Freakin' Sweet Forum 10.22.07: A Hero Sits Next Door - Episode 5
Posted by Cory Lynn Schibler on 10.22.2007
My whole family worships the ground that guy can't walk on.
Wow, is it getting hard to get to this column. I think it’s because the deadline is in the middle of the week. Nevertheless (great band, by the way) it is I, the Prince of Peter (Griffin) Cory Lynn Schibler. This week we are introduced to everyone’s favorite paraplegic, Joe Swanson. Joe is voiced by the always funny despite how monotone he is Patrick Warburton. To the show! (This is the second time I’ve done this reference, so to the three people out their laughing, I appreciate it.)
A Hero Sits Next Door Original Air date: May 2, 1999 Production Code: 1ACX05
Written by Mike Barker and Matt Weitzman
Directed by Monte Young
Principal Cast Peter/Brian/Stewie: Seth McFarlane Lois: Alex Borstein Chris: Seth Green Meg: Lacey Chabert Joe: Patrick Warburton Bonnie: Jennifer Tilly
We begin with Stewie reading Machiavelli and Sun Tzu. Lois comes in and says that those books are for grown ups and then turns on the Teletubbies. The fuzzy weirdoes hypnotize Stewie until Peter, who wants to watch the A&E biography of the other guy from Wham, saves him. Stewie thanks Peter and delivers one of the most quoted lines from the show.
Stewie: “When the world is mine, your death shall be quick and painless.”
Back from the opening theme, we find out that it is once again time for the company softball league to start up. I don’t know that we have discussed this before, but Peter works for a toy company that is run by a very gay man named Mr. Weed. Mr. Weed says that they don’t want to be embarrassed like they were the year before and we then see the team that they were playing wearing glasses that make everyone appear in their underwear. Mr. Weed then introduces their secret weapon, Guillermo. He says that Guillermo will be an asset on and off the field. We then see the hiring process, during which Mr. Weed is wearing the X-ray glasses from the previous scene.
Peter then tries to pitch a new toy idea to Mr. Weed about Facts of Life Transformers, which like usual is quickly ignored.
Back at home, Chris, Brian, and Peter are watching Wheel of Fortune where we get a couple of funny ambiguous puzzle gags that it would be easier for you to just see. We then find out that there are new neighbors moving into the neighborhood. Peter doesn’t want to meet them, because the last new neighbor borrowed his toaster and he never got it back. We then see the neighbor committing suicide with said toaster. I know that suicide is nothing to laugh about, but that was freaking funny.
At softball practice, Peter has to pitch because their pitcher is at the hospital with his pregnant wife. After Brian makes a crack about Peter’s pitching being just as questionable as Clinton’s integrity, they pause for a laugh track and Peter takes out Guillermo with a pitch. Mr. Weed tells him to find another ringer or he will be fired.
We then meet Joe’s pregnant wife Bonnie, who is conversing with Lois. Yes, they put a pregnant character into an animated show. For those of you who thought that that the Simpsons’ children being 8 and 10 for the last 18 years was a stretch, Bonnie Swanson has now been pregnant since 1999.
Peter then meets the neighbors and is infuriated when Joe asks to borrow a screwdriver. That night, he is complaining to Brian that he will never find a ringer and that neighbors are like cancer. Brian says he would love to help but he has to go in the hall and chew on the back of his butt.
Peter’s tune changes completely when Lois tells him that Joe played baseball in college. Peter immediately goes next door to meet with Joe and asks him to play. Joe says that he didn’t think Peter liked him, after which Peter convinces Joe that he has Tourette’s. Joe asks to borrow some picture wire and Peter cusses him out, but plays it off when Joe starts pulling out all his baseball trophies. Joe agrees to play and Peter says that it is so great it should be illegal, just like copyright infringement. Peter’s head then turns into Mickey Mouse and he tells Joe he’ll see him at the game.
At the game, we finally discover that Joe is a paraplegic. In the stands, Stewie can’t get the women to shut up and Meg is trying to hit on Joe and Bonnie’s son. Stewie is amazed that Joe can move so well, and determines that he needs a chair like that to take over the world.
Back at the Swanson home, Joe has become the life of the party and Peter is becoming increasingly jealous. We then see Joe pitching the idea of “a line of handi-capable toys…to show the fun side of being physically challenged.”
Words cannot do justice to that last line. Track this episode down and watch that exact scene. It happens around 11 minutes and the inflection and tonality of Patrick Warburton’s voice make it on of the funniest things I’ve ever heard.
Stewie, who is convinced that Joe is a cyborg, demands to know how he became “part-machine.” We then get an extended cut-away, detailing exactly how Joe came to be paralyzed. It was Christmastime and he was chasing the Grinch. Yes, the one from the Dr. Seuss story. The Griffin family doesn’t want to leave when Peter is ready to go. Peter becomes even more upset and leaves.
Peter: “I don’t get it, my whole family worships the ground that guy can’t walk on.”
Brian tells him that it is because Joe puts himself in real danger everyday. Peter then buys a police scanner so that he can find real danger to help with. Brian walks into the kitchen as the scanner is announcing a gang shooting.
Dispatcher: “We have a gang shooting, 3 wounded, 1 dead.”
Brian: “Is it just me, or is rap music getting lazier.”
That is some funny junk right there. Either laugh at that, or get the heck out of my column.
Peter then stumbles upon a bank robbery and decides that he will stop it. He then announces that he is going to the bat cave. He slides down a pole to some very Batman like music and turns on a light and we see that he is in a cave full of real bats.
At the bank, Brian and Peter immediately have to take cover when the robbers start firing. Peter wishes that the family was there and Brian in his best cynical voice says that the hero thing is going really well. Peter says that he thought it would be fun and games trying to be a hero. We then see Peter at a table with the rest of the Justice League playing strip poker. Peter wins the hand and so Wonder Woman must remove her top. Peter then cracks a gay joke about Robin not looking at Wonder Woman.
Back at the bank, Peter says that he has a plan. Brian is afraid that Peter was going to improvise. Peter says that he was going to use one of the other hostages as a human shield and run, but improvising would be a lot better. We then see Peter, the robbers, and the hostages ACTUALLY DOING IMPROV ACTING! Peter creates a scenario about a pet store and ends up getting the gun away from one of the robbers. He goes to get everyone out, but notices that his family is not in the car, so he has to stop the escape because he can’t be the hero if they don’t see.
Peter then explains his situation to the people. We learn that all of them have problems with handicapped people, including the robber who says he does it because a deaf guy took his job. The robbers get their guns back and Joe finally arrives on the scene. After a lengthy negotiation, the robbers are brought out and everyone is safe.
Back with his family, Peter apologizes for not liking Joe and Lois is able to convince Peter that he is a hero to them. Roll credits.
I am anxiously awaiting getting past this first season, because the show really got on a roll in season 2, and was the funniest thing going by season 3. Just stay with me, and we’ll make it through. Until next time, stay freakin’ sweet.
The 411: This is not my favorite episode, but it has to just enough to make me enjoy it no matter how many times I watch it. The Grinch cutaway is one of the funniest ever, and the site of Peter doing improv with the bank robbers is priceless. Another fine episode from the Family Guy crew, which just improved tremendously with the addition of Warburton. 7.0 out of 10.0.
