Going Down to South Park 07.10.08: Cow Days

Posted by Jerome Cusson on 07.10.2008

Wouldn't you too love a trip to South Park?

We begin with a game show. A young couple named Tom and Mary are hoping to win the big prize. They get a question about a penis, and get it right. The couple wins an all expenses paid trip to South Park Colorado, just in time for a special event called “Cow Days.” It includes a special running of the cows.

The mayor kicks off the 14th annual “Cow Days.” She says it’s an important occasion where they thank the cows. Yes, I agree we should thank them as well. But is that before or after we slaughter them for food? Jimbo is somehow the chairman of this little festival. A new cow idol is introduced as Mary comeplains. Tom says this will be their only vacation so they have to make the best of it. The festival begins.

The boys want to win some Terrance and Phillip dolls at the carnival. They have to pay five bucks for three balls. All they have to do is othrow balls through Jennifer Love Hewitt’s mouth. Of all the young actresses to make fun of, her? She’s nowhere near the whore of a lot of these alleged actresses. The game is obviously rigged because a ball ends up in Hewitt’s mouth, but it doesn’t go through. The boys now have mission to win those dolls. Kyle and the others go to the Broflovskis for more money. Jimbo announces the start of the running of the cows. As the citizens begin to run, the cows just sort of meander about. Yet somehow, some people manage to kill themselves.

Kyle and the others walk around the carnival with some money for the dolls. Too bad a crappy haunted house proves too tempting for the boys. Oh, and it is quite creepy… in a bad sort of way. It’s just a bunch of farts, and the ride is terrible. They go on a line ride and that sucks too. What a terrible waste of money. The cows begin observing that cow idol a little too carefully. This is not going to end well. This line ride is exactly what it says, a line. Kyle is pissed. Stan is pissed. Cartman further wastes more money by buying a photo of themselves on the line ride. Kyle attacks Cartman. They have Kenny use his food stamps to pay for three more balls. Kyle gets a ball on target and it doesn’t go in. He then calls “Shenanigans” on the game and the carnival operator. Off Buttbrady, no wait Barbrady answers the call of “Shenangigans.” The somewhat intelligent operator switches the ball, and Kyle finally puts throws it in Jennifer Love Hewitt’s mouth. See, now isn’t that nice. But instead of the Terrance and Phillip dolls, he has to pick between two far inferior ones. Kyle has to put seven balls through Hewitt’s mouth in order to get the dolls.

Kyle sees an advertisement for a bull-riding contest and informs Cartman that he will ride the bull to get a $5000 prize (enough to buy a crapload of dolls, but Kyle wants to put more balls through Jennifer Love-Hewitt’s mouth) as our happy couple from the beginning still isn’t having a good time. Now more cows are responding to the idol. This is rapidly turning into cult type situation. Kyle and the others have Cartman practice on a mechanical bull. Guys really shouldn’t be riding that if you know what I mean. Works out much better for the ladies.

Cartman’s head takes a beating as the cows move their idol. It’s now time for Cartman to try a real bull. This bull is really really old and Cartman is enjoying himself too much. Kyle hits the old bull with a snowball, and now we’ve got some bucking. Cartman lands headfirst into the snow, and Kenny thinks Cartman is dead.

There’s a lot of irony there. Kyle kicks Cartman cause he knows the fat ass is still breathing. And indeed he is still alive, but Cartman thinks he’s a Vietnamese prostitute. The doctor informs the boys that Cartman received a lot of head trauama and should be probably for rest for a few days. The boys will have none of that. Cartman acting like a Vietnamese prostitute is quite hilarious to be sure. My favorite line od his will be illustrated later.

Jimbo wants to know who stole the memorial now knowing the cows themselves did it. Uh-oh. The out-of-towners, Tom and Mary, are blamed and promptly arrested. Cartman solicits a soldier for sex.

Kyle, Stan, and Kenny lose Cartman as our happy couple tries to make the best of it in prison. Two random farmers see whole lot of cows worshipping the Golden Cow Memorial. More and more appear to be gathering. Back at the rodeo, it’s time for the bull-riding competition. They still can’t find Cartman. When they do find him, Cartman is dressed like an Asian hooker. The couple is still in prison as Jimbo tries to break up the cow colt. Ned breaking out the whip does little to help the situation. It’s on now.

As Cartman readies for his bullride, someone dies before he is supposed to go. Cartman keeps shouting for money, and the others fear for his life. They try to send Kenny to save the day, but it’s too late as the bulls goars him. Cartman wins the bullriding contest and the cash prize or is that Ming Lee? The FBI is now involved in the cow cult, and even they can’t them to move. The cows begin jumping off the edge of a cliff.

The boys take the money and the carnival operator just gives them the doll. The dolls turn out to be a cheap ripoff. Kyle calls “Shenanigans on the whole carnival being suck. It’s on now as the townspeople take some brooms and fight the carnival people. Jimbo and Ned bring back the idol and tell the mayor the cows are dead. Barbrady then tries to take all of the operators to jail. It’s then that they realize Tom and Mary are dead because they starved to death.

We end with Kyle and Stan playing with a whole bunch of T&P dolls. Cartman is back to normal, but he had the strangest dreams.

The “Screw You Guys, I’m going home” for best line/moment of the episode:

Random Farmer:This is the first mass cow suicide I’ve seen in an at least eight months.
Although Cartman as a prostitute was hysterical as well.

The Pip moment for worst line/moment of the episode: Trey and Matt could have thought of someone far sluttier than Jennifer Love Hewitt.

The “Oh My God, they killed Kenny!” moment: Kenny is killed by a wild bull.

The 411: Kenny as a Vietnamese prostitute works in ways you couldn’t possibly mention. This is a fairly funny and consistent episode. I don’t think there are those classic moments to really put it over the top, but I thoroughly enjoyed this episode a great deal.

Final Score:  7.5   [ Good ]