Rock of Love: The Complete First Season DVD Review
Posted by George H. Sirois on 05.01.2008
Hey Bret! I thought you were supposed to “show me things I’ve never seen!”
Despite not being a fan of reality programming, I’ve found myself in the past couple of years drawn to the celebrity-propelled reality shows on VH1, the “Celeb-Reality” shows, if you will. I’ve gotten a kick out of the three seasons of Flavor of Love and the pre-Screech seasons of Celebrity Fit Club, back when the show’s focus was on B-list celebrities trying to get back into shape and not the ridiculous antics of one particular pain-in-the-ass. My wife has really gotten into The Girls Next Door on E!, and I’ve had a lot of fun watching them with her as well, especially the uncensored DVDs. (Guys, I’m telling you, it’s a great way to see some Playboy models running around with nothing on and your significant other will enjoy it as well.)
One show that seemed tailor-made for me to enjoy on a late Sunday morning before a football or baseball game was “Rock of Love” with Bret Michaels. This has the same format as “Flavor of Love;” only instead of girls vying to be Flavor Flav’s girl, this one has a group of girls who look like they just came out of an 80s hair band concert trying to be the girl for Poison frontman Bret Michaels. Being a fan of 80s music and always up to seeing what groupies will do to get noticed, there is literally nothing better to watch after you just got up and want something on that doesn’t require a large investment of thought.
Watching the first season of this show had me really looking forward to the DVDs since every other word is bleeped out and so many shots were accompanied by pixilation. And now that it’s finally here, now that Season 1 has been released so there would be no commercials, no bleeping, no pixilation, what has VH1 given to the fans?
Well… at least there are no commercials.
The hit show on VH1 is the ultimate guilty pleasure. 15 women of varying age are all competing to be the “Rock of Love” for Bret Michaels, and just like “Flavor of Love,” they go through various tasks to win challenges, which will get them private dates with Bret. The more dates they win, the more time they get to spend with him, which increases the chances of them lasting from week to week. In between the challenges, the girls cut loose with Bret and are either sliding up and down the stripper pole, fighting amongst each other or drinking themselves into oblivion.
Now, come on, what better way is there to spend a Sunday afternoon than with a group like that?! And Bret, God help him, is the perfect MC for this chaos that consistently unfolds around him. His narrations throughout the episode provide the sort of tongue-in-cheek attitude that is very much needed to survive each day, and every other word he says is about something or someone in the house turning him on. (Say the word “blender” just right, and the man will be pitching a tent.)
In no time, the girls in the house are divided into the “Bitchy Girls” and the “Slutty Girls.” Half of them are enhanced pseudo-strippers (one or two of them actual strippers) who have no problem dropping their tops, no matter who is around them. The other half act as if they’re above going out of their way to get Bret’s attention and spend a lot of the first disc sitting off by themselves giving the “slutty girls” a hard time under their breath. In time, as the eliminations continue and the competitions get more trying, the real personalities of the girls – or at least the personalities that they have created for the show – come out and naturally viewers start picking their favorites and the ones they love to hate.
If you’re looking to see Bret Michaels select the love of his life and for this to have a storybook ending for the Poison frontman, then I hate to disappoint you, but you’re not going to see that here. I don’t think it’s too much of a spoiler to let you know that Rock of Love II has just wrapped, and Bret’s got himself an all new “Rock” to love. But if you’re all about the journey and not the destination, then you’ll enjoy revisiting this set for the most part. However, there’s one glaring criticism that I have to give this and it’s going to bring this set down a few points in my book.
The people who will likely buy this set have already seen the first season on VH1. They know what to expect, they accept this as either a great guilty pleasure or something they truly invest their time and energy into watching, and they want to get the DVD because they want more than what basic cable will offer. Every single person in the house – including Bret and his bouncer Big John – is a certified “potty mouth,” so every other word is bleeped out. I’m sure as time passed, the profanity became more and more creative, so I was looking forward to hearing what was being said.
I still have to wait for that, because everything in every episode is exactly the same as it was on VH1. All the bleeps are there. All the “naughty bits” are fuzzed out. It’s as if Big John is holding the fans at bay backstage while Bret’s able to go about his business, and we’re not allowed any further access. Damn shame that this set was put together this way, because there was a golden opportunity for 51 Pictures, Mindless Entertainment and VH1 to give fans their money’s worth and show them what it’s really like to live like a rock star and have over a dozen women fighting for your attention. That’s not what we have here, so while I’d give the show itself some pretty high grades for being what I call the ultimate guilty pleasure, the limitations of the DVD force it down a few points.
There is a bit of redemption in the bonus features on Disc 3, as we get some extra moments that didn’t make the final cut. We get some more in-depth time in the “phone sex” challenge, in which the girls talk dirty to Bret over the phone and try to stimulate a response out of him. There is no bleeping going on here, which helps, but one moment does get some fuzzing out. Yes, even the “uncensored” bonus features are censored. Another moment shows some of the girls getting hammered late at night and having a food fight and another one shows Bret singing “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” to the ladies in its entirety.
The 411: While the first season of “Rock of Love with Bret Michaels” was entertaining enough during its time on VH1, I was hoping for something other than no commercial breaks as an extra incentive to recommend the DVD set. Unfortunately, other than a few somewhat uncensored bonus features, what you saw on television is the same as what you’ll be seeing here. So the best thing to do is just get your Tivo ready when they show off the full first season on yet another weekend marathon. You’ll pretty much get the same effect.
