One Missed Call DVD Review
Posted by Jeremy Thomas on 04.28.2008
87 Lost Minutes
Directed by: Eric Valette
Starring: Shannyn Sossamon - Beth Raymond Edward Burns - Det. Jack Andrews Ana Claudia Talancón - Taylor Anthony Azura Skye - Leann Cole Ray Wise - Ted Summers Meagan Good - Shelley Baum Margaret Cho - Mickey Lee Ariel Winter - Ellie Layton
DVD Release Date: 4/22/2008 Running Time: 87 minutes
Rated PG-13 for intense sequences of violence and terror, frightening images, some sexual material and thematic elements.
It’s not an exaggeration to say that Hollywood’s success with the J-Horror genre has been spotty at best. After hitting the big-time the first time out with The Ring in 2002 and again with The Grudge in 2004, the trend started on a quick and painful downward spiral. The Ring 2, a tepid sequel, pulled in far less money then its predecessor and was almost universally panned; the Jennifer Connelly-starrer Dark Water did even worse. Bombs such as Pulse and The Grudge 2 further showed how difficult it was for America to follow in the success that Japan found, even when the masters of the genre, Hideo Nakata and Takashi Shimizu, were involved. It appeared, after a lack of J-Horror remakes in 2007, as if the well had been fully mined and left alone finally.
Of course, Hollywood is never one to leave a chance at money alone, and early this year, One Missed Call made its way into theaters. The film is a remake of Chakushin Ari, a 2004 Japanese effort by the controversial Takashi Miike. Miike is better known to most film connoisseurs as the man behind the ultra-violent, sadistic film Ichi the Killer and the only “Masters of Horror” episode that Showtime has refused to air to date, “Imprint.” With a pedigree like this, it seems a film that not even Hollywood could mess up, right?
Try again.
Shannyn Sossamon (40 Days and 40 Nights) stars as Beth Raymond, a woman whose friend Shelley has supposedly drowned herself in her parent’s Japanese-style pond along with, bizarrely, her cat. Soon after, her friend Leann (Skye) receives a phone call from Shelley’s phone, dated two days after the call. It goes to voice mail, and when they listen, they hear Leann’s own voice, followed by her scream. Leann starts to see some creepy things…dead people on a bus, centipedes crawling in and out of people’s bodies. And sure enough, two days later she’s on the phone with Beth when she dies horribly, pushed off a bridge in front of a train. Her body is discovered to have a red hard candy in her moth. Rumors start to spread…it seems that Shelley had gotten the same kind of strange voice mail that Leann did, and the same candy. This, of course, means that their friend Megan’s (Talancón) turn. At the same time, Detective Jack Andrews (Burns) is investigating the crimes, since his sister fell prey recently to the same situation. Jack hears Beth relating the story in the police department, and—of course—he’s the only one who believes her. Together, they try to solve the mystery before Beth is next.
Let’s start off with the obvious. Chakushin Ari is not one of the greater J-Horror movies in and of itself, and it’s no great surprise that it was only taken toward the (hopefully) end of Hollywood’s obsession with the genre. Takashi Miike is one of the most visceral directors of the modern era, and while his films can be very difficult to watch if you have anything less then a cast-iron stomach, he’s perfect for horror. The problem is that the entire film was completely unoriginal in the face of Ringu and the other films that kicked off the whole trend. The only thing the original has going for it is Miike’s sick sense of humor and skill at disturbing and grotesque visuals. One Missed Call forgoes even these, as Hollywood newcomer Eric Valette is given the helm of a movie whose PG-13 rating cuts it off at the knees. PG-13 horror can be done. The genuinely frightening 1408 proved that much. So did The Grudge. Even The Ring, flawed as it was, worked as a PG-13 film. These films all worked well within the limitations a non-R rating gave to deliver scares; in 1408’s case, it works on a psychological level, while The Grudge and The Ring were able to take what was frightening about J-Horror and apply it without needing gore. With One Missed Call, the Japanese conventions that are frightening because of their unfamiliar, alien nature are no longer new and freaky. Further, Valette and screenwriter Andrew Klavan (Don’t Say A Word) have committed the crime of Hollywood-izing the film as much as possible and stripping anything unique about it out. Instead of what could have been an interesting and spooky, if unoriginal, horror film becomes utterly bland and passé as a result.
Following along in that, the acting is pretty well atrocious. I’m sure that someone considers Shannyn Sossamon a gifted or talented actress somewhere. She started off so well with 40 Days and 40 Nights. Since then, she’s been completely bland in films such as A Knight’s Tale and The Order. Here as Beth, Sossamon seems completely unable to convey more then one facial expression, and does little other then make herself as uninteresting as the entire movie. Edward Burns, for his part, deserves far better roles then this. The man can shine when he has the opportunity—Confidence is a great example of that. But here, he basically phones in his performance (see what I did there?) as Jack, a detective role that could have been played by any number of direct-to-DVD quality actors. Azura Skye, who like Sossamon is a radiant yet bland actress, is painful to watch as Leann. The only person who’s enjoying to watch on the screen is Ray Wise of Twin Peaks and Good Night and Good Luck fame, who steals his scenes as cynical TV producer/exorcist wannabe Ted Summers.
The one thing that’s always good with J-Horror, if nothing else, is the visuals. Sadly, with as much of a retread of its predecessors as this film is, they all pale in comparison. A woman with screaming mouths for eyes isn’t creepy, it’s just weird. The guy on the bus and the screaming man on fire between the train cars aren’t too bad, but other then that, everything comes off as boring and “seen it before.” The visual effects are weak in quality, and when it comes to scares, Valette and Klavan prefer the cheap spooks to legitimate, hard-earned frights. The ending is entirely predictable and vague, providing an unsatisfying ending to an unsatisfying film.
Film Rating: 3.0
Technical Aspects
The film is presented in both Full-screen and 1.85:1 Anamorphic Widescreen options, and the transfer isn't particularly great. It's a little soft and murky when you get to the darker scenes, not that there's a great transfer needed for sub-par visual effects like these. In terms of the audio transfer, it's much better, and the Dolby Digital 5.1 does a really good job of presenting the film as it should have been. Language options are English, Spanish, or French, with the same in subtitle options.
Technical Rating: 5.0
Special Features
None. Seriously, there are zero special features. No audio commentary, no making of, no deleted scenes. Warner Brothers didn't waste a single red cent on producing anything for this DVD, and I don't blame them. Cut their losses and get out, that's what I say.
Technical Rating: 0.0
The 411: It's time for Hollywood to get off the J-Horror train, because the ride is over. Nothing could prove that more then One Missed Call. Exposing every weakness that the recent entries in the genre have in terms of lack of originality, bland casting, and cheap, Americanized scares, this film is pretty much a complete waste of time. A complete and utter lack of special features and a so-so video transfer makes this film a complete avoid, by any definition.
