Crap Warrior Review 10.13.07: Joysticks
Posted by Mark Radulich on 10.13.2007
Totally awesome video games!
Some movies are meant to be great and turn out to be crap. Others were wholly unwatchable from the start and should be relegated to the dustbin of history. That’s where I come in. If there’s a movie that could conceivably burn your eyes in an attempt to review it, I will take that challenge. I am the defender of crap films far and wide. I am the Crap Warrior.
The 1980’s gave us many things; Ronald Reagan, VCR’s, Atari, and the Hard Body movie. These movies were party-style, loosely strung together plots featuring naked women and lots of Rated R sex. The trick was to take something rather innocuous, say hamburgers or skiing, and attempt to make it sexy…antics ensue.
Now it today’s world this would be considered child abuse, but back in 1983 or so, when my family and I went down to the local video rental store, I was allowed to rent one of any kind of movie I wanted, so long as it wasn’t X-rated, despite the fact that I was 7-years-old. So since even at the age of 7 I could appreciate the look of hot naked babes and zeroed in on a movie that seemed to be equal parts video games and equal parts topless broads. Hey, if my parents didn’t seem to care, who was I to argue.
The above-mentioned gem was called “Joysticks.” The film takes place at a suburban video arcade run by town heartthrob Jefferson Baily (Scott McGinnis - Angel the TV series) and his stereotypical geeky sidekick, Eugene (Leif Green). While the kids (and by kids I mean folks in their 20’s if not older) are having “good clean fun” at the arcade, one local businessman, Joseph Rutter (Joe Don Baker – Dukes of Hazard, Mars Attacks) thinks the arcade is nothing more then a den of sleaze and wanton filth. His aim is to shut it down and save the town from falling into this decadent trap. His daughter, Patsy Rutter (Corinne Bohrer – Veronica Mars, Joan of Arcadia) ardent video game player, valley girl and crush for the oh-so-hunky Jefferson Baily laments about her dad and his crusade to shut down the arcade, “Why can’t you go home and barbeque like other daddies?”
Twenty plus years later I would give anything to see more parents with that kind of enthusiasm and interest in what their kids were doing but that is a column for a another day.
Both sides’ respective champions even out the cast of this kids vs. adults comedy. First there’s the hero, a Comic Book Guy-looking fellow named Jonathan McDorfus (Jim Greenleaf – Toy Soldiers, Night Shift) who was once the school valedictorian but gave up a promising future to be a video game master. He is enlisted to ward off the video game bully, King Vidiot (I swear that is his name) played by Jon Gries (The Comebacks, The Rundown, Napoleon Dynamite). King Vidiot is a cross between Johnny Rotten, Marilyn Manson and a slew of writers that have confused being a punk rocker with having Down syndrome. If King Vidiot is any indication of what Tipper Gore thought punk rockers were in the 80’s, it’s no wonder she wanted to censor music. After watching this guy for 90 minutes, I wanted to ban punk rock music too.
There is no doubt that “Joysticks,” is a silly movie. However, what makes it great is that it doesn’t pretend to be anything but said silly movie. It is a staple in filmmaking, regardless of what era we are talking about, for kids to always humiliate and beat the buffoon, stuffy parents/adults. Even the Simpsons lampooned this idea when Homer went to college and kept insisting that the dean was harassing the kids when he wasn’t. There is a certain kitsch charm to a movie being nothing more than an excuse to film naked chicks next to Pac-Man and Space Invaders.
This movie featured some of the old comic gags before Hollywood completely ran them into the ground. One features a scene where Eugene and McDorfus sneak into the villains home and the villains wife starts dry humping Eugene in her sleep. Also, the very first gag in the movie has two hot (by 80’s standards) flash Eugene their boobs in order to get him to take his pants off, as they needed a picture of a geek in his boxers. It’s never explained why they need this picture but said unfortunate photograph ends up becoming pivotal in a later courtroom scene. That being said, there is more continuity in this movie then there was in “Fast Food Nation.” Also, there’s something inherently funny about starting off a movie with a pants gag as the resident nerd says, “I’d like to introduce you to my friend Simba.”
If you are looking for Skinemax style sex or raunchy faire then you are about a decade too early. This movie was made in 1983 and should be appreciated for it’s ability to have made it on to DVD format rather that being tossed in the dustbin of history. It is mindless fluff meant to entertain. You might even get a good laugh, even if it’s at the movie rather than with the movie.
The 411: If you are a fan of 80’s pop culture I would recommend “Joysticks.” The low-budget quality and shoestring plot make this thing campy enough to enjoy by even the strictest movie snob.
