Melrose Place Season 3 (Discs 1-4) DVD Review
Posted by Ryan Byers on 12.13.2007
Eight of the most obnoxious young people on the planet are put in to an apartment complex and filmed. It's like reality TV without the "reality."
Coming to us from 1994, the third season of Melrose Place continued the ratings success of the prime time soap opera, which captivated viewers with its combination of attractive cast members an unapologetic sexuality. The big cliffhanger coming out of the end of season two involved the possible death of Dr. Michael Mancini, a man who ranked high on television's list of easy to hate characters. He was run down by Kimberly Shaw, a colleague who he nearly killed in a car accident in prior episodes, though the identity of Mancini's attacker was unknown by the show's characters. The season picks up with a heavy emphasis on that storyline and evolves from there, quickly wrapping up a few loose ends and then introducing new characters and story arcs.
The recent DVD release of season three by Paramount is absolutely enormous, covering all thirty episodes across eight discs and throwing in a few bonus features to boot. Because of the size, I've opted to break this review up in to two parts, covering discs one through four now and picking up the last half as soon as practical.
Episodes
I Am Curious, Melrose: Naturally, we pick up with some storylines being carried over from the second season. As previously noted, the biggest one is the hit and run attack on Michael, which is first pinned on Jane despite her innocence, which is apparent to the viewers. However, she believes that her sister Sydney actually committed that crime, and, when credence is lent to that theory by Kimberly (the actual perpetrator), Sydney winds up jailed. Elsewhere, Allison attempts to convince her younger sister to move forward with the prosecution of their father, who they recently discovered molested them as children. When he attempts to stop them, he winds up with a gun pointed in his face courtesy of one of his children. Finally, we've also got Jake letting everybody know that his relationship with Amanda is done with, though there's immediately another woman attempting to get in to his pants as a mystery beauty meets up with him when he decides to spend time on his boat. I have to say that this was about as busy as you can expect a forty-five minute long television show to be, flirting with having way too much going on. I did get a laugh, though, when the phrase "assumption of innocence" was used by one of the characters. It's a PRESUMPTION, kids.
It's a Bad World After All: The same storylines from episode one continue to progress, with planted evidence against Sydney continuing to mount to the point that her family intervenes and decides to have her committed. Things also get worse for Jake, as it's revealed that the mystery woman who has been living on his boat is a pawn of Amanda's father Palmer, who ends the episode promising to use her to inflict some harm upon the young man. The biggest plot advancement comes in the Allison molestation arc, though, as her attempted criminal case against daddy dearest fails, leaving her with no closure until she confronts him at a party and gets him to admit to his indiscretions in front of a large crowd of people. Also continuing was the hilarious misuse of the English language, as the individual playing the prosecutor working with Allison used the word "collaboration" when the line should've been "corroboration." I wonder if the actors were just reading lines written by people with poor vocabularies or whether they were verbal slips that went undetected in filming/post-production.
Inlaws and Outlaws: It looks like the molestation storyline is now 100% wrapped up, as Allison moves on to a storyline with Billy, who is now her coworker weeks after she left him at the altar. She has things easy compared to Sydney, though, as a worker in the insane asylum threatens to rape her. This results in Syd taking a plea bargain that will see her placed on work release under Jane's watchful eye. In more hit-and-run related news Sydney has also convinced Matt that Kimberly may have had something to do with the attempted murder, and he starts to see things Syd's way when he realizes that Kimberly would be capable of wearing the wig seen on the attacker. As if that wasn't enough, we learn that the woman sent to infiltrate Jake's boat is occupying him until the vessel can be rigged with explosives. (Attempted murder was all the rage in California in the 1990's apparently.) Finally, Jo gets her own storyline after being a persona non grata for the last couple of episodes, as the parents of her unborn child's father sue her for custody of the fetus. Call me crazy, but I don't think that's possible. Oh well, at least they managed to not misuse any common words this time around.
Grand Delusions: We've got two big happenings on this episode, with the first one involving Michael getting his memory back thanks to some seduction by Sydney. He doesn't just get his memory back, though. He also regains his mean streak, and he uses it to confront Kimberly, who he now recalls as being the mastermind behind the plot to kill him. The confrontation ends in . . . the two of them making out. Well, so much for the viewers who wanted to see her get her comeuppance. Perhaps we'll get that later in the season. Meanwhile, the plot to murder Jake reaches its climax, as the bomb planted on his boat goes off, presumably rendering him dead. However, the plan didn't go entirely according to plan, as Palmer's accomplice winds up shooting him seconds before the explosion, leaving him for dead and making off with the one million dollars cash that he had set aside for their getaway. The first two episodes of the season felt like they were moving at an absolutely frantic pace, with far too much action crammed in to the hour. The last two episodes slowed things down with all of the major storylines advancing but some moving forward more than other background plots. It was a much more comfortable rate of progression, and hopefully it's the pattern that is followed throughout the rest of the season.
Non-Sexual Healing: These episode titles are ridiculous. Anyway, Michael is now back to full-on jerk mode, and he's attempting to divorce Sydney, though she complicates matters by not wanting to accept the property settlement that he offers. Syd and Jane conspire to get Michael to hand over the stake he owns in Jane's business, but ultimately Michael seduces Sydney in to signing away her rights to just about everything. Meanwhile, it's revealed that Jake didn't actually die. Jesus, if you're going to do the "fake death" storyline, at least try to get more than fifteen minutes worth of mileage out of it. Anyway, he returns to the apartments and immediately gets in to a fight with Jo and decides it would be best for him to leave. This was a situation in which I think the writers wanted us to sympathize with Jo, but Jake was completely justified in his actions and actually came off as the good guy. The trend of bizarre use of the English language also continued, as Jane referred to Michael as the kind of man who "takes a kilometer" if you "give him an inch." Of course, the traditional phrase is "takes a mile." I don't know why she felt the need to mix systems of measurement, especially given that if he's taking a kilometer he's taking LESS than the mile-takers of the world.
No Strings Attached: We find out that Jake flew the coop because he wanted to find his biological father, who he has never spoken to before. He does so and spends some time with him, though I have absolutely no clue why this story was included, because there's little to no follow-up over the course of the next couple of episodes. Elsewhere, a new chief of staff arrives at the hospital which employs our favorite evil doctors Michael and Kimberly, and it is immediately established that he won't be taking any flack from the duo. Our most notable occurrence, though, is a revelation about the character of Chris, the seemingly pleasant Australian gentleman who has been romantically involved with Jane as he helps her along with her business. It turns out that he's actually a creep, a creep who begins molesting Sydney. She pled guilty to a crime that she didn't commit to avoid being raped in the asylum, and now she has to deal with a man on the outside who is threatening to rape her. The Syd character is certainly no saint, but if there's anybody you have to feel for this season, it's her.
The Crook, The Creep, His Lover, and Her Sister: We've got more of the Chris/Sydney creepiness seeping in to this episode, and it leads to Jane firing her when Syd goes public with some of the things that the Aussie has done to her. Fortunately things turn around by the end of the episode, as Jake has purchased a bar and gives Sydney a job as a waitress even though the two barely know each other. (I don't see that one ending well.) On top of that, the hospital's new chief of staff, Peter Burns, begins to date Amanda, which starts after she attempts to convince him to allow Michael and Kimberly to participate in a photo shoot for her advertising agency. In addition to the continuation of old storylines, we've also got a new one developing, as one of Allison's old roommates comes to the area in search of a new job. Billy immediately falls for her, leading to yet more tension between that couple.
Love Reeks: Chris the Creepy Australian convinces Jane to run off to Vegas and marry him, and Sydney obviously doesn't want that to happen given his prior advances towards her. Her solution to the situation is actually rather ingenious, as she alerts Michael to the nuptials, and his controlling demeanor causes him to drop everything and head to Nevada to break up the wedding. While there, he and Kimberly tie the knot . . . but things aren't all peachy for Dr. Mancini, as his excursion gets him fired from his gig at the hospital. That's the primary focus of the episode, though we also have some smaller developments in the Allison/Billy jealousy angle as well as budding romance between Sydney and Jake. We need more episodes in which the bulk of the show is devoted to one storyline as opposed to the regular fare in which the hour is divided up ten different ways.
Dr. Jekell Saves His Hide: The title is in reference to Michael, who is on a quest to get his job back. However, what the person who came up with the title ignored (or failed to realize) is that Dr. Jekell was actually a perfectly nice guy. Anyway, he uses the Amanda/Burns relationship to his advantage, getting her to con the old man in to rehiring him. Thanks to some fancy tricks with a tape recorder, he's also able to pull out of giving Amanda what he promised in return, namely his share of Jane's business. Matt is dealing with a relationship of another kind, as an old boyfriend of his returns from the navy carrying the AIDS virus. While that's going on, Amanda continues to have difficulty with Billy's relationship with Susan, so much so that she starts to drink. A lot. As a result, she confronts Susan and a party the latter woman is catering and pours vodka all over her. Plastered Allison was perhaps the highlight of the season thusfar, as clearly the actress wasn't comfortable doing what she was doing and played it more as a parody of a drunk person than somebody who was actually intoxicated. Her poorly written insults also receive two thumbs up for their unintentional comedic value.
And Justice for None: This episode is a Melrose Place rarity, as it sees two of the storylines intersect in a way that makes sense and benefits them both. The centerpiece of the story is the "trial" for the custody of Jo's unborn baby. Her attorney advises her to gather as many "character witnesses" as she can, so of course she selects several of her friends from around the apartment complex. Jo's attorney is completely incompetent. Why? Because as anybody who has watched this show for more than five minutes will tell you, all of Jo's friends have massive character flaws that either make them less than credible witnesses or make them a negative impact on the environment in which she would be raising her child. How any lawyer worth his salt wouldn't have figured this out beforehand and prevented them from testifying is beyond me. The opposing attorney is a much brighter fellow, because he makes sure that every negative aspect of life in Melrose Place is highlighted when he cross examines its tenants. I swear that the montage of the characters responding to pointed questions about the more screwed up aspects of their lives had to be put together by the show's producers for laughs. I know I chuckled throughout. Despite all of the problems, things seem to be going well for Jo until the final day of the "trial," when Allison is supposed to take the stand and claim that she is willing to act as a guardian for the kid in case anything happens to Jo. Unfortunately, Allison has been hanging around with a seedy looking man involved in the record industry, and he not only gets her plowed the night before the trial but also convinces her to pop some pills before taking the witness stand. She shows up high and can't testify, so Jo loses the kid. Sucks to be her.
The Days of Wine and Vodka: Allison's alcohol-fueled erratic behavior continues, as she repeatedly blows off work commitments and continues to clash with Billy and Susan. That story really drags. The action instead is with Jake and his bar, as THE MOB shows up on his doorstep and demands payments for protection. The wiseguys he deals with are stereotypical to the point of hilarity. This definitely isn't The Sopranos. When he refuses to hand them his hard-earned cash, Sydney intervenes and lets one of the gangsters know that she's willing to sleep with a friend of "the boss" in order to prevent Jake from being killed. To the surprise of absolutely nobody, the friend winds up being Chris, who finally gets what he's been after for the last several episodes. Elsewhere, Jo is dealing with the prospect of having to give up her baby once its born. Enter Kimberly, who has recently learned that she cannot bear her own children. She approaches Jo with a plan: Kimberly, being a doctor and all, will induce labor a week early and fudge some paperwork so that everybody thinks the child has been stillborn. Jo apparently isn't too bright because she a.) fails to ask natural questions like "So how does my kid wind up getting a birth certificate?" and b.) fails to realize that this is the most obvious setup for a kidnapping since I dug a hole in the park, covered it with leaves and sticks, and set WebKinz doll as bait.
The Doctor that Rocks the Cradle: Kimberly pulls off her transparent baby stealing scheme without a hitch, meaning that we get yet another episode that ends with Jo screaming at the top of her lungs. God, that's obnoxious. Dr. Kim isn't the only person running off with things, though. When Jane's design company receives a check for a half a million dollars, Chris takes off to Vegas with it and abducts Sydney to boot, allowing Jane to finally realize that her boyfriend has been a creep all along (though she mistakenly thinks that her sister was in on the scheme). I hope that we get some explanation for Chris' sudden jilting of Jane, because previously he had stated one of his prime motivations was to have her raise his children while he had sex with Sydney on the side. Finally, Amanda is fired from her job at the advertising agency when it's discovered that she and Burns were planning a hostile takeover.
Just Say No: Well, Amanda's unemployment didn't last for too horribly long, as she is immediately put back in to power when Burns and his fellow investors complete their hostile takeover of the company. This results in her old boss hanging himself in her office, which is quite the disturbing visual. Following up on an intervention, Allison determines that she belongs in rehab and checks herself in, though we don't really get any follow-up on that until the next episode. Perhaps our biggest plot development comes when Sydney pisses away any sympathy that I would have had for her character by actually enjoying her time in Vegas with Chris. Apparently she doesn't mind being kidnapped so long as he's got plenty of money to spend on her. When he loses the majority of the cash, she THEN calls Jake and Jane to come to her rescue. I think that leaves Matt as the last character on the show who hasn't completely turned me against him.
Sex, Drugs, & Rockin' The Cradle: The bulk of this episode is Allison in rehab, where she meets a football player and slowly begins the process of falling in love with him. With that relationship beginning we also see the end of two romantic pairings, as Matt's former sailor friend decides that he needs more time alone to deal with his HIV and Susan bails on Billy as a result of the continued attention he pays to the needy Allison. Also on tap is Jo confronting Michael about the true identity of the baby that has been living in his beach house over the last several days. (Why he didn't get an answer out of Kimberly on that one by this point I'll never know.) He performs a blood test and becomes aware that the child is Jo's, but, in a move that should shock absolutely nobody, he decides to keep "Michael Jr." for himself.
Holiday on Ice: It's Christmastime in Melrose Place, with Amanda playing the Ebenezer Scrooge role as she denies her dead boss' window's request that the advertising agency fund her children's college educations. This results in the ghost of said boss visiting Amanda in her dreams and convincing her not only to fork over the money but also that her relationship with Burns will be her downfall, meaning that the blonde's new quest is to take her lover down. Burns also gets involved with the Jo storyline, as the disenfranchised mother tells the chief of staff her story. When it checks out, he immediately demands that Michael return the baby, though he does not alert the authorities for fear of opening the hospital up for a massive lawsuit. Not surprisingly, the good doctor complies, and his wife absolutely flips out when her stolen child is gone. The odd dream sequences with Amanda were a little bit cliche, but they gave the episode a different flavor that helped to break up the monotony of watching the same shallow characters deal with their shallow problems episode after episode.
Bye Bye Baby: Amanda's plot to get Burns out of the picture develops, as she discovers he may be taking kickbacks from a medical supply company to run a drug trial that was not approved by the hospital. However, when she uses Michael to confirm this information, he winds up telling her everything going on is legit when in reality he's going to use the information for his own blackmailing scheme. While that's going on, Allison finds herself back under Amanda's watchful eye, as she gets out of rehab and back on the job, while on the side having a fling with the football star that she met in the treatment facility. Oh, and did I mention that she's stringing along Billy as well? I hate everybody on this show. Burns also remains contemptible, hiring an "efficiency expert" (who in fact turns out to be his new lover and a spy) to keep an eye on Amanda. The episode's title comes to us from the Jo story, as she hires a Mary Poppins-esque nanny, and, if you didn't realize within seconds of the character's first appearance that she would be turning on Jo, you may want to eliminate yourself from the gene pool. She snatches the baby in the episode's closing moments, though we're never told explicitly who she is working for.
Bonus Features
Though the set promises bonus features, none of them are on the first four discs. We'll get to those next time.
The 411: The first half of the third season is what any Melrose Place viewer would've come to expect from the show by this point in time. There's not a lot of substance, and the only thing separating it from the soap operas that air on daytime television is the star power of the cast and the raciness of the content, which could be played up due to the later timeslot. There's nothing groundbreaking in terms of character development, and the show isn't one of television's artistic triumphs, but chances are good that, if that's the sort of thing that you're looking for, you wouldn't be interested in a review of the show. More thoughts on the season as a whole will be forthcoming in the second half of the review.
