Power Rangers meets Scientology in 70s anime “classic”...
It’s time to take a break from reviewing mainstream DVD releases, and instead delve into the shady world of 1970s obscuro-anime with Magnos the Robot - also known as Gakin: Magnetic Robot, and not to be confused with Spanish animation (Spanimation?) El Robot Magnos. Originally released in 1977 but given an overhaul six years later by a production crew that, according to the credits, consisted of around three people, Magnos is not only too obscure to merit inclusion at the IMDB, it's the animated equivalent of televised darts: enjoyable enough to laugh at when you’re inebriated, but a complete waste of time when you’re sober.
The plot, such as it is, runs as follows: an ancient race of aliens named the Peliagoths, led by a nasty chap called Xerxes Tyran Data, has existed on Earth since the dawn of man, and with their home planet facing destruction has awakened to forcibly colonise the world. I don’t care enough about the subject to do any research, but could we have discovered L. Ron Hubbard’s inspiration for Scientology? Sir Miles Nevers, an English aristocrat who looks suspiciously like Wolverine’s father, has attempted to convince the world of the threat posed by the aliens, only to be publicly humiliated time after time. Determined that someone must take responsibility for the protection of mankind, he does the only logical thing: builds a pair of flying magnetic robots, bases them on a modified cruise liner cum spaceship, and hires the world karate champion Janus and his own daughter Ester to pilot them. Sure enough, monsters soon begin to emerge from beneath the sea - genetically engineered beasts created by a team of Peliagoths led by Brain, who in a sublimely ridiculous moment of character design resembles a big pink stick of broccoli in an armoured suit. It’s up to Nevers and his team to send the alien menace packing.
That’s about the sum total of exposition contained in the film, and it’s nearly all set out within the first six minutes. The rest of the action comprises a series of roughly 15-minute vignettes featuring a string of ever-more-powerful and ever-more-ludicriously-named monsters taking on the robots Magnetta and Magnon, who invariably save the day by conjoining to form the mega-bot (or should that be Megazord?), Magnos. In a rather bizarre touch, each monster is introduced to the viewer by a large blue subtitled panel - all your favourites are here, from Reindragon XV-6 to Krustocrabos Primo! There’s a brief detour into outer space in the final act, but otherwise that’s your lot, folks. Magnos subscribes firmly to the Thunderbirds ethos of re-usable sequences - perhaps two thirds of the film is unique footage, with the rest frequently repeating itself.
It’s barely worth discussing the film’s technical merits. The animation is universally appalling - if you thought Pokémon the Movie was bad, you ain’t seen nothing yet. The music is adequate, but the score seems to have an odd tendency to wander off on jazz-lite noodlings at times, and during one especially lengthy chase scene just gives up altogether. The voice acting is at least entertaining - the majority of the leads’ dialogue, in true low-budget cartoon style, consists of yelling phrases like “hydro… cannon!”, “crosswave… beam!” and the like. Are the robots voice activated? What if the pilots need to answer nature’s call? “Number… two!” Sadly, the film only features one scene of that action-cartoon staple, the hearty good-guy victory laugh, but compensates by including a scene where the baddies actually toast each other with champagne before victory is fully assured. The fools, when will they learn!
It’s quite possible that Magnos was in fact created, scripted and animated by a single eight-year-old boy. You can almost imagine the pitch to the production company: “so there’s these robots, and a guy who does karate, and the robots can fly and shoot lasers and stuff, and they fight these big crabs and worms and things, and then they go to space…” It’s compelling stuff. Quite frankly though, for all these harsh words, it’s still perversely entertaining in places. Split into several episodes, it would probably be entirely bearable, but as it stands it really does require some liquid refreshment to wash the fun down.
DVD info
The disc reviewed is region free, and is apparently the only version available. The feature running time is 1 hour and 30 minutes. Video transfer is 1.85:1 and is pretty poor quality, grainy and washed out. Audio is 2.0 and is entirely mediocre. The only language track is English, with no subtitles available.
Extras
“Six interactive chapter points!” cries the blurb. Ooooookay.
The 411: Perhaps the most complimentary thing that can be said about Magnos the Robot is that it would be a perfect candidate for a Mystery Science Theater 3000-style mocking. The DVD itself set me back the princely sum of £1.74 - factor in the cost of a six-pack, get some of your geekiest friends round and you’ve got a nice hour and a half of “so bad it’s almost good” entertainment.
From what I've seen there is a version with japanese, english, and Spanish voicetracks (maybe only in the U.S.?). Is the quality on that version any better?
Posted By: Anonymous (Guest) on March 19, 2008 at 01:41 PM
This movie was actually made by cutting up the episodes from the series and slapping them together. Only outside of Japan. In japan you can get the actual series in a DVD box set.
It might be better. *shrugs*
Posted By: Doom (Guest) on March 19, 2008 at 01:44 PM
