10,000 BC DVD Review

Posted by Jeremy Thomas on 07.02.2008

The most non-historical historical film of all time, made boring in the worst possible way.

Directed by: Roland Emmerich
Written by: Harald Kloser and Roland Emmerich

Starring:
Steven Strait - D'Leh
Camilla Belle - Evolet
Cliff Curtis - Tic'Tic
Joel Virgel - Nakudu
Afif Ben Badra - Warlord
Mo Zinal - Ka'Ren
Nathanael Baring - Baku
Mona Hammond - Old Mother
Marco Khan - One-Eye
Reece Ritchie - Moha
Joel Fry - Lu'Kibu
Kristian Beazley - D'Leh's father
Junior Oliphant - Tudu
Boubacar Badaine - Quina
Tim Barlow - the Almighty
Omar Sharif - the Narrator


Domestic Gross: $94,683,772
Worldwide Gross: $268,683,772

DVD Release Date: 6/24/2008
Running Time: 109 minutes



PG-13 for sequences of intense action and violence

Roland Emmerich is a man with a reputation for big-budget blockbuster messes. The German-born filmmaker, who cut his Hollywood teeth on the Jean Claude Van Damme sci-fi film Universal Soldier, has been responsible for some of the lowest-rated blockbusters ever. From the much-hyped yet much-hated American Godzilla remake to the jaw-droppingly unrealistic The Day After Tomorrow, nearly every film he gets behind the helm brings boatloads of movie-goers to the theaters, and leaves them walking away disappointed. To date, only three of his films have found any sort of critical success, and even those—Independence Day, The Patriot and Stargate—were only marginally liked themselves. Some few, such as the disaster that was Eight Legged Freaks, were outright bombs in every possible sense of the word. But his critical drubbings and occasional box office failures haven’t been enough to get Hollywood to shy away from him. And thus, in March of this year, Emmerich’s newest film, 10,000 BC, opened in theaters, to a hell of a lot hype. Like his previous films, this one was critically panned across the board, yet was a success when foreign grosses were counted. Now, three months after its big-screen bow, Warner Brothers has given the prehistoric epic a single-disc DVD release.

The Movie

The film, set in, not surprisingly, 10,000 BC, tells the story of the Yagahi, a tribe of hunter-gatherers based in a mountain range somewhere in Eurasia. Among them is a young warrior named D’Leh (Strait). D’Leh’s father (Beazley) left the tribe some years ago, shaming the young man. He has the added complication of being in love with Evolet (Belle), the lone survivor of another tribe who was slaughtered by, as she puts it, “four-legged demons.” When she was kidnapped by these demons, she ended up with a scar in the shape of Orion, the constellation of the hunter. This is interpreted by the wise woman of the tribe (Hammond) to mean that she will be important to the person who will save them. D’Leh proves himself to be that person, but seemingly accidentally, and he knows it. He is about to reveal himself when the four-legged demons, who turn out to be horse-riders of another tribe, attack and kidnap Evolet. It is then up to D’Leh, accompanied by a small group that includes his mentor Tic Tic (Curtis) to save his love, the tribe and, possibly, the world.

Make no doubt about it: 10,000 BC is not a historical epic. For it to achieve that classification, it would have to be historically accurate in any single, one way, and an epic. In both of these, it fails miserable. Emmerich, along with co-writer Harald Kloser, create a world that is only reminiscent of a prehistoric world in very superficial ways. There are woolly mammoths and bone necklaces, wooden spears and tribal groups. There are also god figures, leering henchmen, oceanic cities, and more. Emmerich’s usual over-the-top and hackneyed scriptwriting skills are hardly helped by Kloser, a man who before 10,000 BC had only scored films—and not even films with particularly good scores; they were mostly Emmerich’s films. Combined, the two manage to create a story that doesn’t even offer the thrill ride of Emmerich’s previous efforts. People can hate Independence Day, Godzilla, and/or The Day After Tomorrow—some of them rightfully so—but they were at least exciting in parts. 10,000 BC is dull and boring, with a horrible script that degenerates quickly into stilted, unrealistic dialogue and nonsensical plot. The only thing that manages to thrill are the CGI creations, mammoths and saber-toothed tigers that are unfortunately on-screen for too short of a time, and sweeping landscapes, shot by cinematographer Thomas Wander, that have far more three-dimensionality then any of the characters. Like Tim Burton’s remake of Planet of the Apes every human character is far less interesting than anything surrounding them, due to their bland, one-dimensional nature.

That the characters are so bland and boring certainly isn’t helped by the acting. While the actors are handicapped by an implausible and amazingly wooden script, they do absolutely nothing to try and elevate it. Most of the cast of largely unknowns are in way over their heads, and they know it. Steven Strait’s performance as D’Leh and is as bland and unimpressive as his turn in the other great Hollywood hack Renny Harlin’s The Covenant, delivering a performance that is as weak as the words he’s supposed to speak. Camilla Belle, another teen horror reject who headlined the abysmal When a Stranger Calls remake, is only marginally better as Evolet in that she tries to bring some emotion into the role. The rest of the unknowns are insignificant and practically interchangeable but for their names and genders. Of the two more well-known actors, Cliff Curtis is embarrassingly bad. Sporting facial hair that screams “glued on with latex,” Curtis is clearly bored out of his mind, and is simply counting his paycheck as he sleepwalks through the movie. Omar Sharif as the Narrator tries to lend some gravity to his lines, but his presence in this film only reminds people of how low he’s fallen, to be doing films like this when he’s renowned for amazing performances in classics like Dr. Zhivago and Lawrence of Arabia. It’s almost sad to listen to him, as it makes one think of those films and how much better they were in comparison to this.

The biggest problem with 10,000 BC wouldn’t have been fixed if it was completely removed from a historical context, but it certainly wouldn’t have helped. This is a film that tries to be everything—fantasy, science fiction, historical epic, romance, and drama. Unfortunately, in trying to be so many things, it fails in all of them, and the viewer ends up bored...which, of all things, is probably the one Emmerich and company didn’t intend.

Film Rating: 2.0


The Video

Adding to the mess that is the rest of the feature film is the video transfer, which is far spotless. The broad, impressive landscapes and CGI creatures come across with noticeable digital distortion, and the 2.40:1 widescreen transfer is comprised of flat, muddled colors and fuzziness throughout. In a film such as this, a solid video transfer could have done worlds of good. Warner Brothers however, who normally provide the goods in this manner, seem to have skimped out, a testament perhaps to how little they imagine people would care about the DVD. I honestly can’t say that I blame them.

Video Rating: 4.0

The Audio

While the video transfer is horrendous, the audio track, in Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround, is quite listenable. The booming sounds and remarkably dull score are lifted somewhat by the clarity of the audio, and the track does what it can with its limited material to work with. The voice quality is nice and leveled well, so one never has to worry about changing the volume to match specific points in the film. Subtitles are in English, Spanish, and French options.

Audio Rating: 7.0

Special Features

Alternate Ending: (3:06) The alternate ending is no more impressive than the original ending of the film, particularly without the finished special effects to wrap it up. It adds some tacky voiceover from Omar Sharif, but is ultimately nothing of an improvement at all.

Deleted Scenes: (10:38) These ten minutes of extra footage are just as unimpressive as the alternate ending. They consist mostly of character development scenes that would have made the film even longer and more boring, and there’s nothing really worth seeing.

Features Rating: 4.5

The 411: There's little outside of scenery to enjoy in Roland Emmerich's bloated, boring mess of a film, 10,000 BC. Featuring a horrible script, bad acting, a boring score, and way too much fantasy for a supposedly historical film, the movie is the cinematic equivalent of a high school student taking LSD before writing their term paper on prehistoric civilization. In fact, I would have rather scene a film made out of such an ordeal, it would have been more interesting. A terrible video transfer and no decent special features to speak of make this a DVD to stay far, far away from.

Final Score:  2.5   [ Very Bad ]