Tales From Dog River 04.19.08: Corner Gas - Episode Nine
Posted by Randy Harrison on 04.19.2008
Brent and Davis each get a case of "cell phone envy", while Oscar ends up addicted to one of the most dangerous things in the world....the CLAW machine!! Tales From Dog River is back and better than ever!
Tales From Dog River returns with a brand-new router in tow! My router of two months had a core meltdown right in the middle of me watching the disaster that was YAMMA Pit Fighting last Friday night, and has left me without internet access for a couple of days, but I couldn't think of leaving all of you Gassers without your fix of the best show on television! A sad bit of news to post first, as series creator Brent Butt announced that next season's episodes, which will begin filiming over the summer, will be the series' last. After six seasons Butt has decided that the best thing for the show is to leave it on a high note, rather than hang on for too long after the show has been popular and leave people pining for the days of when it "used to be good". Butt appeared on Canada AM this past week (think Today show for people in the United States who aren't familiar with Canada AM), and said "It was a very difficult decision, because the show is very special to me and it's special to a lot of people." Sad news to be sure, but the show is leaving a legacy of fine comedy that will last long after the final episode hits the airwaves.
Moving on to this week's episode, it's time to look at episode nine, "Cell Phone". Davis and Brent end up in a war over whose cell phone is smaller, while Lacey tries in vain to land a seat on the Dog River Chamber of Commerce and Oscar finds himself with a brand new addiction. It seems like there are three strong stories in place, so let's get going to see if they all pan out. PLUGS!!
And for those of you who may be new fans of the show, new fans of the review, or might just need a refresher course on all things Dog River, be sure to check out the debut edition of Tales From Dog River to learn everything you need to know about the town and all of the quirky folk that call it home.
Episode Nine: Cell Phone (Originally aired on March 17, 2004)
Brent's in the station trying to get Davis to pay for his things but Davis is on his cell phone and yammering away. Once he's done he talks about how much smaller the cell phones are now than they were when he was in the academy. Wanda talks about her favorite character from the old Police Academy movies (the sound effects guy), while Davis talks about how poor the reception is on his phone but that it will get better once there's a new transmitter in town. Brent gets a call on HIS cell phone and it's even tinier than Davis'. Davis isn't amused and storms out of the station. This won't end well I'm guessing.
After the credits we're in the Ruby and Fitzy is talking to Lacey, talking about the worst part of his job, and it devolves into a discussion about the button on Fitzy's lapel, which is supposed to say "I love Dog River", but it just looks wrong. Fitzy says that he has bad news and that Lacey's application to the Chamber of Commerce has been rejected. Over at the bar in the Dog River Hotel, Oscar asks where the shuffleboard table went and why there's a stupid claw game in its place. Oscar thinks it's for kids and that they'd might as well turn the place into a damn petting zoo. Oscar decides to play the claw instead of giving the dollar as a tip to Paul, and it turns out that he actually wins one of the damn things.
Out on the streets of Dog River, Karen and Davis are in the squad car and Karen is pointing out how weird the buttons are and that it doesn't make any sense. Davis asks Karen if she thinks his new cell phone is small and then pouts about how much smaller Brent's is, in a reverse of how men usually are about penis size. It's rather funny to hear it all backwards like this, and Karen says that no one cares as long as it works. At the Ruby, Brent finds out about Lacey's rejection from the Chamber of Commerce and Hank asks what it is. Brent figures that it's a chamber and they go in there to do commerce. Lacey figures she needs to get more involved in the community while Hank starts contemplating whether the chamber that they meet in would be airtight or not. Hank makes a point that nothing good can happen in a chamber and says that it sounds like a cult.
Oscar comes in and has an armful of stuffed animals and asks Lacey for a roll of loonies. She only has one and asks what she's supposed to do if someone else wants one, with Oscar telling her to say that she doesn't give change. Brent asks what all the change is for and Oscar tells him to shut up. Later that night Emma is awake and getting a drink of water and she notices the cabinet door isn't closing properly, so she opens it up. An entire cabinet FULL of stuffed animals from Oscar's claw game adventures, and she doesn't look amused.
Over at Corner Gas the next day, Davis is wandering around the store, "shopping for paraffin wax", but of course he's waiting to get a call on his much smaller cell phone. We see that it's Karen calling on the other side, saying that she's calling like he wanted her to and then hangs up on him. Davis claims that he had battery problems with his other phone and had to get a new one and Davis says that he KNOWS that his phone is smaller because he saw his next to Brent's side by side in the phone store. Brent thinks that it's a little pathetic that he had to drive into the city, just to get a new phone but Wanda shuts him down, calling him "big phone".
Lacey is outside talking to Emma and sounding like an absolute shill, trying to help with Emma's problems and calling the Ruby a sort of "community outreach center" which prompts Emma to remark that it sounds like she's trying to get into the Chamber of Commerce or something. Lacey laughs it off and then happens to overhear two old men talking about how they're getting ready to tear down the grain elevator that's been around for over seventy years. The two old men get a little defensive about Lacey listening in on the conversation and head off down the street.
Back at the Ruby with Brent, Lacey tells him about the grain elevator and how the town is tearing it down, and Lacey thinks that it's her project for the town. She's going to get it designated as a historical landmark and save it so that the Chamber of Commerce has to let her in. She figures that they can do some research at the library and Brent's cell phone starts to ring. He says that he can't answer it because Wanda will make fun of him, and she makes fun of him anyhow. Lacey joins in and starts laughing too.
Emma's at home and catches Oscar going through her purse, looking for loonies for the claw machine. Oscar is freaking out and Emma says that he's hooked on it. Oscar thinks she's trying to use reverse psychology and then she really does end up using reverse psychology on him and he gives her back her money, saying "no more CLAW!!" Emma is possibly the smartest person in Dog River to have to deal with that man. Oscar is at the Ruby and he's trying to move a salt shaker over with two forks when Hank finds him and tells him it's an addiction and that he'll have to hit rock bottom before Oscar can admit he has a problem. Hank admits his whack-a-mole addiction and says that he got help and called a hotline, and that Oscar can do it too. Hank says that he called the product information on the toothpaste tube and that now they won't answer his calls anymore.
Brent finds Davis and Karen outside and brings Davis some paraffin, saying that he saw him eyeballing it at the store. Brent is REALLY just using it as an excuse to show off his new TEEENY cell phone and throw it in Davis' face. Brent talks about how once they get the new cell tower that he'll be getting the time from a satellite in space. He waves the phone in Davis' face a few more times and then heads out. Oscar heads over to the bar and asks for some loonies, and Paul asks if he's on a health kick cause he never drinks anymore, he just sits and plays claw all day. Oscar realizes that now he's hit rock bottom because he's forgotten to drink at the bar.
Lacey tells Brent that she has some great news and that they've named the grain elevator a historical site. Lacey thanks Brent for all of his help and they talk about how good a thing it was for the town, with Lacey saying that they should announce it at the bar tonight. Oscar calls a gambling hotline and ends up angry as all hell with the entire process of it. Back over at the bar, Paul is asking Wanda and Brent if they've seen the new "I love Dog River" button and they both bash it and how terrible the drawing is before Paul tells them that he drew it. Ooops. Paul threatens them about the next chamber of commerce meeting and tells them that he thinks that their lack of civic spirit is disturbing.
Hank finds Oscar in the bar and asks how the call to the hotline went, with Oscar telling him that he's banned from the hotline. Hank says it took him six times and that Oscar's feat was impressive. Oscar tells him that he's not going to play claw tonight, and Hank applauds his will power, although it's not will power that's stopping him, it's EMMA! She's at the table knitting and doesn't seem too thrilled to be there. Lacey comes into the bar and says that she's ready for her big announcement but first Davis shows up with his new, miniscule, special order from Hong Kong cell phone. He mocks Brent's phone and Lacey picks them up and says that they look like little girl phones or Barbie phones. Brent and Davis get defensive and say that it doesn't matter what size the phone is, as long as it works. Sadly, theirs don't work, at least not until the new cell tower gets put up.
Oscar gets a beer and Paul ends up paying his change back in all loonies, which Oscar salivates over until Emma finally tells him to go play the damn game. At this point Lacey decides it's time for her big news, but before she can get to it Fitzy comes in with the bad news that the new cell phone tower isn't going to be built. Apparently the phone company couldn't get the land they wanted because the grain elevator is a historic site. The rest of the town is PISSED, talking about how it's an eyesore and that's where all the rats in town come from. Hank calms everyone down and then tries to hand the floor over to Lacey to let her finish and she makes the announcement that....she's changing the soup at the Ruby!! Brent announces that he supports Lacey in the soup thing and that it takes a lot of courage to do what she does.
Brent and Lacey decide that it's time to leave and they say goodbye to Oscar and Emma on their way out, but BOTH OF THEM are sitting at the claw game and having a gay old time. The next day Brent is back in the bar and talking with Paul, noticing that the claw machine is gone. Paul says that it made some money but he didn't like what it was doing to the town so he took it out. Instead Oscar's sitting the corner playing a slot machine making it a trade-off of one vice for another for the poor old coot. Brent's cell phone goes off and he pulls out one of the hulking 80's grey behemoth cell phones and it turns out that Davis has one too. I guess they didn't like their phone being called Barbie phones. The credits roll, the closing theme plays and that's it for another trip through Dog River!!
Dog River Speaks
Big happenings in Dog River Speaks this week as we have three hilarous bits of dialogue to get to, two of them featuring the man with the acid tongue, Mr. Oscar Leroy! Let's get right to them shall we?
Oscar Leroy, man of the people...
Oscar: Hey jackass, where's the shuffleboard table?
Paul: Gone.
Oscar: What? Did it grow legs and walk out of the bar?
Paul: No. It got kicked out because it called me a jackass.
Oscar: You can't have a bar without a shuffleboard. You'd might as well get rid of the dartboard.
Paul: We never had a dart board.
Oscar: You're crazy. I was throwing darts in here on Saturday.
Paul: Yeah, I know.
Oscar: And what have you got here? The CLAW? That's for kids! You might as well turn the place into a damn petting zoo. Is that what you want? A bunch of kids roaming around in here with zebras and kitty-cats?
Paul: You've never been to a petting zoo, have you?
Oscar: You like this claw so much, maybe the claw should get your tip!
Oscar drops a coin into the claw machine
Oscar: Oh, I was wrong Paul, this claw is fun. I like this claw. Call Emma, cause I'm not coming home. Hey...I got one!!
Davis wonders if size really does matter....
Davis: Do you think my new cell phone is small?
Karen: I don't know.
Davis: Brent's got a smaller one. I mean I wasn't looking at it on purpose. He had it out and I just glanced at it.
Karen: Right.
Davis: But mine is small right? I mean how small would you say is normal?
Karen shrugs
Davis: You get an innacurate idea because you see smaller ones in movies and magazines and stuff, but for a normal person's cell phone mine is small. Smaller than average.
Karen: I don't think anyone really cares as long as it works.
Oscar finally has to face his addiction...
Hotline worker: Anonymous gambling hotline.
Oscar: My name is Oscar Leroy. L-E-R....
Hotline worker: That's alright sir, we don't use last names.
Oscar: What are you talking about you don't use last names?
Hotline worker: This is the ANONYMOUS gambling hotline.
Oscar: I know who you are, I'm the one who called you!
Hotline worker: You can just make up a name if you'd like.
Oscar: Well, that's a sloppy way to...Who am I talking to?
Hotline worker: This is Brad.
Oscar: Brad who?
Hotline worker: We don't us....
Oscar: Don't use last names, I get it jackass. You know what, maybe I'll take my business elsewhere. You just lost a customer, SMART GUY!
Most Valuable Gasser
This is an EASY choice this week for Most Valuable Gasser because Oscar Leroy was the MAN in this episode. His claw addiction made this episode and he was right on point for the entire time he was on the screen. As you saw in Dog River Speaks, he had a ton of great material for the episode too and as usual, Eric Peterson shines in the delivery. Seeing the look on his face when he realized he'd stopped drinking and had hit rock bottom because of the claw machine was hilarious and that was just one of his many shining moments. Oscar Leroy, enjoy your MVG for this week because you've earned it my friend.
That does it for another edition of Tales From Dog River and I'll be back next week with a look at the tenth episode of season one, "Comedy Night". A stand-up from out of town comes to Dog River and makes a bit of an annoyance of himself while Lacey tries to convince Brent that joining her book club isn't a bad idea. Two promising stories that will hopefully come to comic fruition next week. Until then folks remember hat Dog River might be 40 kilometers from nowhere and way beyond normal, but the people of Dog River, and fans like me, sure seem to like it that way.
The 411: A great episode, highlighted by Oscar's claw game addiction as well as Brent and Davis' cell phone battles. The writers were spot-on and there were tons of quotable lines and tons of great material from this episode. The show was really finding its stride now and getting better week after week and this episode is a wonderful example of the writers showing their talents, the cast showing their timing and comedic ability and it all meshing together seamlessly into one incredibly funny package.
