someone is lurking, and holy crap! If he can do all this, why doesn't he clean himself up, walk out of the forest, and get a damn job at the local McDonald's?

This is a reboot, but it changes very little that's important (that's the key), and I don't wanna hear anything about the hockey mask or whatever. When you reboot something, the guidelines change. Now, when studios have rebooted in the past, the intentions are clear. Obviously milking a franchise and making money are always there, but part of them always want to improve something that was weak initially. What did this improve? Nothing. Basically this fast forwards through the first films story, you know the interesting one (the only one praiseworthy) with the mother as the killer, so we can get right to Jason as the psycho. I love how the entire town seems to know of Jason's presence and his murders, but no one does or says anything to the police, or rather the sole cop, who is never around. Gimme a break. The human characters in this film were utilized for no other reason that they are either good looking or stereotypes. We do not sympathize with any of them because they are all idiots, they are all annoying, and they are all bad actors. People can say "Oh, you should expect bad acting and characters that are stupid." Wrong. If you plan to reboot Friday the 13th, the least you could do is make the characters at least slightly different than the normal moronic ones. In the original franchise, the stories were silly and clichéd, but a many of the installments knew they were silly. It was that campy atmosphere that made them fun, and this has none of that.

This one, just like all of Michael Bay's recent horror attempts, takes themselves way too seriously. This was made with the intention that as long as we have boobs, bodies, and blood, the audience won't care about quality. I cared....because this was agonizing. This is simply Jason killing from start to finish. This contains no intriguing story, no intriguing character development, nothing at all to remember. There are no characters, just sheep lined up for the slaughter. In the first 23 minutes, we see the first group of horny youths get killed, but one of them might not have the fate you think, and the reasoning for this twist is utterly ridiculous. I know what people will say, but it makes absolutely no sense for her to still be breathing. None. The second group comes along 6 weeks later, also horny, also smoking weed, also drinking American beer. Come on, must all young kids be pot smoking drunkards? I just watched Boogeyman 3, and wouldn't you know it, they were smoking pot, drinking, and having sex. But it's ok here and not there? Wow, seems no director can refuse these clichés. You have the token black guy, the funny Asian played by Aaron Yoo, and the ditsy women who get naked in a moment's notice. And I love how Aaron Yoo talks to himself so that the viewer can still be entertained. Even though normal people don't do this, they have to include that scene because silence would be awful.

Who do we root for here? The characters? If that was your answer, I have no problem saying that you are nuts. These characters are the most unlikable people on the planet (especially Trent, who can be an uptight prick but still get laid), and they are put in situations specifically so Jason can maim them easier. Remember The Descent and Shaun of the Dead when we got to know the characters and like them before they got offed? And I love how Jason conveniently stops trying to kill the main guy Clay at the end, but just throws him around and beats him up instead. Someone needs to live right? The Asian guy has a bong named Lucille. Man, I can't contain my laughter, its genius comedy. Was I expecting a profound film, something new and totally different for the storyline? No, not entirely. I understand that this is just a slasher film, but when does that excuse become overused? I was not expecting an over abundance of ambition, but just a smidgen would have improved things. Should we just praise all slasher films because we shouldn't expect anything novel or interesting from them. "Well, they are a fun waste of 90 minutes and anyone wanting anything else is being unrealistic?" What about the slasher films that don't star iconic serial killers? Are critics being snobs for them too? No one used these excuses for Prom Night. Are we supposed to praise this just because it's Jason and he makes money? In the words of Owen Hart "Enough is enough and it's time for a change." People use this excuse because deep down they know this is bad, but won't admit it.

The excuse of "What were you expecting?" only works for so long, and after 12 films, critics have the right to say "you know what, these films suck because all they do is recycle the same old formula." I love a good slasher flick, but I refuse to praise one just because it has a popular character, and whether they admit it or not, that is exactly what all the reviewers giving favorable ratings are doing. The acting of course is bad, but I guess that "comes with the territory" as I've read. Derek Mears is Jason. I met him. He's a very nice guy, and he does exactly what is required. The problem is the writing, and how they tried to make Jason smarter when it doesn't fit with all his actions. The plot holes are gaping, and I'm sorry, there is only so much one can dismiss as "Well you should expect this" before they can't deny what is right in front of him. This is one of the worst films of the year. Michael Bay is destroying these franchises. He is stripping them of genuine suspense, refuses to recreate the premise with any imagination (which is key since this is called a re-imagining). All that is left is the original set-up, but it is now stiff, bare, and plain, and if that is what fans want, I feel sorry for them. In terms of filmmaking skills, and actually being faithful to the term reboot, Rob Zombie's Halloween shames this cynical money grab of a movie. Final Rating = 2.0/10.0

The International - This is the new film from Director Tom Tykwer, the filmmaker who previously made Run Lola Run, Perfume and an overlooked gem Princess and the Warrior. This is a fairly standard thriller, and I think most will say its ok, and move on. I looked at it in a different light because I am big fan of Tykwer's canon. He crafts an intelligent piece of work here. The problem is thrillers like this don't have a place in theaters at the moment. And if people do see them, it is likely to be on DVD. On the surface, this possesses all the normal qualities of a European thriller, but Tykwer handles his film with more class than most. I think people want to see CGI extravaganzas and special effects shows, and that is not what Tykwer is known for. Clive Owen, who is always terrific in these sort of roles, is wonderful here as Louie Salinger. His co-star is the main flaw. Naomi Watts, while a fantastic actress, is totally uncomfortable in her part. Her character is not profound, but if the proper actress had been cast, the chemistry could have sparked. One of the reasons The International deserves more credit is Armin Meuller-Stahl, a highly underrated performer, whose name I love saying. He is brilliant in his supporting capacity, which is deeper than one imagines. Tykwer does not rely on action to capture the audience's attention. The storyline is given equal focus as the chases and shootouts. However, the gun battle in the Guggenheim is spectacular. I do think the fact that the villain is a bank, and the nature of that bank's activities has strangely coincidental timing for some of things were are experiencing in real life now. Eric Warren Singer's script is magnificent on dialogue, but is a bit weak on fleshing out the Watts character. Tykwer as usual shoots locations like no one else. His movies unleash an energy that few filmmakers can achieve. He also customarily helps with the score, as he does here, which is quite satisfactory. Others might not care as much about this film, and that is understandable. His thriller is taut, cerebral, and well paced, though despite its faults, the ending was the key. This does not conclude as one might expect, and that is why I am giving it a favorable review. Since this is average, I would say if I were to sit down and watch a film such as this, it would be with this style, instead of something that Tony Scott would release like Déjà vu. Final Rating = 7.5/10.0

What Have I Done?

Monday - I have been listening to a lot of Santana recently. I of course love his main hits, but I wanted to cover some of his full albums, and I did with Santana, Abraxas, and III. The last one is definitely a 10/10 classic, and the middle is easily a 9 or so. Their debut was good, but the band would obtain a smoother sound as they continued to age. Thankfully the anniversary edition CD's had bonus live tracks, and Santana was awesome live. Still is.






Tuesday - I watched Au Hasard Balthazar, the 1966 film from Director Robert Bresson. The film is certainly masterful, but the structure is not easy to adjust to, nor is his minimalist style (though I love it). The story follows a donkey, which is moved from owner to owner, accepting everything coming his way, including his fate. Yes, a donkey, but it is quite touching. For those thinking of trying out one of Bresson's movies, this is not the one to start with. I would recommend Pickpocket.





Wednesday - I finished the Watchmen graphic novel quickly. It was absolutely phenomenal. No doubt about it. The characters were fascinating, the mystery was suspenseful, and the artwork was outstanding. Alan Moore deserves a lot of credit. I am even more psyched for the film though. I'll probably discuss more when it's released, but I did hear the ending has been "tweaked." Purists might object, but I can see one or two areas that could use some tweaking as far as movie adaptations go. The fact that Snyder is bringing Tales of the Black Freighter to life at all is worth a pat on the back. Dr. Manhattan might be one of the most interesting characters in history. He was my favorite. Rorschach is a close second.






Thursday - My friend Tim and I got on a tangent about bad sodas recently, and we both agreed on one in particular. It was called Pepsi Holiday Spice, and it was just horrendous. We found that Pespi has experimented a lot, and that many turned out horribly, especially some over seas. Let me know below if you remember this soda.







The Weekend - In an effort to see some of the foreign nominees that did not open wider until now, Steph and I decided to travel about 30-45 minutes to an arthouse theater that played limited NYC releases before anyone else. Nearby, we had to park in a parking garage. Upon entering the parking garage, a line was formed, and we had to circle all the way to the top. I knew there and then that all the people who are famous for seeing Oscar nominees at the last minute were all going to the same theater. They are usually older people, and they are a royal pain since they travel in groups and always talk during the film. Incidentally, both films we wanted to catch were sold out, along with 2 others. Mission not accomplished.

Based on the Trailer…

Note that some links require you to scroll down a menu below the trailer screen. This is Yahoo's fault most likely.

Newest Trailers

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen - During the first few seconds, I thought I had clicked on the trailer for Armageddon. I see robots, explosions, and the LaBeoufster. Other than that, what is happening is anyone's guess. Trailer Rating = 6.0/10.0

Echelon Conspiracy - No, this is not a new Ludlum adaptation. This is about a magical cell phone that, and a guy who is hunted down because he has it. I am strangely fascinated by this, and it will likely suck, but I'll see it anyway. Trailer Rating = 7.0/10.0

Angels & Demons (2) - These stories are what they are. If you enjoy Indiana Jones, National Treasure type stuff, you'll like this. I loved the first film, and my fondness for Tom Hanks is widely known, so I'll be there opening night for this. This longer trailer sheds a bit of light. This looks to be a bit darker in tone. Trailer Rating = 8.5/10.0

The Boat that Rocked - I love music, so this is right up my alley. It's about a radio station on a boat, one that helped give rock music to the world. It stars Philip Seymour Hoffman and Nick Frost. Trailer Rating = 8.0/10.0

Funny People - The new dramedy from Judd Apatow starring Adam Sandler, Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill, and others. This looks very funny and touching at the same time, and that's what Apatow does best. I hope this can salvage what if left of Sandler's dignity. Trailer Rating = 9.0/10.0

March Releases

Crossing Over - At long last, Harrison Ford returns to expressing his acting talents, not his popularity in the action genre. This has a great cast, a good director, and a fascinating premise. I'm definitely in. Trailer Rating = 8.5/10.0

Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li - This looks pretty bland actually, but if it carries the title of "Street Fighter", at least we know it will be better than the first video game adaptation. Trailer Rating = 5.0/10.0

Watchmen - This was the best trailer attached to my Dark Knight screening. Hopefully Zack Snyder can continue to improve his skills after 300. I have read the graphic novel and it is great. I can only pray the film brings the pages to life faithfully. Trailer Rating = 8.5/10.0

Monsters vs. Aliens - Wow, another terrific trailer, and this is a CGI flick from Dreamworks, who is stepping up their game past Shrek thankfully. This looks hysterical. Trailer Rating =9.5/10.0

I Love You, Man - This has a superb cast, and looks like a lot of fun with Paul Rudd and Jason Segel providing the laughs. I'm definitely looking forward to it. Trailer Rating = 8.5/10.0

12 Rounds - A Cena character loses a girlfriend again. Yippee. Renny Harlin looks to have honed the action a bit, but Cena's acting and the plot are still weak. This seems to have borrowed a lot from the Die Hard franchise. Still, Cena is worth a second chance. Trailer Rating = 5.5/10.0

Adventureland - The new film from Superbad director Greg Motolla looks ok. I'm more intrigued by the cast of young actors than the plot itself. I'm sure it will deliver enough laughs though. Trailer Rating = 7.5/10.0

The Last House on the Left - Meh, another plain looking thriller about psychos and the vengeance inflicted on them. This preview flaunts the Producer, Wes Craven, and emphasizes the corny cover of "Sweet Child ‘O Mine." This could be something I skip. Trailer Rating = 6.0/10.0

Miss March - This is going to be insanely stupid. The premise has potential, but then you look at the gags, and one has to wonder who the hell could think it was funny? Trailer Rating = 2.5/10.0

Race to Witch Mountain - I like the Rock, and I'll see the original before this comes out, but this strikes me as a typical Disney adventure flick that has little offer. We'll see though. Trailer Rating = 5.0/10.0

Knowing - This has Number 23 sort of approach, which is fine, but why is Nicolas Cage doing all these mediocre thrillers? He's a great actor, and should be showing that more. Anyway, this looks ok. Trailer Rating = 6.5/10.0

April Releases

Fast & Furious - Is that the best title they could come up with? Well, I hate this franchise, and everything it stands for, but I'd be lying if I said this wasn't a step up from the previous installment. Trailer Rating = 6.0/10.0

The Soloist - Atonement' Joe Wright changes his British period drama material for something new. This looks a bit like Resurrecting the Champ, only with better actors. Trailer Rating = 8.5/10.0

Dragonball: Evolution - Not too sure about this yet. The special effects look great, but then again, people said that about Jumper too. I'm new to this whole thing, but this looks like it could be bad, but Chow Yun Fat is in it, so one never knows. Trailer Rating = 6.5/10.0

Hannah Montana: The Movie - I know 411 readers have been dying for this trailer. In all honesty, it doesn't matter how bad we think this will be because it will be a box office smash for sure. Remember when her concert got #1 last year? Yes, the movie seems dumb, like the show, and anything with Billy Ray should not be in theaters. Trailer Rating = 6.5/10.0

Crank 2: High Voltage - This sequel looks ridiculous, preposterous, and over the top…all reasons I can't wait to see it. Statham is a solid action star, but better when comedy is mixed in. Trailer Rating = 8.0/10.0

Earth - A new documentary from the Disneynature series, narrated by James Earl Jones. This has some gorgeous visuals, and hopefully will be more entertaining than March of the Penguins. If anyone can out-narrate Morgan Freeman, it is James Earl Jones. Trailer Rating = 8.0/10.0

State of Play - As this preview starts, it seems like just another thriller with Russell Crowe, but the A-list cast on top of him causes one's interest to rise. I'll be seeing this one for sure. Trailer Rating = 8.5/10.0

Observe and Report - This must be the year of the mall security guard in cinema. Too bad Paul Blart was bad, and this looks dumb as well. I'm shocked to say that since Seth Rogen is involved, but I call it as I see it. Trailer Rating = 5.0/10.0

Fighting - This could be an easy contender for worst film of 2009. I stars Channing Tatum, and looks to be a rip-off of like 10 other films. The title alone should say a lot right? Trailer Rating = 1.0/10.0

May, TBD, and Beyond Releases

The Great Buck Howard - We have a magician comedy with John Malkovich, David Blaine, Tom Hanks, and Colin Hanks, among others. Is their any way this could be bad? I say no, and if you disagree, we are not friends. Trailer Rating = 8.5/10.0

Dance Flick - This Wayan parody trailer does what most parody trailers do: make you chuckle. But we all know the film will be a disaster. Well, some of us do. The others still see this sludge. Trailer Rating = 4.0/10.0

Planet 51 - This could be a fairly amusing CGI film. The animation looks nice, but this has few voices, and no real clue as to how funny it will be. I am still unsure, but it might be good, and it might not. Trailer Rating = 6.5/10.0

The Escapist - A British prison break film starring Brian Cox. This is my favorite genre, so I can't wait for this, but in order for this to make a splash, it will have to be something special. The critic quotes being from random guys worries me. Trailer Rating = 8.0/10.0

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (Super Bowl spot) - I was little late with this one, but it's too early to tell how good or bad this will be anyhow. I'm betting it's more bad than good. Trailer Rating = 5.0/10.0

G.I. Joe (Super Bowl spot) - Oh my Lord. This looks ten thousand ways of awful. I cannot believe that the cartoon I watched as a child, has been adapted in this way. Holy schnikes. Trailer Rating = 2.0/10.0

Land of the Lost (Super Bowl spot) - Will Ferrell is funny, but that is an excuse I am having trouble using as time goes along. This looks like the CGI is overwhelming everything. I'll see it, but my expectations are not high. Trailer Rating = 5.0/10.0

Year One (Super Bowl spot) - Jack Black and Michael Cera are hunter-gatherers set in the ancient world. This looks mildly amusing. Both actors should provide the laughs. Trailer Rating = 7.0/10.0

S. Darko - I can't help but laugh. This will be a huge pile of junk, and since I HATED the first one, I can only hope that this ruins its overrated reputation. Trailer Rating = 3.0/10.0

The Slammin' Salmon - The new Broken Lizard comedy starring the usual group of guys and Michael Clarke Duncan, who steals this red-band trailer. I love the comedies from this clan, so I will be seeing it. Trailer Rating = 8.0/10.0

Up - Pixar's next flick looks like another funny, endearing, and funfilled adventure. At least we can rely on them for originality. I'll definitely be seeing this. Trailer Rating = 9.0/10.0

Powder Blue - It stars Jessica Biel as a stripper, and includes Ray Liotta. Need I say more? Trailer Rating = 11/10

Terminator Salvation - I love Christian Bale, and the Terminator franchise, but I have serious doubts about this. I believe it will be terrible, but I must admit, this teaser was well constructed. Trailer Rating = 8.0/10.0

Inglorious Basterds - Many expressed disappointment with this, but it is a WWII film from Tarantino, so what were you expecting? I think it looks awesome. I can't wait to see it! Trailer Rating = 9.0/10.0

The Taking of Pelham 123 - The new film by Tony Scott, starring his buddy Denzel, John Travolta, and James Gandolfini. Can Tony dust himself off from the decline his career has taken? Travolta makes a neat villain, so only time will tell. This thriller seems mediocre to me at first glance. Trailer Rating = 6.5/10.0

Star Trek XI - The teaser was superbly placed before Cloverfield, and this causes me to be amped for the next installment despite my doubts about the cast. I hope it's as good as we deserve. Trailer Rating = 9.0/10.0

X-Men Origins: Wolverine - I am undecided on this one. I think Gavin Hood is an excellent director, and I have faith in his talent, but the rest is a mixed bag, especially the first glimpse at Gambit, but that's my opinion. Otherwise, this looks to be heavy on action, which could be good or bad. Trailer Rating = 7.0/10.0

The Proposal - This is an example of a romantic comedy I loathe. Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock are the stars. Yay. Watch this preview and tell me you cannot predict how this ends. Trailer Rating = 4.0/10.0

The Perfect Game - Though I'm not a baseball fan, I always enjoy watching the Little League World Series. The problem with this film, despite a bad title, is that the preview reveals way too much, so hopefully it has more going for it besides the story, which I'm sure is inspirational. Trailer Rating = 6.5/10.0

New York, I Love You - The first film, Paris, Je T'aime was one of the best films in recent memory that few knew about. So I am very excited about this second installment. The cast and directors look amazing. It should be a terrific experience. Trailer Rating = 9.0/10.0

Night at the Museum 2: Battle of the Smithsonian - I realize the first one was a mammoth blockbuster hit, but it sucked, and this looks just as terrible, I don't care if Amy Adams and Jonah Hill are involved. Trailer Rating = 3.5/10.0

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince - This was a great book, the darkest of the set, and this trailer rocks. I'm anxious to see this. The franchise has not decreased in quality, and here's hoping this continues that trend. Trailer Rating = 9.0/10.0

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2) - Yes, I am a bit skeptical of the director, but this looks very good. This teaser gave me hope that Yates knows what he's doing. The comedy part at the end was terrific. Trailer Rating = 9.0/10.0

Angels & Demons - The Da Vinci Code was a superb thriller, and this looks to be outstanding as well. This teaser has me amped for Tom Hanks as Robert Langdon again! Trailer Rating = 9.0/10.0

Other Stuff to Read

The Best Movies of the Alphabet
The Best and Worst Bond Films.
411 January Roundtable - This month Owain J. Brimfield continues as roundtable host and compiles the thoughts of the movie zone staff on the releases for January!
The MeeThinks Friday FreeThinks - Thanks again to John Meehan for providing my banner here, and for the Alphabet feature.

Also, keep an eye out for more comic book character timelines in the future. Here are the first two:

The Ultimate Batman Timeline
The Ultimate Daredevil Timeline



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