Modern Family Review - 3.10 'Express Christmas'

Posted by Michael Adams on 12.07.2011

Chaos ensues as the family realizes that they won't be together for the holidays and pulls together for a faux Christmas celebration! 411's Michael Adams checks in with his review of "Express Christmas!"



The Modern 411…
- The family is sitting around Jay & Gloria’s pool discussing the different Christmas plans. It turns out that no one will be together on December 25th.
- Phil comes up with a genius idea…Express Christmas™!


- Luke tells Manny that kids are getting kidnapped.
- They all take on different tasks(getting the tree, wrapping, shopping, etc.) and split up.
- Gloria and Luke are searching in the attic for the Christmas Angel, however, Gloria saying “Luke” and “look” is a problem.
- Hailey and Claire are shopping at Target (Product Placement). Claire gives Hailey a pep-talk about how her entire life of shopping has prepared her for this moment. Hailey is off!
- Mitchell, Alex and Lily are shopping for the tree, which is turning out to be a major problem, because they are both perfectionists. There is a mix up with some pink trees and Douglas firs causing Alex to yell at the guy working at the tree-lot.


- Jay and Cam are gift-wrapping. I kinda like Cam’s shirt. The cuffs are pretty cool. Cam analyzes the way Jay gift wraps, saying that all that tape on the gift is similar to all the “tape” around Jay. I gift wrap with a lot of tape, so I’m with Jay!


- Cam gives Jay a gift; the cork from the bottle of wine they drank the first time they watched football together. He also got him a bottle of the same wine, with the date and score of the game etched on the side.
- Hailey and Claire need to get one more gift, a ladybug nightlight for Lily (I got this for my kid…not worth it!).
- A guy grabs the last one, and after Hailey realizes her sex-appeal won’t work on him, she steals a Target shirt and manages to grab it from the other shopper.
- Phil and Manny are in a parking lot to pick up a gift for Jay, a mint-condition Joe DiMaggio card from some guy on Craigslist.
- The seller wants $200 and Phil’s Butterball turkey, and when he goes to grab it from the car, Manny panics thinking he’s coming for him and taizes Phil. At least now the Luke/Manny storyline makes sense.
- Mitchell and Alex have the tree strapped to the roof, but after stopping short, it flies off. At the same time, Gloria and Luke pass by and run over it.
- Gloria sees a spider on the Angel and throws it out the window.
- Everyone is reconvening at the Dunphy house, each having problems with their specific tasks.


- They realize Express Christmas isn’t going to work this year and Jay suggests they go out to dinner.
- They open the door to find a winter wonderland, provided by Jay.
- Everyone plays in the snow, making snow-angels and snowmen and realize that December 16th is what it’s all about.


- As a back-up gift, Phil got Jay a pair of dog antlers. Jay LOVES them. He puts them on Stella and appears to have a tear in his eye. For the record, my family has bought a similar gift for my dog at Christmas. We put it on her and she started to shake and pee herself. That was her gift to us. She's special.

This Week’s Top Quotes:
Phil: Actually, she’s kind of at her best at Christmas. She makes a mean cookie.
Claire: What other kind could she make?

Jay: You two needed time with your mom. I’ve already served my time with your mom.

Phil: Dinner, our house, 6 o’clock! Let’s move! On Dasher, and Dancer(to Mitchell) and Prancer(to Cameron) and Vixen(to Gloria). Hey, that kinda worked out.

Card Seller: Joe DiMaggio?
Phil: Phil Dunphy, but I get that a lot. Kidding.

Claire: Here comes Phil and the Butterball.
Manny: I have a name!

Gloria: It’s Christmas, you need a mommy.
Mitchell: You’re not our mommy.
Gloria: And it’s not Christmas

Jay: We all gave it our best shot to make this thing work. It just didn’t happen, alright? What do you say we cut our losses, let’s go out to a nice Chinese restaurant and have a traditional Jewish Christmas!

Gloria: Family is family. Whether it’s the one you start out with, the one you end up with, or the family that you gain along the way. Which makes every day…December 16th.

Character of the Week: For the first time, I have no character of the week. I feel like everyone had amazing moments, therefore no one really stuck out as being “better” than anyone else. This was definitely an ensemble episode. If I were to pick someone, it would be Jay, and only because of the last moment with the snow. If you think there was a stand-out COTW, let me know.

The 411: What a fantastic episode this was. As I indicated above, everyone had their own moments in this episode and none of those moments were bad. I was skeptical for a minute with the Luke/Manny thing, but it tied it up nicely when Phil and Manny went to get the card. I know I sound like a broken record to those who read this column weekly, but this show is so successful because it's an ensemble show and their isn't just one central person/plot to follow; everyone involved makes this show what it is. I also love how in almost every episode there is some obscure reference to past episodes(did you notice the Senor Phil while Mitchell and Claire were talking to Dede?). To me, this was one of the best episodes of the season and ranks up there as one of the best sitcom Christmas episodes I've ever seen. It was the perfect combination of funny and touching with a nice amount of yuletide feeling. As Modern Family is taking their mid-season hiatus, the Modern Family Review won't be back until 2012, so to the readers, have a happy Christmas/Hanukkah/Kwanza/Whatever and a health New Year!

Final Score:  10.0   [ Virtually Perfect ]